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Board games based on long-running (or even not-so long-running) TV series were hardly unusual, but I'd still say a M*A*S*H board game ranks up there with one of the more odd choices for Milton Bradley to convert into a game.
The goal of the game is to make it around the board (in little plastic jeeps), picking up patients and bringing them to the chopper pad. The first player to get six patients and a full chopper wins!
Unusual is that there are no pictures of Col. Potter, Winchester, and Father Mulcahy. I guess MB figured you could only have four players playing at any given time, so they could only represent some of the cast. But it seems odd that they aren't mentioned or pictured anywhere, even on the game cards!
Even more strange: check out the picture of Loretta Swit used on the box and the board:
...that's clearly a 1981 (or so)-era shot of Ms. Swit, probably taken for PR purposes, not her as Margaret Houlihan! What the heck?
I wonder why, when MB had access to stills of Alda, Farrell, and Farr as their characters, they couldn't/didn't so the same for Swit. Weird...
Season 9, Episode 214: The Life You Save
Original Air Date: 5/4/81
Written by: John Rappaport & Alan Alda
Directed by: Alan Alda
A batch of wounded arrive late at night, and everyone is out on the compound doing triage. But there's more trouble when bullets start flying, courtesy a sniper!
As he fires away, B.J. and Winchester work on a patient underneath the Evac Bus. The patient technically dies for a few moments, but B.J. and Winchester manage to bring him back.
After the sniper is shot by a nearby control, Hawkeye, B.J., and Winchester are in Post Op. B.J. tells Hawkeye what happened, and Winchester notices a bullethole in his cap--he came within centimeters of taking a bullet in the head, and never realized it. As Hawkeye and B.J. talk, Winchester sits there, stunned.
Col. Potter comes in and assigns everyone a set of rotating, mundane camp duties--Hawkeye is now in charge of the food, B.J. the laundry, Winchester the motor pool, etc.
Later, Winchester starts spending an inordinate amount of time with the patient that came back from the dead, sitting with him in Post Op for long periods of time. When the young man wakes up, Winchester peppers him with questions about what it was like for him to be actually "dead."
The young man really can't answer, despite Winchester's pleadings. He reveals that he had a younger brother who passed away, and for a long time afterwards he couldn't pass by the young boy's room without feeling a deep sense of unease.
B.J. finds Winchester hovering over the young man, and takes him outside, demanding he leave the young man alone. Winchester accuses B.J. of not wanting to deal with "The harshest reality of all."
Winchester, still haunted by what happened, has Rizzo take apart a jeep, and lay each and every part of it on a sheet. Winchester marvels at the power Rizzo has to reduce a jeep to a pile of inert junk, and then put it all together again and have it "Roar back to life."
Later that night, Winchester (via an off-hand suggestion by Margaret) decides to head off to Battalion Aid, to better see death up close.
He ends up taking care of a young soldier(Andrew Parks) who is gravely wounded. While laying there, the young man, not able to feel Winchester holding his hand, realizes he's going to die.
Winchester asks the young man, in his last moments, what he's feeling. He answers, not to anyone in particular, "I smell bread." Winchester doesn't understand, and tries to get him to talk more. But the young soldier passes away.
Winchester, wiping tears from his eyes, leaves to go back to the 4077th, leaving his bullet-ridden cap behind.
Fun Facts: There's a scene with Father Mulcahy, Hawkeye, and a giant wall of garbage, and its very funny--the massive pile of food, bandages, cardboard, and other detritus being one of the show's best props.
Winchester's speech at the motor pool is presented via one of the show's more ambitious shots--the camera starts at eye level, but then slowly pans up, and up, until its about twenty feet in the air, hovering over the set as David Ogden Stiers finishes his speech.
Speaking of Winchester, the scene with him and the young soldier is brutal in a number of ways. Winchester, in a very real way, is using this young man's final moments for his own satisfaction, an indescribably selfish act--of all the moments of one's life, its this time, above all others, that should be yours, and yours alone.
Also, props to actor Andrew Young for pulling off a really tough part--playing someone in full realization they have but a few moments left to live.
This is the last episode of the ninth season.
Favorite Line: Potter complains to B.J. that, under his authority, the laundry has gone kerflooey. He holds up a pair of leopard print, super-tight underpants, suggesting they be returned to the "passion flower" who owns them.
Margaret, silently, grabs them out of his hand and stuffs them in her pocket. Potter, slightly stunned, mutters in disbelief, "...no kidding."
