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Season 3, Episode 65: The Consultant
Original Air Date: 1/21/75
Written by: Robert Klane, Larry Gelbart
Directed by: Gene Reynolds
Hawkeye and Trapper go to Seoul for a medical conference, and while they're there, they meet Major Anthony Borelli (Robert Alda), a doctor (and veteran of two previous wars) who is acting as a medical consultant.
They hit it off, and Borelli is intrigued by the challenge that working at the 4077th presents. Hawkeye invites him to come visit sometime.
Later, Hawkeye and Trapper, back at the 4077, are shocked to see that Borelli has come to visit. Everyone treats him like visiting royalty, and he's helpful in surgery when a mass of wounded arrive, even when bombs are going off right outside.
Frank prepares to amputate a crushed leg, but Borelli says that it can be saved with a arterial transplant, something no one at the 4077th has ever done. Frank is against it, of course, but Henry goes ahead, giving Radar the order to search other units for a usable transplant.
They find one at a British unit, and Hawkeye and Trapper go get it. When they get back, Hawkeye is excited at the idea of trying this, even though Borelli will be doing the surgery. The only problem is...in the meantime, Borelli has gotten drunk.
Hawkeye confronts him in The Swamp, and Borelli explains that he had forgotten how unnerving being this close to the real war can be, and he can't handle it. He insists Hawkeye can do the surgery, even though he's never done it before.
Hawkeye and Trapper perform the surgery, and its a success. Later, Hawkeye berates Borelli for being drunk when he was needed. Borelli admits to that, and doesn't try to excuse his behavior, but points out Hawkeye's homemade still ("What's that you're leaning on, doctor, a bubblegum machine?") and wishes him better luck on his third war.
Fun Facts: When asked if he'll be missed back in Tokyo, Borelli reminds them that his rank is honorary, and says "What are they going to do, bust me from a Mister down to a Miss?"--not a line that will rank as one of the show's most pro-feminist exchanges.
The syndicated version of this episode ends with the tense scene between Hawkeye and Borelli, ending the episode on a very down note. But the original, uncut version has one more scene, with everyone--except Hawkeye--wishing Borelli a fond goodbye.
Just before Borelli's chopper takes off, though, Hawkeye shows up, tips his hat to him, putting a smile on Borelli's face, giving the episode a slightly more upbeat finale. This kind of editing--where the whole tone of the episode is altered in some way--would come in to play in numerous episodes.
Favorite Line: Henry tells Borelli that the 4077th treated almost 5,000 patients in less than two months. Borelli is amazed at that staggering number, and Hawkeye adds: "Well, I had help of course."
Original Air Date: 10/13/73
Written by: Alan Alda and Robert Klane
Directed by: Jackie Cooper
After a particularly grueling session in O.R., Hawkeye is a zombie, eyelids only half open.
But before he and Trapper can crawl back into their cots, more wounded arrive, and Hawkeye insists on helping out, even though he's been operating for 20 straight hours. He ignores Henry's order to get some sleep.
He finishes another shift, and Henry orders Radar to put Hawkeye to bed. But once again, before he has the chance to get into bed, more wounded arrive, and Hawkeye goes back to work.
Night falls, and Hawkeye is unable and/or unwilling to sleep. He wanders the camp, taking notes, chatting aimiably with Frank(!), and then he wakes Trapper up and they have a conversation about how the war got started. Trapper tries to talk Hawkeye down, telling him just to go to sleep, but Hawkeye won't listen.
He then wanders into Radar's office, singing sad songs from WW II, and then finally writing up a telegram to President Truman, asking "Who's responsible?"
The telegram makes its way to Truman, which of course catches the attention of General Clayton. While Hawkeye wanders around, talking with Frank and one of the chopper pilots. During one of Frank's weekly lectures, he suggests the reason the Communists have gone to war because "Many of them have never even seen a bathroom, and believe you me, they want one."
Henry and Trapper decided to drug Hawkeye and knock him out by force, and they pour the sedative into his drink.
As they wait for it to kick in, Clayton arrives in camp, just as Hawkeye is preparing to have the 4077's latrine dragged off, presumably into North Korea. Clayton inadvertently steps inside, in time to have it dragged away by Hawkeye by jeep.
