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Season 11, Episode 251: Goodbye, Farewell, and Amen
Original Air Date: 2/28/83
Written by: Alan Alda, Burt Metcalfe, John Rappaport, Dan Wilcox & Thad Mumford, Elias Davis & David Pollock, Karen Hall
Directed by: Alan Alda
This episode opens in a location we've never seen--the Army psychiatric hospital where Sidney Freedman works. We find him in the middle of a session with a patient, except the patient is...Hawkeye.
Sidney is trying to get to the bottom of something that happened involving a trip most of the camp took to the beach. But Hawkeye is in no mood to talk--all he's interested in is getting out, pronto. When everyone back at the 4077th calls him to lift his spirits, that's all he talks about to them, as well.
There's rumors of the peace talks progressing, to the point of ending the war once and for all. Margaret seems so confident that she starts planning what she's going to be doing after the war, which initially involves her working at an administrative post in Tokyo.
She tries to share her good news with Winchester, who is less than interested--partly because he's learned that his application to be Chief of Thoracic Surgery in Boston may be turned down, but mostly because he's suffering from a stomach ailment, causing an acute bout of intestinal distress.
All this is tabled when a tank comes tearing onto the compound, flailing wildly, eventually crashing into the Latrine, causing Winchester to wander off, panicked.
Margaret begins to berate the tank driver, but when he emerges from it, she sees he's severely wounded. Soon, she is assisting Col. Potter in OR working on the young man.
Meanwhile, the construction of the new Latrine is going so slowly (what would you expect, with Igor in charge?) that Winchester is forced to use, as Col. Potter so delicately puts it, "The ravine latrine."
Left with no other options, Winchester heads out into the woods, where he runs into five North Korean soldiers. He begs for mercy, until he sees what they are carrying aren't guns, but...musical instruments. "By God, they're musicians", he says to himself, astonished. They follow Winchester back to the 4077th, looking to turn themselves in.
Back at the hospital, Sidney and Hawkeye continue to talk, and Hawkeye admits that on the bus they took home, there was a wounded solider. Sidney wonders why Hawkeye didn't mention this before, but Hawkeye has no answers.
Meanwhile, Margaret has Klinger write a telegram to an old friend back at Boston Hospital, looking to help Winchester land his dream job. She's interrupted by Soon Lee, who needs Klinger's help in finding her still-missing parents. They are both interrupted by Col. Potter, who demands Klinger call I-Corps to get help removing the giant tank, still in the middle of the compound.
Winchester, back at the Swamp, tries to listen to some classical music. Its drowned out by the North Korean musicians, and when he demands they stop, they surprise him by playing some Mozart. They're so good it stops Winchester in his tracks, stunned, unable to move even as wounded arrive.
A few days later, B.J. gets a surprise letter from I-Corps--orders to head home! He tells Col. Potter, who thinks it must be some sort of snafu. B.J., afraid to ask I-Corps any further questions, begs to let go. Potter makes him a deal--if B.J. can find a replacement, then he's free to go.
Suddenly, artillery starts to fall, and everyone hides under the tables in the Mess Tent. Unfortunately, all the P.O.W.s imprisoned in the makeshift cell in the compound are sitting ducks. As the bombs get closer, Father Mulcahy runs outside to free them.
He succeeds, but he's too close when one bomb hits, knocking Mulcahy to the ground. Later, B.J. examines him, and Mulcahy learns he's damaged a part of his inner ear. Which, B.J. warns, might lead to Mulcahy losing his hearing completely. Mulcahy, scared to be sent home (and unwilling to leave the orphans "in the lurch"), makes B.J. promise not to tell anyone else.
Meanwhile, Hawkeye starts to slowly reveal what happened that night on the bus--he tells Sidney they came across a North Korean patrol, so they had to turn off the lights and be completely quiet until they pass. Everyone does so, except for a squawking chicken sitting on the lap of a Korean woman. She unable to keep it quiet, endangering everyone's lives.
Back at the 4077th, Soon Lee is determined to keep searching for her parents, even in dangerous areas. Klinger tries to talk her out of it, but she won't listen. Meanwhile, B.J. keeps pestering him to find a replacement surgeon so he can go home.
A day or so later, B.J. comes to visit Hawkeye, but its tense and awkward. B.J. obliquely mentions going home, but when it sets Hawkeye off he clams up about his orders home. When B.J. mentions his daughter Erin, it sends Hawkeye into a raving talking jag, which unnerves B.J. so much he gets Sidney.
Sidney starts an impromptu session, and B.J. departs, but not before awkwardly saying goodbye--realizing it might be the last time he ever sees him.
Sidney and Hawkeye talk, and it eventually comes back to talking about the bus and the chicken. Hawkeye reveals that the woman smothered the chicken to keep it quiet, reducing Hawkeye to anguished tears.
Sidney at first can't understand why this upsets Hawkeye so, until he reveals it wasn't a chicken the woman smothered...it was her own baby. The woman smothered her own baby to save everyone else's life.
Hawkeye is angry and disgusted that Sidney drew that memory out of him, but Sidney says this is good news: "Now we're halfway home."
A couple of days later, Hawkeye assumes he's heading home, but Sidney has disappointing news: he's going back to the 4077th. Hawkeye crumples up the letter to his father telling him he's coming home, tossing it away.
Back at the 4077th, Klinger arranges a flight for B.J. home, having scheduled a replacement surgeon--a Dr. Arnie Jacobsen--to arrive the next day. A chopper arrives, delivering mail. When he mentions he's headed to Kimpo, B.J. bums a ride with him--even though that means he has to leave in five minutes.
With so little time, B.J. only has the chance to give everyone a cursory goodbye. He tries to write a letter to Hawkeye, but can't think of what to say. He finally asks Margaret to talk to Hawkeye for him. Margaret tearfully hugs B.J. goodbye.
Potter watches as B.J.'s boards the chopper, just as Klinger finds him, telling him that I-Corps has rescinded B.J.'s orders. Potter pretends not to hear this, and watches B.J. depart.
As Hawkeye makes his way back to the 4077th, we watch Winchester train his North Korean musicians in the art of classical music, Klinger continue to try and help Soon Lee find her parents, and Margaret accept another offer as to what she's going to do after the war is over.
Wounded arrive just as Hawkeye returns, and he is floored to hear B.J. has left for home. His replacement, Capt. Jacobsen, hasn't arrived either, meaning the 4077th is short handed.
Hawkeye is slow to get back to the old routine. Margaret asks what's wrong, and Hawkeye asks "What could be wrong? I'm about to stick my hands into a kid whose insides look like raw meat loaf, I found out my best friend went home without leaving me so much as a damn note..."
Margaret interrupts, apologizing for B.J., saying how bad he felt about doing that, but Hawkeye cuts her off: "Trapper left without leaving a note, too...is it the war that stinks, or me?"
After the long session in OR, bombs start to fall again. After hiding in a sandbag-fortified Post Op, Hawkeye has had enough--he bolts out onto the compound, ducking artillery blasts. He jumps into the tank, and drives it off into the camp garbage dump, a mile or two away. He returns to the compound to a round of applause...except from Col. Potter and Margaret, who think they need to put in a call to Sidney.
Meanwhile, Soon Lee has taken off to search for her parents, into dangerous areas. Klinger finds her, and promises he will help her find her parents, no matter what. Soon Lee agrees, and heads back to the 4077th with him.
That night, Col. Potter and Klinger spy a fiery glow coming from the hills. Klinger thinks its the sunset, but Potter realizes they're looking east, not west--its a massive forest fire, started by all the falling artillery.
This causes the 4077th to bug out, and move the whole camp down the road. Once they get there, they are met by their new surgeon--B.J.
Turns out that once I-Corps realized their error, they found B.J. in an airport in Guam, and sent him right back to Korea. As frustrated as he is, he's happy to see Hawkeye back. He apologizes to Hawkeye for not leaving a note, but Hawkeye gives him a sarcastic reply.
That night, Klinger reveals his deep feelings for Soon Lee, and asks her to marry him. She accepts, but mentions that she can't leave Korea until she finds her parents. Even after Klinger responds "that could be months...years", she remains adamant. At an impasse, Klinger departs.
