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Episode 1: W*A*L*T*E*R
Original Air Date: 7/14/84
Written by: Everett Greenbaum, Bob Schiller, and Bob Weiskopf
Directed by: Billy Bixby
W*A*L*T*E*R opens in St. Louis, Missouri, as Walter "Radar" O'Reilly, and cousin Wendell (Ray Buktenica) are preparing for Radar's first day as a uniformed police officer.
Its a big day for Radar, as a recently recorded interview he did with Clete Roberts (who came to the 4077th to interview the staff during the war) is airing on television today. Roberts mentions doing a series of "follow up" interviews. He has previously talked to Hawkeye, and now has found Radar.
Radar explains that he didn't feel right about continuing to take money from the government to not grow crops (as a program of the time was doing), so he tried his hand at making the farm work again. It failed again, forcing Radar to sell it and move to St. Louis to find a job.
Turns out Radar's marriage (as seen in AfterM*A*S*H's First Season episode "It Had To Be You") fell apart even before the honeymoon, with his bride Sandy running back to Otumwa to be with a mutual friend of theirs.
Radar, stranded in St. Louis, considered killing himself by taking an overdose of sleeping pills, though he seems hardly up to the task. He meets a nice clerk at the pharmacy named Victoria (Victoria Jackson), and it gets him off his suicidal mission.
Radar and are watching the rest of the Clete Roberts interview on a TV in a department store window, and the crowd around them recognize Radar as the man on the set. He gets mobbed for autographs and pictures, but he's uncomfortable with the attention. A few moments later, he notices his wallet is missing--someone from the crowd must have lifted it!
Radar is horrified, since, aside from his police I.D. and his money, his wallet contained a picture of him, Hawkeye, Col. Blake, and Major Houlihan, which is nearly a sacred item to him.
On the trail of the wallet, they investigate a disturbance backstage at a burlesque theater--a stripper with a bird for a partner is distraught because the bird has gone missing! After a frantic search, Radar's radar (and his knowledge of animals) comes in handy, as he's able to hear the bird and lure it to his shoulder.
Resuming the search, they spot a kid from the crowd who, despite wearing an arm cast, was able to pat them on the back as he left. They give chase, finally catching up to him. The kid, named Elston, claims to be innocent of the crime. As Radar talks to him, we learn that Elston is essentially an orphan, living with his grandmother and scraping to survive.
Radar takes pity on the kid, and buys him some ice cream floats at the pharmacy. He talks to Victoria about his missing wallet, and mentions that the only thing he misses it his picture from Korea. Elston, feeling guilty, gives up the wallet, admitting that hid Dad was killed in Korea.
Radar lets the kid go, but asks Elston to meet him at the pharmacy the same time every week, so they can talk and Radar can keep tabs on him. Elston leaves, and Victoria tells Radar how nice it is of him to look after the kid, giving him a kiss on the cheek.
Fun Facts: The police chief is played by Noble Willingham, who played the owner/bartender of The Recovery Room on AfterM*A*S*H.
There's a scene where Victoria Jackson does her trademark silly song and dance bit, which she did on Saturday Night Live many times. Its so out of place, it stops the show dead in its tracks. The camera has to carefully cut around the fact that, during her handstand, Victoria's waitress skirt rises (falls?), so you can see her underwear, something so out of place for a 1950s small town public place that its absurd.
There is one tiny, quiet moment--when Radar is showing Wendell his picture from the 4077th (which we don't see), he mentions that Col. Blake got killed. Actor Ray Buktenica does a quick little turn of the head, taking notice of the resigned sadness in Radar's voice.
Favorite Line: Despite being at least partly written by Everett Greenbaum, one of M*A*S*H's best writers, I didn't find a single line in this show funny, or even memorable. I can see why CBS didn't greenlight this a series.
Don't get me wrong; W*A*L*T*E*R's heart is in the right place: Radar, as written here, is the same befuddled but endearingly gentle character that we loved from M*A*S*H. But, unlike AfterM*A*S*H, which I think from the get go established a different feeling from its predecessor, W*A*L*T*E*R feels like its trying to milk the warm feelings the viewers had for the original show without adding anything new to it.
Plus, at the time of this pilot being shot (around early 1984), AfterM*A*S*H wasn't exactly burning up the airwaves, so I could see why CBS would think a second M*A*S*H spin-off on the air would be too much of a lukewarm thing. Like AfterM*A*S*H, W*A*L*T*E*R remains an odd, almost completely forgotten coda to the long, celebrated history of the original series.
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Okay, even though I said this before, this is the ostensible ending to AfterMASH.blogspot.com. Thanks to M*A*S*H fan What The Parrot Saw, the rotation points needed for this blog to end got increased, so it needed to stick around long enough to talk about AfterM*A*S*H and W*A*L*T*E*R.
I appreciate everyone who did stick around, and said such nice things about my humble little effort here. And like I said the first time this was supposed to end, you never know when I'll have something new to say about M*A*S*H--which, for me, is a pretty regular event. If I do, I'll say it here.
Until then, goodbye, farewell, and amen!
Season 1, Episode 17: Odds and Ends
Original Air Date: 1/30/84
Written by: Everett Greenbaum & Elliott Reed
Directed by: Peter Levin
Klinger and Soon-Lee are making preparations for the birth of their child. Klinger is upset when Soon-Lee mentions she received hand-me-downs from friends and family, to use for their child. He feels like its charity, and is determined to find a way to make some extra money.
He decides to try betting--first on a horse race, then on a basketball. He even bets on Jai Alai, without even knowing what it is!
Meanwhile, Col. Potter tells Bob Scanell that because of some shrapnel that's been in his shoulder since WWI, he needs surgery again. At first, Bob is hesitant, but listens to Potter's advice and agrees. Scannell searches out Father Mulcahy--not because he's afraid of dying, but to change his will.
Klinger ends up winning some money right away, and of course he's thrilled. Col. Potter admonishes him to be careful--save what he's won, and don't try and win anymore. But of course Klinger won't listen, and is sure that his winning streak will continue.
He comes across a crap game run inside a bathroom of General General, and can't help but get involved. Before long, he's lost it all. Unfortunately, before this, he called Soon-Lee and told her to head down to the baby store and buy everything they needed.
Later, one of the nurses went to get Bob Scanell to prep him for his surgery, but he's missing. Potter tells her to put Klinger in charge of finding him, but Klinger is nowhere to be found, either.