Fun Facts: The scene with Hawkeye in Radar's office is touching--as Hawkeye sings one of the songs he remembers from World War II, he begins to tear up, lost in some memory.
The final scene, with Henry and Trapper in The Swamp while Hawkeye is asleep, is one that was always cut from the syndicated version of the show, so I never got to see it until I bought the DVDs. Its a great scene, as Henry and Trapper discuss the war and Hawkeye's reaction to it.
Henry states he's no more happy to be in Korea than Hawkeye is, and adds, "If we had any guts, you, me, and the Masked Marvel there would take the first latrine out of here."
Favorite Line: As Radar is dragging Hawkeye to bed, he tries to whistle at some nurses, but fails. He asks kiddingly how you whistle, "It has something to do with the lips, right?"
Radar: "We had a preacher back home who whistled while he preached."
Hawkeye: "I hope he was run out of town, the filthy hypocrite."
Original Air Date: 3/18/73
Written by: Robert Klane
Directed by: Earl Bellamy
After a particularly grueling, casualty-heavy period, the 4077 gets an amazing bit of news from General Clayton--a ceasefire has been arranged!
Even though Henry asks Hawkeye and Trapper not to say anything before it becomes official, the word gets out anyway, and soon the camp breaks into a non-stop party.
The only holdout is Trapper, who doesn't believe its really true. Hawkeye is aghast at Trapper's pessimism, and bets him $50 that he's wrong.
Radar starts a scrapbook, and gets people to sign it. Frank and Hot Lips spend their time together, and Hawkeye has to extricate himself from the various relationships he has with some of the nurses. Nurse Cutler expects their relationship to continue once they get home, and Hawkeye lies, claiming to be married, to get out of it. Nurse Cutler is not amused.
General Clayton arrives for a final send-off, and Hawkeye can't resist getting in one last dig: under the guise of it being a tribute, he airs a slideshow of Clayton in various embarrassing scenarios, like coming out of Hot Lips' tent, and holding her in a passionate embrace.
Frank and Clayton are furious, Hot Lips embarrassed, but everyone else laughs. Unfortunately, word comes that the ceasefire is not happening--and wounded arrive shortly thereafter.
In the end, Hawkeye is still upbeat, even though he threw away thousands of dollars in poker IOUs, severed his relationships with two nurses, and has Clayton mad at him. It was all worth it, just to have that brief moment of hope.
Fun Facts: This episode features the last appearances of Ho-John and Nurse Cutler. I'm not sure what world Margie Cutler was living in, thinking Hawkeye and she were exclusive--he's been dating different nurses throughout the series, and is even doing so with another Nurse (Lt. Griffin, played by Lynette Mettey) in the very same episode!
Favorite Line: M*A*S*H, and TV in general, is not as much a director's medium as it is a writer's. So in a series like this, you don't get many memorable shots or sequences that call out as being particularly "directed."
But in The Swamp, when Hawkeye and Trapper are debating whether the ceasefire is real or not, the camera shoots over the shoulder of Trapper, sitting on his bunk as he and Hawkeye talk.
After Trapper makes the bet, Hawkeye says: "I hate to take your money." Trapper quietly adds "I only hope you will", as the camera pans left, so that Trapper's face isn't seen as he says the line. Its a wonderful little moment of seriousness in a very upbeat, funny episode.
Season 1, Episode 8: Cowboy
Original Air Date: 11/12/72
Written by: Robert Klane
Directed by: Don Weis
One of the wounded is a chopper pilot named Cowboy (Billy Green Bush), who rests up in the 4077th's Post Op.
Cowboy's wounds aren't so bad, but his real problem is that his wife has been writing him letters, telling him that their relationship is in trouble. Cowboy requests to go home from Henry, who refuses. He sympathizes, but can't justify sending someone home just for that.
At the same time, Henry denies Trapper permission to borrow a Jeep to make some time with a nurse. He and Hawkeye wonder if Henry is starting to "go sour on us."
Cowboy doesn't take too well to being told he can't go home, and soon after we see Henry barely escape a couple of accidents--he's shot at while golfing with Hawkeye, a out-of-control jeep goes through his tent, the latrine blows up while he's in it. Eventually the whole camp--even Radar--begins to steer clear of their commander, afraid of being near someone who obviously has a target painted on his back.
