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Season 2, Episode 45: Crisis
Original Air Date: 2/9/74
Written by: Larry Gelbart & Laurence Marks
Directed by: Don Weis
Henry calls a meeting of the senior staff, to announce a major crisis: the 4077th's supply line has been cut, meaning the unit won't be receiving virtually any of the basic materials they need--fruit, vegetables, fuel oil, bandages, toilet paper, electrical parts, no mail call, no winter clothing, not even shuttlecocks!
HQ promises there won't be any wounded either, but of course they're wrong, and the wounded start arriving in droves. To conserve materials so they have them for the wounded, Henry, Radar, Klinger, and Father Mulcahy all have to sleep in The Swamp.
Its crowded, but everyone gets along, but even more wounded stream in in the middle of the night. Afterwards, Henry tries to stress to HQ how desperate the 4077th is getting--everything not nailed down is getting burned for heat, and we see an example of that: Henry's desk is getting closer and closer to the ground, his office getting emptier and emptier.
The next night, they all bunk out in Henry's tent, since its smaller and requires less heat. Again, overall good cheer presides, at least until they discover Frank is wearing heated socks, and refuses to share!
They try and pull them right off Frank's feet, causing chaos in Henry's tent. But this tomfoolery is interrupted by more wounded!
During surgery, Radar shows up to announce that a supply truck has just arrived, filled with everything the 4077th needs. The crisis has ended.
Later, Henry thanks HQ, from inside his completely empty office.
Fun Facts: This episode features another instance of Frank, who is always so gung ho and patriotic, thinking only of himself, in this instance wasting and hoarding precious electrical power.
Favorite Line: During the meeting in Henry's office, Hawkeye is last to enter, and as he bursts in, he yells "Ten hutt!", causing everyone to rise to attention.
Everyone except, if you look close, Trapper, who of course is familiar with Hawkeye's pranks. When Henry admonishes Hawkeye for goofing around, Trapper, mostly off-screen, lets out a huge belly laugh.
Season 2, Episode 44: As You Were
Original Air Date: 2/2/74
Written by: Larry Gelbart & Laurence Marks
Directed by: Hy Averback
Without any wounded, the 4077th is bored, bored, bored!
Radar plays the same song over and over again in the O Club, Henry tries to get a tan, and Frank decides to organize and measure all the condiments on the Mess Tent tables.
Hawkeye and Trapper are of course also bored, and they play a practical joke on Frank, who finds himself waking up inside a giant crate, which causes him to not want to turn to the doctors when his hernia flares up.
Finally, Hot Lips convinces Frank to turn to them for the surgery, and neither of them are reassured when they find Hawkeye and Trapper playing cards in ape suits, which just came in the mail.
Hawkeye and Trapper do a medical consult, still in the ape suits, and agree to perform the surgery. But later, just as they're about to put Frank under, wounded arrive!
Frank is able to operate, until he strangulates his hernia causing him immense pain. None of the doctors have the time to work on Frank, so Hawkeye puts him in traction to help alleviate his pain.
Wounded keep coming, and bombs begin to fall all around the 4077th. As Radar tries to get the shelling moved, Frank's hernia gets worse, and Hawkeye does the operation.
The surgery goes fine, the shelling stops, and later in the O Club, Hawkeye is back in his ape suit, "putting the moves" on Henry.
Fun Facts: In the scene where Trapper and Hawkeye discuss whose going to work on Frank, Trapper says he isn't scrubbed, can Hawkeye do it?
Hawkeye agrees, and says: "Yeah, ok--George! Do you wanna, you wanna take over for me?", stuttering over the line.
This line always makes me laugh, because, A)Who the hell is George? Another surgeon we've never met? and B)Its the rare moment where it sounds like Alan Alda flubs a line.
My girlfriend (another huge M*A*S*H fan) and I always say its because, deep down, Alda knew it was a cheesy, deus ex machina line, and even the great Alan Alda couldn't quite sell it. We never get to see who this mysterious surgeon is, and he's never mentioned again.
Favorite Line: When Frank feels around and realizes he's been "crated", he exclaims: "I'm boxed in!" to which Trapper replies, avoiding the subject: "We all feel that way at times, Frank."
Original Air Date: 1/26/74
Written by: Laurence Marks & Sheldon Keller & Larry Gelbart
Directed by: Jackie Cooper
A Korean family moves in at the 4077th, stating that this is their land, and the 4077th is trespassing. They start building a house, right there on the compound.
One of them is a young woman with a baby, who says the father's address is M*A*S*H 4077. Henry assumes (naturally) its "Pierce, and/or McIntyre", but she surprises everyone when she claims Radar is the father!
Henry asks a visiting Captain Pak for help, but he can't convince the villagers to leave. Henry then tries to get help from HQ's Civilian Affairs department, and asks them to send someone.
In the meantime, no one can believe Radar is the father, which gets him mad. He denies being the father, yet he starts acting like one, spending time with the mother and doting on the child. Hawkeye and Trapper take a blood test to get an answer once and for all.
Finally, a Lt. Harper (Dennis Robertson) arrives, to investigate the paternity suit, and sends Radar out of the room. Moments later, Hawkeye and Trapper show up with the results, proving Radar isn't the father.
Capt. Pak talks to the young girl some more, and she admits that the real father left her, and she's been ostracized by her family. Radar was kind to her, so she thanked him by making him the father.
Radar then bursts in, telling a tall tale about how he is the father, but they show him the blood test.
Outside, Frank is shoving all the Korean villagers into a truck, sending them further south to be with other refugees. They offer to take the young girl and her baby with them, so she now has a family.
Hawkeye asks Radar why he lied, and he admit he liked the way everyone treated him when they thought he did the kind of thing that could have made him the father. He admits, indirectly, that he's a virgin, and he worries he'll always be one. Hawkeye reassures him, which makes Radar feel better.
Fun Facts: This is the second, and last, appearance of Pat Morita as Capt. Sam Pak. He was very funny in the part, and fit in well with the gang, its a shame he didn't make more appearances.
There's a funny and unusual scene with Frank where he takes it upon himself to talk to HQ, and he's so chummy with the guy on the other end of the line that the guy makes some sort of verbal "pass" at Frank, which sends Frank into a tizzy, feeling the need to reaffirm his heterosexuality.
Favorite Line: The scene between Hawkeye and Radar when they talk about Radar lying about his "experience" is very sweet. Hawkeye tries to reassure him someday the moment will come, and Radar asks "You think?"
Hawkeye responds with a kind of shruggy affirmative yes, underlining the confidence he has in Radar. Its a very sweet moment, one totally because of Alda's perfect delivery.
Original Air Date: 1/19/74
Written by: Erik Tarloff
Directed by: Hy Averback
Henry is being driven nuts by the antics of one Pvt. Baker (Todd Susman), who is constantly trying to go AWOL.
When he is caught again, Henry sends Baker to Father Mulcahy for counseling. While talking to Mulcahy, Baker confesses what the problem is...and its his nose. Baker has a giant one, and he desperately wants cosmetic surgery to fix it, but he keeps getting turned down by HQ.