They're both at a nearby bar, drowning their respective sorrows and worries. Klinger tells Scanell about his upcoming fatherhood, and Scanell talks about how lonely he is--he even has a kid, but he doesn't ever come to visit him.
Father Mulcahy funds them, and Klinger has to face Col. Potter, and then Soon-Lee, and tell her the bad news. Soon-Lee is elated at their new found wealth, and Klinger can't just bring himself to tell her what's happened.
But then Klinger finds an envelope in his desk, filled with $500 in cash. How did it get there?
Klinger finds Father Mulcahy and tells him about the money, sure that it was left there by Col. Potter. Mulcahy tells Klinger it wasn't Potter, it was Bob Scanell!
We then flashback to Bob and Mulcahy finishing up the will, and after Bob leaves Col. Potter his beloved fishing pole, he shows Mulcahy a coffee can he has filled to the brim with cash, uncashed checks, and bonds--a small fortune. Bob's been receiving various checks over the years, but since he's been living at the V.A. all these years he needed any of it.
Before he went under the knife, Bob made Mulchay promise that $500 of his money go to Klinger's unborn child. Klinger thanks him profusely, and Bob is wheeled into the O.R.
Later, Bob wakes up, the surgery having gone perfectly. Klinger and Soon-Lee are there, along with Col. Potter.
Fun Facts: Mildred Potter, Mike D'Angelo, Alma Cox, and Dr. Boyer do not appear in this episode.
Favorite Line: Col. Potter is showing his old war buddy Bob Scanell his x-ray, and how some shrapnel he got in WWI has been moving around his body over the decades: "This stuff's been on the road longer than The Student Prince."
Season 1, Episode 11: Bladder Day Saints
Original Air Date: 12/12/83
Written by: Everett Greenbaum & Elliott Reed
Directed by: Nick Havinga
A group of veterans arrives for their yearly physical, including a bladder check, which none of them look forward to. Col. Potter asks why all these bladder checks are done all at once, and Mike D'Angelo's answer is predictable: this is how the government wants it done.
That same day, Soon-Lee starts volunteering at the hospital, something Klinger isn't wild about. He's sure Soon-Lee's youth and looks will drive these bored, lonely men nuts, but Soon-Lee is insistent.
Klinger runs into an old friend from Korea, an ex-solider named Pete (Kevin Brophy). Pete is thrilled to see Klinger, and they make plans to go to a football game together. Klinger is sad when he sees Pete is at General General to get a new prosthetic leg, revealing an injury Klinger never knew about. But Pete seems to take it all in stride, laughing about the whole thing.
A particularly ornery patient, named Kraus (Jerry Hardin), is not happy with Dr. Pfeiffer's care (specifically, Pfeiffer's youth and unwillingness to cater to his every whim), and calls a friend in their congressman's office to complain. That trickles down to Mike D'Angelo, who is furious at Pfeiffer, and tells Potter to straighten him out.
Potter agrees with Pfeiffer's point of view, but has to instruct his young charge about how things operate at a VA hospital. Since this Kraus guy has friends in high places, they have to listen to his complaints.
Later, Pfeiffer learns another one of his patients, a sweet, good-natured guy named Gorcey (Mickey Jones), died during a routine operation. He's floored by the news, and then right at that moment, Kraus begins banging his water pitcher with his spoon, demanding his dinner in bed.
Pfeiffer is enraged, and grabs Kraus's bed, dragging it out into the hallway, into the cafeteria. He starts throwing globs of food into Kraus's lap, demanding he eat it, much to the amusement of the other veterans in the cafeteria.
Potter and D'Angelo show up, ready to ball Pfeiffer out, but Kraus is so nasty that they start to see Pfeiffer's point of view. Kraus says he plans to sue D'Angelo and the hospital, but when everyone in the cafeteria pretend they didn't see a thing, Kraus knows he's been beat. Furious, he attacks D'Angelo!
Fun Facts: Alma Cox does not appear in this episode.
Actor Kevin Brophy appeared on M*A*S*H, in Season Eight's "Life Time." Actor Mickey Jones also appeared on the show, in Season Ten's "Snap Judgment."
Favorite Line: Dr. Pfeiffer is arguing with Kraus, who refuses to go to the cafeteria to get his own lunch, even though he's physically able. He barks, "How am I supposed to get there, on my hands and knees?!"
Pfeiffer responds, "No, that's usually how we come from there."
Sure, if you swap the words "Mess Tent" and "cafeteria", its a joke that could've (and probably did) come right from M*A*S*H, but it still made me laugh.
Season 1, Episode 5: Night Shift
Original Air Date: 10/24/83
Written by: Everett Greenbaum and Elliott Reed
Directed by: Edward H. Feldman
Dr. Pfeiffer is forced to stay on duty overnight at General General when his relief calls out sick. Already having put in a full day, he's exhausted and a bit short-tempered about being stuck there all night.
Meanwhile, Col. Potter is trying to have a romantic night with his wife, but gets interrupted when Dr. Pfeiffer calls looking for advice on a case. After a few moments, he grows distracted from his dinner and decides to head in to the hospital.
When he arrives, he sees Klinger working late, too. He asks why Klinger isn't home with Soon-Lee, but Klinger won't answer and jumps in the elevator.
Col. Potter assists Pfeiffer in surgery, and he notices that Pfeiffer is barely able to stay awake. Pfeiffer claims its because he's working such a long day, but Potter isn't buying it. Pfeiffer admits he's moonlighting at another hospital--"The only way to make ends meet", he claims. Potter is sympathetic, and offers to stay on duty while Pfeiffer gets some sleep.
There's more trouble--a fight breaks out between two patients (after one of them makes a racist remark towards the other), Father Mulcahy tries to sneak in the young son of a patient even though its against the rules, and then the elevator breaks down with Father Mulcahy and a young woman named Sarah (a prostitute posing as a nurse, played by Carolsue Walker) stuck inside.
We find out that Klinger is working all night to find three mattresses missing from inventory, which are being used (unbeknownst to him) in a prostitution racket involving the young woman and her pseudo-pimp (David Graf) being run in a back room of the hospital!
After talking with Mulcahy, Sarah decides to go straight, and gives up her life on the street. She tells Klinger where to find the missing mattresses, and departs. Col. Potter finally goes home, to find Mildred already in bed, the whole romantic evening a washout.