Henry, now a nervous wreck, agrees to take some R&R, and Cowboy offers to give him a lift in his chopper. While Henry is showing Frank the ropes in his office, he is almost killed when a small bomb goes off under his chair!
Back at the camp, Hawkeye discovers via a search of his duffel bag that its Cowboy who is the attempted assassin, just in time to learn from Trapper that Cowboy just took off in his chopper with Henry!
Cowboy tips Henry off that he plans to kill him, just as Hawkeye, Trapper, and Radar try to get through to him via the radio.
As Henry fights for his life, they read Cowboy a letter from his life, which has just arrived. She admits to being tempted by other men, but ultimately loves him, and wants to stay together.
Relieved, The Cowboy calms down and flies them back to the 4077th.
Later, in The Swamp, we learn that The Cowboy is going to get a chance to get some R&R. Trapper asks is Henry was scared up in the chopper, all alone with The Cowboy.
He says no, but when he jumps and spills his drink over the sound of a backfiring jeep, Hawkeye and Trapper have a good laugh at Henry's expense.
Fun Facts: The scene with The Cowboy and Henry in the chopper is sort of startling in its lack of comedy--The Cowboy is trying to murder Henry in cold blood, and he almost succeeds!
We learn that The Cowboy is going to get to visit with his wife--a very sympathetic gesture, considering he turned to attempted murder to get what he wanted. And I always though the Army was strict!
Favorite Line: Hawkeye and Trapper sitting with Henry in the Mess Tent, admitting they're worried about their commander: "Henry, don't you realize if anything happens to you, Frank Burns would be running this place?"
Season 1, Episode 3: Requiem For A Lightweight
Original Air Date: 10/1/72
Written by: Robert Klane
Directed by: Hy Averback
Hawkeye and Trapper are delighted to meet a new nurse, the beautiful Margie Cutler (Marcia Strassman, Mrs. Kotter from Welcome Back, Kotter). But that quickly goes sour with Hot Lips has her transferred, because she is such a distraction for the doctors. The doctors don't argue with that conclusion, but they welcome a distraction like Nurse Cutler!
Henry agrees to have Cutler reassigned back to the 4077th if one of them will volunteer to fight in the inter-camp boxing tournament, sponsored by General Barker (Sorrell Booke, Boss Hogg from The Dukes of Hazzard). After some cajoling, Hawkeye talks Trapper--who did some boxing in school--into it.
Trapper goes intro training, using Frank's duffel as a punching bag.
Once they meet Barker's boxer, though, they realize they are way out of their league--Trapper's opponent is a giant, monosyllabic tower of a man, who once punched out a jeep. So, of course, they decide to cheat.
With the help of anesthetist Ugly John (John Orchard), they plan on smothering Trapper's glove with ether, which will hopefully knockout the goon before he can land a punch. They share the plan with Henry, who is for it. Frank expresses his displeasure with the idea of cheating.
The fight begins, with Henry and Barker betting a tidy sum of money on the outcome. After a few moments of Trapper running around the ring trying to avoid getting decked, they discover mid-fight that Frank and Hot Lips have switched the ether out and replaced it with water. Trapper is in real trouble!
Hawkeye runs off to grab the ether, while Trapper fights for his life. After Trapper gets decked at least once and sent to the mat, Hawkeye manages to get the correct stuff on the glove. In the next round, Trapper sticks it in the goon's face.
The plan works, sending the giant plummeting over the side of the ring, right on to Frank and Hot Lips!
Henry lives up to his part of the bargain, and delivers Nurse Cutler. Both doctors make their move, but Hawkeye--in a rare moment--is pushed aside once she learns that Trapper actually fought for her.
Fun Facts: William Christopher makes his debut as Father Mulcahy. Christopher is listed as a guest-actor on the end credits, but of course would soon become a vital part of the show.
Despite this episode's conclusion, Nurse Cutler eventually becomes Hawkeye's regular girlfriend. She would appear off and on through the entire first season.
General Hammond (as played by G.Wood, who also appeared in the movie) is replaced by General Barker, who would reappear once more, before being replaced by yet another general character, General Hammond.
Favorite Line: After Henry brings Nurse Cutler back to the 4077th, he leaves her in The Swamp with Hawkeye and Trapper. His one piece of advice to her?
Henry: "Keep moving or you're dead."
