skip to main |
skip to sidebar
Season 2, Episode 30: Wet Feet
Original Air Date: 12/11/84
Written by: Dennis Koenig
Directed by: Hy Averback
During a torrential downpour, General Pershing is designated a disaster relief area. Alma Cox insists that everyone remain on staff, even Dr. Potter, who only lives a few hundred feet away. Potter, Klinger, Mulcahy, and Dr. Boyer decide on a very 4077th thing to do--have a card game.
Alma also calls in the head of the hospital, Wally Wainwright--but in this case it's not so much devotion to duty, but the desire for a relationship. Well, not a relationship so much as a sexual tryst so she can get her old job back. Wainwright says he is devoted to his wife, and Alma takes the rejection in stride.
A patient arrives with a seemingly simple problem--a broken shoulder--turns into something more serious when his bigger problem of a ruptured spleen is missed by one of the new doctors. Meanwhile, Wainwright, upon hearing that the hospital received a lot of good press when it served a similar community-minded purpose back in 1948, makes attempts to alert the media this time around (in between playing in the poker game with Potter, Klinger, and Mulcahy).
When the hospital's waiting room is turned SRO due to a collapsed building nearby, Potter, Klinger, and Mulcahy snap into action like their old days in Korea. This leaves Wainwright standing helplessly off to the side, something a local reporter and photographer notices when they arrive to do a story on the hospital. The next day, the paper runs a story about the crack staff, and how generally useless Wainwright is. The episode ends with the boss trashing his office in frustration about how his plan for personal glory went so wrong.
(Not So)Fun Facts: This episode never aired, at least in the United States (see below). It was the last episode filmed, but of course not designed as a series finale. After such a memorable send off in "Goodbye, Farewell, and Amen", AfterM*A*S*H just limped off TV with a whimper, not a bang. This helped cement the series' unjust reputation as one of (if not the) worst spin-offs in television history.
Soon-Lee and Mildred Potter do not appear in this episode.
Favorite Line: An announcement comes over the loud speaker, stating that due to the worsening storm, there are casualties from a collapsed building. Klinger marvels, "...and I didn't even hear the choppers!" Not a funny line really, but kind of a fun callback to the boys' days at the 4077th.
I never thought I would see this episode until newest Swamp Rat Michael Hinkson sent it to me as a way to "thanks" for my blogging efforts here. Thanks Michael!
This episode was never aired in the United States, so I assumed it never aired anywhere. But there's a voice over during the end credits that reveals this particular copy of the show played in Australia, of all places. It still seems unbelievably mercenary of CBS--which benefited so much and so long from its association with M*A*S*H--to not even bother airing a show that was completed and ready to air. Potter, Klinger, and Mulcahy--not to mention the real-life people who made the show--deserved better.
Thanks again to Michael for giving me the chance to see this elusive episode!
Season 2, Episode 27: Ward Is Hell
Original Air Date: 12/4/84
Written by: David Isaacs & Ken Levine and Dennis Keonig
Directed by: Burt Metcalfe
Klinger, being Klinger, is running a lottery in the ward to make some money, based on numbers called out over the PA. Even when someone wins, Klinger still makes a profit.
Dr. Boyer comes down with an infection, and even though Col. Potter tells him he's going to be fine, Boyer is pessimistic. Potter's suggests Boyer take a few days off (since walking around on his artificial leg is a physically grueling task), and Boyer agrees, reluctantly, taking a bed in the ward with his own patients.
As if that wasn't bad enough, Wally Wainwright shows up, saying no one can find Dr. Boyer's Army records, oh-so-jokingly suggesting that if they can't find them, Boyer will be tossed out of the hospital.
Luckily, they find the forms, and Alma Cox comes to have Boyer sign them. After pretending he's on death's door--which gets Alma all emotional--he makes a crude play for her, right there in the ward, causing her to run off in a panic.
Col. Potter gets wind of Klinger's lottery scam, and is upset this is happening in his hospital. He gets even more upset when he learns Mildred and Soon-Lee are in on it. When Mildred guilt-trips Col. Potter over it, saying they need the money for their baby, he gives up and lets the lottery continue.
When Soon-Lee wins the afternoon's lottery, the other patients think its been fixed. Klinger locks himself inside the ward, while some of the angry lottery losers try and bust down the door. Finally, two orderlies get in, and Klinger offers a refund to everyone.
At the end of the night, the Potters, Father Mulcahy, a young intern named Dr. Caldwell (Tom Isbell), and Dr. Dudziak visit Boyer in his bed. After a discussion who is the funniest comedian out there, Boyer lightens up, and starts doing an old Abbott & Costello routine, verbatim, keeping them all at rapt attention.
Fun Facts: After a month off the air, AfterM*A*S*H came back for two episodes, this one and the following week's "Saturday's Heroes." There was another episode shot, "Wet Feet", that never even aired. Is this anyway to treat a show?
Favorite Line: After Wally Wainwright questions Dr. Boyer's military history, Boyer responds: "If I recall, I stuffed my papers in a shoe and sent it to the White House. Ask the Eisenhowers, they keep all their old junk around--look at Nixon."
This is the last episode of AfterM*A*S*H I have available to me; "Saturday's Heroes" sadly was not part of the package I was sent, and the last filmed episode, "Wet Feet" never aired.
It's downright criminal that CBS didn't even bother to air "Wet Feet", let alone give the show a chance to film a final episode--Col. Potter, Klinger, and Father Mulcahy simply disappeared, never to be seen again.
Those actors, after their years of service on M*A*S*H, deserved better, and so did the loyal viewers--I bet at this point, the only people watching the show were die-hard M*A*S*H fans, so to have the three main characters so unceremoniously yanked from TV is pretty inexcusable.
Having seen these shows for the first time in a quarter century, I feel compelled to have some sort of final thoughts on the series. All in all, I'd say AfterM*A*S*H--in its first season--was a solid show, and definitely could have blossomed into a really good one.
Sure, overall it wasn't all that funny, and you didn't have the life-and-death drama that came from a show set in a war zone. But I was impressed that AfterM*A*S*H, despite its title, didn't really try to merely replicate M*A*S*H's success by copying it: no, I think AfterM*A*S*H was well on its way to establishing its own identity, but of course once the ratings started to slide CBS panicked and insisted on "retooling" the show, then never giving the new version a real chance.
Part of the sad legacy of AfterM*A*S*H is its reputation as one of worst spin-offs, if not the worst, of all time, which is really not fair. I have to think the reason the show is such a joke is because of its sheer unavailability--in an age where you can get According to Jim: The Complete Seventh Season or Viva Laughlin: The Complete Series on DVD, the fact that AfterM*A*S*H isn't on DVD makes it look like Fox has something to hide.
The only mention you'll find of it on the entire Martinis & Medicine box set is an off-stage (but still on-mike) conversation between Harry Morgan and Jamie Farr, while they were shooting the final filmed M*A*S*H episode, "As Time Goes By." Its like it never existed. I really have to thank M*A*S*H fan What The Parrot Saw for sending me the shows; I'm really glad I got to see them again.
But we're still not quite done--because I'm a glutton for punishment, tomorrow we'll take a look at the failed series pilot known as...W*A*L*T*E*R!