Fun Facts: The guy who accompanies Pfeiffer's patient is played by actor/comedian Blake Clark, who also played an MP in "Goodbye, Farewell, and Amen." (He's the MP who ships the North Korean musicians away in the truck)
Actor David Graf also appeared on M*A*S*H, as the tough-as-nails Lieutenant in Season Ten's "A Holy Mess."
There's a scene in the elevator where Sarah talks about a great movie she saw, The Song of Bernadette. Father Mulcahy says he's never seen it, even though he mentions how much he liked it in an episode of M*A*S*H.
Mike D'Angelo and Alma Cox do not appear in this episode.
Favorite Line: Sarah, trapped in the elevator with Mulcahy, is scared he knows who she is. Before he can get half a sentence out, she immediately defends herself with, "Father, I had a terrible childhood!"
Season 6, Episode 140: Mail Call Three
Original Air Date: 2/6/78
Written by: Everett Greenbaum & Jim Fritzell
Directed by: Charles Dubin
It's Mail Call again, and everyone is dying to see if they got anything--none more than Klinger, who hasn't heard from his wife Laverne in months, and he's clearly worried about the state of his marriage.
Hawkeye gets a letter from a woman, except that its addressed to another Benjamin Pierce. And we learn that this isn't the first time its happened--apparently this other Benjamin Pierce is quite the lothario, judging by all the passionate letters "he" receives.
B.J. gets a letter from Peg, where she mentions a neighbor made a pass at her, which she laughed off. Hawkeye tries to assure B.J. that Peg can handle it, but B.J. is angered all over again that he's away from his family.
Radar gets a letter from his mother, mentioning that she is dating again. Radar is confused and stunned at the news, even after Col. Potter tries to tell him that it'll be good for her, since, as he notes, "The poor woman's been alone a long time."
At that night's movie, Klinger's bad mood spills over, and when everyone thinks he's pulling another fast one, he tears off his dress in anger and tells everyone that Laverne stole all his allotment checks, and now has run off with another guy. He storms out of the tent, leaving everyone stunned. Except for Winchester, who is only interested in seeing the rest of the movie.
Potter comforts Klinger in his office, willing to place a call to Laverne back in Ohio, but Klinger can't bring himself to do it. He wants a discharge, something Potter just can't do.
Later that night, Klinger decides to go AWOL, and asks Father Mulcahy for a loan. Mulcahy gives him the money, but demands Klinger not go AWOL, threatening to tell Potter if he does. Klinger says he won't go anywhere, and takes Mulcahy's advice to sleep on it.
Radar turns to Hawkeye for advice about his mother and her new boyfriend, and Hawkeye shares a story from his past about how his father dated a woman after Hawkeye's mother passed away. Hawkeye's father wanted his son to like this woman, but he refused.
Hawkeye observes that "He didn't marry her--and he's alone to this day. And loneliness is everything its cracked up to be." Radar calms down a bit, agreeing to give his mother some space, offering up the idea that maybe his mother could be introduced to Hawkeye's father.
B.J., in the middle of the night, is so scared that his wife no longer needs him asks Radar to place a call to Peg. Radar tries to say no, but he finally relents.
At the same time, Father Mulcahy tells Potter what has happened with Klinger, seeing that Klinger has in fact left camp. They head to Radar's office to try and track Klinger down, only to find B.J. tying up the phone lines!
B.J. gets some reassuring words from Peg, and then Potter and Radar try and track down Klinger, asking any MPs who find Klinger not to arrest him, just bring him back to the 4077th.
The next morning, the "other" Captain Pierce arrives to pick up his mail, carrying with him mail meant for Hawkeye. The other Pierce isn't happy to see Hawkeye opened all his mail, and insists that he's not even interested in all these women, but they won't leave him alone.
Hawkeye and B.J. demand to know how he "does it"--i.e., get the women to go crazy for him? He says its because he's very funny, a fact not in evidence from his humorless, awkward demeanor. He says he makes the women laugh, leaving Hawkeye and B.J. confused and in disbelief.
Klinger returns to the 4077th, admitting that, just before he was about to stow away on a plane headed out of Korea, he realized he was doing the wrong thing, and came home. Potter was mad, but now he's just happy to have Klinger back.
Fun Facts: The other Benjamin Pierce is played by Oliver Clark, who played Hawkeye's college friend Toby in Season Five's "38 Across."
Some neighbor of B.J.'s hits on Peg while her husband if off serving his country in Korea? What a dick!
Favorite Line: Hawkeye's scene with Radar where he asks for advice about his mother dating is touching. Hawkeye scales back his constant joking and really talks to Radar, trying to comfort him.
Except when Radar, at the height of his hysteria, protests the very idea of his mother engaging in sex. Hawkeye responds with, "Radar, she's a woman, a warm-blood human being! Where do you think you came from, the Monkey Ward Catalog?"
Season 6, Episode 135: The Smell of Music
Original Air Date: 1/3/78
Written by: Jim Fritzell and Everett Greenbaum
Directed by: Stuart Millar
After a long, grueling session in O.R., tension is running high.
Back at the Swamp, Hawkeye and B.J. are driven nuts by Winchester's insistence on practicing on his French Horn, loudly. They ask him to stop, but he refuses. As revenge, they decide not to shower, hoping their stink will drive Winchester to capitulate.
But he refuses, and the whole thing escalates. Hakweye and B.J. start to offend everyone in camp (ruining what was a rare, tasty breakfast in the Mess Tent), and Margaret, Col. Potter, et al, begin to try and talk reason into the three of them.
But Col. Potter has other things to worry about--one of his patients, a young man named Saunders (Jordan Clarke), caught the blast of a defective rifle in the face, causing horrible scarring. Potter tries to comfort the young man in Post Op, but Saunders is convinced his life is worthless, now that he looks like a "freak." He's also sure his beautiful girlfriend back home will dump him once she gets a look at him.
Later, Saunder attempts suicide by taking a huge dose of sleeping pills, but they get to him in time. He wakes up unapologetic, promising he's going to kill himself, no matter what.
The battle between the three doctors goes overboard, leading to Hawkeye and B.J. playing a bunch of hand-crafted instruments in an attempt to drown out Winchester's horn-playing.
While the Post-Op staff is distracted by the commotion outside, Saunders takes that moment to sneak off. Potter finds him trying to overdose on ether. Potter has had enough, and tries a bit of reverse psychology. Instead of stopping him, he grabs the mask, turns the tank up to full blast, and shoves it onto Saunder's face.