The next day, the camp has a picnic for the kids in the local orphanage, and Sidney arrives to talk to Hawkeye. Hawkeye admits to being terrified to perform surgery again.
A few days later, Winchester's North Korean musicians are shipped out, over his protestations. With a truce seemingly near, all the POWs are being shipped out. Winchester, sad but accepting, watches the truck they're in depart down the road, as the five musicians play Mozart, the sound getting quieter and quieter.
Heading back to the Swamp, Winchester is stopped in his tracks when the P.A. makes an announcement: the truce has been signed, hostilities will end in 12 hours: "The war is over!"
Just as everyone breaks into hysterical cheers, wounded arrive, snapping the 4077th back to work. Amid the chaos, Potter announces I-Corps wants them back to their original location, with the bug out commencing after the session in OR.
Making their way back, everyone is sad to see their former home burnt to a crisp, with the metal hospital left charred and stained. Potter takes a look around, and then announces, "Okay, boys and girls...let's go to work."
The next day, everyone goes through their last OR session, where they talk about what the first thing is they want when they get home. They are discouraged as they listen to reporter Robert Pierpoint give the sad totals of the war--how many dead, how many wounded, how many left homeless, how much money spent.
During a break, Hawkeye and B.J. talk in the Mess Tent, where Hawkeye admits the only thing he's going to miss about the 4077th is B.J. B.J. promises to keep in contact, "One year Peg and I will come east", but his tone underlines the uncertainty they both feel about ever seeing each other again.
Hawkeye mocks B.J. a bit over this, trying to get him to actually say the word "goodbye." B.J. refuses, and walks off.
More wounded arrive, and Winchester does triage. He is stunned when he sees one of the wounded--who is inevitably going to die from his injuries--is one of the North Korean musicians. He asks what happened to the rest, but is grimly told the one lying before him, "Is the only one that made it this far."
Crushed, he wanders into the Swamp and puts on some Mozart. He listens to it for a few seconds, then angrily grabs the record, smashing it into pieces.
As the session in OR continues, Sidney quietly follows asks how Hawkeye is doing. When Hawkeye feels confident enough to work on a small wounded child, Sidney knows Hawkeye will be fine.
As he makes his exit, he says goodbye to everyone. He stops at the door, turns, and says, "You know I told you people something a long time ago, and its just as pertinent today as it was then: ladies and gentlemen, take my advice--pull down your pants, and slide on the ice." With that, Sidney Freedman departs.
Moments later, the official end of the war is heard when the guns go silent. Robert Pierpoint announces: "There it is--that's the sound of Peace." Everyone pauses for a moment, then goes back to work.
The next night--the last night they'll have together--the 4077th holds a huge dinner in the Mess Tent to announce what each of them will be doing once they get home.
Col. Potter goes first, saying he'll be a semi-retired country doctor, but most of the time, he'll be "Mrs. Potter's Mr. Potter." Kellye follows, saying she's found a position in a hospital back home in Honolulu.
Rizzo announces his plans to breed frogs for french restaurants, much to everyone's hysterics. Hawkeye follows, planning to return to Crabapple Cove, and having the time to talk to his patients, and "get to know them." Igor plans to be a pig farmer, to which Rizzo asks, "What do you mean, 'gonna be'?"
Nurse Bigelow, after being a nurse at the tail end of WWII, and then Korea, quietly admits, "You know something? I've had it."
Potter asks Winchester, who initially gives a bloodless answer about being Chief of Thoracic Surgery, so his life "Will go on pretty much as I expected." He begins to sit down, but then stops, admitting, "For me, music was always a refuge from this miserable experience...now it will always be a...reminder."
Margaret announces she's worked through a number of offers, but has decided to work in the States, in a hospital. She tearfully thanks her nurses for their superb work.
Klinger is last, and he announces that he and Soon Lee are getting married! He then points out the one problem is that she won't leave until she finds her parents. So, he admits, "I don't believe I'm saying this...I'm staying in Korea." Everyone erupts into stunned laughter. The evening ends with a toast to the new couple, everyone clinking their glasses in succession.
The next morning, Father Mulcahy performs the marriage ceremony, with Col. Potter as Best Man. As Klinger and Soon Lee climb into their "limo" (a horse-drawn cart), Klinger says goodbye to all his friends. B.J. has him sign a picture of himself in his Scarlett O'Hara gown, because, when he tells Erin about his experiences, "There's just some things she's just not going to believe."
After tearfully saying goodbye to Col. Potter, Soon Lee throws her bouquet, right into the arms of...Margaret.
The nurses head off to the 8063rd, but not before Kellye and some of the others grab their hometown markers from the camp signpost.
Father Mulcahy then leaves, still trying to keep his hearing loss a secret. Hawkeye tells him a joke, but he can't hear it, so after B.J. giving him silent instructions, he fakes a laugh. As he climbs into his ambulance, he waves and says, "Goodbye everybody...I'll pray for you."
Winchester, originally scheduled to depart with Margaret in a jeep, finds there is no room left since she has filled it with her belongings. Winchester kisses her hand goodbye, and Col. Potter kisses her on the head, just as a father would do. She and Hawkeye stare at one another for a moment, awkwardly trying to figure out what to say.
They finally embrace, and share a long--really long--passionate kiss. After they finish, Hawkeye simply says, "Well, so long", to which Margaret replies, "See ya." She watches them all as her jeep leaves the camp.
Just before Winchester leaves in--of all things--a garbage truck, they watch the Swamp be collapsed, forever. Hawkeye expresses sympathy for all the homeless rats, but Winchester assures him "Don't worry, you'll find somewhere to go."
He compliments Col. Potter's skills as a commander, and sarcastically says goodbye to Hawkeye and B.J. Climbing into the junky garbage truck, he bows slightly, and says, "Gentlemen." With that, he departs.
Before Col. Potter climbs on Sophie, he thanks Hawkeye and B.J. for always making him laugh, telling them there were times when, as commander, he had to pretend he was mad at them, but "Inside, I was laughing to beat all hell."
Hawkeye and B.J., teary-eyed, tell their former commander they have a gift for him--a honest, no-nonsense military salute. Col. Potter tearfully returns the gesture of respect, and rides off on his steed.
Hawkeye and B.J. begin an awkward goodbye on the compound, but when they hear Hawkeye's chopper arrive B.J. offers him a ride up to the chopper pad.
Once they make it there, they say goodbye, admitting how much they will miss one another. After recalling some great times together, they hug. Hawkeye climbs into the chopper, and B.J. starts his motorcycle.
He yells to Hawkeye, saying "I'll see you back in the States--I promise! But just in case, I left you a note", pointing to something off in the distance.
Hawkeye, confused, yells, "What?!?" but B.J. doesn't answer. He simply waves goodbye, and drives off.
Hawkeye's chopper begins to lift off, and he looks around for what his friend was talking about. He smiles when he sees, on one of the lower chopper pads, a note B.J. has left for him, spelled out in stones: "Goodbye."
Cracking a grin, Hawkeye looks out one last time over the camp, now mostly deserted and consisting of empty building frames. He then leans back into his seat, looking at peace.
The last shot we see is of Hawkeye's chopper, headed off into the distance:
Fun Facts: This episode still holds the record, almost 27 years later, as the most watched series episode TV history, with over 106 million viewers. Considering how fragmented TV is now, its a safe bet that's a record that will never be broken.
This is the series' longest episode, and the only one to feature an on-screen title.
I have so many comments and/or questions relating to this episode, I hardly know where to begin, and we don't have room for them all here. So here's a few:
Question: Why can't Col. Potter take Sophie with him? He lives in Missouri, not Manhattan. As an animal lover since I was small, the idea that Col. Potter left Sophie behind was really heartbreaking to me. Maybe it was to give Harry Morgan some bit of a storyline, since, of all the characters, he undergoes the least change in this episode?
Comment: I love Hawkeye bringing up Trapper not leaving a note when he left, even after all this time. Hawkeye as a character was always more insecure than B.J., so that line really gives you the sense that Hawkeye is still smarting from that perceived slight.
Question: All the characters get to say goodbye to each other in the final scene, except for Margaret and Father Mulcahy, who will see each other again at the 8063rd. Why was this? Just one goodbye moment too many?