Season 9, Episode 213: The Foresight Saga
Original Air Date: 4/13/81
Written by: Dennis Keonig
Directed by: Charles S. Dubin
Col. Potter convenes a meeting of the staff in his office to deliver some nice news: in his hands is a letter from...Radar!
Radar says he's become quite a success as a farmer, how much he misses everyone, and how he all hopes they'll get to come home soon, too.
While handing the letter to Father Mulcahy, Klinger accidentally breaks Col. Potter's glasses. Potter, now sans both pairs (Klinger broke those, too), tells Klinger to get the I-Corps optometrist to the 4077th, pronto.
Afterwards, Hawkeye, B.J., and Col. Potter have lunch, and for once there's actually decent food to eat: fresh cole slaw, made by a young Korean boy named Park Sung (Rummel Mor), as a way to pay the doctors back for taking care of his grandmother.
Park Sung is a whiz at farming, and he even has a guide to growing crops given to him by a G.I. But Park Sung's glasses are so beaten up that its hard for him to read it, or anything. Hawkeye wonders if the optometrist can make Park Sung new glasses as long as he'll be at the camp.
The optometrist, Dr. Herzog (Phillip Sterling) arrives, and arranges for new pairs of glasses for both Potter and Park Sung. He's a bit flummoxed when Margaret bluntly flirts with him, but it turns out its all a ruse: Margaret has been having some trouble with her eyes, and she's sensitive about it, so she pretends she's there on romantic grounds.
Herzog comforts her that she's suffering from a mild allergy, nothing serious. Margaret is still concerned that her eyes aren't getting any better, that she's noticeably aging, but Herzog comforts her, and they become friends. They decide to twist the knife on Hawkeye and B.J., and spend an evening at the O Club together, only to leave early. When Margaret picks up a basket of pretzels, Hawkeye asks why she's taking them. "Because", she says, lustfully, "I don't smoke."
Meanwhile, Park Sung is wounded by artillery staying behind to defend his land, even after his family have left to go further south. Luckily, his wounds are minor, but now he has no family, no "home" to go home to. Hawkeye and B.J. put him up in the Swamp until he decides what to do next.
That night, everyone starts reminiscing about Radar, and they decide to give him a call. Col. Potter ends up speaking to Radar's mother, who admits that things, in fact, are not going all that well on the farm: crops are bad, and they don't have enough money to hire help, leaving Radar to do all the work himself, followed by a night job at the county store.
They all try to decide what they can do to help Radar, and then Park Sung walks in, asking about his pet rabbit, who appears sick. One by one, they all get the idea to send Park Sung to Iowa to go live with the O'Reillys. Park Sung loves the idea, and soon after they throw him a goodbye party, complete with gifts.
One of the gifts is a Korean-English dictionary, and Park Sung uses it to say all this is..."terrific."
Fun Facts: One of M*A*S*H's greatest writers, Everett Greenbaum, once said something to the effect of that it was a great show, "Until everyone became so damn nice to one another." Arguments can be made about the truth of that, but when I read that quote, I think of this episode. Its a fine show, but everyone is so unbelievably nice to one another that there's virtually no conflict in the entire 23+ minutes.
On the other hand, considering how debased and mean-spirited TV would become in just a few short years, complaining about a show that's too nice does seem a bit churlish.
Favorite Line: After Klinger breaks Potter's glasses, Father Mulcahy says surely he has another pair. Potter, through gritted teeth, asks Klinger if he wants to tell Father Mulcahy what happened to those.
Klinger: "I broke those last week...but you gotta admit, Colonel, I really nailed that fly good!"
Season 9, Episode 212: Blood Brothers
Original Air Date: 4/6/81
Written by: David Pollock & Elias Davis
Directed by: Harry Morgan
In Post Op, there are only a few patients. One of them, B.J.'s patient, is named Lowry and neither B.J. or Hawkeye are sure whether he'll pull through.
The one person certain he'll be okay is his best friend, Sturgis (Patrick Swayze), who is confident that his friend will live, despite Hawkeye and B.J.'s uncertainty.
Meanwhile, Col. Potter delivers what he thinks is good news to Father Mulcahy: Cardinal James Reardon is coming to visit the 4077th. Mulcahy is happy but sent into a panic when he learns that Reardon will be arriving in just two days! Mulcahy is terrified, and figures there's no way he can get everything ready in time.
Back in Post Op, B.J. prepares to give Lowry a pint of blood. Sturgis offers to donate it, since they have the same blood type. Hawkeye and B.J. agree.