Mulcahy takes him to Hawkeye and Trapper, and Baker's desperation gets to them, and they volunteer to help him out. But since they're not specialists, they call in an old friend of Hawkeye's, a cosmetic surgeon to the stars, Major Stanley Robbins (Stuart Margolin). He initially refuses to come, but when Hawkeye promises him a night with a nurse he calls "The Barracuda", the way over-sexed Robbins hops in a jeep.
Henry approves of all this, but wants to kept in the dark. Hawkeye and Trapper get Robbins and Baker to talk, and he picks a nose(!) out a book of choices. They then begin "Operation Noselift."
It involves distracting Frank and Hot Lips, and then pretending that Radar has had his nose broken by an errant baseball--luckily world famous cosmetic surgeon Stanley Robbins just happens to be in camp!
Baker pretends to leave camp, and sneaks back in undetected. He makes his way to O.R., but Robbins is nowhere to be seen: he's busy making unwanted advances towards Hot Lips!
Hawkeye rescues Hot Lips, and gets Robbins to the task at hand. He performs the surgery, just as Frank notices that Radar seems to be fine. They demand to know who the surgery, which is against regulations, was on. They are sure they'll find out, since surgery on the nose can't be hidden.
Except...when they make it onto the compound, they see that everyone in camp, even the 4077th's camp mutt, is wearing bandages on their nose. Hawkeye and Trapper give them oh-so-innocent looks, and wander off.
As Robbins prepares to leave, he thanks Hawkeye for introducing him to The Barracuda. It then dawns on the doctors that there really is a Barracuda, and they interrogate a group of nurses trying to find out who The Barracuda is!
Fun Facts: Henry mentions that the camp had The Thing and The Blob in one week. Not that that wouldn't have made an awesome double-feature, but unfortunately The Blob wasn't released until 1958.
Stuart Margolin makes his second appearance on M*A*S*H, but as a different character. His character is such a lothario, that he pretty much sexually attacks Hot Lips, even after he begins to scream.
The scene with the two of them is just this side of disturbing, since Robbins is practically trying to rape Hot Lips, yet the scene is played for laughs. The only reason the whole sequence isn't just horribly offensive is that we've seen how tough Hot Lips is, so we can guess she'd really deck Robbins one if it got to that point. Still, kind of a creepy scene.
A much funnier scene is in Henry's office, when Hawkeye and Trapper are calling Major Robbins. Hawkeye has all the dialogue, but in the background we see Trapper playing with the little Japanese doll prop seen on Henry's desk in a couple of previous episodes. Not saying a word, he accidentally breaks it in two.
Trapper, partly panicked, stuffs the pieces into a small box on Henry's desk, and then they leave the office. A few scenes later, after Robbins arrives, Henry angrily yells across the camp, demanding to know who broke his doll--a great follow-up to a scene that looked and felt like an ad-lib.
Favorite Line: When Hawkeye and Trapper tell Nurse Mitchell (Patricia Stevens) to keep quiet about Baker's surgery, she deadpans: "I'll add it to the list."
Original Air Date: 1/12/74
Written by: Sheldon Keller
Directed by: Don Weis
Hawkeye is in desperate need of a new boot, the old one has a giant hole in the bottom of it, and with the brutal winter weather, its unbearable.
Hawkeye and Trapper decide to lean on the Supply Sergeant Zale (Johnny Haymer), who did order the new boots but can't explain why they haven't come in yet. Hawkeye complains, but Zale says he has it worse--he is in need of a bridge.
Hawkeye hits upon the idea that if he can get the camp dentist to fix Zale's tooth, will Zale expedite the boot order? Zale agrees, so Hawkeye go to see Dr. Futterman (Michael Lerner), who says he doesn't have the time for "cosmetic work." Futterman also mentions that he desperately wants to have some R&R in Tokyo.
The doctors then turn to Henry, trying to get Futterman a pass, which will get him to work on Zale, which will get Zale to order the boots...
This series of deals keeps escalating, eventually involving Radar needing a date, Klinger getting his Section 8 papers signed, which Hawkeye and Trapper hope they can get from Frank, after they butter him up with a big fancy birthday party (with presents!).
Everything falls into place, until Frank flatly refuses to sign Klinger's papers, which causes the whole house of cards to collapse. It ends with Hawkeye cursing the fates, screaming about how he debased himself just to get a lousy new boot.
Later, we see Hawkeye still waiting for his boots, using a golf bag as a temporary replacement. Fore!
Fun Facts: This episode features the first appearance of Sgt. Zale, played by actor Johnny Haymer.
This is the last mention of the 4077th having any sort of dentist on staff.
This is a generally silly (though still funny) episode, but the final scene with Hawkeye and Trapper heading off to eat, is sort of melancholy, a nice counterpoint to the rest of the episode.
Favorite Line: Hawkeye and Trapper discuss how they'd be willing to bribe the powers that be to end the war, offering as much as $20.
Trapper: "I'd even be willing to go to $25...but don't tell them that in the beginning."
Original Air Date: 1/5/74
Written by: Larry Gelbart & Laurence Marks
Directed by: Don Weis
After a week in Tokyo, Henry returns with exciting news: he's in love!
Hawkeye and Trapper are dubious, and even more so when they see her picture, and see how young she is. But Henry is insistent, and worries what he's going to tell his wife Lorraine.
Hawkeye and Trapper tell him to let it go, but they get a better idea how serious he is when he tells them that the girl in question--a Miss Nancy Sue Parker--is coming to visit the 4077th!
Henry then begins to prepare for her visit, working out strenuously, dying his hair, and getting Radar to spiff up the V.I.P. tent. Hawkeye and Trapper continue to mock the whole thing, which irritates Henry. Radar, for his part, seems determined to keep reminding Henry about his wife back home.
Once Nancy Sue (Kathrine Baumann) arrives, Hawkeye and Trapper see what all the fuss is about--Nancy Sue is a well-built, bubbly cheerleader of a gal, who acts like she worships Henry and is very flirty with everyone she meets.
That night, they all meet up at the Officers Club, and everyone notices Nancy Sue. Frank and Hot Lips disapprove ("A married man fooling around with another woman!", Frank snorts), but are tersely polite to her.
After performing one of cheerleading routines, right there in the middle of the club, a patient of Hawkeye and Trapper's needs some medical assistance, but Henry steps in because Hawkeye has been drinking.
Hawkeye walks Nancy Sue home, and she goes from flirty to seductive, planting a big deep kiss on Hawkeye in her tent. Hawkeye, uncomfortable, breaks it off, and reminds her why she's here.
He meets up with Trapper, and tells him what happened. Trapper says Henry is on the phone with his wife, which causes them to run--not walk--into Henry's office.
But when they get there, they're relieved to see that Henry isn't breaking up with his wife. In fact, he's being a dutiful husband, agreeing to balance his wife's check book, even though he's on the other side of the world.
Radar steps in to say good night, and Henry points out that his wife was happy he called: "Which makes me wish I had."
Henry thanks Radar by saying that, tomorrow morning, they'll sleep in for fifteen minutes. Radar, all smiles, agrees.
The next day, Nancy Sue leaves, and Henry is polite but distant. As they all watch her drive off, Henry admits that, even though he couldn't wait for her to come, now he's glad she's gone.
