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Season 8, Episode 178: Mr. and Mrs. Who?
Original Air Date: 11/12/79
Written by: Ronny Graham
Directed by: Burt Metcalfe
Winchester returns from R&R in wretched shape: hung over, unshaven, totally disheveled. Hawkeye and B.J. pester him with questions about just what he did while he was in Tokyo when he was supposed to be at a medical conference.
The problem is, Winchester has absolutely no memory of his entire weekend, save getting caught up with the hospital's "rowdy" medical staff, which ended with the manager of a nearby hotel ordering Winchester to stay away from the establishment: "In perpetuity."
But there's no rest for the hung over: Hawkeye and B.J. drag Winchester to Post Op, where a few of their patients are suffering from Korean Hemmorrhagic Fever, a mysterious disease that attacks the kidneys.
While trying to deal with that, Klinger develops some rolls of film found in Winchester's bag, which Hawkeye and B.J. find hilarious--there's shots of Winchester walking around with a lampshade on his head, romantic dancing with a unknown woman, and more.
A few hours later, the 4077th gets a call from a woman who says she's on her way to visit. Her name? Mrs. Charles Emerson Winchester!
While Winchester is in a panic over this mystery woman's imminent arrival, Hawkeye and B.J. try and figure out a way to treat the young men sick with the fever. One of them takes a turn for the worse, and they realize that if they just stand around and do nothing--essentially the official directive from the Army--the young man will die.
Hawkeye and B.J., after extensive reading on the subject, come up with a possible solution, involving a low-saline IV solution. Its a risky move, since it sort of goes against the Army directive, but Potter decides it worth the risk, since they know the boy will die if they don't do something.
Meanwhile, "Mrs." Winchester arrives, a gregarious woman named Donna (Claudette Nevins), and it quickly dawns on her that her erstwhile husband doesn't remember any of the weekend, even the marriage ceremony!
But Winchester is relieved when she tells him that the ceremony wasn't an official one--it was performed by the hotel bartender--so they aren't really married. They both collapse into laughter--one out of disbelief, the other in relief. They spend the next few hours catching up on what happened, and Winchester admits that he likes this woman Donna quite a bit--even planting a gentle kiss on her.
The next morning, Hawkeye and B.J. see that their solution to the Fever seems to have worked--the young man is stable, and his kidney output seems to have normalized. They did it!
Later that day, the 4077 throws a party to celebrate the medical victory, and to officially dissolve the ersatz marriage of Mr. and Mrs. Winchester. Margaret is the flower girl, and B.J.--whom Hawkeye refers to as "The Rev. J.B. Honeydue"--performs the ceremony, reading from a comic book.
Fun Facts: I used to watch M*A*S*H re-runs on my local station, known as Channel 29. They regularly ran promos over the end credits, but with this episode they really broke the mold: they ran a voice-over, promoting some other show, over the dialog in the final scene--so you could see Hawkeye, B.J., et al, but you couldn't hear what they were saying. Gee, thanks guys--I never would've known when Joan Rivers' late night Fox talk show was on without you.
Favorite Line: Hawkeye and B.J. are examining all the evidence in Winchester's suitcase, and B.J. digs out a woman's stocking: "He probably had to do an emergency operation: saving some poor chorus girl from sweating to death."
Season 7, Episode 164: C*A*V*E
Original Air Date: 2/5/79
Written by: Larry Balmagia and Ronny Graham
Directed by: William Jurgensen
The 4077th is caught in a crossfire between the Army and a Chinese battalion, and it gets so bad that Col. Potter calls I-Corps to try and get them to stop firing.
I-Corps thinks the 4077th is in another location, but Potter tries to tell them that they were there briefly, but are now back to their original location. They are "Mobile", after all.
I-Corps asks for the proper code word to verify Potter is who he says he is, but they have an out-of-date book and I-Corps rejects them, hanging up. Potter tries to call General Embry, but the bombs have cut the phone lines so the 4077th is stranded!
Potter calls a meeting and decides that for the duration the whole unit will move to a nearby cave, protecting them from the shelling. Everyone goes along with the plan, except for Hawkeye, who has several objections. But he's overruled, and they all pack up and head for the cave.
Once they get there, Hawkeye refuses to go inside, and it dawns on Potter what's going on: Hawkeye suffers from claustrophobia, something he's never told anyone before.