Season 2, Episode 23: Strangers and Other Lovers
Original Air Date: 10/2/84
Written by: Dennis Keonig
Directed by: Burt Metcalfe
Klinger, still on the lam, is reduced to sleeping on the street in a grimy alley. When he's chased away by a nearby tenant, he bumps into a guy saying he has some work for a guy down on his luck, if Klinger wants it.
Klinger asks what the job is, and he learns it involves some less-than-legal activities, like running numbers, transporting money around, and even roughing people up. Klinger says thanks, but no thanks.
Meanwhile, at General General, Col. Potter is none too pleased to learn that Alma Cox is now his secretary. He tells Alma she's relieved of her duty, but due to V.A. regulations she can't be fired, so he's stuck with her (although, from her point of view, its the other way around). Later, Cox is so obsessed with getting all the proper forms filled out she even interrupts an operation to get Col. Potter to sign some forms.
Dr. Boyer stops by the bar across the street from General General, and bumps into Klinger, hiding out. Boyer offers to let Klinger stay at his place, but Klinger refuses, not wanting to get a friend involved in Klinger's legal mess.
A few hours later, Klinger decides to take Dr. Boyer up on his offer, and he barges in right after Boyer has spent the night with a nurse. Boyer tells him to get out, and Klinger splits.
Alma Cox is so obsessed with officiousness that she follows Col. Potter back to his house. When Col. Potter claims she's a total nightmare, she fakes being sweet and kind, so much so she fools Mildred Potter into inviting her in for a cup of coffee.
Col. Potter has a meeting with Wally Wainwright, the new administrator, and it doesn't go well. Earlier, Wainwright told all the patients of General General that he is open to suggestions on how to improve the place. When he reveals to Potter that was just PR, and he has no real intention of making any improvements, Potter is furious.
He storms back to his office, and opens a bottle of booze, demanding Alma Cox imbibe. Since he now despises Wally Wainwright as much as she does, they bnow have a common enemy. Alma Cox agrees, and throws one back like a pro.
Meanwhile, Klinger decides to take up with the nefarious guy he met earlier, who is running all sorts of illegal operations in a seedy apartment--which just happens to be next door to where Father Mulcahy lives!
Mulcahy has been so sick of the noise, he calls the cops, who come and break up the ring. Everyone scatters, and the only one the cops grab is the fugitive Klinger! Father Mulcahy is horrified at what he's done--accidentally.
Klinger is now back in jail, and he's visited by Soon-Lee, Father Mulcahy, and the Potters. He gets to see his infant son, but even that doesn't lift his mood. Col. Potter promises everything will get straightened out once Klinger gets his day in court.
Fun Facts: A sad indication about how things have changed: in the scene with Alma Cox and Col. Potter in the OR, during surgery, there's a laugh track blaring away.
The merchant who tells Klinger to scram is played by Richard Lee Sung, who appeared on a number of M*A*S*H episodes (he carved the wood bust of Col. Potter in Season Four's "Dear Mildred", for instance).
Favorite Line: Klinger, sure he'll never get to see his son again: "Tell him I love him and to always vote Democratic."
Season 2, Episode 22: Calling Dr. Habibi
Original Air Date: 9/25/84
Written by: Dennis Keonig, David Isaacs & Ken Levine
Directed by: Hy Averback
Alma Cox is in a tizzy over the imminent arrival of General General's new administrator, Wallace Wainwright (Peter Michael Goetz). Col. Potter, Father Mulcahy, and Soon-Lee have other things on their mind, though: namely, Klinger, who is still hiding. Luckily, with a friend in supply, he's able to borrow various outfits--like a doctor's coat--to stay around the hospital and see his wife and baby.
Wainwright introduces himself to Potter and Dr. Boyer while they're examining a patient. After he notices Boyer walk away, he's shocked to see that General General has is missing a leg. He thinks Boyer isn't up to the task, but Potter staunchly defends him. Wainwright is unmoved, and flatly states he plans to be stuck at General General for six months--not a day more--and then, "Move on to bigger and better things."
Klinger finds Father Mulchay, who tells him that Soon-Lee has moved in with the Potters. Mulcahy begs Klinger to turn himself in, but Klinger refuses. He then bumps into Wally Wainwright, who believes Klinger is a doctor ("Dr. Habibi"), who insists on getting a tour of place, led by Dr. Habibi.
They end up in the surgeon's changing room, and Col. Potter asks to have a private confab with "Dr. Habibi." While they're outside, Wainwright is open and direct with Dr. Boyer: he's sure Boyer, because of his missing leg, is not up to the job, and even mocks him as a cripple. Boyer, understandably, is enraged.
Boyer and Potter go in to perform surgery, and it's a long, complex procedure, hitting the three-hour mark. Potter, assisting, advises he step in so Boyer can take a break. But Boyer, having something to prove, keeps working.
Wainwright meets with Alma Cox, and her loyalty to Mike D'Angelo is quickly forgotten when she sees a chance to be Wainwright's executive secretary. Wainwright has no interest in her in that capacity, and assigns her to be Col. Potter's assistant (now that Klinger is gone). Cox is upset, but accepts the demotion.
Back at Potter's house, they, Father Mulcahy, and Soon-Lee are shocked to see Klinger show up, in the outfit of an employee of the gas company. When the doorbell rings, Klinger is sure its the cops and goes to leave.
Father Mulcahy tries to stop him, even threatening to knock Klinger out. But when push comes to shove, he can't do it, and Klinger departs. To be continued!
Fun Facts: Clearly the powers-that-be thought the show needed more of a villain, so the ineffectual and dim-witted Mike D'Angelo was replaced by Wally Wainwright, who's a jerk from the get-go. With Dr. Boyer more of a Hawkeye-esque character, AfterM*A*S*H was settling into a format more reminiscent of M*A*S*H--the noble doctors trying to carry on, even though the brass is trying to control them.
Favorite Line: Potter, defending Dr. Boyer: "I've worked with good doctors, I've worked with bad doctors. Even worked with a witch doctor named Frank Burns."
Season 2, Episode 21: Less Miserables
Original Air Date: 9/23/84
Written by: David Isaacs & Ken Levine and Dennis Keonig
Directed by: Burt Metcalfe
Picking up right where last season's "Up and Down Payments" left off, Potter and Mulcahy are wheeling Soon-Lee into General General, about to deliver her baby.
Klinger is determined to get out of jail, and Father Mulcahy comes back to tell him that the baby hasn't arrived yet. Klinger is sure that the baby's going to be born while he's still in jail, since the judge that could free him won't be back in his office until morning.
A man in a sharp suit arrives, asking a nurse questions about General General. He seems interested to learn that there's a pregnant woman as a patient, and asks to be pointed to the X-Ray room. He follows Dr. Boyer around, quietly taking notes. Without context, it seems like General General is a total madhouse.
Klinger gets so desperate to get out that he changes clothes with a fellow in-mate, a drunkard who likes where he is. When "Klinger" is put before a judge, its the other guy, who pleads guilty.
The man in the suit happens to be in the elevator when Dr. Boyer makes another movie on Alma Cox, partially to distract her from his going against the regular surgery schedule. After they depart, Klinger drops through the roof of the elevator!