Fun Facts: M*A*S*H was on an extraordinary streak of hot shows in the second season--nearly every episode around this point are classics, with virtually any extended dialogue scene between Henry, Hawkeye, and Trapper featuring a overload of killer jokes and quotable lines.
Actress Katharine Baumann later guest-starred on two episodes of Trapper John, M.D.--unfortunately not playing the same character!
Favorite Line: When Henry and Trapper are operating, Henry is going on and on about Nancy Sue, and even offers that even his wife Lorraine would probably like her.
Trapper, stunned, says: "Henry, step away from the ether."
Original Air Date: 12/22/73
Written by: Ed Jurist
Directed by: Jackie Cooper
During a session in O.R., Hawkeye and Trapper end up working on a Pvt. Mitchell, who is the son of Gen. Mitchell.
After he pulls through, Gen. Mitchell visits the 4077th andd wants to thank the doctors for their excellent work. They settle on three nights in Tokyo, and the doctors take off for their adventure.
While they're going, reports of their escapades make it back to the 4077th--sending a box of pipe cleaners to MacArthur's table in the grand dining room of the hotel, rickshaw races in the lobby, and the absconding of half the graduating class of a pearl-diving school.
When they return, Frank shows off another nice treat courtesy of the General--a pre-fab Officer's Club, complete with tables, a jukebox, a piano, and a (semi)stocked bar. They like it, but are less happy when Frank insists its just what its called--an officers club: no enlisted men allowed.
The enlisted take offense, and Radar in particular freezes out Hawkeye and Trapper, going so far as to bifurcating the Mess Tent's tables. They ask Henry to make it open to everyone, but he's not much help. But he does agree that if they can get other officers to agree to it, then the club will be open to everyone.
At the opening night of the club, they try and get Frank and Hot Lips to sign the form, but of course they say no.
Later, Gen. Mitchell arrives, and his son also shows up, on crutches. Hawkeye points out the club is officers only, but suggests to Gen. Mitchell that a special allowance be made for relatives. Mitchell agrees, which leads Hawkeye to invite all his relatives in: his son Radar, his daughter Klinger, his cousin Phil, his brother-in-law Leroy...
Fun Facts: In a scene in Henry's tent, we can see he's reading a (presumably) smutty paperback titled Special Nurse. A nice touch by the prop department.
As you could guess, this is the debut of the Officers Club, a set that would house many a scene in future episodes.
Favorite Line: When Hawkeye and Trapper are negotiating with Gen. Mitchell, Hawkeye immediately understands what Mitchell means when he says "Name it."
Mitchell, impressed, says: "The Captain is very good at catching my drfit."
Hawkeye: "I played Left Drift in high school."
Original Air Date: 12/15/73
Written by: Linda Bloodworth & Mary Kay Place
Directed by: Jackie Cooper
Hot Lips gets a letter from an old friend, Tricia Spaulding, telling her that She is getting married--to a man Hot Lips turned down.
Also in mail call, Frank gets a letter from his stockbroker, telling him his stocks--all from arms manufacturers--are going up, and Henry gets a film in the mail from the Tobasco Film Company of Havana, Cuba, which he is very excited about!
Hot Lips seems testy during O.R., and she's testy again with Frank when they're alone. Frank asks her why, and Hot Lips breaks down, saying she's deeply unhappy with the life she has, especially compared to the life she could've had with the doctor she turned down.
Hot Lips storms into Henry's office, into the middle of Henry, Hawkeye, and Trapper watching a girlie movie. She goes through her list of complaints, and demands a transfer. Henry tries to talk her out of it, but she's insistent.
Henry agrees to give her the transfer papers, but says they'll all keep mum until the transfer is complete. But Radar ruins it when he announces her departure over the P.A.
Later that night, as a goodwill gesture, Hawkeye and Trapper bring some booze to Hot Lips' tent, and she tells them she's writing a detailed report all about their behavior.
She then visits Frank in The Swamp, breaking up with him. She drinks some more, and starts to act tipsy. After that, she makes her way to Henry's office, where she drinks some more.
By this point, Hot Lips is hammered, and Henry tries to talk her out of leaving again. Radar then tells Henry that wounded are due soon, and he gives Hawkeye and Trapper the task of sobering her up.
They pour water over her in the showers, pouring coffee down her throat, and in her stupor she lets it be known she has a thing for Trapper!
She sobers up enough to help out in O.R., and she thanks Hawkeye and Trapper for helping her out, and keeping quiet about it. As she works through her hangover, she decides not to leave the 4077th.
Frank gets mad when Trapper acts romantic towards Hot Lips, and Hawkeye mocks Frank for doing so. Henry and Radar see this, and are happy all the children are together again.
Fun Facts: For whatever reason, I always curious as to what kind of girlie movie the doctors were watching. Hot Lips says its "disgusting", but how bad could it have been? This was 1951, after all...
Favorite Line: When Hot Lips storms into Henry's office, she calls Henry "A spineless, mealy-mouthed, fly-fishing imposter." Trapper responds with "He's not an imposter!", and Hawkeye adds, "Right--he's a genuine spineless, mealy-mouthed, fly-fisherman."
Henry begins to laugh, and says appreciatively "Pierce, you're the limit." There's something about McLean Stevenson's delivery that makes me laugh every time--you really feel the warmth Henry felt for Hawkeye and Trapper.
Original Air Date: 12/8/73
Written by: Larry Gelbart & Laurence Marks
Directed by: Gene Reynolds
The 4077th is visited by Major Sidney Freedman and Capt. Sam Pak (Pat Morita), who are here for an important conference: an all-night poker game in The Swamp!
As Hawkeye, Trapper, Henry, Sidney, Sam, and Klinger ante up, all sorts of mayhem breaks loose in the camp--Radar hits a local with his jeep, and a wounded CID man arrives, but Frank refuses to operate on him because regulations say another CID man must be present, in case the wounded man reveals classified information.
The game's players keep changing, as Henry, Hawkeye, and Trapper keep going in and out to deal with what's going on.
The second CID man, Capt. Halloran (Edward Winter) arrives, but Hawkeye and Trapper have gone ahead with the surgery. Once they assure him the CID man never uttered a word, Halloran is annoyed at Frank for having him drive all the way up to the 4077th for nothing. He ends up joining the game, driving Frank to storm out in frustration.
Later, another one of Frank's patients, an unstable Private named Carter (John Ritter) refuses to go back to the fighting, and takes Frank hostage in the showers!
While Sidney tries to talk Carter down, Trapper sneaks in from the back and gets the gun away from him. Sidney escorts Carter out, talking calmly to him.
Later, the guy Radar hit with his jeep--the famous "Whiplash Wang"--demands money, so everyone in the game antes up a few bucks to give to Radar. Radar pays him off, only to "hit" him again a few minutes later with an ambulance!
Acting like he's been injured again, Hawkeye and Trapper drag him back to Post Op.
Later, early in the morning, everyone is barely awake, having played poker all night. They all want to go to sleep, but groggily deal another hand.
Fun Facts: This is one of my all-time favorite episodes: every scene with the poker game has the flow and feel of an old-time radio show, with the jokes flying fast and furious.
This is the first episode featuring Pat Morita as Captain Pak, and while this is Sidney Freedman's second appearance, its his first as part of the gang. This slight adaptation of the character would turn into a major addition for the show.