Comment: I love the moment with Enid Kent as Nurse Bigelow in the banquet scene. Most everyone is chipper and happy now that the war's over, and looking forward to the next chapter of their lives. But Nurse Bigelow is just sick of war, sick of the death. This was the character's finest moment in the series.
Comment: This episode was filmed at the beginning of the year, before most of the other Season Eleven episodes. How weird must have that been for the actors, to play these heartfelt, tearful goodbye scenes, and then go and film more shows?
Favorite Line: How do I pick a favorite line from this monumental, literally historic episode?
There aren't that many funny lines, which is to be expected, since this episode is so inherently dramatic. So I'm going to pick two lines, one funny, one serious.
The laugh line: When, after Hawkeye finishes another rant mentioning a bus, Sidney repeats back to him: "Chickens take the bus?"
Hawkeye, aggravated to no end: "Again with the bus? Why don't you subscribe to Arizona Highways and leave me alone?"
Now for the serious: during Hawkeye and B.J.'s final scene, there are many great, heartfelt lines, but I think B.J.'s line "I can't imagine what this place would have been like if I hadn't found you here" hits me the most.
As a kid, I was, as you might imagine from someone who spends so much time blogging about comic book superheroes, horror magazines, and TV shows, not a very "macho" kid. I didn't like to play sports, and when I did I was awful. I felt like I didn't fit in and so many of the things that boys my age were into I was completely indifferent to.
I was a sensitive kid, and of course any kid who was interested in anything less than punching another kid in the face was called "gay", or a host of other terms meant to wound.
Not to over-dramatize this, but I clearly remember watching the final episode, as it aired. I was in the 6th grade, and it was revelatory to me, to watch two men express their fondness--oh hell, love--for one another so openly. Hawkeye and B.J. were two people I aspired to be like--they were smart, confident, compassionate, funny--and if they could be so open with who they were, maybe I could be, too.
So...is this the end of the blog? Well, yes and no. I have a bunch of other related posts to get to in the next week or two, so please join me for those.
But after that, yes, my look back at M*A*S*H will end and this blog will cease. Had any episodes of After M*A*S*H been available, in any format, I might have considered taking a look at that series, too--I haven't seen any of them since they first aired, and I'd love to revisit the show and see how it plays now (I really can't believe, with all the TV shows that have been put on DVD, that After M*A*S*H is still languishing in limbo).
Be back tomorrow!
Season 11, Episode 250: As Time Goes By
Original Air Date: 2/21/83
Written by: Dan Wilcox & Thad Mumford
Directed by: Burt Metcalfe
In the O Club, Winchester reads a newspaper article mentioning a time capsule being buried in Los Angeles. He thinks its a useless gesture, but Margaret likes the idea, and starts an effort to create one for the 4077th.
Hawkeye, also initially skeptical, changes his mind and wants to be included in the selection process, much to Margaret's distrust.
B.J. pulls a mild joke on Rizzo, passed out in the O Club. Even though its just a joke, Rizzo promises revenge.
The time capsule effort is interrupted when wounded arrive, including a sniper who is alleged to have shot a G.I. Klinger is put in charge of incarcerating the prisoner, and its a beautiful young Korean woman named Soon-Lee (Rosalind Chao). She protests her innocence, but Klinger won't listen.
Later, Margaret and Hawkeye resume their search, and Margaret wants something military. Potter demurs, but thinks Hawkeye's suggestion of a bunyon pad (of great use to Potter after so many long sessions in OR) is a great idea. Margaret is aghast.
The G.I. shot by the sniper is missing--he and the chopper flying to the 4077th never having arrived. Soon-Lee protests her innocence, saying that she got separated from her family and if she doesn't find them soon, she may never see them again. Klinger, at least partly sympathetic, says he can't let Soon-Lee go until I-Corps tells him to. He tries to make Soon-Lee understand, but she hurls her tray of food at him in fury.
The missing chopper arrives the next morning, with the pilot explaining that the chopper's fan belt busted, forcing them to land. A sniper's bullet hit their radio, leaving him unable to call anyone. The chopper pilot (Michael Swan) quietly picks up a new fan belt, and leaves.
Rizzo gets revenge on B.J. by using a dud grenade to force him out of the showers onto the compound, sans clothes. B.J. now also swears revenge, which he gets with the help of Winchester.
B.J. then operates on the wounded man, and Klinger takes possession of the bullet. He determines that it doesn't fit the gun Soon-Lee was holding when she was picked up, proving she's innocent. Klinger frees her, and he and Father Mulcahy driver her to a refugee camp where Mulcahy thinks her parents might be.
Meanwhile, the time capsule effort continues on its parallel tracks--Margaret collects the usual items, with Hawkeye's being a little more informal: a bottle of cognac from Winchester, a stale piece of toast from Igor, and Klinger's Scarlett O'Hara dress. Margaret is sure Hawkeye is doing this to mock the time capsule.
In Post Op, they talk to the wounded solider, and he tells an amazing story: the chopper pilot, with a shot-up chopper, could only fly fifty feet at a time, so he would walk that far ahead, all alone, finding a place to land. He'd then walk back, fly to the new location with his wounded cargo, and then start all over again. This went on all night, and the young man is sorry that the pilot left so unceremoniously before he could thank him.
Klinger, Father Mulcahy, and Soon-Lee make it to the refugee camp, only to be cruelly disappointed, when its obvious that these are not Soon-Lee's parents.
Later that night, Margaret and a bunch of the others break ground and prepare to bury the time capsule. Rizzo donates some spark plugs, Kellye donates some combat boots, and Col. Potter donates one of his favorite Zane Grey novels.
At last minute, Hawkeye, B.J., and Winchester show up with a trunk full of their own items, planning to bury an alternate time capsule. Margaret protests, but then Hawkeye shows what's inside: the broken fan belt from the chopper, Father Mulcahy's boxing gloves, Winchester's bottle of cognac--as well Radar's teddy bear, representing "All the soldiers who came over here as boys and went home as men."
B.J. offers up a favorite fishing lure, one that Hawkeye told him belonged to Henry Blake--it stands for "All the men that never made it home."
Margaret accepts these items gracefully, but draws the line at Klinger's Scarlett O'Hara dress. After everyone protests, she relents, but insists it be his basic black dress, not "that awful get-up." Klinger, happy to be contributing, runs off to get it.
Margaret thanks Hawkeye for his contributions, and he says that as long as they're burying things, "Why not the hatchet?"
Later, Hawkeye, B.J., and Winchester head to the O Club, where on the way they discuss the long-gone Frank Burns. They meet up with Klinger, who is taking Soon-Lee to the O Club as well. The place is packed, and Klinger is sure they'll nevr get a table.
Winchester is confident a few tables will open up shortly, producing the dud grenade he took from Rizzo.
Fun Facts: This was the series' final episode, in terms of filming (the final episode, confusingly, was shot at the beginning of the season).
The scene pictured above was the last scene shot for the show and the series. There's video of a massive phalanx of press swooping in, cameras flashing, as soon as director Burt Metcalfe yelled something to the effect of "That's a wrap!"
This episode features the first appearance of Rosalind Chao as Soon-Lee, who would of course play a major role in the final show. Outside of specific two-part episodes, this is the only time a sub-plot of any kind was continued over multiple episodes.
This episode manages to get in mentions of Henry, Frank, and Radar, but not Trapper. Also, most of the supporting actors--Jeff Maxwell as Igor, G.W. Bailey as Rizzo, and Kellye Nakahara as Nurse Kellye--all get a couple of lines each in this (almost) final show.
This episode has an on-screen dedication, the only time any M*A*S*H episode featured this. Its dedicated to the memory of Connie Izay, R.N., the show's Technical Advisor from 1977-1982. Ms. Izay died in 1982.
One question I have regarding the time capsule--it seems like Margaret and the rest plan to bury it immediately, but Hawkeye and the others manage to get some stuff in at the last minute. Regarding the fan belt in particular, Hawkeye remarks "It would be nice if people remembered him a hundred years from now."