After Saunders gets the sense Potter is serious, he pushes it off, stand up, and threatens to belt Potter if he continues. Potter observes that Saunders is now "fighting to live instead of fighting to die", which finally calms the young man down. Sobbing on Potter's shoulder, he carries him back into Post Op, saying "I'm too old for this kinda crap."
Margaret and the rest of the camp, having had enough of the loud and smelly war, take it upon themselves to end it--they drown Hawkeye and B.J. in soap and water, and then grab Winchester's horn and flatten it under a jeep.
Potter comes out, observes what has happened, and tells everyone they are "Confined to the Officer's Club, for the duration of the whiskey." Everyone cheers, and he then sweetens it, adding, "Pierce, Hunnicutt, and Winchester are buying."
A few days later, Winchester thinks he's getting his revenge--he's had a local Koren craftsman fix his horn! But the craftsman had to hobble together the new horn from different parts, creating a huge, awkward, Frankenstein-esque instrument...without a mouthpiece.
Fun Facts: This episode was one of the first examples of a formula M*A*S*H would employ heavily in later seasons--the "A" and "B" plotlines, one of them being very serious, the other being silly or light.
The scene where Col. Potter confronts Saunders, shoving the ether mask on Saunder's face, barking "You want Death? We got plenty of it around here! Suck it up, punk, come on!"--is a genuinely dark, tough-as-nails moment, showing off how steely Col. Potter was beneath that avuncular exterior. One of Harry Morgan's best moments on the show.
Hawkeye actually propositions a nurse, long after he's stopped showering, and people have told him repeatedly how stinky he is. As a kid (heck, as an adult, too) this astounded me--I mean, how cocky can Hawkeye be? He thinks he's so irresistible that a nurse will hit the sack with him even though he's rancid? Back when I was still in the dating pool, I wish I had 1% of Hawkeye's self-confidence!
Favorite Line: Col. Potter, when told that Hawkeye and B.J. purposely haven't showered, tries to guess a reason: "Why, like its National Pig Week?"
Season 6, Episode 125: The Winchester Tapes
Original Air Date: 10/18/77
Written by: Everett Greenbaum & Jim Fritzell
Directed by: Burt Metcalfe
The newly-arrived Major Winchester dictates a letter home to his parents, telling them about the 4077th and its deplorable conditions.
Hawkeye, presented with an unexpected opportunity to spend a weekend in Tokyo with a nurse, begs Winchester to take his Officer of the Day duty for him. At first Winchester refuses but after a bout of pathetic begging, he relents.
He agrees to sit for a painting by Col. Potter, and subtly tries to suggest Potter transfer him back to Tokyo. After that fails, he flat out demands to be transferred, leading Potter to bark at him that that's not going to happen.
Seeing that Radar carries a lot of weight in the unit, he tries to butter him up a bit so Radar will patch a call through to Col. Baldwin in Tokyo for him. Despite the gift of a case of Grape Nehi, Radar says he's not allowed on Col. Potter's orders. Winchester, furious, takes back the Grape Nehi.
He also tells his parents about Margaret (who he seems to have some sort of flirtation with, only for it to fall apart awkwardly), Father Mulcahy, and B.J., who was "touched" by Winchester's sudden loss of weight over the last few weeks.
What Winchester doesn't realize is this is an elaborate practical joke on B.J.'s part--he swapped out Winchester's pants with those of a fatter man's, making Winchester think he's lost weight. Then, after getting him to gorge on food for a month, they swap out the pants again for a skinnier man's, making Winchester think he's gained a ton of weight.
Winchester, concerned about his weight gain, jogs out of the Swamp to get some exercise, delighting Hawkeye and B.J. to no end.
After a long session in O.R. (where he receives grief for taking too long with each patient), Winchester wraps up his recording. As he does so, he pours himself a cup of tea. But when no hot water comes out of his kettle, he stops recording to open the lid.
Pulling out the kettle's contents--a rubber chicken--he concludes the letter with a passionate "Get me the hell out of here!"
Fun Facts: Hawkeye finds a dead rat in his tent, which he disgustedly picks up by the tail, tossing it out of the tent. To this point, the show has always mentioned how nasty conditions at the 4077th were, but rarely were they this explicit. Yuck!
That rubber chicken gags makes me laugh every time I see it.
Favorite Line: After convincing Winchester that he has gained lots of weight (thanks to substituting his pants for a skinnier man's), Hawkeye asks B.J., "So, what's next with him?"
B.J.: "Starting tomorrow...he gets taller."
Season 6, Episode 123: Last Laugh
Original Air Date: 10/4/77
Written by: Everett Greenbaum & Jim Fritzell
Directed by: Don Weis
Col. Potter gets a call from the Provost Marshall saying that there's a formal investigation centering around B.J., saying he's not really a doctor. Potter, of course thinking this is ridiculous, tries to talk them out of it, but they insist.
Potter finds B.J. in the Mess Tent, and tells him about the call. He says it came from a "Colonel Bardenaro", which tips B.J. off that this is all a practical joke--Bardenaro is the name of an old friend of his who loves pulling pranks like this.
A few hours later, Leo Bardenaro (James Cromwell) arrives at the 4077th, full of jokes, exploding cigars, and even joy buzzers. He's bearing good news--he got his orders to head home. B.J. is, of course, jealous.
After Bardenaro leaves, Hawkeye and B.J. are in Post Op, tending to patients, when some MPs arrive to arrest B.J.--they even have an arrest warrant, issued by a General Fox. B.J. says its all just a joke, but the MPs are not laughing.
Col. Potter talks to Fox, and says that B.J. threw a raucous party in Seoul, complete with music and girls, setting off the hotel's fire alarm and sending Fox running into the hall with his secretary...naked.
The MPs cart off B.J., followed by Hawkeye and Col. Potter, dressed in their Class A uniforms and carrying mounds of paperwork proving B.J. wasn't in Seoul when Fox says he was.
Back at the 4077th, Margaret is desperate to talk to her husband Donald, who wrote a letter suggesting he misses his wife...in the biblical sense. She's tried to get a pass from Col. Potter, who keeps saying no. Finally, when she can't even get a call through to him, she explodes, wrecking Radar's office in rage.
In General Fox's office, he ignores all the evidence Potter and Hawkeye brought with them, and is determined to go through the court martial. He thinks what he has is the coup de grace--B.J.'s hat, which he left behind in the hotel room.