Hawkeye tries to carry on inside, but he just can't do it--his heart races, he sweats profusely, and he has to run outside to the cave's entrance just to catch his breath.
A bigger problem is one of Hawkeye's patients, who is getting worse and being stuck in a damp cave isn't helping. He needs to be operated on again, and there's only one place that can happen--the 4077th.
Hawkeye offers to drive the patient back and operate on him there. Margaret, revealing her terror over loud noises to help comfort Hawkeye, volunteers to accompany Hawkeye back to the 4077th.
In the OR, its Hawkeye's turn to comfort Margaret to keep her mind off all the loud explosions, and he tries to pass the time playing a game of 20 Questions, kidding along the way.
Just as they're finishing up the surgery, the bombs stop falling and its quiet again. Hawkeye finally guesses Margaret's been thinking of Joan of Arc. Amazed, she asks, "How did you know?"
Hawkeye says: "That's easy--who else would you be thinking of the past five minutes?"
The next morning, everyone else returns, finding Hawkeye and Margaret passed out in Post Op. They try to get up to help, only to pass out again.
Fun Facts: A nice change of pace, having an episode that spends so much time away from the usual 4077th sets.
Radar does not appear in this episode.
The scenes of the 4077th heading for the cave are shot day-for-night, and its fairly obvious that its not night time!
Favorite Line: Potter request is rejected by I-Corps, since they don't believe he is who he says he is. Potter states, in disbelief: "He thinks I'm Chinese."
Hawkeye: "I don't see it, myself."
Season 7, Episode 157: An Eye For A Tooth
Original Air Date: 12/11/78
Written by: Ronny Graham
Directed by: Charles Dubin
Most of the doctors are hung over from a party the night before--but Margaret is thrilled, because her attorney has gotten her soon-to-be ex-husband to release her half of their joint savings.
Father Mulcahy gets some bad news--he was passed over--again for promotion. As Hawkeye and B.J. try to cheer him up, Margaret pulls a practical joke by overloading Hawkeye's coffee with sugar, which turns into a mini-food fight. Normally, she'd be mad at the silliness, but she's so happy about her good news that she doesn't care.
Wounded arrive, including a chopper which lands directly onto the compound! The chopper pilot, named Toby Hill (Peter Palmer) explains that the wounded man he was carrying woke up mid-flight, delirious, and tried to climb off the stretcher. Had Hill stayed in the air a few seconds longer, he would've fallen to his death--hence the quick landing.
During surgery, Winchester stokes the fire, suggesting that Margaret get revenge for the glob of oatmeal Hawkeye flung at her in the Mess Tent. She initially brushes it off, but he keeps prodding, until finally she gets back at them--sending them gag letters, filled with powder which gets all over B.J.'s face, and an electrically-charged one, sort of a joy envelope buzzer. Hawkeye declares war.
But its Winchester who takes it upon himself to get revenge for them. He rigs it so it looks like Toby Hill is asking Margaret out. When the gag is revealed, Margaret is embarrassed. She turns in anger towards Hawkeye and B.J., who are laughing hysterically. Winchester, for his part, has snuck out of the tent before the gag's payoff, escaping any blame.
Margaret gets them back by stealing their clothes out of the showers, causing Hawkeye and B.J. to run home naked, only to be greeted by Margaret and the nurses, armed with popcorn and magnifying glasses(ouch!).
Meanwhile, Col. Potter's efforts to secure a promotion for Father Mulcahy result in failure. He ashamedly tells this to Mulcahy, who is philosophical about it, and a little embarrassed that he wanted something like a promotion so badly.
In the middle of the night, Hawkeye and B.J. (with the help of Winchester again) get Margaret back by sneaking in Toby Hill's stuffed dummy mascot, Little Mac, into her tent. It falls on her as she sleeps, causing her to scream in terror.
Hawkeye and B.J. come in to take credit, but Margaret isn't finding any of this funny anymore. In her rage, she rips apart Little Mac, turning him into a pile of stuffing. Winchester comes in later, supposedly to comfort her, but really to plan revenge. Margaret refuses, saying she wants this war to end, but Winchester insists this last attack must be answered.
The next morning, Winchester is giggling uncontrollably over the previous night's events. Margaret comes in, and is furious, saying that Hawkeye and B.J. upped the ante to "cruel." Her revenge? A letter to Peg, telling her about the "Year-long love affair" between her and B.J., and that it was Hawkeye who brought them together.