Speaking of additions, this is the first appearance of actor Edward Winter, playing a character very similar to Col. Flagg, who Winter would play the next time he guest-starred on the show. Of course, given Flagg's penchant for using fake I.D.s, this could be Flagg pretending to be someone named Capt. Halloran!
There's a great little character moment in the scene where Pvt. Carter is taken away: Hawkeye and Trapper are talking to Frank, and Hawkeye is handed Carter's gun. Hawkeye holds it between two fingers, as if it was maggot-ridden, and drops it on a nearby shelf, his face contorted into a look of disgust. Hawkeye's deep, deep hatred of guns would be returned to in later episodes, but you get to see a glimpse of it here, as part of the background of a scene.
Favorite Line: Henry fiddles with his chips while staring at his cards, so Sidney suggests: "Fondling your chips is very infantile."
Henry, without even looking up from his cards, responds: "Not now, Sidney."
I realize that's not that funny a line just reading it, but McLean Stevenson's delivery is perfect, and you get a good sense how chummy all these guys are with one another.
Original Air Date: 12/1/73
Written by: Larry Gelbart & Laurence Marks
Directed by: Jackie Cooper
Hawkeye and Trapper are frequently stymied in treating patients by the 4077th's lack of an incubator. They lose valuable time sending samples all the way to Seoul, so they set out to see if they can get one.
Their request brings a visit from Captain Sloan (Eldon Quick), who is from Supply. After offering them a jukebox and pizza oven, he turns down their request for an incubator.
Undeterred, they have Radar track some incubators down, and then head out to see if they can corral one themselves. They first meet a greedy Major, who has three incubators, but refuses to give any of them up, in the fear one might break, and then he'd only have two.
They move onto the Major's CO, Col. Lambert (Logan Ramsey), who says he'll give them an incubator...for a $627.00, cost. What an offer!
They keep moving up the chain of command, ending with Gen. Mitchell, who is in the middle of a press conference. Hawkeye and Trapper sneak into the group of reporters, and ask why field hospitals aren't equipped with incubators.
Mitchell won't answer, which causes a stir among the reporters, who begin to wonder if the Army is involved in germ warfare. The press conference becomes a free-for-all, and the doctors are escorted out by MPs.
Later, back at the 4077th, Henry admonishes Hawkeye and Trapper for violating of articles 13-27 of Army conduct, with a repeat on 26! The doctors fess up, and are unofficially put under arrest.
As they leave, they are delighted to see Radar has something for them--an incubator! How did he do it, they ask?
Turns out Radar traded in Henry's newly-requisitioned barbecue grill to get it, so Radar asks if the incubator can cook Henry's steak rare.
Fun Facts: During OR, Henry tries to warn the doctors that they might meet a lot of resistance in their search for an incubator, and warns them not to show up "Looking like a couple of freelance abortionists." Wow, that's a hell of a line...
Favorite Line: During the press conference, Gen. Mitchell exclaims: "Now hold on, this is a press conference! The last thing I want to do is answer a lot of questions!"
The more things change...
Original Air Date: 11/24/73
Written by: Bernard Dilbert, Larry Gelbart & Laurence Marks
Directed by: Jackie Cooper
Almost the entire staff of the 4077th is sick with the flu, including Trapper and Henry.
Wounded arrive, so there's only Hawkeye and Frank, but the flu eventually claims Frank, too, leaving Hawkeye all alone. Wounded keep arriving, and in the few moments he has, Hawkeye keeps calling HQ to try and get them to send help, but they are no help.
Hot Lips insists on taking command of the camp, and people like Radar and Father Mulcahy are drafted into assisting with nursing duties, making the sessions in OR a shambles.
HQ then sends a serum to prevent the flu, and Hawkeye and Hot Lips give it to each other (Hawkeye insisting he get his in his back side, embarrassing both Hot Lips and Radar). After getting it, Hawkeye promptly gets the flu. But being the only doctor in camp, he can't let himself be out of the game, so he continues working.
After one more grueling session in OR, Trapper, Henry, and Frank are back to normal, where they can tend to Hawkeye, now sick in bed, with the help of Dr. O'Reilly.
Fun Facts: There's a portion of the show that was always clipped out in the syndicated version, where Hot Lips comes to The Swamp to get Frank's Bible. She insists she is in command, and Hawkeye agrees.
But then Hot Lips keeps arguing, restating she's in charge, and Hawkeye can't believe she "Won't take 'Yes' for an answer." Its a great little insight to the mind of someone like Hot Lips, who simply can't fathom that someone wouldn't want to be in charge, if given the chance.
Favorite Line: In the scene described above, after Hot Lips asks where Frank's Bible is, Hawkeye points to a shelf, saying its "Underneath the catalog from the Japanese sex shop."
After Hot Lips protests, he adds: "You'll find a page creased in the Inflatable section." Zing!
Original Air Date: 11/17/73
Written by: Richard M. Powell
Directed by: Jackie Cooper
All seems normal at the 4077th--Hawkeye has a picnic date with a new nurse, Lt. Marquette (Teri Garr!), Trapper, sick with a cold, washes his socks, and Frank and Hot Lips are out in the hills doing target practice.
As Hawkeye leans in for a kiss with Lt. Marquette, a shot is fired, nearly hitting them. Hawkeye tells her to stay down while he runs after Frank, assuming it was his gun. Frank says he hasn't fired yet, but Hawkeye doesn't believe him.
He changes his mind however when more bullets start to fly--all over the camp, causing everyone to run for cover. Henry and Radar are stranded in the shower.
Henry "volunteers" Radar to run to the office and call for help, but a series of shots has him running all over the compound, driving him back into the showers.
With Henry stuck in the showers, Frank takes charge, sort of. No one listens to him, so all the decisions end up being made by Hawkeye. Trapper calls HQ for help, but they are told they're on their own until tomorrow.
To make matters worse, casualties arrive. How are they going to get the wounded inside without being shot?
Hawkeye says the only solution is to surrender, a suggestion Frank and Hot Lips rail against. But Henry ends up agreeing with Hawkeye, since more wounded are planned to arrive. Hawkeye and Trapper out with a white flag.
While waving it, they get the wounded inside. But the sniper starts firing again, and knocks out the 4077th's generator.
Without power, they perform surgery, and try and round up enough food and water for them all.
At night, Hawkeye continues to schmooze Lt. Marquette, and Hot Lips strongly suggests that if the 4077th had a "real man", he would go out and do something about the sniper.
Later, Hawkeye goes to get Frank, and notices he's gone. He goes outside looking for him, only to find Frank sitting in a corner, petrified.
Then both of them hear a noise. Thinking its the sniper, Hawkeye talks Frank into following him into the Mess Tent in attempt to catch him.
The plan works, except its not the sniper--its Radar, who is so hungry he was willing to risk his life for a Ketchup on Rye ("With butter and lettuce!", Radar adds).
The next morning, a chopper arrives, and a sharpshooter fires at the sniper with a hail of bullets. Hawkeye volunteers to go look for him, and finds the sniper--practically a kid--lying wounded in the brush.
Later, we learn that the sniper was separated from his unit, and he was cold and hungry, half out of his mind. He thought the 4077th was MacArthur's headquarters, leading Hawkeye and Trapper to dress up a sleeping Frank with sunglasses and a corncob pipe so they'll have a MacArthur to pay him a bedside visit.