That sounds nice, but...how would anyone a hundred years from now know what any of those items mean? Maybe Margaret included a letter explaining everything, but there's clearly no explanation for the last-minute additions like the teddy bear, the fishing lure, etc.
Take a look at Loretta Swit's face in the wide-shot after B.J. hands her the fishing lure that belonged to Henry Blake. Even though the focus of the scene isn't on her (at the same moment, Winchester is pulling out his cognac), look how sad Margaret looks, once again thinking about her departed comrade. Its a very sweet moment, easy to miss if you happen to be looking somewhere else during the shot.
In the book The Last Days of M*A*S*H (by Alan and Arlene Alda) its revealed that the cast actually did bury a time capsule, filled with props and other mementos of their time on the show. There's even a photo of them lowering it into the ground!
Favorite Line: Hawkeye, B.J., and Winchester walking towards the O Club:
Winchester: "Oh, by the way, you realize you didn't include anything in the time capsule from the infamous Major Burns."
Hawkeye: "I was thinking about putting in his scalpel but I didn't want to include any deadly weapons."
Not only is this just a good, funny line, but it feels a little meta, too--like the show wanted to get in one last swipe in at Frank Burns before it all ended.
Season 11, Episode 242: Settling Debts
Original Air Date: 12/6/82
Written by: Thad Mumford & Dan Wilcox
Directed by: Michael Switzer
Col. Potter notices that Hawkeye gets a letter from...Mrs. Potter?
He demands to know what it says, but Hawkeye refuses to say anything. This drives Col. Potter crazy, and he starts to think it involves his wife Mildred buying a houseboat, something he is dead-set against.
But its not a house-boat--Mildred wrote to Hawkeye to tell him that she has scrimped and saved, and managed to pay the mortgage off early. She's telling Hawkeye and the rest this so they can throw him a mortgage-burning party at the 4077th.
Everyone gets involved in the surprise party, and they try to keep Col. Potter busy and in the dark long enough to get it ready in his tent--cake, fake picket fence, and all. Being in the dark gets Potter furious, and his imagination runs away with him--he's convinced he's going to spend his retirement years on a damned houseboat!
He tries to place a call into Mildred, so Klinger has to keep stalling to keep the call from going through. Margaret comes up with a complicated plan for a new nurse shift rotation, which she shoves in Potter's face trying to keep him busy.
To Margaret's surprise, though, Potter likes the plan, and heads back to his tent. Then Father Mulcahy steps in, and gets Potter to go a few rounds with his punching bag, to relieve some stress.
Potter has finally had enough, and goes to his tent, where everyone is waiting for him. They explain what all the secrecy was about, and Potter is moved to tears over his friends efforts, and the idea that he and Mildred now own their home, lock, stock, and barrel.
Hawkeye and the rest give him a gift: an engraved lighter, which he uses to burn the mortgage.
Fun Facts: There's a B-plot in this episode a brave young lieutenant (Jeff East) who is gravely wounded by a North Korean sniper. Some of the lieutenant's men, who respect him immensely, plan to shoot the sniper in cold blood if their commander ends up paralyzed. The lieutenant, post-surgery, wakes up long enough to tell his men to stand down.
Favorite Line: Potter, enraged over the fact that Mildred bought the houseboat, starts throwing papers all over his office. In his rage, he grabs the framed portrait of Mildred--then Klinger stops him.
Klinger: "Don't do that, sir! You'll never forgive yourself!"
Potter, talking to the picture: "Lucky for you, he was here."
Season 11, Episode 241: Bombshells
Original Air Date: 11/28/82
Written by: Dan Wilcox & Thad Mumford
Directed by: Charles S. Dubin
B.J. is thrilled to have the day off, and plans to spend it with a chopper pliot friend fishing.
While on their way to the lake, they spot a wounded solider laying in the brush. They land, load him onto one of the pads, and head back home. But on the way back, they spot another wounded G.I. With no place to land, the chopper pilot has B.J. lower a rope down to the wounded man, and they'll carry him off to a clearer spot.
But the G.I. is too weak to get the rope around him securely, so B.J. prepares to climb down and do it. Just as he begins to get out, snipers start firing on the chopper. One bullet hits the oil cooler, sending black smoke spilling out. The pilot says that the extra weight is too much and they can't take off. He demands B.J. cut the rope, which B.J. protests, saying the young man will be killed if they leave him behind.
The pilot insists, saying they'll all be killed if they stay where they are. B.J., panicking, cuts the rope, and the wounded solider falls to the ground. The chopper takes off, and heads back to the 4077. B.J. is haunted by what he's done, and he tries to find out if any of the other wounded know who that young man was. But no one seems to know.
Before the chopper pilot leaves, he commends B.J. for trying to save the guy, telling him he put B.J. in for a medal. He tries calling I-Corps to find out if the 8063rd has reported any wounded matching the wounded soldier, but they are no help. Col. Potter asks B.J. about the medal, but B.J. is tight-lipped and only asks that Potter stop the medal from going forward, which Potter agrees to, a tad confused.
B.J. heads to the 8063rd himself to see if the young man is there, but he has no luck. He makes it back to the 4077th just in time to catch the giant welcoming celebration for Marilyn Monroe, who everyone believes is coming to visit. After its clear that Marilyn isn't coming, a visiting General (Gerald O'Laughlin) goes ahead with awarding B.J. with a medal for bravery. B.J. grimly accepts it, wandering off towards the Swamp after the party breaks up.
Hawkeye follows him, and B.J. admits how disgusted he is with himself: he has always considered himself anti-authority, anti-war, and "oh-so superior" to those "military fools who kill each other." But he realizes that, in that moment in the chopper, he was everything he thought he wasn't. Hawkeye tries to comfort him, but it doesn't work.
Hawkeye is called away by a patient, who miraculously recovers when he overheard that Marilyn Monroe was coming to the 4077th. B.J. gives the young man his Bronze Star, and when asked what he did to deserve the citation, B.J. says, "Its a little something we give you for getting out of here with your butt in one piece."
Fun Facts: The B-plot involving Marilyn Monroe supposedly visiting the 4077th gets started by Hawkeye and Winchester, and it quickly snowballs completely out of control. Hawkeye has a whole bit where he calls Marilyn's movie studio pretending to be Ted Williams, and has to rely on Winchester for faking he's from Massachusetts. A great bit of phone comedy, ala Bob Newhart.
Favorite Line: B.J.'s scene with Hawkeye, where he faces up to what he did, is fantastic. He mocks his and Hawkeye's superior attitude to all things military, and then concludes with: "Good luck, pal, I hope you can keep it up...the minute I cut that rope they made me a soldier."
Season 10, Episode 232: Heroes
Original Air Date: 3/15/82
Written by: Thad Mumford & Dan Wilcox
Directed by: Nell Cox
The 4077th prepares for a visit from "Gentlemen Joe" Cavanaugh, a famous championship boxer who is on a goodwill tour. The one most excited is Father Mulcahy, to whom Gentleman Joe was a childhood hero.
A day later, Gentleman Joe arrives, and he doesn't quite live up to his name--he's friendly to the members of the 4077th, but within their earshot he's surly and dismissive to the people helping him on the tour, complaining about the lousy conditions.
Gentleman Joe makes a beeline for Post Op, and he turns on the charm for the wounded soldiers, who seem genuinely appreciate to see him. Its clear that, in just a few minutes, he lifts everyone's spirits.
That night, they have a steak dinner in Gentleman Joe's honor. He stand up to make a toast, when he suddenly collapses, falling face-first onto the table. Hawkeye is first to him, and they wheel him into the hospital.
Turns out Gentleman Joe has suffered a massive stroke, so massive that it essentially means Gentleman Joe is dying, and he only has a few days left.
The Army PR man accompanying Gentleman Joe realizes this is huge news, and contacts the press train. Within a few hours, the 4077th is deluged with reporters, who throw the camp into chaos.
The reporters turn to Hawkeye for answers regarding the champ, and even though there's not much Hawkeye can do, the reporters treat him like a hero, and Hawkeye seems to take a shine to the attention, as well, much to the dismay of the others.
The reporters keep Klinger up all night, since they're all camped out in Klinger's office filing their news stories. Margaret makes an errant comment about how much attention Gentleman Joe is getting (compared to the wounded soldiers in Post Op), and the reporters pounce.