Everyone is stunned--this has gotten out of hand. B.J. gets so mad that he physically attacks Margaret, leading Winchester in a panic to admit the whole thing--all the jokes--were his idea. He apologizes profusely, then realizes that this whole thing was, itself, a practical joke played on him by the other three--over night, they compared notes and realized it was Winchester the whole time.
Father Mulcahy helps out Toby Hill by accompanying him into battle to pick up a wounded soldier, now that Little Mac is out of commission. Hiull refuses, but Mulcahy insists, and gets to go along.
Later, Hill returns with the wounded man, and Mulcahy. Potter is mad at first, but then says he fully intends to put Mulcahy up for promotion the next time around, and, that time, its going to go through.
Fun Facts: The plot involving the practical jokes was apparently based on a real-life spate of them between David Ogden Steirs, Mike Farrell, and Alan Alda.
The party everyone participated in the night before is announced over the P.A. celebrating the one-year anniversary of the Officers Club. Since the O Club was introduced in Season Two's "Officers Only", that means only a year has transpired between Season Two and Season Seven!
Radar does not appear in this episode.
Favorite Line: When Hawkeye and B.J. realize their stuck in the showers without their robes, Hawkeye pauses for a moment, then says to B.J.: "You're going to look awfully silly running home to get my clothes."
Season 7, Episode 148: Our Finest Hour
Original Air Date: 10/9/78
Written by: Ken Levine & David Isaacs, Larry Balmagia & Ronny Graham and David Lawrence
Directed by: Burt Metcalfe
Reporter Clete Roberts returns to the 4077th, to check back in the medical unit with the best survival rate in all of Korea.
Amidst new interviews with the staff (including new arrival Major Winchester), we are treated to clips of previous episodes from the preceding six seasons, featuring departed characters Trapper John, Henry Blake, and Frank Burns.
Winchester offers that he tries to blot out the memory of what transpires at the 4077th as it happens, trying especially hard to forget some of the people he's met...knowing deep down that he never shall.
Father Mulcahy tries to say something nice about Winchester, since he was not at the 4077th when Clete Roberts came by the first time. The best, most polite answer he can muster is..."He's a very good doctor."
The final clip is from Season One's "Sometimes You Hear The Bullet", and Clete Roberts, talking directly to the camera, hopes that some day soon these people will be able to go home, and "No one will have to assemble for a duty like this ever again."
Fun Facts: M*A*S*H's first, and only, clip show, featuring the return of Clete Roberts from Season Four's brilliant "The Interview" and that show's black and white format.
Favorite Line: Radar is asked what he'll remember about his time in Korea the most, and he quietly but firmly responds: "One day...one very bad day." After that we are shown clips from the last Henry Blake episode, Season Three's "Abyssinia, Henry."
Cutting back to Radar, he swallows and says, "There are people here who suffer every day. And, uh...I don't really want to talk about this."
Season 7, Episode 145: Commander Pierce
Original Air Date: 9/18/78
Written by: Ronny Graham and Don Segall
Directed by: Burt Metcalfe
Col. Potter has to head to Seoul for a pow-wow with the other MASH commanders, so he turns to Winchester to take over. But Winchester is very sick with a cold, and is unwilling to take the job. Potter then turns to Hawkeye, who absolutely refuses. Potter tells him that Radar will see him at 5am sharp.
Hawkeye refuses to take any part of being in command seriously--he shows up to Potter's office in his robe, unshaven, and pretty much just wants to get some sleep atop Potter's desk, much to Radar's horror at all the paperwork not getting done.
Klinger figures this is his best shot at a Section 8, and begins a procession of attempts to get Hawkeye to ship him out. Father Mulcahy turns to Hawkeye for blankets, since the 4077th is running low and its getting colder outside.
Hawkeye runs into a wall trying to get the blankets from I-Corps, when he learns that they won't send the 4077th anything without the proper forms. Its then that he realizes the mile high pile of paperwork must be attended to, and he sits down, grumbling, to get it all done.
In O.R., Hawkeye wants all the noise to stop, acting an awful lot like the Regular Army clowns he despises. He's short-tempered with everyone, even Radar, and when B.J. makes a crack at Hawkeye's expense, Hawkeye admonishes B.J. to "Stay in the back seat where you belong!"
Later, more wounded arrive, and one soldier mentions that a buddy of his--who's hurt worse--got left behind at Battalion Aid. B.J., not bothering to check with Hawkeye, takes off in a jeep to go get him.
