Season 1, Episode 14: Love Story
Original Air Date: 1/7/73
Written by: Laurence Marks
Directed by: Earl Bellamy
Radar is acting very strangely--he doesn't have any appetite (ironic, since he's the only one who can stand the food), doesn't want to kid around, and has even begun to screw up his clerking duties--this is serious.
Hawkeye and Trapper ask what's wrong, and Radar's answer is in the form of...a 45" record?
They play it, and we hear the voice of Radar's girlfriend, who announces she is breaking up with him, and marrying his best friend, Elroy Dimple (great name).
Hawkeye and Trapper try to cheer Radar up, and even try to get one of the 4077's nurses to go out with him, but no luck. He only perks up when a new nurse arrives, Lt. Anderson (Kelly Jean Peters). Its love at first sight!
Hawkeye introduces himself to Lt. Anderson, tying to find out more about her. She's very sophisticated, arriving to the unit with her classical records and copies of Plato's Republic and The Fall of The Roman Empire. Hawkeye realizes Radar has his work cut out for him.
In preparation, Hawkeye and Trapper teach Radar some quick, easily-remembered phrases that sound smart but mean nothing out of context, like "That's highly significant", "Ah...Bach!", and "I consider that Horse and Buggy Thinking."
Radar is able to fake it enough to (temporarily) fool Lt. Anderson, and a tiny little romance begins to blossom. For some reason, Hot Lips takes offense at this, and demands Henry break them up--its not regulation for officers and enlisted to engage in personal relationships.
Henry is nonplussed, and is secretly supportive of Hawkeye and Trapper's plan to inflict a little romantic longing between Frank and Hot Lips.
After weeks(!) of keeping them apart, Frank and Hot Lips begin to go nuts. Finally, one night when Frank sneaks into Hot Lips' tent, he finds Hawkeye and Trapper in her bed!
Hot Lips walks in, and is equally furious. She wants to know why they're doing this, and they tell them that they have to back off Radar and Lt. Anderson. After initially refusing, they buckle when Hawkeye and Trapper appear ready to stay in her bed all night.
The episode ends with Radar and Lt. Anderson sharing a meal in the Mess Tent. She is going on and on, and when Hawkeye and Trapper sit down, they find Radar dozing off. When they wake him up, the first thing he can think to say is, "Ah...Bach!"
Comments: I don't understand why Frank and Hot Lips have such trouble getting together for sex...doesn't Hot Lips live alone? This particularly inconvenient fact seems to get forgotten during various episodes.
Favorite Line: Radar's default phrase, when he's trying to impress Nurse Anderson but has no idea what to say: "Ah...Bach!" Haven't we all been there when trying to get someone to notice us?