Unfortunately, the cops are already in the building, looking for Klinger. Mulcahy sees him, and tells Col. Potter--but right at that moment, Soon-Lee goes into labor, so they send Bob Scanell to delay the police's search.
Klinger finds his way to the supply closet, and he decides to hide in plain sight...dressed as a nurse. The man in the suit sees this, and jots down all of it in his little notebook.
Klinger arrives just in the nick of time, as they're baby--a son--is born. Unfortunately, the celebration ends there because Klinger announces he's officially on the run. Feeling he can't go back to the judge without being thrown in jail for years, he has decided to stay in hiding.
Col. Potter, Father Mulcahy, and Soon-Lee protest, but Klinger is adamant. Before he leaves, he says, "I had it better in Korea."
Col. Potter is then called to Mike D'Angelo's office, where he finds Alma Cox, crying. She can't even say why--all she does is point to D'Angelo's office. Potter enters, and inside is the man in the suit. His name is Burt Philbrick (Max Wright) and he tells Potter that D'Angelo has been transferred to Montana.
Philbrick says the place is a disaster area, but Potter actually tries to defend Mike D'Angelo, saying the whole V.A. system is a disaster, and D'Angelo shouldn't be taking the fall. Nevertheless, Philbrick explains, a new boss will arrive by the end of the week, and get General General in shape.
Fun Facts: This is the first episode of the second season, and a lot of tinkering went on between seasons: the show's original theme song has been changed (from a nice tune reminiscent of "Suicide is Painless" to a bland, almost Muzak-sounding theme), and the vintage, color-tinted photos from the 50s that were run under the credits have been changed to drawings. Before we even see the episode, Jamie Farr is pictured...in a female nurse's outfit. Uh-oh.
David Ackroyd has been added to the credits, and Barbara Townsend (Mildred Potter) has been replaced by Anne Pitoniak. A new character, played by Peter Michael Goetz, has been added, and John Chappell (Mike D'Angelo) is also gone.
The original credit sequence ended with a nice shot of Potter, Klinger, and Father Mulcahy; this one ends with Klinger, again dressed as a nurse. Double uh-oh!
Neither Anne Pitoniak or Peter Michael Goetz's characters appear in this episode.
Favorite Line: Its not a funny line, nor is it meant to be: I loved Jamie Farr's low-key delivery of "I had it better in Korea".
Considering the extensive (and, IMO, entirely detrimental) changes AfterM*A*S*H underwent as of the second season--none of which saved the show, in the end--the line feels a little meta, too: indeed, Jamie Farr and Klinger had it better in Korea.
Season 1, Episode 19: Fever Pitch
Original Air Date: 2/27/84
Written by: Dennis Keonig
Directed by: Burt Metcalfe
There's a heat wave on, and since General General doesn't have air conditioning, everyone is suffering under it. Dr. Boyer in particular is annoyed, since one of his patients need surgery, but since he has a 103 degree temperature its too risky.
Father Mulcahy comes in his robe, planning to use General General's shower since the one at the Rectory is weak, dirty, and overcrowded. Col. Potter suggests Mulcahy move out on his own, but he's terrified of doing so--he's never really lived on his own. Potter gently suggests he can handle it--Mulcahy's been through a war, after all. Mulcahy is dubious.
Dr. Boyer heads into Mike D'Angelo's office (which is quite comfortable, since it has a room air conditioner), to beg for a cooling blanket--a piece of new medical equipment--for his patient. D'Angelo says there's no way he can approve that, since reams of paperwork need to be processed first. Boyer is not satisfied by that, and promises that, "Whatever happens to my patient, will happen to you."
Klinger runs into Dr. Boyer in the bar across the street, and after some initial resistance from Boyer, they hit it off when it becomes clear Klinger is just as anti-authority as Boyer is, and is willing to help Boyer in his mission to go around D'Angelo to get a hold of a cooling blanket.
But what Boyer doesn't realize is, Mike D'Angelo is also trying to get a cooling blanket for the hospital, and turns to Col. Potter for help in getting one. He admits that, deep down, he's afraid of Boyer, which is the main reason he's going to this effort.
Potter pulls some strings with the Chief of Staff from another hospital, and arranges to get a cooling blanket from him. Meanwhile, Klinger makes a deal to get one, and meets his contact at the hospital's loading dock. Turns out, the one Klinger and Boyer get is the one Potter was supposed to get! When Potter learns the cooling blanket is now missing, he's furious.
Later that night, Potter has to tell Mike D'Angelo he couldn't get the cooling blanket. Little do they know, Dr. Boyer's patient is currently having his temperature lowered by the cooling blanket. Boyer sees that its working, and gives Klinger the thumbs up.
Fun Facts: Soon-Lee and Mildred do not appear in this episode.
Favorite Line: Dr. Boyer makes a play for Alma Cox, and he's not one to waste time with subtlety: "Get married, we'll have an affair. If it works out, I'll get married, too."
Season 1, Episode 16: It Had To Be You
Original Air Date: 1/23/84
Written by: Dennis Koenig, David Isaacs & Ken Levine
Directed by: Larry Gelbart
Father Mulcahy, Klinger, and Soon-Lee show up at the Potter's house so they can all drive together to Iowa to attend Radar's wedding. But just as they open the door, they see a surprise guest...Radar!
Radar is nervous and disheveled. After he calms down, he explains to his old pals that last night, during his bachelor party, his oldest friend revealed that he slept with Radar's fiancee. Radar got so flustered and furious at the news he just took off, and headed straight for Col. Potter's house. He didn't even tell his fiancee Sandy, who is at the moment headed for the church, thinking the wedding is still on.
Col. Potter calls Radar's mother to reassure her, and word gets to Sandy, who calls Radar there, to his fury. He storms off, only to go as far as the Potters' front porch.
Father Mulcahy goes out to talk to him, and Radar shares with him how tough his life has been since he got back from Korea. His farm collapsed, and even though he got a big pay-off from the government, he felt like a failure. Radar even contemplated re-enlisting.
A few hours later, Col. Potter then tries talking to Radar, telling him to maybe give Sandy another chance. Soon after, Radar's fiancee Sandy (Kathleen Wilhoite) arrives, in her wedding gown. At first they argue, but Radar realizes he does love Sandy, and they decide to get married. Father Mulcahy performs the ceremony, right then and there. In the middle of the ceremony, Sandy tells Radar that nothing happened between her and Radar's buddy.
Father Mulcahy pronounces them husband and wife, but Radar and Sandy embrace in a passionate kiss before he can finish the ceremony.
Fun Facts: There's a whole separate B-plot with Dr. Boyer, as we see him leave his cruddy, lonely apartment head over to a bar. He's lonely, but can't quite bring himself to talk to anyone, even the beautiful blonde nurse that walks in and makes eye contact with him.
Its a good storyline--dealing with the difficult readjustment some veterans had returning home--but feels odd for the show to give this much time to a brand-new character, especially when the show has other characters--Mike D'Angelo and Alma Cox--still to develop. (Although, to be fair, it does tie in with the main plot, briefly)
As of this episode, Jay O. Sanders (Dr. Pfeiffer) is gone from the opening credits, and the show. Clearly the Dr. Boyer character was brought in, and Dr. Pfeiffer was phased out.