When Hawkeye learns of this, he's furious, knowing there's even more wounded arriving and now he's down two surgeons.
They manage to get through it, and he scolds B.J. for doing so when he gets back. B.J. is having none of it, saying he did the same thing Captain Pierce would've done, not wanting to know what Commander Pierce would've done.
Col. Potter returns, and Hawkeye goes on a rant, delivering a list of complaints about the difficulty of running the 4077th. Potter refuses to take the bait, and grabs a bottle of liquor which he's taking to the Swamp.
He shares drinks with Hawkeye and B.J., who immediately start squabbling. Potter watches all this, and then steps in, admonishing Hawkeye for overreacting, but also reminding B.J. that if he had done his disappearing act while Potter was in charge, he would've been in a lot of trouble.
He manages to get Hawkeye and B.J. to make up, but then an errant comment by B.J. starts it all over again. As they fight, Potter looks at his near empty bottle: "All that perfectly good whiskey, shot to hell." He leaves the Swamp as Hawkeye and B.J. continue to argue.
Fun Facts: You can see how different the show looks starting with this season, now being shot on video tape instead of film. The colors are more vibrant, the image is sharper, but I think it made the show look less realistic, less gritty. Not to mention Mike Farrell's mustache!
Was the Army in 1952(ish) still so anti-women that they couldn't put Margaret in charge? I mean, she was a Major, after all...
Update 4/5/12: A comment from Brian informs me that I am mistaken about why and how M*A*S*H looked different between Seasons 1-6 and 7-11: "You're mistaken regarding how the series was shot. They used 35mm film for the entire series. Videotape would've been awful. The change in color you see is because the cinematographer decided to warm up the palette a bit and they also changed film stocks." Good to know, thanks Brian!
Favorite Line: Hawkeye is on the phone with I-Corps, and when he's told he won't get some supplies without sending in a form known as DD-5D, he turns, sees them in Radar's hand, ready for Hawkeye's signature. He cheerfully tells I-Corps, "Yeah--those are in the mail."
Radar, hearing that, yells/whispers, "Hey, you can't lie to I-Corps!" Hawkeye gives Radar the a-ok sign, leading Radar to walk off in shock.
Season 6, Episode 143: Dr. Winchester and Mr. Hyde
Original Air Date: 2/27/78
Written by: Ken Levine & David Isaacs and Ronny Graham
Directed by: Charles Dubin
The 4077th is in the middle of a grueling, over-24 hour-session in O.R. Hawkeye, B.J., and Col. Potter warn Winchester he has to pace himself--he's been going without sleep, instead drinking lots of coffee--but he won't listen. But we can see his performance is starting to slip--a suture he tied came loose, and he's so busy yawning he can barely ask Margaret for the right instruments.
In the lab, Klinger complains to Winchester of being tired, and wonders if there isn't some pill that he can take as a pick-me-up? Winchester explains to him the concept of amphetamines, but wisely refuses to give any to Klinger.
Klinger gets mad and storms off, despite Wicnhester's warnings they're habit-forming. But, when he finds himself nearly falling asleep in front of his microscope, he breaks down and takes some himself.
Meanwhile, in Post-Op, Radar gets in a squabble with some Marines, over who has the fastest mouse. Radar insists his mouse Daisy can run circles around the Marines' Sluggo, leading Hawkeye to sense a chance to make some quick money by betting on the race. Hawkeye isn't reassured when he learns Radar was mostly talking through his hat, just to feel tough around the Marines.
In the Mess Tent, the effects of the amphetamines are starting to show on Winchester--he's chatty, scattered, and starts talking about a long-form article he plans to write for the AMA. Hawkeye and B.J. show up and try and get other people to bet on Daisy, and they get Potter, Mulcahy, and Winchester to throw in.
Later in the Swamp, Winchester shows Hawkeye his paper for the AMA, which is 27 single-spaced pages, written in just two hours--and its all one run-on sentence.
Wounded arrive, and we see that Winchester is now, in a word, "hooked"--he's gulping amphetamines by the handful, all the time making sure no one sees him. In O.R., Winchester drives everyone crazy, bragging about his prowess and running from table to table offering assistance.
Later that night, Winchester can't sleep, and his constant pacing and chattering is keeping Hawkeye and B.J. up. He promises to lay down and be quiet so his bunkmates can get some sleep.