B.J. puts on the hat, which droops down all the way to his nose. Hawkeye adds, "That's his hat, all right." Case dismissed!
The three of them make their way back to the 4077th, getting sauced during the trip. Potter, drunk and in a good mood, gives Margaret the green light to go to Seoul before she can get a word out, while Hawkeye and B.J. stagger into the Swamp.
Waiting for them is Leo, whose travel orders were swiped by B.J. when he first came by. He begs for them back, and B.J. strikes a deal where there won't be any more practical jokes from now on, in exchange for the papers.
Leo agrees, grabs his travel orders, and takes off in the jeep the doctors came home in. Some mail arrives, and in it is a letter for B.J.--a bill from the hotel Leo stayed at, claiming damages to the room of several hundred dollars. Hawkeye is mad that Leo got the last word in, but B.J. says that they'll settle up when Leo comes walking back--"the only thing gassed up in that jeep was us."
Fun Facts: Winchester does not appear in this episode at all--an odd absence, considering he was the new character on the show!
Favorite Line: Father Mulcahy offers B.J. a string of rosary beards before he's carted off by the MPs, which B.J. rejects politely saying, "Thank you, Father, but I'm not Catholic."
Father Mulcahy: "It can't hurt."
Hawkeye then unhelpfully offers: "If it doesn't work, you can use them to strangle the guards."
Season 6, Episode 121: Fade Out, Fade In
Original Air Date: 9/20/77
Written by: Jim Fritzell & Everett Greenbaum
Directed by: Hy Averback
Radar is worried that Frank isn't back from his R&R yet--which is very odd, since, for all of Frank's faults, he's always punctual. Col. Potter tells him not to worry about it...yet.
Wounded arrive, and since neither Frank or Margaret (who is still on her honeymoon) are back, the 4077th is very short-handed. One of the wounded is a doctor himself, Dr. Berman (Raymond Singer), whose chest wound is so severe that even Hawkeye isn't sure he'll be able to patch him up.
During surgery, Potter complains aloud about Burns being missing. B.J. offers the theory that maybe--just maybe--Burns went to Tokyo to interrupt Margaret's honeymoon?
Shortly after, Margaret comes back--early--from her honeymoon, in a very surly mood. She won't say why, and quickly heads off to the O.R.
Meanwhile, Col. Potter gets a call from M.Ps in Seoul, who say that a Major Frank Burns accosted a blonde WAC, but ran off before he could be apprehended. Potter thinks Frank is going nuts, and asks Radar to call a Col. Baldwin in Tokyo so he can send a fill-in surgeon while Frank is gone.
In Tokyo, we see Col. Baldwin (Robert Symonds) receive the call, as he is playing Cribbage with a doctor, Major Charles Emerson Winchester (David Ogden Steirs). Winchester is smug and arrogant, and he enjoys pointing out that he has beaten Baldwin in Cribbage to the tune of $672.17. Baldwin realizes he has the perfect candidate to send to the 4077th.
On the way to the camp, Winchester and his driver are shot at, and have to take cover. Their jeep is then hit, reducing it to a smoldering hunk of metal. The driver points the direction Winchester needs to travel, and heads back to his unit.
Back at the 4077th, Col. Potter gets another call from the Seoul MPs, relating another tale of Frank flipping out and accosting various women, acting as though they're Margaret. He's still on the loose, unfortunately.
Later, Winchester arrives at the camp riding an ox-cart, striking quite a contrast to his surroundings since he is wearing his dress uniform and carrying all manner of personal items. Radar is the first person to greet him, and his general feeling of superiority over Radar is obvious.
He is introduced to Col. Potter, Hawkeye, and B.J. as they are having a drink, and his stand-off-ishness immediately grates on everyone, insisting on calling everyone "Doctor" even after they introduced themselves by their nicknames. He then states he doesn't plan to "stick around long enough to get chummy."
When Dr. Berman goes into heart failure due to a ventricular aneurysm, everyone rushes out. Winchester wonders what the "panic" is, and then states that he's performed the necessary procedure successfully over a dozen times.
He performs the surgery, and it goes off without a hitch, except for the fact that Winchester spend a lot of time complimenting himself. Margaret is impressed, but Hawkeye and B.J. are less than thrilled.
Frank calls Col. Potter, and tells him some news. Hawkeye and B.J. follow, just as Potter is getting off the phone. He tells them that Frank accosted another woman and her companion, except this time it was a Brigadier General and his wife! Burns is now being held for psychiatric evaluation.
But that's not all the news--Frank is being transferred out of the 4077th.
The news hits Hawkeye and B.J. like a bomb--they toggle back and forth between delight and outrage that they're losing their favorite punching bag. As B.J. points out, "This reduces the enemy to just North Korea!"
The doctors and Radar have a toast, ended with abject glee, and they all throw the piles of paper on Potter's desk into the air with wild abandon.
Later, Hawkeye and B.J. have to pack up Frank's stuff. They keep all the good stuff, and Margaret comes in to take back a picture he had of her. They tell her to leave it there to keep Frank crazy, but when Margaret is complimentary towards him--and says there are some things he has over her new husband--Hawkeye and B.J. ask her what happened on her honeymoon.
After some cajoling, she tearfully tells them that, during the honeymoon, Penobscott seemed to shut down completely--he stopped talking, smiling..."everything."
They comfort Margaret by telling her that meeting all of his new wife's old friends and former beaus (like various generals) probably intimidated Penobscott, and it shook his confidence. They tell he'll get over it.
When she wonders why Frank didn't have this problem, Hawkeye and B.J. offer that's because "He had every other one." Margaret defends Frank, until she sees that, among his belongings, was an alarm clock Frank told her was stolen. Enraged, she says one last goodbye to Frank by pouring what's left of her martini in his suitcase.
Col. Potter is talking on the phone with Baldwin, and now that Frank is not coming back, the 4077th needs a permanent replacement. After rejecting several poor candidates, Potter says he'd be willing to keep Winchester, if he's available. Baldwin agrees to the deal.
Potter finds Winchester in the Officers Club, eager to get out of there. He breaks the news to Winchester, who is less than happy, to say the least. Potter offers Winchester some words of encouragement, but Winchester is despondent. Potter leaves the building, and Winchester ponders his fate.