The only one not annoyed at all the press attention is Father Mulcahy, who is more concerned with Gentleman Joe. As the champ lay dying, Mulcahy sits with him and tells him the story about how, as a child, Mulcahy saw Joe fight and, even though the crowd wanted blood, Joe showed mercy towards his opponent. It was a profound moment for him, and helped shape the man he would become. Moments later, Gentleman Joe finally does pass away.
The press, no longer having a story, eventually clears out. The only real lasting evidence Gentleman Joe was ever at the 4077th is the giant mountain of food (complete with mini-fridge) Klinger ordered using the memo sent out to cater to Joe's every whim.
Fun Facts: Mulcahy's speech to Gentleman Joe, involving both boxing and Plato's "Ideal Plane" is wonderful--a great solo showcase for William Christopher.
The press, as a group, is presented here as a pack of ignorant and stupid guys, blinded by fame and missing all the really important news of the world. Thank god that's changed!
Favorite Line: The Army PR man asks Klinger to cart around some heavy equipment, one of a seemingly-endless list of tasks. Klinger manages to drag it all into the Mess Tent, and then he's asked to move it again.
Klinger: "No problem--I never planned on having kids anyway."
Season 10, Episode 219: Wheelers and Dealers
Original Air Date: 11/23/81
Written by: Thad Mumford & Dan Wilcox
Directed by: Charles S. Dubin
B.J. gets a letter from Peg in the mail, and it hits him hard--she mentions she's had to take a waitress job at a local coffee shop to help make ends meet. B.J. feels enormously guilty, since he and Peg had hoped, by this point, that he would be in private practice and "our mortgage would be a memory."
B.J. becomes completely humorless, and grows obsessed with making every dollar he can. In a poker game with a visiting Sergeant (Anthony Charnota) he's terse, and bluffs his way to a winning a huge pot, even throwing in his wedding ring to raise the stakes.
Hawkeye tries to be understanding, but he starts loses his patience when B.J. takes up residence in the O Club, where he starts playing pinball against people for nickels and dimes, refusing to let anyone call it a night.
Margaret can't fathom what the big deal is about Peg having to take a job. B.J. then loses it, insulting Margaret, claiming that since she's not married, or has any kids, that his particular brand of suffering is worse than anyone else's. Margaret tells him off and storms out.
Humbled, B.J. eventually calms down and learns to deal with Peg's new job. He even ends up using mints Peg takes from the coffee shop as poker chips.
Fun Facts: One of the young G.I.s B.J. plays pinball with is actor Tony Becker, who would later have a recurring role on the excellent, short-lived Vietnam series Tour of Duty.
Tour of Duty, IMO, was a great show, and even though it was an hour long drama, it had some definite similarities to M*A*S*H, so I think its kind of neat to see the show's "cross over" like this.
This episode has a B-plot involving Col. Potter taking a remedial driving course under the tutelage of Sgt. Rizzo, who gets drunk with power. I've always found the Rizzo character to be on the far end of cartoony, but G.W. Bailey as Rizzo is pretty funny here.
Favorite Line: B.J.'s rant about how unfair "the system" is carries real rage. He mentions how a friend of his got a medical deferment from his doctor father, and how the man offered a similar deal to B.J. But B.J., thinking that was wrong, turned him down.
B.J.: "Whatever happened to the rules? 'Let the other guy go first, keep your elbows off the table, share your toys, and life will reward you.' Well, life is a crock."
Season 10, Episode 216: Identity Crisis
Original Air Date: 11/2/81
Written by: Dan Wilcox & Thad Mumford
Directed by: David Ogden Stiers
Wounded arrive, including one solider named Levin (Joe Pantoliano) who is having a bad reaction to the transfusion he got at Battalion Aid. B.J. determines he received the wrong blood type, and that his dog tag is mistaken.
After Levin has had the chance to recover, B.J. tells Margaret that they need to tell I-Corps that Mullen's dog tag needs to be changed. He interjects, saying that's not necessary, since he is scheduled to go home in just a few days.
Father Mulcahy visits Mullen to offer religious services, but Levin seems nervous and disinterested. He says he's Jewish, but seems uncertain about it. Later, Klinger tells him that the 4077 laundry can't find his uniform, but Levin says the one left over--with another soldier's laundry mark on it--is his.
In the middle of the night, Nurse Kellye gets Mulcahy, saying that Levin wants to speak to him. Levin asks Mulcahy to hear his confession, which he agrees to. But Mulcahy is startled when Mullen begins the normal Catholic ritual of confession, as if he's done this before.
He tells Mulcahy about how he got wounded, and how he pretended he was dead while a group of North Koreans caught up with their victims. One of the dead was his buddy Josh Levin. The young man--actually named Gerald Mullen--took his friend's uniform and transfer orders, and plans to get out of Korea.
Mulcahy is shocked, and tries to talk Mullen out of it, saying that when he returns home, he won't be able to be either Mullen or Levin. But Mullen is determined, and says he's going through with the plan, regardless. He asks Mulcahy for forgiveness, but Mulcahy refuses, saying, "How can I, when you're virtually unrepentant?"
Later, Father Mulcahy visits Col. Potter for advice, and catches Potter in the middle of looking at a family photo album (after Hawkeye and Margaret started an effort to round up 4077th family photos, in an attempt to life the spirits of another wounded G.I. who received a Dear John letter). After Potter talks lovingly about his family, Mulcahy gets an idea, and leaves before he even discusses anything with Potter.
Mulcahy comes back to see Mullen, armed with mail for Josh Levin. Levin's family and girlfriend are overjoyed with the news of their son's impending return. Mulcahy stresses that Levin's family will be gravely hurt by Mullen's actions, since Levin will of course never return home, and they will never learn what happened to him. Mulcahy then gets up and leaves.
The next day, the wounded in Post Op are moved out--some are sent home, others back to the front. Just before the jeep heading back to the fighting leaves, Mullen hands the mail and the dog tags to Mulcahy, asking him to return them to Levin's family. He then asks to climb aboard the jeep, claiming a mix-up. Mulcahy smiles as the jeep takes off, with Mullen in it.
Fun Facts: This episode is directed by David Ogden Stiers, who I think did an excellent job--the scenes with Mulcahy and Levin are well-staged and taut, and are really quite effective.
Favorite Line: When Levin begins the ritual of confession, I love Father Mulcahy's shocked response. As Levin goes on without interruption, Mulcahy gasps, but still trying to keep it to a whisper: "You've done this before!"
Its not a particularly well-written line, nor is it meant to be funny, but there's something about the overlapping dialog, and William Christopher's delivery, that really makes the scene work.
Season 9, Episode 211: Bless You, Hawkeye
Original Air Date: 3/16/81
Written by: Dan Wilcox & Thad Mumford
Directed by: Nell Cox
The doctors get some patients in the middle of the night, luckily its just a few and the cases are relatively simple. One of the soldiers is drenched, from having fallen in a watery ditch.
Later that night, Hawkeye wakes up sneezing uncontrollably. He insists he's fine, but the sneezes are getting louder and more frequent.
Hawkeye takes a long, steamy shower, positive that's all he needs. B.J. has his own cure, as does Margaret, but Hawkeye refuses to take any of it.
He seems to be over it, but when he lets a giant sneeze go in Post Op, Potter has had enough--he pulls Hawkeye away from the patients and subjects him to tests to figure out what's going on.
But despite the tests showing nothing, Hawkeye keeps getting worse. During a meeting in Potter's office, Hawkeye bursts in, sneezing, eyes puffy, itching uncontrollably--and convinced he's about to die.
Potter concludes that they've gone as far as they can with his body, now they have to see "what's on his mind"--to that end, he puts in a call to Sidney Freedman.
Sidney arrives, and sits down with Hawkeye in the VIP Tent. Hawkeye, looking awful, admits he's scared that he's going to die. Sidney, while being his normal, gentle self, says, "I don't think we need to call the hearse just yet."
After talking a bit, they call it a night. Sidney investigates the personal effects of the soldiers who came in the night Hawkeye started getting sick. He doesn't find much of interest, and Father Mulcahy tells him that Hawkeye's patient's uniform was so moldy it has to be thrown out. Despite this, Sidney can still smell the mold on the young man's personal effects.