I thought that was too bad, since I liked the character of Dr. Pfeiffer--his naive ways contrasted well with old hand Col. Potter. While Dr. Boyer is, on a gut level, a more compelling character, he's a lot more in the Hawkeye mold, which probably wasn't an accident.
Favorite Line: There's a brief discussion about the then-government policy of paying farmers not to grow food, which means after Radar's crops died, the U.S. government issued him a big check: I didn't grow corn, I didn't grow wheat. Next year I'm thinking of expanding and not getting into soybeans."
Season 1, Episode 12: All About Christmas Eve
Original Air Date: 12/19/83
Written by: Dennis Koenig
Directed by: Burt Metcalfe
It's Christmas Eve at General General, and everyone is stuck at the hospital.
Klinger is busy buying last minute Christmas presents, and Father Mulcahy is busy arranging a delivery of gifts to the patients via charitable donations.
Everyone seems in a good mood, except for Dr. Pfeiffer. When Father Mulcahy tries to give him a present, he refuses it, saying since he doesn't have money to give presents, he feels he shouldn't accept them either. Father Mulcahy tries to talk him out of it, but Pfeiffer mentions that back in his home town, his family was the recipient of the town's collective charity, and he's still sensitive about it.
Soon-Lee arrives, and we see she's there to visit Col. Potter. In his examining room, we learn why she's there: Col. Potter confirms that Soon-Lee is pregnant!
Mike D'Angelo and Alma Cox have a private Christmas get-together, but they're not on the same page: D'Angelo has invited most of the hospital's staff, but Cox was hoping it was a private romantic evening.
Before the Klingers go to the party, Soon-Lee tells Klinger they're going to have a baby--Klinger is overjoyed at the idea of being a father.
Down in the ward, Father Mulcahy unveils another present for the patients: a brand-new, high-tech television! Mulcahy is sure TV will be a source of culture and education, but all the patients want to watch are soap operas and midget wrestling. Unfortunately, it doesn't last long: a patient (a cop, who is sure his wife is cheating on him) gets so furious when he sees what he thinks is his personal life reflected on the soap, pulls out a gun and shoots the TV to death!
Meanwhile, Alma Cox is depressed at being thrown over by Mike D'Angelo. She drinks too much at the party, and is surly to everyone. As a way to pick herself up, she sneaks into Klinger's office, looking for grounds to fire him. In the middle of the attempt, though, she passes out.
Klinger finds her, drunk and passed out, in his office. He's furious, but is still nice enough to forge her name on some vital hospital documents that need to go out that night--if they don't, Cox would be fired. After that good deed, he calls his folks at Toledo to tell them the good news.
Fun Facts: The angry cop is played by Alan Fudge, who played the confused Arnold Chandler in the classic M*A*S*H Season Four episode, "Quo Vadis, Captain Chandler."
Ironically, for a spin-off, AfterM*A*S*H to this point didn't feature a lot of scenes with Potter, Klinger, and Mulcahy together. This episode ends with them sharing a Christmas toast, a nice moment.
Favorite Line: Father Mulcahy takes a phone call from a woman at the hospital's switchboard, apologizing for being late: "Sorry, I was removing mistletoe from the confessional--some young couple must have had fun last night."
The young woman slinks away: "I'll never do it again, Father."
Season 1, Episode 8: Sunday, Cruddy Sunday
Original Air Date: 11/14/83
Written by: Dennis Koenig
Directed by: Nick Havinga
Everyone is on hand for Father Mulcahy's Sunday Sermon, and its going on so long even Col. Potter is bored.
After it ends, everyone heads outside for a Visitor's Day Brunch, and several of the patients are met by Rev. Purvis Gentry (Geoffrey Lewis), a "freelance preacher" and used auto salesman. He's slick and fast-talking, and the minute Col. Potter sees him, he tells him in no uncertain terms to leave the premises.
Mike D'Angelo takes a real shine to Mildred Potter's niece Charlotte (Miriam Byrd-Netherly) and offers to personally show her around the hospital, much to Alma Cox's displeasure.
One of the patients doesn't have any one visiting him, so he's easy pickings for Rev. Gentry, who, despite Potter's admonition, has made his way into General General. He convinces one paraplegic patient he can walk if he just "believes" enough, which horrifies Father Mulcahy. He tells Purvis he's giving the young man false hope, but Purvis is unmoved, snidely insisting that Mulcahy is not a true man of God.
Despite all this, the young man tries to walk, and immediately crumbles to the floor. Mulcahy is there to help him up, trying to convince him that just because he will never walk again, he still has much to live for--"Not long ago, a man who couldn't walk was President of the United States! Do you think he had a reason to live?"
Mike D'Angelo really tries to get Charlotte to have a relationship with him, but she's recently widowed and just isn't ready. She departs, and D'Angelo is clearly very hurt.
After a patient determined to be admitted for being crazy smashes his car into the front door of the hospital (therefore "proving" he's crazy), Mike D'Angelo is being comforted back in his office by Alma Cox, who promises to take care of all the paperwork. Mike D'Angelo remarks how lucky he is to have her--"Now, if I could only find a woman."
Fun Facts: This episode features a nice debate which would later be framed in terms of Red States/Blue States--Rev. Gentry insists Mulcahy isn't a true religious man because he's from Philadelphia.
Soon-Lee does not appear in this episode.
Favorite Line: Mike D'Angelo tries to woo Charlotte, and he mentions his life since his divorce: "In the six years since my marriage fell apart, and I have had many opportunities for amorous escapades. But I have remained, in all but the most technical sense, pure."
Season 1, Episode 7: Little Broadcast of '53
Original Air Date: 11/7/83
Written by: Dennis Koenig
Directed by: Burt Metcalfe
Klinger starts a private radio station--KMAX--for the staff and patients of General General.
As Klinger plays music and makes announcements, we follow the trials of a new arrival, Nurse Canfield (Alice Cadogan), who is in over her head without a paddle. No one has bothered to show her around, so she's constantly dealing with one problem after the other: not knowing where anything is, not knowing whether to believe what some of the patients tell her (like the one who asks for her a back rub), and not knowing enough to find a way to make time to eat lunch.
Meanwhile, Father Mulcahy is trying to connect with a patient who seems either unable or unwilling to talk. There's a second patient, named Ernie(Timothy Stack) who talks too much--he's more than happy to take up all of Mulcahy's time (even when he's in the men's room!) going on and on about his problems, which are relatively minor.
Nurse Canfield is the victim of another prank by two of the patients, and she gets so fed up that she decides to quit. Col. Potter tries to talk her out of it by offering her some fatherly advice, which she takes to heart. Deciding to stick around, she ends up helping save the life of one of the two pranksters, with the help of the other one: after she shows what she's made of, the patient apologizes for giving her such a hard time.
Outside in the hall, the mute patient Father Mulcahy was trying to reach stands by Klinger's radio station, and sings along to one of the songs. Mulchay notices this, and finally connects with the young man.
Later, Mulcahy is in the radio booth as Klinger signs off for the day. He tells Klinger how his radio program helped the young patient, and Klinger promises to keep doing the show.
Fun Facts: This episode features a crawl that says: "Our grateful thanks to The Veterans Bedside Network", which was the organization in that "Toughest Ticket" ad.