Later, Dr. Berman is amazed that he is recovering from his wounds. As they say goodbye, Radar tells them Frank is on the phone, and says it'll be the last time he ever speaks to them.
Not being able to pass that up, B.J. talks first, and then Frank (who we never see or hear) asks to talk to Hawkeye. After a few moments, Hawkeye sounds incredulous, then annoyed, then condescending and impatient.
As soon as he gets off the phone, he grabs the whole apparatus, opens the door to the compound, and chucks the phone to the ground with all the force he can muster.
As Radar chases after it, B.J. asks Hawkeye what's up. Hawkeye delivers the bad news: "The Army, in its infinite wisdom, has cleared Frank of the charges. They've reassigned him to a Veteran's Hospital in Indiana...and promoted him to Lieutenant Colonel."
As Hawkeye walks off in disgust, B.J. attempts to grab the phone from Radar and get his licks in, but Radar won't let him have it. B.J., too, walks off in disgust.
Winchester officially moves in to the Swamp, and he rages to no one in particular about how his skills, culture, and intelligence are so much better than everyone else's, and how he can't believe he's stuck in this "Godforsaken...dump."
Wounded arrive, and Winchester gets his trial by fire. While being a superb surgeon, he is so slow and methodical--even when washing his hands--that he quickly falls behind everyone else. When told to "switch into high-gear", he gets testy and refuses. B.J. steps in and shows Winchester a short-cut that works better when dealing with this kind of volume.
After surgery, Winchester's ego seems deflated. He doesn't think he'll be able to hack it, but the other doctors try and cheer him up. Winchester meekly agrees, and adds "Well, if you people did it, I certainly can." Hawkeye, B.J., and Potter watch him walk out of the laundry room.
Potter asks them whether they'd rather have Frank back, and they offer he was more fun to be cruel to. That leads Potter to warn them off pulling any practical jokes on Winchester until he gets settled in. Hawkeye and B.J. respond that they wish he could have told them that "Before we put the snake in his bed."
That night, in the Swamp, Winchester is sitting alone, listening to Mozart on his record player. Hawkeye lays down, only to find the snake is now in his bed. He screams wildly as he throws it out of the Swamp, and responds, "Clever...very clever."
Winchester, betraying little emotion, admonishes him with, "Please...Mozart", and then goes back to listening.
Fun Facts: This is the third of the series' one-hour season premieres.
The debut, of course, of M*A*S*H's last new character, Major Charles Emerson Winchester. The series would be forever changed with the simultaneous departures of Larry Linville and Gene Reynolds, and, in a general sense, you can divide the series into two eras--Seasons One through Five, then Six through Eleven.
Radar is always the first member of the 4077th to meet a new staff member--he goes and finds B.J. in "Welcome To Korea", he's the first person Potter meets in "Change of Command", and now this.
There's a scene in the Officers Club with just Winchester and Igor. For some reason, actor Jeff Maxwell is completely over-dubbed by Johnny Haymer, who played Sgt. Zale! Even weirder, that's the second time they had Haymer perform this task, having done it before in Season Five's "Mulcahy's War."
Favorite Line: Hawkeye, B.J., Col. Potter, and Radar toast the departed Frank Burns:
Hawkeye: "What should it be?"
B.J.: "Something tender."
Col. Potter: "Something sentimental."
Hawkeye: "Right... [pauses, raises his drink]...goodbye, Ferret Face."
Season 5, Episode 120: Margaret's Marriage
Original Air Date: 3/15/77
Written by: Everett Greenbaum & Jim Fritzell
Directed by: Gene Reynolds
After Margaret's not-yet-scheduled marriage becomes the topic of discussion in the O.R., Hot Lips calls Donald Penobscott, wanting to set the date. Penobscott agrees, and says he is on his way to the 4077th. Hot Lips is thrilled, Frank is worried.
A day later, Penobscott (Beeson Carroll) arrives, and announces they want to get married as soon as possible. Frank walks in, and when he takes one look at the tall, strapping Penobscott, he runs in the other direction.
Penobscott gives chase, eventually pinning Frank to the compound. In the middle of kicking and screaming, Penobscott surprises everyone by thanking Frank for inspiring Margaret to finally ask about getting married, and he wants Frank to the best man.
The nurses throw Hot Lips a shower, and at the bachelor party everyone gets hammered, even Father Mulcahy and Radar. When Penobscott passes out on B.J.'s bunk, B.J. gets a devilish idea--he suggests he and Hawkeye put Penobscott in a full body cast, and tell him he broke his leg overnight. Hawkeye says "That's cruel--that's vicious!" B.J. agrees: "I know--it's perfect!"
The next morning, Penobscott waits at the altar (in the Mess Tent) in, yes, a full body cast. Hot Lips looks beautiful in a white wedding gown (given to her by Klinger). The ceremony starts off fine, but has to be rushed to its conclusion when wounded arrive.
Hot Lips does triage in her wedding gown, and then assists Col. Potter in O.R., who comments "Hell of a wedding for you, kid." Penobscott asks to watch his wife at work, so he is propped up by Father Mulcahy so he can see. But even though he's a self-described "combat veteran", he gets sick when he sees a patient spurt blood all over B.J. during an operation.
After surgery is over, everyone gathers on the chopper pad to see Margaret and Penobscott off. After the rotors start whirring, Hawkeye and B.J. admit the whole "breaking a leg" thing was a joke--but Hot Lips can't hear what they're saying. They decide to call her in Tokyo and tell her the truth, so as not to ruin their honeymoon.
Everyone wanders off, except for Frank, who watches Hot Lips' chopper fly off. All by himself, he says, to no one in particular, a quiet "Bye, Margaret."
Fun Facts: This is one of those episodes that I actually think works better in the syndicated edited version. In the syndicated version, the last scene--involving Hawkeye, B.J., Potter, and Frank getting a little too worked up thinking about Hot Lips' honeymoon--is cut. Instead, the episode ends with Frank (above) and his gentle "Bye, Margaret"--a perfect final scene for the character.
Odessa Cleveland, as Nurse Ginger Bayliss, makes the second of two appearances this season, after not appearing on the show at all since the third season. This is her last appearance on the show (though she would do a guest-spot on Trapper John, M.D.!).
This is the last episode of the Fifth Season, and of course the final episode featuring Larry Linville as Frank Burns. Its also the last episode of Gene Reynolds as the show's executive producer.