They resume their talk the next night, and he notices Hawkeye makes repeated references to water--"swimming in cold sweat", etc. Sidney is convinced that there's some long dormant "time bomb" in Hawkeye's mind, and something has set it off.
Hawkeye mentions an older cousin named Billy, whom Hawkeye calls "The older brother I never had."
Sidney also notices that when Hawkeye mentions Billy, he makes a fist and begins banging it on the IV stand. But, soon enough, Hawkeye remembers a time when Billy pushed Hawkeye into a pond, as a joke, then pulled him out. The young Hawkeye was so hurt that the cousin he loved so much would do something like that that he altered the memory, telling himself that he fell into the pond accidentally.
This realization breaks Hawkeye down, reducing him to tears. He admits loving Billy, but also deeply, deeply hating him for doing that. His feelings of betrayal were so strong that he simply couldn't deal with the reality, so all the young Hawkeye could do was meekly thank Billy for saving his life.
Sidney concludes it was the smell of moldy water that set Hawkeye off. Soon after, they both notice Hawkeye isn't sneezing anymore.
Later, Hawkeye, Sidney, and the rest play cards. Sidney sneezes, causing Hawkeye to place a big bet. When Sidney wins the hand, he warns Hawkeye not to fall for "That old fake sneezing trick."
Fun Facts: I like every episode that features Sidney Freedman, but this one seems a little less effective in retrospect, when you know that the storyline--Hawkeye repressing a memory that causes him mental and physical harm--will essentially be repeated in the final episode.
Favorite Line: Margaret sends Father Mulcahy into the men's showers with a sure-fire cure for Hawkeye's sneezing. B.J. is there, with his own cure, and he and Hawkeye argue over what will work. Margaret opens the door to the shower a crack and yells: "Make sure he uses all of it!"
Season 9, Episode 206: Depressing News
Original Air Date: 2/9/81
Written by: Dan Wilcox & Thad Mumford
Directed by: Alan Alda
The 4077th gets a shipment of tongue depressors, except the order for 5,000 has somehow been turned into an order of 500,000.
Hawkeye and B.J. at first think its funny, but then they realize there's nothing funny over the idea they have enough tongue depressors "To last five years."
After a talk in the O Club where Hawkeye compares the tongue depressors to his long gone friends and fellow doctors Trapper, Henry, and Frank Burns, he decides to use them to build a memorial to every wounded solider who passed through the 4077th.
Hawkeye grows obsessed with the task, working all day and night, even skipping meals. Col. Potter brings him some dinner, asking him what this all supposed to mean. Hawkeye answers, "I don't know...maybe nothing."
Klinger, under the thrall of his new scheme of running a 4077th newspaper, tells Stars & Stripes about Hawkeye's tower. A Capt. Allen (William Bogert) arrives with a photographer, and he tells Hawkeye his sculpture should be taken on tour, thinking it will be "great for recruitment."
Hawkeye is horrified--recruitment? Turns out Capt. Allen is from the Army, not Stars & Stripes, and he's looking at Hawkeye's tower as a propaganda tool. He asks to take a picture of it with Hawkeye alongside, but he stalls them and asks them to come back in a few minutes.
Later in the afternoon, Hawkeye tells them the tower's ready. We see that the tower now has an explosive called Primacord (taken from a patient who was sent home) wrapped around it, and he has Klinger blow it up just as the picture is snapped!
Capt. Allen is flabbergasted as to why Hawkeye would blow up the thing he spent two days building. Hawkeye puts his arm around him: "Senseless destruction, that's what its all about. Get the picture?"
Fun Facts: Another installment of The Young Sherman Potter Adventures: He mentions a lost opportunity in 1928 to start a dude ranch: "Damn zoning laws!"
In the scene between Hawkeye and B.J. in the O Club, when he mentions Frank Burns and Winchester, he compares them by saying "Just a hair's difference." Is that line supposed to a weak Winchester Is Bald joke, or is he saying the main difference between the two is that one's a good doctor and the other is not? Since there's no laugh track, its hard to tell where that was supposed to be a laugh line.
In the scene where Hawkeye and B.J. see all the boxes of tongue depressors, the camera is far enough back that you can see that Alan Alda is wearing bright blue Adidas sneakers.
Favorite Line: The entire scene between Hawkeye and B.J. in the O Club is one of my all-time favorite scenes from the series:
As Hawkeye slaps down the tongue depressors with a series of loud thwacks, he says: "Tongue depressors, doctors, soliders...we're all the same."
He holds up the first one: "Trapper John goes. No problem, there's plenty more where he came from." (Picking up another) "B.J. Hunnicutt--same size, same shape."
He holds up another: "Frank Burns out, Winchester in. Just a hair's difference."
Finally, a third: "Henry Blake." He snaps it in two. "Rest in peace, Henry." (Picking up another) "Incoming Sherman Potter...my God, hasn't this elimination tournament gone on long enough?"
I've said before how much I love the scenes where one character or another mentions previous characters from the show's past. I feel like scenes like this hint at the idea that Hawkeye, along with Margaret the longest serving member of the 4077th, is particularly haunted by having seen so many close friends come and go.
Season 9, Episode 200: A War For All Seasons
Original Air Date: 12/29/80
Written by: Dan Wilcox and Thad Mumford
Directed by: Burt Metcalfe
This episode opens with the 4077th closing out 1950 and welcoming in 1951. Col. Potter, as Father Time, offers a toast to the new year, and hoping that everyone will be home before its over.
We see a series of related events that took place over the course of 1951: everyone wants a shot at the Sears catalog: Margaret wants to order a winter jacket (something the Army unhelpfully didn't provide her with), Father Mulcahy orders some gardening supplies, Klinger orders a baseball glove, and Hawkeye and B.J. order parts to build their very own kidney dialysis machine.
Klinger and Potter enter in a bet about who's going to win the World Series. Klinger predicts the entire league against the Dodgers, 2-1 odds! When Potter says he's willing to offer up $50, Winchester, sensing the chance to make a lot of money, covers Klinger's side of the bet.
As the year progresses, Winchester is now suddenly interested in baseball, and keeps trying to rope more people into the bet, going so far as to offer 6-1 odds, which Potter can't resist, betting $100!
Come October, its the Dodgers versus the Giants in the National League playoffs. With everyone having so much money at stake, the final game of the series is broadcast across the P.A. It seems all but certain that the Dodgers are going to win, except--this is the famous game where Bobby Thompson hit the winning home run for the Giants: "The Shot Heard 'Round the World."
As the announcer yells the iconic cry, "The Giants win the pennant! The Giants win the pennant!", Winchester is left laying on the ground, devastated, his Dodger hat laid across his chest.
The episode ends with the 4077th having yet another New Year's party, this time welcoming in 1952. Col. Potter makes another toast, and wishing, once again, that they all be home before its over.
Fun Facts: This is another format-busting episode: covering the events of an entire year in just one show.
The only problem is, the timeline on display makes my head explode: we see Potter, Winchester, and the rest welcoming in 1951--which means that the previous eight seasons of the show took place in just twelve months (less, actually, since the war didn't start until June)! How long were Trapper and Henry at the 4077th, two months?
When everyone is celebrating the Dodgers win, Father Mulcahy is so excited he plants a kiss on Margaret. The next time you watch the show, look how surprised she looks--part of me thinks it was an ad-lib on William Christopher's part!
Favorite Line: Margaret complains that the valuable Sears catalog is covered in chocolate smudges, and blames Klinger, who, in between shoving Valentine's Day chocolates into his mouth, exclaims, "Why am I the one always singled out for blame?!?"
Season 9, Episode 199: Death Takes A Holiday
Original Air Date: 12/15/80
Written by: Mike Farrell, John Rappaport, Dennis Koenig, Thad Mumford & Dan Wilcox, and Burt Metcalfe
Directed by: Mike Farrell
Its Christmas, and there's a truce on. Everyone is preparing for the big Christmas feats for the the nearby orphanage. When the supply line that was supposed to deliver the food gets cut, all of the 4077th band together and donate their holiday care packages--B.J. donates fudge, Nurse Kellye donates Macadamia nuts, and Rizzo donates...pig's feet.