Mrs. Potter, Alma Cox, and Soon-Lee do not appear in this episode.
Favorite Line: Klinger makes an announcement about the day's events: "There's a bus tour: Historic Hannibal: Mark Twain's house, Mark Twain's school, and the famous Courtney Hotel, once slept in my Merl Utley--who once met Mark Twain!"
Season 11, Episode 249: Give and Take
Original Air Date: 2/14/83
Written by: Dennis Keonig
Directed by: Charles S. Dubin
Among the newly-arrived wounded is a North Korean solider, shot by one of the G.I.s also at the 4077th. Before he goes under the knife, the G.I., named Kurland (Craig Wasson) tells B.J. the story--he had been shot, and while lying their wounded, he caught the North Korean trying to steal his boots.
Waking up in time, Kurland shot the North Korean soldier at point blank range, delivering a severe wound, something Kurland is proud of.
In Post Op, the North Korean is put alongside Kurland, who is aghast at a commie being allowed in the hospital. He softens when he sees how wounded the young man is, especially when he sees that the North Korean is suffering from severe frostbite--he was found, wounded, with his feet wrapped in bandages. Kurland offers the wounded man his extra blanket to help keep him warm. Margaret thanks him for the act of charity, but Kurland dismisses it, saying "Anything to shut him up."
Later, Klinger gives out candy bars to all the wounded, even the North Korean. The young man takes it, then offers it to Kurland, as a way to say thanks. Kurland accepts.
The next day, the North Korean solider takes a severe turn for the worse. Despite Hawkeye working on him a second time, he dies in Post Op a few hours later--right in front of Kurland.
Later, Kurland is ready to ship out, and Col. Potter hands him his boots. Upon touching them, Kurland begins to choke up, saying he now understands what the young man was trying to do--stealing Kurland's boots just to keep from freezing to death. Realizing he "would have done the same thing", he wonders how he'll ever be able to look at a pair of shoes again without thinking of this.
Potter tries to comfort Kurland, putting him arm around him, apologizing for their being "some wounds I just can't treat."
Fun Facts: The B-plot is about Winchester, stuck with the monthly charity fund-raising job, pawning it off on someone else, and then each successive person trades it away once they learn how tough it is to raise the money.
There's a great moment where Winchester, desperate to trade the job away, tries to get Margaret to do it. In response, Margaret laughs, "Ha! I wouldn't do that weenie job again if you boiled me in oil!"
The line's not all that great, but there's something about how informal Margaret is that makes me laugh. Can you picture the old "Hot Lips" Houlihan using a term like weenie?
Actor Craig Wasson also appeared in Nightmare on Elm Street 3, a cable staple when I was a teenager. Sometime around early 1988, he walked into the Roy Rogers restaurant I was working at. A bunch of us made a fuss, since we recognized him, and he was very gracious with us and all the attention. True story!
Favorite Line: Father Mulcahy returns the charity ledger, having made its way through the camp, to the original owner, Winchester. He mentions that the general in charge of the effort will go to the person whose name is in the book, and that's Winchester.
Slapping the book down, he says that once the general sees the empty ledger, "You'll be busted so low you'll be saying 'Yes, sir' to Klinger!"
Season 11, Episode 239: The Joker Is Wild
Original Air Date: 11/15/82
Written by: John Rappaport and Dennis Keonig
Directed by: Burt Metcalfe
B.J. pulls a prank on Hawkeye in the Swamp, which Hawkeye thinks is utterly lame. He's not bothered by being the butt of a joke, just its tired premise. He brags about the classic jokes he and Trapper pulled, which seems to make B.J. a tad jealous.
B.J. pulls another tired gag on Margaret in the Mess Tent, and the discussion again turns to "the good old days", which inspires B.J. to surmise that Trapper was such a genius that he could pull a gag on everyone in the next 24 hours, with each victim having to do a striptease on top of a table while singing "You're The Tops."
Everyone wonders when B.J. is going to kick it off, but he demurs, saying he doesn't go in for that sort of thing--its only something the "legendary Trapper" could pull off.
The next day starts off with a prank being pulled on Winchester, followed quickly by one on Potter. This sets Hawkeye on edge, convinced that if he keeps his eye on B.J. he won't get gotten.
Soon after, Margaret, Father Mulcahy, and Klinger fall victim to B.J., too. The build-up of suspense drives Hawkeye nuts--he treats everyone he encounters like they are part of B.J.'s elaborate prank, even a visiting doctor from the 8063rd (Clyde Kusatsu), who thinks Hawkeye is completely insane.
Its gets so bad that Hawkeye can't even sleep, spending the night surrounded by a fence made of barbed wire, golf club in hand, twitching at every sound.
The next morning, everyone reconvenes in the Mess Tent, and a weathered, tired-looking Hawkeye is smug about not having been pranked by B.J.
Hawkeye lords it over B.J. so much that it inspires the rest of them to admit the real truth--none of them were actually pranked. It was all an elaborate ruse by B.J., designed to drive Hawkeye crazy--every single joke perpetuated on Winchester, Potter, et al, were all phony. As B.J. calls it, "The best joke was the joke that never came."
Hawkeye, admitting when he's been bested, climbs atop the Mess Tent table, drops his drawers, and sings "You're The Tops" at full blast. The doctor from the 8063rd happens by, and walks away shaking his head, utterly convinced Hawkeye is crazy.
The next morning, B.J. makes sure there are no hard feelings. Hawkeye says of course not, promising he'll "never tangle with the master again." The joke master, B.J., wakes up and we see Hawkeye has indeed gotten revenge--by shaving half of B.J.'s mustache off.
Fun Facts: This whole episode feels like a giant tribute to Wayne Rogers and/or Trapper John.
Since everyone at M*A*S*H knew this was the last season, I've always thought this episode was the series taking a moment to stop and pay homage (especially since Trapper is the only departed character not mentioned in the penultimate episode, "As Time Goes By").
Related to that, during the reminisces about Trapper in the Mess Tent, Hawkeye calls Trapper "A man of ahead of his time." He turns to Margaret, asking, "Right, Margaret?" to which she replies, "He was a ridiculous, juvenile child." Hawkeye, proud of the response, says, "See?"
Actor Clyde Kusatsu previously appeared in Season Eight's "Goodbye Cruel World", as well as Season Two's "Henry in Love" and "Officers Only."
Favorite Line: In an episode with many funny lines, nothing, but nothing, beats Hawkeye's prank on B.J. at the very end of the episode, pictured above. That one shot of B.J. with half a mustache (with Hawkeye silently losing it in the background, gleeful of pulling the joke off) remains one of my all-time favorite M*A*S*H moments. (And, in its own way, is yet another reference to days gone by)
Season 11, Episode 237: Trick or Treatment
Original Air Date: 11/1/82
Written by: Dennis Keonig
Directed by: Charles S. Dubin
Its Halloween night at the 4077th, and a battalion of visiting Marines are getting hammered over at Rosie's Bar. Hawkeye, B.J., Col. Potter, Margaret, and Klinger are all in costume, planning to head over to the party.
