Original Air Date: 10/3/75
Written by: Glen Charles and Les Charles
Directed by: Alan Alda
There's a middle of the night phone call from the states--Hawkeye's father...calling for B.J. Huh?
B.J. gets on the phone with Dr. Pierce, but the connection is so poor all B.J. can make out is "How" and "Why". After that, the line goes dead. Hawkeye, now officially worried, stays up all night waiting to see if his Dad calls back.
The next day, Lt. "Digger" Detwieler (Richard Masur), from Graves Registration, arrives in camp, looking to pick up the deceased. He's looking for "Pierce, Benjamin Franklin, Captain." Huh?
Turns out that, somewhere down the line, there was a clerical error listing Hawkeye as dead. Potter orders Klinger to start getting this straightened out.
With the phone lines now officially out (due to a security restriction tied to an upcoming visit by Gen. Eisenhower), Klinger has Hawkeye compose a telegram to his Father, telling him he's not really dead. The telegram is a marvel of comedic timing, but it ends with true sadness in Hawkeye's voice, as he contemplates what his Dad must be going through.
The 4077th, trying to cheer Hawkeye up, throws him a wake. But the mood is spoiled a bit when Klinger reveals the telegram didn't get through, either. Its gets even worse when he finds out his mail is being stopped, and it spills over into rage when Frank smugly refuses to pay Hawkeye on pay day, leading Hawkeye to physically attack Frank.
Later, HQ's Captain Pratt (Eldon Quick), arrives to straighten all this out. On top of the mountain of paperwork needed, Pratt's lackadaisical attitude about this ghoulish mix-up makes Hawkeye seethe with contempt. Hawkeye finally grows so disgusted he grabs his things, shoves them in a duffel bag, and boards Digger's bus, insisting he's dead, that means he gets to go home.
B.J., upon being told wounded are coming, follows Hawkeye onto the bus to talk with him. He tries to get Hawkeye to change his mind, but Hawkeye refuses, even at the sound of incoming choppers.
The bus takes off, but, just outside the camp limits, we see the bus stop, and Hawkeye get off. He trots back to the 4077th.
Later, we see Hawkeye has had the chance to call his father, and they have a warm conversation about life back in Maine. The call ends abruptly when the line goes dead, again.
Fun Facts: Hawkeye tells Klinger that he and his family have a summer cottage in Crabapple Cove, inferring they live somewhere else the rest of the time. Eventually Hawkeye would be listed as simply being from Crabapple Cove, period.
This is actor Eldon Quick's third and last appearance on the series, though this time he plays a different character.
Neither Hot Lips or Radar make an appearance in this episode.
Favorite Line: Hawkeye's speech in Digger's bus with B.J. is a masterful piece of melancholy, addressing directly the ghosts of M*A*S*H's past.
When he hears choppers coming, he insists to B.J.: "I don't care. I really don't--they'll keep coming whether I'm here or not. Trapper went home, they're still coming. Henry got killed and they're still coming. Wherever they come from, they'll never run out."