Saturday night, things are swinging in the O Club, and Father Mulcahy is furious with everyone for their inability to stop drinking, fighting, and gambling for the two days leading up to Reardon's visit.
B.J. finds Hawkeye in the lab, telling him Lowry is stable enough for the transfusion. But Hawkeye has some terrible news: Sturgis has Leukemia.
They debate what to do: B.J. thinks Sturgis should know, so he can "make the most out of the time he has left", but Hawkeye is concerned that it might "take the life right out of him."
After several blood tests, Sturgis starts to get suspicious--what's going on, he demands of Hawkeye. When Hawkeye calls him Gary, he begins to worry, and asks, "Is there something wrong with me?"
Hawkeye does his best to gently deliver the news. At the same time, he tells him directly that, if he does have the disease, "Your chances aren't too good."
Hawkeye recommends that Sturgis be sent to Tokyo, where he can be examined more fully, and, since his disease is in the early stages, treatments can start immediately.
Meanwhile, Cardinal Reardon arrives, ahead of schedule. Father Mulcahy is of course nervous, but Reardon (Ray Middleton) is warm and friendly. He even asks if they can all get a drink in the Officers Club. Which they can't, after Igor stumbles out onto the compound and drunkenly passes out.
Father Mulcahy is incensed, and he wanders into the Mess Tent, where he finds Hawkeye sitting alone. He complains about how everyone is making his life miserable. After ranting for a few moments, he asks whether Hawkeye is just going to sit there and say nothing?
Hawkeye tells him what he just had to do in Post Op, which brings Mulcahy back from his own problems. He heads off to Post Op to talk to Sturgis.
The next morning, Hawkeye finds Father Mulcahy and Sturgis, who obviously stayed up all night talking. Sturgis seems much happier, even laughing out loud.
He asks to stick around for when his friend wakes up, but Hawkeye wants Sturgis to go to Tokyo so he can start treatment. Sturgis argues that its his life, he should be able to do with it what he wants. Hawkeye begins to argue, but Father Mulcahy interrupts him.
He shows Hawkeye that Sturgis going off to Tokyo will make Hawkeye feel better, more than it will do for Sturgis. Hawkeye, seeing the light, agrees, and tells Sturgis he can stay as long as he likes.
Klinger finds Father Mulcahy, who is supposed to be in the Mess Tent to start the Sunday services, which Mulcahy completely forgot about.
In his bathrobe, Mulcahy delivers a sermon about two men: one selfish, concerned only with himself; the other a man who makes a courageous gesture of friendship. Mulcahy breaks down, admitting the first man is himself.
Cardinal Reardon gets up, hugs Mulcahy, and says, "You're a hard act to follow."
Fun Facts: The moment when Cardinal Reardon arrives is one of the very few (maybe only) moments in M*A*S*H when the humor derives from a sort of ironic distance: There's a flurry of intros between Potter, Klinger, Father Mulcahy, and Reardon, all involving their respective ranks: "Corporal, Cardinal, Captain, Father...", etc.
Its like an Abbott & Costello routine, and one of the rare times the series derived humor from the viewer sitting back and watching the scene--the characters themselves aren't trying to be funny.
Favorite Line: Hawkeye and B.J.'s discussion whether to tell Sturgis the news spills over to their own feelings on the subject. B.J. asks wouldn't Hawkeye want to know, and he counters with, "Would you want to tell me?"
Season 9, Episode 211: Bless You, Hawkeye
Original Air Date: 3/16/81
Written by: Dan Wilcox & Thad Mumford
Directed by: Nell Cox
The doctors get some patients in the middle of the night, luckily its just a few and the cases are relatively simple. One of the soldiers is drenched, from having fallen in a watery ditch.
Later that night, Hawkeye wakes up sneezing uncontrollably. He insists he's fine, but the sneezes are getting louder and more frequent.
Hawkeye takes a long, steamy shower, positive that's all he needs. B.J. has his own cure, as does Margaret, but Hawkeye refuses to take any of it.
He seems to be over it, but when he lets a giant sneeze go in Post Op, Potter has had enough--he pulls Hawkeye away from the patients and subjects him to tests to figure out what's going on.
But despite the tests showing nothing, Hawkeye keeps getting worse. During a meeting in Potter's office, Hawkeye bursts in, sneezing, eyes puffy, itching uncontrollably--and convinced he's about to die.