Winchester, wanting nothing to do with any Halloween celebration, has volunteered to be on duty in Post Op. He ends up with first patient almost immediately--a Pvt. Mosconi (George Wendt) who stuck a pool ball in his mouth as a gag, but now can't get it back out. Winchester examines him, torturing the poor guy pretending not to even notice the ball jutting out of his jaw.
Before everyone can make the party, wounded arrive, including one young soldier already toe-tagged. There's so many patients that the doctors don't have time to examine the dead young man closely, so his body is put off to the side while they tend to the living.
During the session in OR, each of the doctors tell ghost stories. Everyone gets spooked, except for Winchester, who doesn't believe any of it.
More wounded arrive, keeping the doctors busy. We see the young dead solider laying on the compound. Except...he's not quite dead. We see his hand move slightly, then stop again. But no one notices.
Graves Registration arrives looking for any dead soldiers. There's still just the one, the young man came in that way. They carry the body onto their truck, but stop to grab a cup of coffee, leaving him there while they rest.
At the end of the night, all the wounded have been taken care of. Father Mulchay returns from a trip to the orphanage, and he runs into Hawkeye, who tells him how busy they were. Father Mulcahy asks if any of them need last rites, and the only one that does is the young man in the truck.
Just before Graves Registration drives off, Father Mulcahy stops them, wanting to give the man last rites. He climbs into the truck, and begins the ritual--then stops. He is shocked to see a tear falling from the man's eye, and he calls out for Hawkeye.
Later, in Post Op, all the doctors huddle around the young man, on his way to recovery now that he's been tended to. B.J. remarks this is the first time being "dead" wasn't terminal, and Hawkeye suggests "This is a ghost story none of us will ever be able to top."
Fun Facts: There's a great, angry speech from Potter to an MP looking to investigate a solider who ran over a chicken coop. He mentions having "A dozen types of blood squishing in my boots", having little time for such a penny ante distraction.
One of the drunken Marines is played by Andrew Dice Clay (here billed as Andrew Clay), of all people. He's not bad in this small role, and pretty funny. Obviously, his career took a very different path.
Favorite Line: Winchester, pretending not to fully comprehend why the Marine has a pool ball in his mouth. He looks at it, and says: "Oh, look, there's a little '6' painted on it! Could that be...how old you are?"
Season 10, Episode 231: Promotion Commotion
Original Air Date: 3/1/82
Written by: Dennis Keonig
Directed by: Charles S. Dubin
It's promotion time again, and Hawkeye, B.J., and Winchester are put in charge of the review process, selecting candidates to be recommended for promotion.
Many of the enlisted men try and curry favor by being extra helpful and polite, some with outright bribery (Igor prepares Hawkeye and B.J.'s favorite food for lunch, for example).
But one of them tries a more direct route: Cpl. Hitalksi (John Matuszak), who is a mountain of a man, finds Winchester and asks to be recommended. When Winchester points out Hitalski's record of brawling has already disqualified him, he threatens Winchester with, as Winchester puts it, "a fist the approximate size of Ohio."
The three doctors put together a quiz on Army protocol, and all the candidates fail miserably--except for Klinger, who aces every question. Hawkeye, B.J., and Winchester are so impressed they break into a round of applause.
Winchester tries to turn to Hawkeye and B.J. for help with Hitalski, but they point out that even if they went along and recommended Hitalski, Potter would bounce it. And even if he didn't, I-Corps would. That leaves Winchester with not a lot of good options.
A few days later, the promotion list is released, and Klinger has been promoted to Sergeant! He, Hawkeye, and B.J. are overjoyed, but its not good news for everyone--Winchester's cot is already empty.
Hitalski nevertheless finds Winchester (hiding in Post Op), and is about to punch his lights out when Hawkeye, B.J., and Klinger bust in. They tell Hitalski a supplemental list came out, with him on it! They also tell him that Hitalksi is being transferred back to the States, and they rush him into a jeep and out of camp.
Winchester is stunned at the turn of events, then watches Klinger call the MPs, and inform them that there's a Cpl. Hitalski, who just threatened to beat up an officer and is carrying forged travel papers, on the way down the road. The MPs promise to arrest Hitalski, much to the relief of everyone.
Fun Facts: There's a B-plot about Col. Potter and the bond he forms with a young solider who wants to join the Bomb Disposal Unit just to feel more like a man. Potter treats him like the son he never had, even though the show stated he had a son in seasons four and five.
Favorite Line: After blowing Hawkeye's chances with a nurse, Rizzo defends himself in his particular Nawlins patois: "I was jus' tryin' to hep!"
Hawkeye, angrily: "I don't need your hep!"
Season 10, Episode 218: Give 'Em Hell, Hawkeye
Original Air Date: 11/16/81
Written by: Dennis Keonig
Directed by: Charles S. Dubin
Hawkeye gets enraged upon reading in the newspaper how poorly the peace talks are going, so mad that he sits down and writes a letter to President Truman, with a simple request: stop the war.
He tells the president about some of the stupid, troubling, and demoralizing events at the 4077th, like when a Col. Ditka (Stefan Gierasch) arrived and demanded the camp start a beautification effort since, in the eyes of visiting dignitaries, "This place just looks terrible."
In exchange for much needed equipment, the 4077th agrees to go along with Ditka's request, and Margaret and Klinger are put in charge. They hire a local boy, Kim Han (Lance Toyoshima) to round up bushes and plants from the nearby hills. Kim Han is a smooth talker, wiser than his years, and is obsessed with all thing American.
He's so obsessed that he asks B.J. to perform elective surgery on his eyes, to make them look "more American." B.J., horrified, turns Kim Han down, but that doesn't stop Kim Han. He wanders off, saying he'll just travel to the 8063rd where someone will do it for him.
Hawkeye relays this to Truman in his letter, worried that if the U.S. stays in Korea any longer, they'll "have all of Korea disoriented."
Later, Margaret sits down to a meal next to Kim Han, just before he heads off to the 8063rd. She butters him up, telling him what a dreamboat he is, and how, in just a few years, he's going to be a real lady killer, unlike the "clumsy young boys" many of the G.I.s were at his age.
Kim Han takes all this in, and then turns down his ride to the 8063rd. Margaret, smiling, leaves the Mess Tent, giving B.J., sitting nearby, the thumbs up.
The beautification project finally gets finished, complete with water fountain made from bedpans. Col. Ditka comes to inspect it, and, after a few moments of silent contemplation, says he likes it. The 4077th breaks into cheers, knowing they'll be getting the new, better water heater they need.
Hawkeye relates this crazy scheme to President Truman, ending the letter with a plea for help to bring them all home.
Fun Facts: Another episode where M*A*S*H's timeline is completely out of whack: Truman is still president in this episode, even though we learned officially that Eisenhower was in office as far back as Season Four's "The Late Captain Pierce."
Winchester inoculates all the local "bar girls" to prevent an STD outbreak. One of the young women is asked if her mother knows what she does for a living. She turns to the older woman next to her, points, and says proudly, in broken English: "Dees is my mada!" For whatever reason, Tracy and I laugh every time we hear that particular read.
There seems to be some odd continuity in this episode, outside of the stuff with the presidents--in one sequence near the end, Hawkeye hands the letter for Truman to Nurse Kellye, asking her to drop it in the mail. But, in the following scene, Hawkeye is still writing it!