Favorite Line: Col. Potter asks Radar how the plans for the wedding ceremony are coming along, and Radar says Hawkeye and B.J. are planning a Bachelor Party for Penobscott. Also, Hawkeye will be on his best behavior for the wedding, "but he won't wear pants."
Col. Potter: "You tell him No Pants, No Champagne. You gotta know how to handle these guys."
Season 5, Episode 111: 38 Across
Original Air Date: 1/1/77
Written by: Jim Fritzell & Everett Greenbaum
Directed by: Burt Metcalfe
Without a lot of wounded, Hawkeye and B.J. are bored, bored, bored. Luckily, they find a New York Times crossword puzzle and are determined to complete it, eventually getting the whole operating staff in on it.
They are down to one last clue--a five-letter term for a Yiddish bedbug--and none of them can answer it. Hawkeye gets so frustrated that he has Radar place a call to an old friend, Tippy Brooks, who is a crossword whiz and is currently serving on a Navy ship in Pusan Harbor. Brooks is in surgery when they call, so they leave a message saying they need his help urgently.
Unfortunately, Brooks takes the message a little too literally, and radios that he and an Admiral are on their way to the 4077th. Hawkeye and B.J. are bewildered, wondering how they're going to explain all this.
Tippy Brooks (Oliver Clark) and Admiral Cox (Dick O'Neill) do in fact arrive, having had to avoid enemy fire and end up walking the rest of the way to the 4077th. Brooks asks Hawkeye what the emergency is, and after some hemming and hawing, Hawkeye tells him the reason they called.
Brooks is furious, and says they have to come up with some sort of story for the Admiral. They struggle to devise a suitable story (with Hawkeye still determined to find out the missing Yiddish word, much to Tippy's annoyance).
They take the Admiral on a tour of Post Op, pretending a series of routine cases are confounding medical diagnoses. The Admiral sees through all this, and is mad at the 4077th for wasting his time.
He's in the middle of a tirade when Father Mulcahy runs in and says there's been an accident involving some civilians, who have suffered horrible burns. Brooks and Cox help out, impressed that this group of goofballs are in fact a top-flight medical unit.
After seven hours of surgery, Hawkeye, B.J., Col. Potter, Father Mulcahy, Brooks, and Cox wind down in the Mess Tent. A North Korean radio announcer, Seoul City Sue, brands "Captain Hawkeye Pierce" a war criminal because of his operating on a North Korean prisoner's head, stating that he was performing experiments.
The next day, Brooks and Cox leave, and they tell him the real reason for all this. Cox is incredulous that they "came all this way for the word 'Vontz'?"
Fun Facts: This episode features two guest actors--Oliver Clark and Dick O'Neill--who would return to the show, playing different characters (O'Neill would in fact return twice more).
Favorite Line: Radar tells Potter there's trouble, and Potter guesses: "Hawkeye lock Burns in the Nurses' Latrine?"
Radar: "No, sir, that was last week."
Col. Potter: "Time flies."
...I love hearing about escapades of the 4077th that we as viewers have never seen.
Season 5, Episode 107: The Colonel's Horse
Original Air Date: 12/7/76
Written by: Jim Fritzell & Everett Greenbaum
Directed by: Burt Metcalfe
Col. Potter gets some R&R, so he's headed off for a second honeymoon with his wife in Tokyo.
Before he leaves, Hot Lips tells him that her appendix is acting up, and she wants permission to go to Tokyo to get it removed. Potter suggests having the procedure done at the 4077th, but she doesn't want Frank--who handles routine surgeries--to touch her. Hot Lips asks if Hawkeye can do the procedure, if necessary, and Potter agrees.
A few days later, Radar is shocked to find Col. Potter's horse, Sophie, laying down in her corral, sick. He asks Hawkeye and B.J. for help. They try to beg off, but Radar finally guilts them into it. At first, they don't really take this seriously, and they make so many jokes Radar gets mad at them for their indifference. Hawkeye and B.J. straighten up.
After examining Sophie and not being able to figure out what's wrong, they call B.J.'s father-in-law who is more familiar with veterinary medicine. He tells B.J. that Sophie has Colic, a twisting of the intestines, which could be fatal.
The prescription is to "clean her out" with lots and lots of warm water, an unappealing prospect. But Hawkeye and B.J. persevere--they hook a hose up to the camp water tank, and with the help of other people in the camp, they fill the tank with warm water, sending it down the hose to the other end, where Hawkeye is handling the rough part.
After a minute or two, Sophie whinnies loudly, kicking a wall of her corral--mission accomplished! Just in time for Col. Potter to arrive back in camp. He asks Radar hw Sophie's doing. Radar assures him, "Clean as a whistle, sir--inside and out!"
That night, Hot Lips staggers into the Swamp, doubled over in pain--her appendix about to burst. Hawkeye grabs B.J. and they take her to the O.R. Potter and Mulcahy are there, too, and then Frank bursts in, demanding to be the one who performs the surgery. Hot Lips tells him in no uncertain terms to get out.
The next morning, both Col. Potter and Hawkeye escort their respective patients for a stroll of the compound, both ladies feeling much better.
Fun Facts: "The Colonel's Horse" is one of the series most dull episode titles. To be fair, these were never meant to be broadcast or known outside the network and the studio, but considering the episode is about two sick females (Hot Lips and Sophie), a title reflecting that might have been a bit more appropriate.
Favorite Line: Hawkeye wakes B.J. up by throwing a pillow at him. B.J. annoyed, asks, "What? What?"
Hawkeye: "Appendix!"
B.J.: (trying to go back to sleep) "Never heard of him."
Season 5, Episode 100: Lt. Radar O'Reilly
Original Air Date: 10/12/76
Written by: Everett Greenbaum & Jim Fritzell
Directed by: Alan Rafkin
The gang ends a late night poker game when midnight strikes, with Radar winning the last pot. Hawkeye and B.J. are upset when they find out that a visiting Master Sergeant, named Woodruff (Sandy Kenyon) owes them both money and doesn't have the money to pay up.
Woodruff, who works in the office that issues promotions, offers up a promotion to either of the doctors instead of the money he owes them. Neither one of them wants to be a Major, but B.J. suggests "Lt. Radar O'Reilly."
A few days later, during mail call, Radar is stunned when he reads a letter from I-Corps to Col. Potter announcing his own promotion. Col. Potter beams with pride, and Klinger offers up Radar his first salute.