Fun Facts: During Radar's scene being shot at, just as he reaches the Shower Tent, he drops his towel, and for a half-second you see his naked butt. How did the censors let that one by?
After the last of the wounded are brought in, the sniper fire starts again. Hawkeye begins to grab the door to the office and close it, and off-screen you hear Trapper yell "Hold it! Hold it! Hold it!" so its not closed before he gets in.
The tone of Wayne Rogers voice, and the fact that Hawkeye would not purposely do that to Trapper, makes me think this was a mistake on Alda's part, and Rogers just ad-libbed and went with it.
Favorite Line: Henry, mulling over whether to surrender: "Look, I can't surrender without orders. They emphasized that to me particularly, I don't know exactly why. But the guy said: 'Blake, never surrender without checking.'"
Season 2, Episode 33: Dear Dad...Three
Original Air Date: 11/10/73
Written by: Larry Gelbart & Laurence Marks
Directed by: Don Weis
Hawkeye writes another letter home to his Dad. This time, the problem is boredom...without lots of wounded to care for, there's nothing to do at the 4077th. Trapper is so bored he's playing cards with Frank (which quickly breaks down into a screaming match).
A few patients do require extra attention--one is Pvt. Condon (Mills Watson) who, when he sees Nurse Bayliss retrieving a pint of blood, asks Hawkeye to make sure he "Doesn't get any of that darkie stuff."
Another is a wounded solider who arrives in Pre-Op with an unexploded grenade embedded inside him. Surrounded by sandbags, Hawkeye and Henry pry it out.
Hawkeye and Trapper decided to pull a prank on Condon. While he is sedated, they paint him with some sort solution that temporarily paints his skin a few shades darker.
In the meantime, Hawkeye and Trapper watch a home movie of Henry's in his office, and we get our only glimpse of what Henry's life was like back home. We see his wife Lorraine throw a birthday party for his daughter Molly, ending with them holding up signs saying they miss him.
Everyone gets choked up, but the tears are changed to laughter when another piece of film shows up: Henry goofing around with his diminutive neighbor, Milt Jaffee, and romancing Jaffee's curvy wife Sylvia, silent film-style. They enjoy it all so much they decide to watch it all over again.
Later, Condon wakes up, and is upset at what he sees. He asks Lt. Bayliss about it, and she assures him that she won't give away his attempt at "passing." To make matters worse, Klinger comes by, and when asked if Condon seems different, Klinger asks "Are you sure you the right color blood? ...Its happened before."
The surgical staff has a monthly meeting, which quickly dissolves into a shambles once they Hawkeye and Trapper make fun of Frank's middle name, Marion. Frank and Hot Lips have an argument, which just as quickly turns into a moment of passion.
Later, in Post Op, Condon flags down Hawkeye and Trapper, angry about his change of skin color. They act incredulous, asking isn't skin all the same? Then they ask him if he's ever heard of Dr. Charles Drew.
Dr. Drew invented the process for separating blood so it can be stored--plasma. He was later in a car accident, but he bled to death: the hospital wouldn't let him in--it was for White's Only.
Later, during a party in The Swamp, Condon arrives, ready to ship out. He thanks Hawkeye for "Giving him a lot to think about", and takes a moment to salute Lt. Bayliss.
Hawkeye ends his letter on a happy note.
Fun Facts: During O.R., when Radar tells Henry about the patient with the grenade, Henry speaks to someone off screen and says "Collins, you take over here." Who is Collins, exactly? Another doctor we've never seen?
Lorraine Blake is played by Kathleen Hughes, who appeared in the classic It Came From Outer Space. Her memorable screaming scenes ended up turning her into the most famous icon from that movie.
The story about Dr. Drew bleeding to death because of a White's Only hospital is apocryphal--according to one of the people traveling with Drew during the accident, they received proper medical care, but Drew's injuries were just too severe.
Favorite Line: During Henry's home movie, he mentions that his next-door neighbor Milt Jaffee is a gynecologist. Trapper adds: "I hate to ask what's on the other side."
Original Air Date: 11/3/73
Written by: McLean Stevenson
Directed by: Don Weis
Henry and Radar, dressed up, leave on a trip to HQ, but don't say why. Meanwhile, Frank is walking around with a nasty grin on his face, and when Hawkeye and Trapper mouth off to him, he warns them that he might soon be in charge, so they better knock it off.
At HQ, we see why Henry and Radar are there--Henry is on trial, after charges were filed by Frank and Hot Lips. The trial is led by General Mitchell (Robert F. Simon).
Examples of Henry's supposed lack of leadership are shown, like when he was the announcer for a race involving doctors pushing nurses on gurneys. Or when he allowed Radar to hock Style-Rite wingtip shoes to everyone in camp. Or the time when, under Henry's command, Klinger almost went AWOL, via a hang-glider that he hoped would sail him out of Korea.
Henry doesn't deny these events, but says it doesn't mean the 4077th isn't doing its duty.
Gen. Mitchell is unimpressed, and places Henry under arrest. He tells Henry that he should have Cpl. O'Reilly head back to camp to collect material to defend Henry against the most serious of the charges--providing aid and comfort to the enemy.
Radar makes it back, and tells Hawkeye and Trapper what's happened. They plan to prepare a defense, but Frank has them arrested, and placed in a tent with just their boxer shorts on.
They get Klinger to drug the M.P. guarding them, allowing them to escape and head off to HQ.
In the meantime, Henry is accused of providing supplies to Meg Craddy, a nurse who lives and operates deep inside North Korea, but who doesn't ask people's politics when they need help. Henry, again, doesn't deny the charges.
Gen. Mitchell asks Henry why he shouldn't be found guilty, and Henry simply offers "I was only trying to help."
Hawkeye, Trapper, and Radar arrive, along with Meg Craddy (Hope Summers). Nurse Craddy gives a forceful speech to Gen. Mitchell and the rest, and as an example has brought along a young pregnant woman, who is alive because of Henry Blake's generosity. She says Henry Blake is a good, decent man, who just wants to help, "Which is more than I can say for any of you high-priced bellhops."
Henry then makes a speech of his own, admitting he is guilty, but not of giving aid to the enemy: he tried to do the human thing, and help people in need. He says he didn't deprive the wounded kids of one thing.
Frank and Hot Lips also arrive, and refuse to drop the charges, even after Gen. Mitchell suggests there isn't much of a case. This leads Hawkeye to show Frank "some new evidence", which causes Frank to drop the charges.
They storm out, and Henry asks what this new evidence is. Its a note, which Radar reads aloud, to Mrs. Burns telling her the sad news of her husband, who is she so proud of, that he is frequently out of uniform...and with whom.
The trial is over, Henry is free, and they all return home. Later, Gen. Mitchell comes by to see the 4077th in person, and everyone is there, in formation...wearing Style-Rite wingtip shoes.
Fun Facts: This episode is entirely credited to McLean Stevenson, and he showed a real facility at writing the show--its a great story, with lots of laughs and a fair amount of drama, and the scene where Henry defends himself to Gen. Mitchell is a great mini-monologue.