Potter concludes that they've gone as far as they can with his body, now they have to see "what's on his mind"--to that end, he puts in a call to Sidney Freedman.
Sidney arrives, and sits down with Hawkeye in the VIP Tent. Hawkeye, looking awful, admits he's scared that he's going to die. Sidney, while being his normal, gentle self, says, "I don't think we need to call the hearse just yet."
After talking a bit, they call it a night. Sidney investigates the personal effects of the soldiers who came in the night Hawkeye started getting sick. He doesn't find much of interest, and Father Mulcahy tells him that Hawkeye's patient's uniform was so moldy it has to be thrown out. Despite this, Sidney can still smell the mold on the young man's personal effects.
They resume their talk the next night, and he notices Hawkeye makes repeated references to water--"swimming in cold sweat", etc. Sidney is convinced that there's some long dormant "time bomb" in Hawkeye's mind, and something has set it off.
Hawkeye mentions an older cousin named Billy, whom Hawkeye calls "The older brother I never had."
Sidney also notices that when Hawkeye mentions Billy, he makes a fist and begins banging it on the IV stand. But, soon enough, Hawkeye remembers a time when Billy pushed Hawkeye into a pond, as a joke, then pulled him out. The young Hawkeye was so hurt that the cousin he loved so much would do something like that that he altered the memory, telling himself that he fell into the pond accidentally.
This realization breaks Hawkeye down, reducing him to tears. He admits loving Billy, but also deeply, deeply hating him for doing that. His feelings of betrayal were so strong that he simply couldn't deal with the reality, so all the young Hawkeye could do was meekly thank Billy for saving his life.
Sidney concludes it was the smell of moldy water that set Hawkeye off. Soon after, they both notice Hawkeye isn't sneezing anymore.
Later, Hawkeye, Sidney, and the rest play cards. Sidney sneezes, causing Hawkeye to place a big bet. When Sidney wins the hand, he warns Hawkeye not to fall for "That old fake sneezing trick."
Fun Facts: I like every episode that features Sidney Freedman, but this one seems a little less effective in retrospect, when you know that the storyline--Hawkeye repressing a memory that causes him mental and physical harm--will essentially be repeated in the final episode.
Favorite Line: Margaret sends Father Mulcahy into the men's showers with a sure-fire cure for Hawkeye's sneezing. B.J. is there, with his own cure, and he and Hawkeye argue over what will work. Margaret opens the door to the shower a crack and yells: "Make sure he uses all of it!"
Season 9, Episode 210: The Red/White Blues
Original Air Date: 3/9/81
Written by: Elias Davis & David Pollock
Directed by: Gabrielle Beaumont
Col. Potter undergoes a routine physical--the last one he'll have to undergo while on active duty--and the results aren't good. His blood pressure is way above the norm, and he runs the risk of being pulled from command and stuck behind a desk.
Potter begs Hawkeye to fudge the numbers, but he refuses. Potter is adamant, and asks Hawkeye for two weeks to get his numbers down before the report has to be sent in to HQ. Hawkeye agrees, but reminds him he's going to have to cut down on his drinking, his salt, his cigars, and his penchant for getting angry due to the pressures of being in command.
Hawkeye promises to keep Potter's condition a secret, but almost immediately he spills the news to everyone, who start treating Potter with kid gloves, which of course drives him nuts.
Back in his office, Potter flies off the handle when he thinks Klinger ordered the wrong medicine needed to preemptively deal with the Malaria problem--they're stuck with Chloroquine instead of Primaquine. After blowing his stack, Hawkeye finds a letter enclosed that HQ was out of Primaquine, so they sent the other, less effective drug, instead.
Chloroquine is just a supressant, not the cure that Primaquine is...plus, it also has negative side effects for negroes. But it will have to do. Potter, chastened, apologizes to Klinger.
Later, Hawkeye is back in Klinger's office, and he's shocked to see the mountain of paperwork that covers the office. He can't understand why Klinger isn't getting the work done, but Klinger insists its not out of laziness, its because he feels so worn out and tired. Hawkeye isn't hearing any of it, and issues a direct order to Klinger to get all the work done before Potter comes back and sees the mess.
While the doctors try and stall Potter in the O Club (all of them drinking lemonade), Margaret checks up on Klinger. The office is in even worse shape, and Klinger complains about feeling awful. Margaret is furious, and when choppers arrive, she orders him to get up and help out, and stop goldbricking.