Favorite Line: Klinger talks up Kim Han's smarts: "Yesterday we played Name The Capitals. He skunked me--and I knew four!"
Season 9, Episode 213: The Foresight Saga
Original Air Date: 4/13/81
Written by: Dennis Keonig
Directed by: Charles S. Dubin
Col. Potter convenes a meeting of the staff in his office to deliver some nice news: in his hands is a letter from...Radar!
Radar says he's become quite a success as a farmer, how much he misses everyone, and how he all hopes they'll get to come home soon, too.
While handing the letter to Father Mulcahy, Klinger accidentally breaks Col. Potter's glasses. Potter, now sans both pairs (Klinger broke those, too), tells Klinger to get the I-Corps optometrist to the 4077th, pronto.
Afterwards, Hawkeye, B.J., and Col. Potter have lunch, and for once there's actually decent food to eat: fresh cole slaw, made by a young Korean boy named Park Sung (Rummel Mor), as a way to pay the doctors back for taking care of his grandmother.
Park Sung is a whiz at farming, and he even has a guide to growing crops given to him by a G.I. But Park Sung's glasses are so beaten up that its hard for him to read it, or anything. Hawkeye wonders if the optometrist can make Park Sung new glasses as long as he'll be at the camp.
The optometrist, Dr. Herzog (Phillip Sterling) arrives, and arranges for new pairs of glasses for both Potter and Park Sung. He's a bit flummoxed when Margaret bluntly flirts with him, but it turns out its all a ruse: Margaret has been having some trouble with her eyes, and she's sensitive about it, so she pretends she's there on romantic grounds.
Herzog comforts her that she's suffering from a mild allergy, nothing serious. Margaret is still concerned that her eyes aren't getting any better, that she's noticeably aging, but Herzog comforts her, and they become friends. They decide to twist the knife on Hawkeye and B.J., and spend an evening at the O Club together, only to leave early. When Margaret picks up a basket of pretzels, Hawkeye asks why she's taking them. "Because", she says, lustfully, "I don't smoke."
Meanwhile, Park Sung is wounded by artillery staying behind to defend his land, even after his family have left to go further south. Luckily, his wounds are minor, but now he has no family, no "home" to go home to. Hawkeye and B.J. put him up in the Swamp until he decides what to do next.
That night, everyone starts reminiscing about Radar, and they decide to give him a call. Col. Potter ends up speaking to Radar's mother, who admits that things, in fact, are not going all that well on the farm: crops are bad, and they don't have enough money to hire help, leaving Radar to do all the work himself, followed by a night job at the county store.
They all try to decide what they can do to help Radar, and then Park Sung walks in, asking about his pet rabbit, who appears sick. One by one, they all get the idea to send Park Sung to Iowa to go live with the O'Reillys. Park Sung loves the idea, and soon after they throw him a goodbye party, complete with gifts.
One of the gifts is a Korean-English dictionary, and Park Sung uses it to say all this is..."terrific."
Fun Facts: One of M*A*S*H's greatest writers, Everett Greenbaum, once said something to the effect of that it was a great show, "Until everyone became so damn nice to one another." Arguments can be made about the truth of that, but when I read that quote, I think of this episode. Its a fine show, but everyone is so unbelievably nice to one another that there's virtually no conflict in the entire 23+ minutes.
On the other hand, considering how debased and mean-spirited TV would become in just a few short years, complaining about a show that's too nice does seem a bit churlish.
Favorite Line: After Klinger breaks Potter's glasses, Father Mulcahy says surely he has another pair. Potter, through gritted teeth, asks Klinger if he wants to tell Father Mulcahy what happened to those.
Klinger: "I broke those last week...but you gotta admit, Colonel, I really nailed that fly good!"
Season 9, Episode 209: Bottoms Up
Original Air Date: 3/2/81
Written by: Dennis Koenig
Directed by: Alan Alda
An old friend of Margaret's, Capt. Helen Whitfield (Gail Strickland), is serving out her final weeks in the Army at the 4077th. Margaret and her are spending time playing cards, and Helen keeps winning. Margaret wants to keep playing, but Helen begs off and says she has to write a letter home.
The next morning, wounded arrive, and Helen seems a little under the weather. Nurse Kellye offers to cover for her, but Helen insists she's fine.
During the session, Margaret asks Helen for a bottle of AB+, but she grabs the wrong kind. Klinger notices, and points out her mistake.
Near the end of the session, Hawkeye and B.J. pull a prank on Winchester, faking a wounded patient. It goes over like a lead balloon, and when it comes time to fess up, B.J. leaves Hawkeye holding the bag. Later, in the Mess Tent, Hawkeye is greeted with jeers and Winchester is treated like a hero. Hawkeye can't stand it.
Later that night, Margaret and Helen have drinks in the O Club, and once again before the evening is over, Helen takes off, claiming she has to write another letter home.
Also in the O Club, Hawkeye and B.J. plan a prank where Hawkeye will purposely be the victim, to get the camp back on his side. Except that...it doesn't work, and Winchester gets it again. B.J., acting like he doesn't know what's going on, tells Hawkeye "Enough is enough!"
In the middle of the night, Klinger goes to the Supply Shed, and he stumbles on Helen, alone and drunk.
The next morning, Klinger tells Col. Potter about it, and he then goes to Margaret to ask her about it. Margaret is vehement in her defense of her friend, accusing Col. Potter of a double standard--its okay for the men to drink, but when a woman does it...
Col. Potter gets Margaret to calm down, and she assures him its not a problem. But immediately after that, Margaret finds Helen in her tent, demanding to know if she's back on the booze. Helen defends herself, saying its not a problem. Margaret is adamant--she's transferring Helen to the lab.
Hawkeye figures out that the failed prank in the O Club was the work of B.J., who's been working against both of them. They then hatch a prank together, and the next morning B.J. wakes up, naked, in his cot--except its in the Nurses Tent, with a blanket stapled to the cot.
Days later, in the Mess Tent, Helen starts to freak out when she gets her tray of food. She starts screaming and convulsing, and Col. Potter and Margaret grab her, trying to calm her down. Potter says she's suffering from the DTs--which can happen when someone is trying to "dry out."
Weeks later, Margaret reads a letter from Helen, saying she's back home, getting help with her problem. She and Col. Potter toast her with two Scotch and Waters--holding the Scotch.
Fun Facts: The scene with Margaret and Col. Potter is excellent--there's some genuine anger and tension between them, and when she accuses Col. Potter of occasionally staggering back to his tent on all fours, Potter has had enough, and gets in her face, insisting "Okay--hold the insolence."
Favorite Line: Klinger tries to ask Col. Potter for advice on what to do, but he doesn't want to give any details, so he asks about a friend, "At another MASH unit...back home, in Toledo."
Potter: "Yeah, I hear the fighting's been real fierce back there lately."
Season 9, Episode 204: Operation Friendship
Original Air Date: 1/26/81
Written by: Dennis Koenig
Directed by: Rena Down
After a session in OR, Klinger forgets to put some of the supplies away. Winchester trips over it, causing him to bellow at Klinger for his forgetfulness.