This is the first of two appearances of Meg Craddy. She would return in the fourth season, but played by a different actress.
With the debut of General Mitchell, this is the show's fourth General character in less than two years. I guess the Army had a tough time keeping the top brass in place during the Korean conflict! Also, the final scene with Mitchell states he is seeing the camp for the first time, implying that, in some fashion, he has replaced General Clayton.
In the scene where Frank refuses to drop the charges, he goes on one of his faux-patriotic speeches, declaring that his family "Came to this country in 1927."
Wait a minute--1927? This episode is set around 1950, 1951, and Frank Burns is at least thirty years old. That means Frank wasn't even born in America! What's his country club going to think?
After Henry gives his "I was only trying to help" line, there's a close-up on Gen. Mitchell. The camera holds on him for an extra beat, in total silence, just before Hawkeye and Trapper burst in. Its a wonderful little dramatic moment, watching Gen. Mitchell think about what he's just heard.
The scene with Klinger flying over Korea offers what is the first--and I think only--special effects shot M*A*S*H ever had.
Favorite Line: In an episode full of funny lines, its Gen. Mitchell who to me gets the best line: after the trial is over, he says he'd invite them all to the Officers Club, but it doesn't open for another hour.
One of the General's subordinates offers up that he has the key, to which a delighted Mitchell replies: "Fox! Put yourself down for a Silver Star!"
Original Air Date: 10/27/73
Written by: Carl Kleinschmitt, Larry Gelbart & Laurence Marks
Directed by: William Wiard
Hawkeye is busy trying to make time with a new nurse, Lt. Hoffman (Corrine Camacho). After the movie, they wander back to her tent, but she rebuffs him, offering him a handshake. Hawkeye looks at her hand in disbelief.
Back in The Swamp, Hawkeye is drowning his sorrows, when a Cpl. Walker comes by, asking for Hawkeye's help.
Walker has a "wife" (a Korean woman who would only sleep with him if they were married, so Walker had the cook perform the ceremony), and a baby. The baby is sick, and Hawkeye diagnoses it as colic.
Walker also tells him another problem he has--he's being shipped out in a few weeks, and he doesn't want to leave his wife and kid behind. He asks Hawkeye for help.
Hawkeye gets Henry involved, who warns Hawkeye that the Army takes forever to clear all the paperwork, and its a red-tape nightmare.
The next night, Hawkeye has another date with Lt. Hoffman, and he is smitten. She's flirty, talks about loves doing things outdoors, as well as golfing. Hawkeye's in love!
The next day, a Lt. Willis (Burt Young) from C.I.D. arrives to look into the Walker matter. He needs to talk to Hawkeye as well as Walker, and starts asking about Hawkeye's past.
This drags Hawkeye from another date with Lt. Hoffman, and he is none too happy about that. But he dutifully answers Willis' questions, and in so doing let's it slip that Walker and the woman have a baby. Willis flatly denies the marriage application on the spot.
Hawkeye makes apologies to Lt. Hoffman, asking to give him just a little more time. He and Trapper decide to frame Willis--they drug his drink, knocking him out. He wakes up covered in lipstick and women's undergarments, with Hawkeye and Trapper promising they took pictures.
Willis thinks they're bluffing, but he can't be sure. After suggesting they're going to make a case either way, Willis gives in to Hawkeye and Trapper, approves the marriage, and hot foots it out of the 4077th.
Hawkeye finally makes it back to Lt. Hoffman, and she asks him what kept him. He tells her about Walker, and his wife and baby. Hawkeye then wants to return to romance, but Hoffman keeps asking questions.
She finally asks, incredulously, "..and so you had to arrange for a marriage between one of or guys and a gook?"
Hawkeye, his romantic interest rapidly fading, tries to assuage her, but once she starts talking about "our people", Hawkeye pulls away. He then gives her a handshake, saying he wants the original one back. He tells her that, even with all her beauty and charm, "There are some pretty unappetizing ideas in there and I don't think I can take the mix."
Lt. Hoffman is incensed at this, and asks, "Is that all?" Hawkeye, while stealing back the bottle of wine he brought, says no, offering her a big fat raspberry as he leaves her tent.
Later, Walker and his "wife" are genuinely married by Father Mulcahy, with Klinger catching the bouquet.
Fun Facts: The final scene with Hawkeye and Lt. Hoffman has genuine tension, partly because you don't see it coming. But then when Lt. Hoffman says that one word, you react the same way Hawkeye does--one of shock.
The show gives Hawkeye the chance to tell off the racist Lt. Hoffman in very clear, crisp--yet funny--terms. I wish, when I've been faced with similar comments, I had had the guts and quick wits to say something similar.
There's a running gag in this episode about John Wayne movies that don't show up when they're supposed to, leaving the 4077th with just Bonzo movies to show over and over.
They also show The Thing That Ate The Bronx, which Henry says he could "Watch that every night." Sadly, there is no such movie, which is really too bad--it sounds like a lot of fun! (I hope Ray Harryhausen did the effects)
Favorite Line: When Hawkeye tells Walker he'll try to help out the marriage paperwork, he offers: "When it comes time for the circumcision, ask me, not the cook."
Original Air Date: 10/20/73
Written by: Marc Mandel, Larry Gelbart & Laurence Marks
Directed by: William Wiard
One of the wounded in surgery is an angel-faced five year old boy named Kim. They ask Radar if he's can track down his parents.
In the meantime, Hawkeye and Trapper try and care for the kid, including reading to him from a trashy paperback and giving him a jar of pickled onions.
As Trapper makes toy balloons for him (made from rubber gloves), he grows attached to the boy. Meanwhile, Henry talks to a local orphanage, making plans for them to take Kim if his parents can't be found.
Radar draws a blank on finding Kim's parents, and Trapper decides he can't stand the idea of Kim going to the orphanage. He writes his wife, asking her if she'd be willing to adopt Kim. He wonders whether its a mistake, but Hawkeye assures him, "How can it be a mistake giving a kid his life?"
In the meantime, they all spend time with Kim--Trapper teaches him magic tricks, Hawkeye takes him to the movies, Hot Lips reads to him, Klinger plays catch with him.
Finally, a letter from Trapper's wife arrives, and she's agreed to adopt Kim! Hawkeye, Trapper, and Father Mulcahy enjoy a celebratory cigar.
That same day, Frank and Hot Lips take Kim on a picnic, but they're so busy making moon-eyes at each other they don't notice Kim has wandered into a nearby mine field!
Trapper runs into the mine field to rescue him, but stops halfway when he realizes what's he's doing. Hot Lips yells at Kim, sitting on a rock, in Korean telling him not to move.
Hawkeye grabs the maps for the mine fields, and Henry directs Trapper through it. But halfway through, they realize its the wrong map--its a World War II surplus map!
Just as they find the right one, a chopper pilot arrives, and lowers a rope to Trapper, lifting him up, over to Kim. He scoops Kim up, and they are carried to safety.
As they celebrate, Sister Theresa unexpectedly shows up, along with Kim's mother, who showed up at the orphanage looking for her son. They embrace, and Kim leaves along with them.
Trapper stands in the road, watching the truck leave. He tries to make the best of it, suggesting back home, he'd be the kind of kid who crosses against the lights. Hawkeye offers him a drink, and they walk back to The Swamp.