They turn to Winchester to donate, but he offers just a small tin of oysters, despite him having received several large packages marked "perishable" in the last few weeks. Despite constant insults from everyone, Winchester refuses to budge.
We see, though, that Winchester has his own plans: he's bringing all the packages to the nearby orphanage, late at night. When he's caught the orphanage's headmaster, Choi Sung Ho (Keye Luke), Winchester tells him its part of a Winchester Family tradition: on Christmas Eve, they leave an anonymous gift of expensive, handmade chocolates on the doorstep of a needy family. Mr. Ho gratefully accepts the gifts, promising Winchester to keep it a secret.
Meanwhile, the truce is broken when a wounded solider is brought in just as the 4077th is kicking off the Christmas party for the kids. Hawkeye, B.J., and Margaret decide to take the case, and keep it secret from everyone else, lest the holiday spirit be ruined.
The young man is seriously wounded, and both Hawkeye and B.J. are certain he's going to die. After seeing a picture of the young man with his family, B.J. decides to continue working on him, determined to keep the man alive long enough so that he won't die on Christmas Day.
Meanwhile, at the party, Winchester sees Rizzo eating a piece of the expensive chocolate. When Rizzo tells him he got in on the Black Market, Winchester asks one of the orphans if they got any chocolate for Christmas. When the little girl says no, Winchester angrily confronts Mr. Ho.
They go outside (with Klinger overhearing the whole conversation), where Mr. Ho admits he sold all the chocolate. Winchester is enraged, calling him a "parasite", but Mr. Ho explains that the chocolate was so valuable that, on the Black Market, it could buy enough rice and cabbage to feed the kids for a month.
Winchester, stunned, apologizes, realizing, as he says, "It's improper to give dessert to a child who's had no meal." Mr. Ho accepts, and returns to the party, with Winchester going back to the Swamp.
As Hawkeye and B.J. continue working, Klinger visits Winchester, bringing with him small samples of all the food at the party. When Winchester asks what the gag is, Klinger says its not a gag: "It's an old family tradition...one that must remain anonymous."
Back in Pre-Op, the young man is about to die. B.J. is so caught up in the moment, though, he tries to stop Father Mulcahy from performing the last rites, alarming everyone.
B.J. calms down, but wants to keep working, but Hawkeye insists he stop: "Let him go...let him rest." B.J. listens, feeling defeated.
Hawkeye then walks to the clock on the wall, and moves the hands to past midnight, declaring: "Look, he made it." They decide, instantaneously, to fake the death certificate.
Later, they run into Col. Potter and a young Korean boy dressed in a Santa hat. Potter saved the last four pieces of fudge for them, which they use as a toast. As the snow falls, B.J. wishes the rest of them a Merry Christmas.
Fun Facts: One of my favorite later-period episodes, since I find both A and B plots compelling.
That said, the whole idea of the doctors working so hard not to let their patient die on Christmas seems a little thin to build a whole episode on: I can't say from experience (thankfully), but I would imagine someone close to me dying on December 26th wouldn't be that much different than them dying on the 25th.
The little kid Potter uses an elf is unbelievably cute. When he offers his tray of food to the doctors, he says in a squeaky voice, "Fudge!", which Tracy and I never fail to imitate when he hear it. Seriously--it should be a ringtone or something.
Favorite Line: When Winchester learns that Klinger knows about his efforts to give the orphans the chocolate, he turns, looks at Klinger, and quietly says, "Thank you, Max."
Klinger responds: "Merry Christmas...Charles."
Season 8, Episode 193: Back Pay
Original Air Date: 3/10/80
Written by: Thad Mumford & Dan Wilcox and Dennis Koenig
Directed by: Burt Metcalfe
Hawkeye gets enraged when he reads in a newspaper about a doctor back home charging the Army a fortune to x-ray young men about to be sent into the Army. Even though that's not entirely on the up-and-up, the Army's response seems to be one of indifference.
To get some sense of satisfaction, he sends an itemized bill to the Army, charging them for every surgery, x-ray, and examination, totaling over thirty-eight thousand bucks!
Potter is aghast when he learns of the bill, when the Army send a Captain Snyder (Richard Herd) to look into it. Snyder sneers at Hawkeye, calling it a bunch of "hot-headed, self-righteous nonsense", but Hawkeye refuses to give up.
He turns to B.J. for moral support, but B.J. thinks Hawkeye is wasting his time, trying to extract any sort of justice from the Army.
After asking some local Korean doctors visiting the unit (and driving Winchester crazy with questions) about what they do when a patient won't pay, Hawkeye gets the idea to take possession of one of jeeps in the motor pool as partial payment.
Potter yells at Hawkeye, to no avail. He figures he just has to ride Hawkeye's tirade out, so he allows him to keep the jeep for the moment. The only problem is, Hawkeye went so far as to tell Captain Snyder he's taken the jeep, prompting another visit to the 4077th.
Snyder and Hawkeye talk in Klinger's office, where Hawkeye still refuses to give in. Outside, he hears his jeep's engine start up, and runs outside just in time to see that someone has stolen it!
Hawkeye finds this all very funny, getting Snyder so mad that he starts physically threatening Hawkeye. In a fit of rage, he kicks Hawkeye's giant bag of x-rays, causing him to yowl in pain.
Hawkeye takes a look at it, and then does an x-ray. He agrees to find Snyder's jeep and return it...if, and only if, Snyder pays $4 for the x-ray. Snyder, furious, agrees, and Hawkeye tells him that his foot isn't broken, merely sprained. Snyder gets even more mad, but Hawkeye could care less.
We learn that it was B.J. who stole Snyder's jeep, in his own anonymous show of support for his pal. Hawkeye and B.J. share a drink at the O Club, and he leaves the $4 as a tip.
Fun Facts: A solid performance by guest actor Richard Herd--his Captain Snyder really seems to hate Hawkeye. Snyder would've fit in quite well in the Bush Administration, at one point telling Hawkeye, "Justice is what Uncle Sam tells you it is", following that up with "Who are you to question the government?"
Favorite Line: Sgt. Rizzo, complaining about carrying a heavy bag of x-rays: "Must all be pictures of fat people."
Season 8, Episode 190: Good-Bye, Cruel World
Original Air Date: 2/11/80
Written by: Thad Mumford & Dan Wilcox
Directed by: Charles S. Dubin
One of the wounded is Sgt. Michael Yee, a bona-fide war hero. Hawkeye works on him, and is amazed at the sheer number of wounds Yee has suffered.
Later, in Post Op, Hawkeye gives Yee (Clyde Kusatsu) the good news: he's going home. But instead of being overjoyed, Yee seems stunned, and even a little upset over the news.
After the delivering the news, Hawkeye and Margaret leave Yee alone, and we see Yee pound his fist in frustration.
Potter and Klinger call an impromptu meeting in Klinger's office--he has filled the room with items from home, all of them with an Arabic flavor. Potter puts it up to a vote from the doctors, but Klinger is less than happy when they all break down in guffaws over Klinger's version of good taste.
Later, Nurse Kelleye tells Hawkeye that Sgt. Yee tried to kill himself by slashing his wrists. Hawkeye, Margaret, and Potter check in on him, and the damage is so extensive that he requires surgery to patch it all up.
Meanwhile, Klinger, so mad at being laughed at, decides to pull a scam ending in him being discharged home. He fakes letters from Col. Potter (working hard to perfect Potter's distinctive signature) and Father Mulachy, planning on sending them into I-Corps. B.J. discovers the plot, and tries to talk Klinger out of it. Klinger pretends to go along, but then after B.J. leaves, resumes his plan, by sending the paperwork to HQ.
Sidney Freedman arrives to talk to Sgt. Yee. He looks over Yee's record--he also served in WWII, and while he had a solid record there, its nothing like the list of courageous acts Yee has attempted in Korea.
Sidney talks to Yee, and subtly puts him under hypnosis. Later, Yee awakens, and he's shocked to learn that what he thought has just been a few minutes was actually two hours.