The next day, Winchester gives Daisy a tiny dose of the amphetamines when Radar mentions she seems sluggish and tense just before the big race. At the race itself, Winchester is so confident he antes up more money, which the Marines gladly accept.
The race starts, and indeed Daisy is lightning fast--she beats Sluggo easily. Everyone who bet is thrilled, but Radar is uneasy, feeling Daisy isn't acting like herself. He announces she's retiring from racing.
As everyone heads to the Officers Club for drinks, Hawkeye and B.J. notice how awful Winchester looks--he's pale, sweating profusely, and his pulse is running like a train.
They take him back to the Swamp, and his pulse is through the roof. They guess what's going on, and search through his footlocker. They find the amphetamines, and despite Winchester's protestations that he's handling it, they put a mirror up to his face, showing him that he's falling apart.
Radar shows up, telling them that Daisy is acting "funny." Winchester owns up to what he did, and Radar is deeply offended, threatening Winchester to never do that again, superior rank or no. After Radar storms out, Winchester meekly apologizes, then heads outside to throw-up.
A few days later, Winchester seems back to normal. Hawkeye tries to comfort him, saying there's nothing to be ashamed of. Winchester blows him off, insulting Hawkeye every step of the way, proving to both Hawkeye and B.J. that Winchester is indeed his old self.
Fun Facts: The scene with Radar threatening Winchester is great--even though Radar is the pillar of meekness, he simply will not tolerate someone harming one of his animals.
There's a fun conversation between some of the Marines in Post-Op about their reading material. One of them is reading a Superman comic, and Radar says, "Is that the one where Lois Lane gets kidnapped?" The Marine answers, "Every one is the one where Lois Lane gets kidnapped."
Favorite Line: During a test-run, Daisy the mouse disappears from view. Hawkeye, B.J., and Radar wonder where she went, when they hear a high-pitched female scream from the next room.
Hawkeye, to no one in particular, "Found: One Daisy."
Season 6, Episode 138: Your Hit Parade
Original Air Date: 1/24/78
Written by: Ronny Graham
Directed by: George Tyne
After days of no wounded, the 4077th is bored. Radar arranges for a batch of new records to arrive, and (borrowing Winchester's record player, generously donated by...Hawkeye and B.J.) he begins to play them over the P.A.
The quiet is broken when not only do wounded arrive, but a ton of wounded arrive--so many that the Swamp, the Mess Tent, and the Officers Club are converted into Post-Ops.
Col. Potter asks Radar to keep playing the records, and acting as D.J. to help "get them through" this push. Radar gets really into the role, donning hipster sunglasses and talking in an equally "hip", D.J.-style: "This one's a mover and groover, and it ain't by Herbert Hoover!"
Not only are they overloaded with patients, but one patient desperately needs AB-Negative blood, which is exceedingly rare. They make some calls, and one guy in a Bomb Disposal Unit has it. He's ordered to report to the 4077 after he's done his R&R, and they have to make due until he arrives.
He shows up in the middle of the night, completely trashed. But even though he's falling off his feet drunk, when he sees the needle, he runs out into the compound screaming in terror.
Hawkeye and B.J. track him down hiding in Margaret's tent, and when they finally get the needle in him he passes out. With that small crisis over, so is the large one--all the patients have been tended to, and there's no more new wounded.
Radar's marathon D.J. sessions ends around dawn, after the 23rd playing of "Sentimental Journey", all requested by Col. Potter.
Fun Facts: The bomb disposal expert is played by Ronny Graham, who wrote the episode and would eventually join the staff as Story Consultant and Program Consultant.
When Winchester is looking for a place to put his cot, he tries Margaret's tent. When she thinks its his way of making a move on her, Winchester says "Margaret, allow me be frank", which Margaret takes the wrong way--Frank instead of frank.
Winchester, realizing her mistake, says, "No, no--I meant frank with a little 'F', not that other Frank"--only one of two times Winchester would ever mention his predecessor at the 4077th. I don't know why those moments are such interest to me, maybe because the Winchester era of the show seemed so different than the Frank era, so I always enjoyed hearing Winchester reference those years of the show.
Hawkeye and B.J. play a self-invented game called Cranko, which involves drunkenly mixing poker, checkers, and chess. I think 20th Century Fox missed an opportunity not turning Cranko into a real game.
Favorite Line: Col. Potter asks Radar, "You take requests, right?"
Radar retorts: "We don't have anything from World War I, sir."