Later, Radar tells them Kim will come back for visits, which makes both Hawkeye and Trapper feel better.
Fun Facts: This episode's a nice change of pace, in that its Trapper who takes center stage in the second and third acts. Offering to adopt the boy is such a generous, kind, loving act, its amazing that Frank and Hot Lips would continually brand him a moral degenerate.
There's a scene in the Mess Tent where Hawkeye and Trapper goof on Radar for how much food he's eating, and it goes on so long that it becomes pretty mean. Radar finally storms off, and I would have, too!
Hot Lips makes an attempt to learn--and then teach--Kim the Korean language, not English. Her knowledge of Korean would come in to play in several future episodes, which I always thought was a nice touch, especially in contrast to Frank, who always insisted on speaking English, in some weird form of patriotic protest.
Favorite Line:The book Hawkeye is reading to Kim has no cover, so you can't see what it is. There's an amazing, hard-boiled line from it: "Margo smiled at me, and four hundred angels sang 'You Made Me Wanna Do It', the Cole Porter arrangement. Then she came close, and I could smell her perfume. It made me want to leave my wife and children, and I'm not even married. 'Hi, gorgeous, I said, then somebody hit me with a piano and the floor came up and smothered me.'"
I assume that passage was written by the show, since its so over-the-top hard-boiled that it can't be from a real paperback. But if it is, I really wanna read that book!
Original Air Date: 10/13/73
Written by: Alan Alda and Robert Klane
Directed by: Jackie Cooper
After a particularly grueling session in O.R., Hawkeye is a zombie, eyelids only half open.
But before he and Trapper can crawl back into their cots, more wounded arrive, and Hawkeye insists on helping out, even though he's been operating for 20 straight hours. He ignores Henry's order to get some sleep.
He finishes another shift, and Henry orders Radar to put Hawkeye to bed. But once again, before he has the chance to get into bed, more wounded arrive, and Hawkeye goes back to work.
Night falls, and Hawkeye is unable and/or unwilling to sleep. He wanders the camp, taking notes, chatting aimiably with Frank(!), and then he wakes Trapper up and they have a conversation about how the war got started. Trapper tries to talk Hawkeye down, telling him just to go to sleep, but Hawkeye won't listen.
He then wanders into Radar's office, singing sad songs from WW II, and then finally writing up a telegram to President Truman, asking "Who's responsible?"
The telegram makes its way to Truman, which of course catches the attention of General Clayton. While Hawkeye wanders around, talking with Frank and one of the chopper pilots. During one of Frank's weekly lectures, he suggests the reason the Communists have gone to war because "Many of them have never even seen a bathroom, and believe you me, they want one."
Henry and Trapper decided to drug Hawkeye and knock him out by force, and they pour the sedative into his drink.
As they wait for it to kick in, Clayton arrives in camp, just as Hawkeye is preparing to have the 4077's latrine dragged off, presumably into North Korea. Clayton inadvertently steps inside, in time to have it dragged away by Hawkeye by jeep.
Fun Facts: The scene with Hawkeye in Radar's office is touching--as Hawkeye sings one of the songs he remembers from World War II, he begins to tear up, lost in some memory.
The final scene, with Henry and Trapper in The Swamp while Hawkeye is asleep, is one that was always cut from the syndicated version of the show, so I never got to see it until I bought the DVDs. Its a great scene, as Henry and Trapper discuss the war and Hawkeye's reaction to it.
Henry states he's no more happy to be in Korea than Hawkeye is, and adds, "If we had any guts, you, me, and the Masked Marvel there would take the first latrine out of here."
Favorite Line: As Radar is dragging Hawkeye to bed, he tries to whistle at some nurses, but fails. He asks kiddingly how you whistle, "It has something to do with the lips, right?"
Radar: "We had a preacher back home who whistled while he preached."
Hawkeye: "I hope he was run out of town, the filthy hypocrite."
Original Air Date: 10/6/73
Written by: Jerry Mayer
Directed by: Jackie Cooper
During a session in O.R., Trapper and Hawkeye discover that most of the wounded are townspeople from the village of Tai-Dong, which isn't near any military target--and the nearest artillery unit is American. As Henry describes it, "Oops."
Hawkeye and Trapper collect shell fragments, and they discover that they are, in fact, American-made.
They write up a report--after failing to get Frank to join them in the cause--and sent it in to HQ, where the case is taken over by Major Stoner (Frank Aletter).
Stoner comes to the 4077th, and meets with Hawkeye and Trapper. Hawkeye is skeptical, even a little hostile, after it seems Stoner isn't all that gung ho about prosecuting the case. Things look up when Stoner suggests that Frank, being the ranking surgeon, should have issued the report. Hot Lips is, once again, disappointed in him.
A week later, Trapper reads in Stars and Stripes that the Army has looked into the matter, and concluded that Tai-Dong was destroyed due to an enemy attack.
They track Stoner down on the phone, and he acts surprised about the story in the paper. He promises "Heads will roll", but Hawkeye's conclusion is "The Major happens to be the Koren distributor of crapola."
Hawkeye then decides to write his father, who is friends with a U.S. Senator who owes his Dad a favor. But he is outraged when he finds out that the letter never arrived; it was stopped on the way and confiscated by the Army.
Hawkeye has a shouting match with Henry, and things get even worse when he is informed he is...restricted. Not "under arrest", exactly, but "restricted", as Henry pathetically tries to explain the difference.
Henry tries to calm Hawkeye down by showing him the Army's plans to rebuild Tai-Dong, which will even include a soft ice cream stand! Hawkeye isn't satisfied: that's compensation, but not responsibility.
Finally, Gen. Clayton arrives, and has a sit down meeting with Hawkeye and Trapper. He informs them, as gently as possible, that the Army is none too pleased about all this boat-rocking, and if they don't knock it off, they could find themselves shipped to a unit right on the front lines, and have their post-war lives shadowed by the Army, which, as Clayton suggests, "Has very long arms."
When he tells them that Stoner has been transferred to Honolulu, Hawkeye and Trapper know its all over--as Hawkeye says to Clayton: "You buried the evidence, you got rid of the guy who knew the evidence, and if we don't knock this off, you'll take away our breathing privileges."
As they storm out, Frank and Hot Lips charge in, with a report and evidence of their own. Frank is hoping maybe a promotion might result, but Hawkeye and Trapper are thrilled.
Clayton, realizing he can't bury this much evidence, admits that sometimes "Even the Army has to take its lumps." Hawkeye and Trapper say they're going to hold onto the evidence until they see the story--the right one--in Stars & Stripes.
Clayton agrees, and says if they write the story, he'll see it gets printed. Hawkeye and Trapper, overjoyed, chase Frank and Hot Lips around the office looking to plant big smooches on both of them!
Fun Facts: In some respects, this is M*A*S*H's most daring episode, as it infers--heck, actually comes out and states--that the Army and/or the U.S. Government was willing to threaten Hawkeye and Trapper if they didn't keep their mouths shut, as well as violate Hawkeye's rights by going through his mail.
This episode aired during the hell that was Watergate, so to adults it must have seemed right on target. But watching this episode as a kid, it was a revelation, and the underlying sense of menace in the scene I still find a bit disconcerting.