Hawkeye notices Yee, post-hypnosis, is twitching his arm like mad, and wonders if Yee is stable. Sidney insists that he is, telling Hawkeye that Yee is racked with guilt, fighting in a war against an Asian enemy. He planted a hypnotic suggestion in Yee's mind to twitch his hand every time he feels stressed, instead of committing an act of violence against himself.
Sidney also surmises that all those acts of bravery on Yee's part were part of the same behavior. Later, Yee is released from the hospital, where Sidney will keep working with him until he's shipped home.
Meanwhile, Potter apologizes to Klinger for not letting him put up any of his personal items and hurting his feelings. So he tells Klinger he can put up any one piece, and also gives Klinger a three-day pass.
Klinger, now feeling guilty about setting his plan in motion, hot-foots it to I-Corps, where he has to bluff his way out of it with a Colonel. He pretends to be Radar, telling the Colonel that "this Klinger fella" is pulling a scam, and the whole thing should be forgotten.
Once home, Potter reveals he knew about it the whole time, and even gives Klinger some helpful tips about how to better forge his name.
Fun Facts: Sidney Freedman is awesome. 'Nuff said.
Favorite Line: I love Klinger's impersonation of Radar: "Oh, golly whiz yes, your Colonelness!"
Season 8, Episode 185: Bottle Fatigue
Original Air Date: 1/7/80
Written by: Thad Mumford & Dan Wilcox
Directed by: Burt Metcalfe
After a session in OR, all of the staff wander into the Officers Club, where Igor is waiting to hand out their bar tabs. Hawkeye's is almost forty bucks, a staggering sum, and far and away higher than everyone else's.
Hawkeye is so shocked he decides, then and there, to stop drinking. After earning a round of laughter from everyone, he insists its not forever--just for a week, to prove to himself that he can do it. Scared he's going to going home and "Set up a still in my living room", he says he's serious.
Meanwhile, Winchester gets a letter from his sister Honoria, who announces she's engaged to an Italian man. Winchester's bigoted snobbery kicks into high gear, furious over the idea that a woman of such breeding as his sister is engaged to someone so far below her social class. He tries placing a call home, but is rebuffed by Sparky. He then asks Col. Potter for an emergency trip home, but is again refused.
During the first few days of Hawkeye's sobriety, he is full-tilt annoying and sanctimonious, driving everyone crazy. Winchester is no better, deciding to get drunk every night to deal with the pain of over the mere idea of Honoria marrying an Italian, resorting to all sorts of derogatory stereotypes when referring to his future brother-in-law.
Hawkeye has a date with a new nurse, Lt. Mendenhall (Shelley Long), but he quickly ruins it by making snide comments about her drinking. Lt. Mendenhall storms off in disgust. Winchester is also making things worse for himself: when discussing his problem with Father Mulcahy, he admits that, at least,Honoria "Isn't marrying an Irishman", leading Mulcahy to also storm off in disgust.
Later, Winchester gets another letter from Honoria, saying the engagement is off--at the behest of the groom, whose family refused to let him marry out of their faith.
Wounded arrive, and one of Hawkeye's patient is a North Korean solider who smuggled in a live grenade. Before anyone can stop him, he pulls the pin!
Hawkeye grabs the soldier's hand, keeping him from letting go of the grenade. While trying to find the pin somewhere on the floor, everyone tries to soothe him by singing to him. It works long enough for Mulcahy to find the pin and put it back in the grenade.
Afterwards, Winchester dictates a telegram to Honoria. Reflecting on what just happened, he apologizes for the "boorish" letters she's about to receive. Asking for forgiveness, he pleads for her to attribute them to "Greatness of distance...and narrowness of mind."
Later that night, in the O Club, they all buy a drink for Mulcahy to thank him for finding the pin. They all order a drink for themselves, including Hawkeye, who says he needs it to calm himself after the near-death experience they all just had.
Holding the drink in his hand, he pauses, and then puts it down, saying, "I'll be back when I want it...not when I need it."
Fun Facts: There's a great bit of physical comedy in the scene when Klinger delivers the mail. When, after a few minutes of shooting the breeze with Hawkeye, Klinger announces that he has a letter for "Winchester, C.E.", Winchester pops into the frame, grabs the letter with a wild grab, and then disappears again, all in one move.
The scenes David Ogden Steirs has when talking to Winchester's sister are always some of my favorites. You can hear the affection he has for her in the softness of his voice and gentile tone. That these scenes are so effective is to me even more amazing when you realize that Steirs is the only one in them.
The scene where the doctors sing to the North Korean is too cutesy by half--but there's one great line where Winchester suggests sticking anything back in the grenade in place of the pin--a swab, a toothpick, anything.
Potter, nearly yelling, responds with, "This is no time for experiments--that's a Commie Pineapple!" Not only do I just find that phrase funny, but its also a nice character bit--no one else at the 4077th has combat experience, so its up to Potter to remind everyone just what it is they're dealing with--a live grenade.
Favorite Line: B.J. makes fun of Winchester's sister's name, Honoria, asking, "Isn't she the lady wrestler?"
Winchester blows him off, but then when he exclaims loudly at some shocking news in her letter, B.J. asks, "Honoria lose the big tag-team match?"
Season 8, Episode 182: Captains Outrageous
Original Air Date: 12/10/79
Written by: Thad Mumford & Dan Wilcox
Directed by: Burt Metcalfe
There's another round of promotions coming, and Father Mulcahy has his hopes up he will finally get promoted to Captain. Col. Potter writes Mulcahy a glowing letter, bursting at the seams with praise.
Meanwhile, during a drinking session in Rosie's Bar, a fight breaks out, accidentally sort of started by Winchester, of all people. The fight gets so out of control that even Rosie is injured, having to rest up in Post Op with cracked ribs.
With Rosie out of commission, it leaves her bar vulnerable to the thievery of her shifty waitresses, who Rosie claims will rob her blind if given the opportunity.
Margaret offers that they should all run the bar while Rosie recuperates, and after some hesitancy Hawkeye, B.J., and Winchester agree to help out. They have Rosie teach them the tricks of the trade, like shaking down the waitresses and watering down the drinks.
Meanwhile, the new Captains List comes out, and once again Mulchay isn't on it. The normally meek Mulcahy is enraged--he's furious at the "dunderheads" in the Pentagon who passed him over once again. He storms out of his tent, leaving Col. Potter alone.
Instead of calming down, Mulcahy's anger grows, and when he's asked to break up a fight between two patients in Post Op (the ones who started the fight in Rosie's), he does so by threatening to beat them both to a pulp. It works.
Back in Rosie's Bar, Winchester gets in a argument with a drunken Sgt. Rizzo, which leads to Rizzo wanting to deck Winchester. Rizzo is arrested by an Australian MP named Muldoon (John Orchard), who walks in expecting his usual free drink, an "arrangement" with Rosie that Winchester knows nothing about. This causes another row, and Muldoon storms out.
A few days later, everyone meets at Rosie's, celebrating her return to the bar. But there's another reason to celebrate: Col. Potter is here to announce that, thanks to some calls he placed to the actual Pentagon, Father Mulcahy has indeed been promoted to Captain!
Later, Muldoon returns to shut down Rosie's Bar for various penny-ante reasons, blaming Winchester, whom he snidely calls "Chauncy Uppercrust." Mulcahy, full of brio thanks to his new Captains bars, steps in to try and settle the dispute.
Fun Facts: This episode features actor John Orchard, who played Ugly John during the show's first season. I wonder, as actor, does someone like Orchard look at actors like Farrell, Morgan, and Steirs and think to himself, oh, what could have been?
G.W. Bailey plays Sgt. Rizzo in this episode. And even though we've seen the character of Rizzo before (in the earlier Eighth Season episode "The Yalu Brick Road"), this episode seems to be the actual debut of the character, at least in an early form--he doesn't seem to be a member of the 4077th here, and this Rizzo is also clearly not from Louisiana.
The name "Chauncy Uppercrust" makes me laugh every time I hear it.
Favorite Line: Rosie is horrified at the meager profits Margaret and the other have managed while they're running the bar. Margaret defends herself with, "Rosie, we're doing our best!"
Rosie: "How you people got to be a world power beats me."