While standing over Klinger telling him how to do his job, the camp's generator fizzles out for a moment. That causes the Autoclave to malfunction, and it begins to emit a loud whistle. Klinger gets up and pushes Winchester out of the way, just at the exact moment B.J. walks in to see what all the noise is.
The Autoclave then blows its hatch, shooting a geyser of steam, blowing B.J. across the room into the wall!
Potter runs in, and sees that B.J. is shaken up. Claiming he's fine, he sends B.J. back to the Swamp to rest. He then tends to Klinger, who broke his nose on a stretcher while shoving Winchester out of the way.
Winchester is stunned and humbled at Klinger's act of bravery, and insists on taking care of Klinger with the utmost care. To that end, he offers to fill in for Klinger as Company Clerk while he's on the mend.
Back at the Swamp, Hawkeye is nervous about B.J., who still insists he's fine. They take an x-ray, and don't see anything wrong. But Hawkeye isn't reassured when B.J. drops a martini onto the floor of the Swamp, the glass smashing to bits.
Potter calls in a replacement surgeon, who arrives later that night--Captain Norman Traeger (Tim O'Connor). He asks to examine B.J., brusquely shoving Hawkeye out of the way, who is immediately offended.
Turns out Traeger is a specialist in this kind of injury, and he doesn't have any time for Hawkeye's opinions. Or B.J.'s, for that matter. After initially not finding anything, Hawkeye and Traeger break out into an argument, which Potter has to put the kibosh on.
The next morning, wounded arrives, and B.J.'s arm is causing him serious pain, but he won't let on. Hawkeye snipes at Traeger, who he is convinced won't be able to handle the pressure.
But Traeger is a superb surgeon, quick and able. When Hawkeye butts in on one of his patients, he's embarrassed when he sees that Traeger has handled everything perfectly.
Helping out in Pre-Op, B.J.'s bumps his wounded hand, and he doubles over in pain. He heads into OR, finally admitting he's got a real problem--his hand is white as a sheet, and he can barely move it.
They determine that B.J. has a Compartment Hemorrhage, and that if it isn't operated on immediately he'll lose the use of his hand. Hawkeye, swallowing his pride, orders Traeger to work on B.J., since he is the expert, taking Traeger's current patient. Traeger makes a crack at Hawkeye's expense, which B.J. doesn't take too well to.
Later, B.J. is recuperating, and both he and Hawkeye congratulate Traeger on his fine work. Traeger, instead of being magnanimous, says, "What did you expect? I'm not an intern, you know", and walks out of the Swamp.
Hawkeye and B.J. break into stunned laughter over Traeger's ego. B.J. says he should've "died, right there on the table", just to show Traeger up.
Fun Facts: As a kid, I absolutely loved B.J.'s line (see below) defending Hawkeye. I would've killed to have had a friend like that.
Actor Tim O'Connor played an angry Colonel in Season Four's "Of Moose and Men", who also had a real problem with Hawkeye.
The B-plot revolves around Klinger taking advantage of Winchester's attempts to make amends. He has Winchester read him Mickey Spillane's "I, The Jury" out loud, but the paperback they read from was not published until the late 1950s.
Favorite Line: When Traeger, about to operate on B.J., mocks Hawkeye one too many times, B.J. says: "Better watch what you say, Traeger--I've still got one good hand."
Season 9, Episode 199: Death Takes A Holiday
Original Air Date: 12/15/80
Written by: Mike Farrell, John Rappaport, Dennis Koenig, Thad Mumford & Dan Wilcox, and Burt Metcalfe
Directed by: Mike Farrell
Its Christmas, and there's a truce on. Everyone is preparing for the big Christmas feats for the the nearby orphanage. When the supply line that was supposed to deliver the food gets cut, all of the 4077th band together and donate their holiday care packages--B.J. donates fudge, Nurse Kellye donates Macadamia nuts, and Rizzo donates...pig's feet.
They turn to Winchester to donate, but he offers just a small tin of oysters, despite him having received several large packages marked "perishable" in the last few weeks. Despite constant insults from everyone, Winchester refuses to budge.
We see, though, that Winchester has his own plans: he's bringing all the packages to the nearby orphanage, late at night. When he's caught the orphanage's headmaster, Choi Sung Ho (Keye Luke), Winchester tells him its part of a Winchester Family tradition: on Christmas Eve, they leave an anonymous gift of expensive, handmade chocolates on the doorstep of a needy family. Mr. Ho gratefully accepts the gifts, promising Winchester to keep it a secret.
Meanwhile, the truce is broken when a wounded solider is brought in just as the 4077th is kicking off the Christmas party for the kids. Hawkeye, B.J., and Margaret decide to take the case, and keep it secret from everyone else, lest the holiday spirit be ruined.
The young man is seriously wounded, and both Hawkeye and B.J. are certain he's going to die. After seeing a picture of the young man with his family, B.J. decides to continue working on him, determined to keep the man alive long enough so that he won't die on Christmas Day.
Meanwhile, at the party, Winchester sees Rizzo eating a piece of the expensive chocolate. When Rizzo tells him he got in on the Black Market, Winchester asks one of the orphans if they got any chocolate for Christmas. When the little girl says no, Winchester angrily confronts Mr. Ho.
They go outside (with Klinger overhearing the whole conversation), where Mr. Ho admits he sold all the chocolate. Winchester is enraged, calling him a "parasite", but Mr. Ho explains that the chocolate was so valuable that, on the Black Market, it could buy enough rice and cabbage to feed the kids for a month.
Winchester, stunned, apologizes, realizing, as he says, "It's improper to give dessert to a child who's had no meal." Mr. Ho accepts, and returns to the party, with Winchester going back to the Swamp.
As Hawkeye and B.J. continue working, Klinger visits Winchester, bringing with him small samples of all the food at the party. When Winchester asks what the gag is, Klinger says its not a gag: "It's an old family tradition...one that must remain anonymous."
Back in Pre-Op, the young man is about to die. B.J. is so caught up in the moment, though, he tries to stop Father Mulcahy from performing the last rites, alarming everyone.
B.J. calms down, but wants to keep working, but Hawkeye insists he stop: "Let him go...let him rest." B.J. listens, feeling defeated.
Hawkeye then walks to the clock on the wall, and moves the hands to past midnight, declaring: "Look, he made it." They decide, instantaneously, to fake the death certificate.
Later, they run into Col. Potter and a young Korean boy dressed in a Santa hat. Potter saved the last four pieces of fudge for them, which they use as a toast. As the snow falls, B.J. wishes the rest of them a Merry Christmas.
Fun Facts: One of my favorite later-period episodes, since I find both A and B plots compelling.
That said, the whole idea of the doctors working so hard not to let their patient die on Christmas seems a little thin to build a whole episode on: I can't say from experience (thankfully), but I would imagine someone close to me dying on December 26th wouldn't be that much different than them dying on the 25th.
The little kid Potter uses an elf is unbelievably cute. When he offers his tray of food to the doctors, he says in a squeaky voice, "Fudge!", which Tracy and I never fail to imitate when he hear it. Seriously--it should be a ringtone or something.
Favorite Line: When Winchester learns that Klinger knows about his efforts to give the orphans the chocolate, he turns, looks at Klinger, and quietly says, "Thank you, Max."
Klinger responds: "Merry Christmas...Charles."