Favorite Line: Frank walks in to The Swamp, and pauses a moment to comment on the disgusting condition of the tent. To no one in particular:
Frank: "Pig pen...brothel."
Hawkeye: "Here, sir!"
Trapper: "Yo!"
Original Air Date: 9/29/73
Written by: Laurence Marks
Directed by: Jackie Cooper
A week in the life of the 4077th, as explained to HQ by Radar via his weekly report.
Amid the maddeningly complex details and formalities Radar has to use to describe what happened, we learn that while operating on a wounder North Korean solider, the solider gets loose, grabs a scalpel, and tries to escape. In the melee, he knocks over an IV stand for a patient Trapper is working on, "Contaminating the whole field".
After slashing a new nurse (Lt. Johnson, played by Joan Van Ark), the soldier is distracted by Klinger after he bursts in, long enough for Hawkeye to get the knife away from him.
Trapper is furious that his patient is not recovering well, and is angry at the North Korean. Hawkeye tries to talk him down, explaining how brainwashed the North Korean soldiers are--filled with stories about torture and abuse at the hands of U.S. doctors.
Meanwhile, after a nasty run-in with Klinger, Frank demands that Henry get Klinger shipped out of the unit. Henry orders an official psychiatric evaluation, and Dr. Robert Freedman (Allan Arbus) arrives to talk to do the examination. Maj. Freedman is more than a little irritated he came all the way to the front to examine a guy in a dress.
At the same time, Hawkeye has fallen head over heels in love with Lt. Johnson, and puts the moves on her. But he backs off abruptly when he sees her wedding ring.
Lt. Johnson reveals that the wedding ring is a blind, used to keep hordes of lecherous men away. Hawkeye is thrilled at the news, and gets in way over his head, suggesting they "Walk off, hand in hand down the aisle."
After Trapper's patient dies, Trapper makes his way into the North Korean's tent, and seems prepared to murder the wounded man in his bed. Hawkeye comes in behind him, and quietly talks him down.
Later in The Swamp, Lt. Johnson meets up with Hawkeye. While she likes him a lot, she feels this is all moving too fast--she tells Hawkeye she has no interest in marriage, to anyone, which breaks Hawkeye's heart. She then tells Hawkeye she is being shipped out to Tokyo in the morning.
Later, we get to hear what Maj. Freedman concludes: that Cpl. Klinger is a transvestite and a homosexual. Klinger is aghast at this, and says he just wants a Section 8. Maj. Freedman basically says take it or leave it, and Klinger leaves it--but he forgets his purse, which Maj. Freedman cheerfully hands to him.
Radar finishes his report, and hands it to Henry to sign.
Fun Facts: The scene with Trapper and Hawkeye in the tent with the enemy solider is genuinely tense, and even a little frightening...you get the sense from Wayne Rogers' line reading that Trapper genuinely considered murdering the solider in revenge.
Of course, the big event for this episode is the debut of Allan Arbus Major Milton--soon to be Sidney--Freedman. In many ways, Sidney was my favorite character on the show, and Arbus' portrayal was so brilliant (and the writers take on the character equally brilliant), that he kept being brought back, season after season.
Its kind of weird that Hawkeye--after dumping three nurses last season when they wanted a commitment from him--is ready to marry Lt. Johnson so quickly. Since when is he the marrying kind?
Favorite Line: During the scene with Trapper and Hawkeye in the North Korean's tent, the camera is focused on Trapper. Hawkeye walks in, out of focus, and asks: "Trapper?"
When he gets no response, he asks again: "Trap?"
There's something about the way Alan Alda lowers his voice, to almost a whisper, that really underscores the tension of the scene. In that one word, he conveys his deep friendship with Trapper (by using a shortened version of his name), while simultaneously expressing a fair amount of surprise at what his friend is doing. A great moment.
Original Air Date: 9/22/73
Written by: Larry Gelbart & Laurence Marks and Keith Walker
Directed by: Norman Tokar
The 4077th is giddy with anticipation, for the arrival of "Five O'Clock Charlie" is imminent.
Five O'Clock Charlie is North Korean's most indefatigable bomber pilot, who flies over the camp the same time every day--hence the name--and drops one bomb, in a pathetic attempt to destroy the camp and a nearby ammo dump. His aim is terrible, and he always misses, so no one at the 4077th is particularly worried.
Except for Frank and Hot Lips, who are apoplectic over everyone's lack of seriousness. This is an enemy attack!
Radar takes bets on where Charlie's bomb for the day will land, and on this particular day Henry wins the bet. He's busy counting his pot of cash when Frank requests he place a call to General Clayton.
Before he knows it, Henry is requesting that the 4077th get a 40mm gun to fight off the enemy, something Hawkeye and Trapper are completely against.
Clayton decides to visit the camp and check it out for himself, and initially he doesn't think the 4077th needs the gun. Hawkeye and Trapper are relieved, until Five O'Clock Charlie gets lucky and drops a bomb right on Clayton's jeep. The 4077th is getting its gun!
Frank of course loves it, and even forms his own platoon (consisting of all of three soldiers) to provide defense against Five O'Clock Charlie's attacks, hoping that the Army will start outfitting all the field hospitals with artillery. Hawkeye, Trapper (dressed as MacArthur), and Radar come by and goof on Frank, just to irritate him.
That night, Hawkeye and Trapper drown their sorrows with Captain Cardozo (Corey Fischer), the camp's dentist. Cardozo offers the idea that they should try and get rid of the ammo dump, which would get rid of Charlie, which would get rid of the gun.
The next day, Hawkeye and Trapper leave a series of giant arrows (made up of sheets stolen from supply) pointing to the ammo dump, so Charlie can't miss it. To give him time to try and hit it, they mess with the clocks in Post Op so Frank thinks its 4:30, not 5:00.
Frank catches on, and hurries outside to fire at Charlie. Hawkeye and Trapper make a shambles of the attempt, yelling out different numbers randomly, confusing the soldiers Frank has aiming the gun.
Frank, frustrated and impatient, finally demands they fire, and they do--missing Charlie entirely, instead hitting the ammo dump!
With the ammo dump gone, so is the need for the gun. And so is Five O'Clock Charlie, who Hawkeye and Trapper admit to sort of missing.
Fun Facts: This episode was directed by Norman Tokar, who later went on to direct The Cat From Outer Space, which starred...McLean Stevenson and Harry Morgan.
In the scene in Henry's office, Frank restates his disgust at the rest of the doctor's behavior, and threatens "Some day...all this will come out."
Having seen each episode of M*A*S*H so many times, I have occasionally let my imagination wander, leaving me extrapolate what might have happened to some of these characters after they went home.
And with Frank's threat (which he says in more than one episode), I imagined him writing a tell-all book about the 4077th, where he tells the story from his own demented viewpoint, branding Doctors Pierce, McIntyre, and later Hunnicutt as godless communists. And this being the McCarthy era, it might have even led Frank into politics...
This episode features the first (uncredited) appearance of Pvt. Igor Straminsky, played by actor Jeff Maxwell.
Favorite Line: The P.A. Announcer welcoming Charlie: "And now, direct from North Korea, here he is for the sixth hit week: Five O'Clock Charlie, his airplane, and his Astigmatism!"