While in Pre-Op, Margaret sees that Pvt. Goldman (Roy Goldman) is resting on a bench. He complains of feeling tired with a bad back, and Margaret promises to have one of the doctors check him out.
Klinger, seeing this, gets mad, accusing Margaret of believing Goldman but not him, even though they have the same symptoms. Margaret apologizes and tells him to rest, too.
After OR, Hawkeye and B.J. run blood tests, and whatever's dogging Klinger and Goldman, they know its the same thing--they just don't know what it is.
While finishing up Klinger's paperwork, they come up with a plan to take Klinger and Goldman off the pills entirely. Potter, tired of being prevented from going to his office, sees the damage and explodes--but, after the outburst, he feels better.
A few days later, the gets another examination, and this time he passes with a few points to spare. Overjoyed, he takes a drink and lights a cigar in celebration.
Fun Facts: Another installment of The Young Sherman Potter Chronicles: he mentions getting a physical from a "young mademoiselle" in a farmhouse. Hotcha!
This episode ends with a text coda, the only time the show would do this, explaining that later research revealed that Chloroquine had negative side effects not only with blacks, but also Caucasians of Mediterranean descent.
Favorite Line: Hawkeye and Potter discuss the Chloroquine pills, and they're relative effectiveness. Potter asks: "And what about the negroes?"
Klinger, utterly confused: "What did I do to them?!"
Season 9, Episode 209: Bottoms Up
Original Air Date: 3/2/81
Written by: Dennis Koenig
Directed by: Alan Alda
An old friend of Margaret's, Capt. Helen Whitfield (Gail Strickland), is serving out her final weeks in the Army at the 4077th. Margaret and her are spending time playing cards, and Helen keeps winning. Margaret wants to keep playing, but Helen begs off and says she has to write a letter home.
The next morning, wounded arrive, and Helen seems a little under the weather. Nurse Kellye offers to cover for her, but Helen insists she's fine.
During the session, Margaret asks Helen for a bottle of AB+, but she grabs the wrong kind. Klinger notices, and points out her mistake.
Near the end of the session, Hawkeye and B.J. pull a prank on Winchester, faking a wounded patient. It goes over like a lead balloon, and when it comes time to fess up, B.J. leaves Hawkeye holding the bag. Later, in the Mess Tent, Hawkeye is greeted with jeers and Winchester is treated like a hero. Hawkeye can't stand it.
Later that night, Margaret and Helen have drinks in the O Club, and once again before the evening is over, Helen takes off, claiming she has to write another letter home.
Also in the O Club, Hawkeye and B.J. plan a prank where Hawkeye will purposely be the victim, to get the camp back on his side. Except that...it doesn't work, and Winchester gets it again. B.J., acting like he doesn't know what's going on, tells Hawkeye "Enough is enough!"
In the middle of the night, Klinger goes to the Supply Shed, and he stumbles on Helen, alone and drunk.
The next morning, Klinger tells Col. Potter about it, and he then goes to Margaret to ask her about it. Margaret is vehement in her defense of her friend, accusing Col. Potter of a double standard--its okay for the men to drink, but when a woman does it...
Col. Potter gets Margaret to calm down, and she assures him its not a problem. But immediately after that, Margaret finds Helen in her tent, demanding to know if she's back on the booze. Helen defends herself, saying its not a problem. Margaret is adamant--she's transferring Helen to the lab.
Hawkeye figures out that the failed prank in the O Club was the work of B.J., who's been working against both of them. They then hatch a prank together, and the next morning B.J. wakes up, naked, in his cot--except its in the Nurses Tent, with a blanket stapled to the cot.
Days later, in the Mess Tent, Helen starts to freak out when she gets her tray of food. She starts screaming and convulsing, and Col. Potter and Margaret grab her, trying to calm her down. Potter says she's suffering from the DTs--which can happen when someone is trying to "dry out."
Weeks later, Margaret reads a letter from Helen, saying she's back home, getting help with her problem. She and Col. Potter toast her with two Scotch and Waters--holding the Scotch.
Fun Facts: The scene with Margaret and Col. Potter is excellent--there's some genuine anger and tension between them, and when she accuses Col. Potter of occasionally staggering back to his tent on all fours, Potter has had enough, and gets in her face, insisting "Okay--hold the insolence."
Favorite Line: Klinger tries to ask Col. Potter for advice on what to do, but he doesn't want to give any details, so he asks about a friend, "At another MASH unit...back home, in Toledo."
Potter: "Yeah, I hear the fighting's been real fierce back there lately."