Now that he's an officer, it takes a lot of the 4077th to adjust. Frank is horrified, Hot Lips is frustrated, and Radar's friends Zale and Igor treat him like he's the enemy. Things go worse when Radar tries to teach Klinger to assume his Company Clerk duties, but finds Klinger disinterested.
It gets even worse--the nurse that has shown ardent romantic interest in him when he was a Corporal, now has no interest since he's not "forbidden fruit." Radar leaves horribly confused.
All the change ends up making Radar so miserable--he's a man without two worlds--that he comes to visit Hawkeye and B.J., feeling depressed. Hawkeye and B.J., realizing their joke has backfired on Radar, offer to try and get him busted back down to Corporal. Radar gleefully accept the demotion.
Now that he's a Corporal again, the nurse is back to flirting with him, and he's pals again with Klinger, Zale, and Igor, who wait for him outside the nurse's tent to bust his chops, like they used to do.
Fun Facts: Col. Potter tries to verify Radar's promotion, even though Hawkeye and B.J. try and talk him out of it. Potter tries to operate the radio, and Hawkeye says: "Only two people know how to operate that thing: Radar and...Sgt. Marconi." B.J. mutters, "We'll never get him here" in what sounds like an ab-lib.
Favorite Line: The argument between Radar and Klinger over how to handle the P.A. is broadcast to the camp. Klinger reads the announcement of the night's movie (One Ticket to Broadway), and after the cast list, he ad-libs: "...and Teddy, The Wonder Lizard."
Radar gets mad at Klinger, and yells: "There's no lizard in there!"
B.J. and Hawkeye hear all this, and B.J. helpfully adds: "There's no lizard in that picture."
Hawkeye: "That was 'Two Lizards to Broadway.'"
Season 5, Episode 97: Bug Out
Original Air Date: 9/21/76
Written by: Jim Fritzell & Everett Greenbaum
Directed by: Gene Reynolds
A rumor starts flying around that, due to an upcoming enemy attack, the 4077th is bugging out.
Col. Potter tries to stamp out all these rumors, but it doesn't seem to help. When a patient with spinal-cord damage arrives, Hawkeye is initially reluctant to operate because, once he's been worked on, the patient can't be moved for 24 hours. But Potter insists they aren't bugging out, so Hawkeye (with Hot Lips and B.J. assisting) goes ahead.
But as soon as they start, the 4077th gets a word from HQ that they are, in fact, bugging out!
This sends everyone into a frenzy. Col. Potter puts Frank in charge (he has no choice, since Burns is second in command) while Potter scouts locations for a new MASH.
Hawkeye says he's staying behind to look after the patient, and Hot Lips volunteers to stay as well. And, at the last moment, as everyone is riding out of camp, Radar stays behind, too.
Col. Potter, B.J., and Frank lead the caravan to the new location for the 4077th, and walk up to what looks like an abandoned hut. Except that--its not abandoned, its full of "business girls."
Frank wants to evict them by force, but Potter wants to try and bargain with them. No matter what he offers, they refuse to turn over the building. That is, until they see Klinger's array of clothes, which they moon over. Potter asks Klinger to give up The Klinger Collection, as an act of patriotism. Klinger reluctantly agrees.
Meanwhile, back at the 4077th, the spinal cord patient seems to be recovering well enough to be flown out by chopper. After the patient is sent off, a battalion of troops arrive. When asked by Hawkeye where the front is, the soldier replies: "You're standing on it."
The troops drive on, leaving Hawkeye, Hot Lips, and Radar in the eerily-quiet 4077th compound. They climb in a jeep to catch up with the rest of the unit, but the jeep won't start. When they hear a loud clamor of people coming up the road, they assume its the Chinese and try to hide--a little hard, since all that's left of the tents are the framework.
They start to panic as the noise gets louder, but are relieved to see that it's the rest of the 4077th, led by Col. Potter! He tells them that the U.S. retook the same piece of land, so they have been ordered to return to home.
Relieved, Hot Lips climbs aboard Sophie, her arms around Col. Potter as he manages the traffic. Everyone, for the moment, is happy.
Fun Facts: The second of three consecutive hour-long season premieres.
William Christopher was finally added to the official cast, and for the first and only time, a production credit--Executive Producer Gene Reynolds--was added to the credit sequence for this season.
The montage, with Col. Potter and Hot Lips on Sophie, is sweet. There had been occasional moments where we got to see how she looked upon him as a father figure--eventually pulling her away from the Frank and Hot Lips team that had been the standard for the previous seasons.
There's another moment, just before Hawkeye, Hot Lips, and Radar leave the 4077th. Hawkeye stops for a moment to ponder how much of their lives they've spent here, and Radar chimes in with "Yeah, think of all the guys we've operated on."
Hawkeye sarcastically replies, "Right, doctor", and you can see Radar lower his head, a little ashamed of the "we" in that sentence. I always thought that was a great moment, for the show to allow its main character to be, even for a moment, a jerk.
Favorite Line: When Potter catches Burns giving a private an order, which is the exact opposite of what Potter wanted, he rolls his eyes, and says to no one in particular: "Why didn't I shoot my foot and stay in Honolulu?"
Season 4, Episode 89: Der Tag
Original Air Date: 1/6/76
Written by: Everett Greenbaum & Jim Fritzell
Directed by: Gene Reynolds
With Hot Lips in Tokyo for a medical conference, Frank is miserable--even more than usual.
He's so miserable that Col. Potter asks Hawkeye and B.J. to do him--and the whole camp--a favor: be nice to Frank, buddy up to him.
Reluctantly, they agree, first by having him play in the regular poker game. Even though he doesn't know the rules, he wins a bunch of the hands, giggling maniacally after each time.
They eventually take him to the Officers Club, where Frank gets loaded, flirts with Nurse Kellye, and then passes out.
Hawkeye and B.J. drag Frank home, and in their drunkenness, write up a toe-tag and put it on Frank, declaring the body is "Emotionally exhausted and morally bankrupt."
In the middle of the night, Frank gets up to go the Latrine, still drunk. He wanders by an open ambulance headed back to the front, and falls into it. He's carted off without anyone noticing.
The next morning, a medic at a battalion aid station calls Col. Potter, telling him they have one of his doctors there. Potter instructs Hawkeye and B.J. to go get him, and while on their way there Potter gets another call from the medic, saying the aid station is under enemy attack!
Hawkeye and B.J. arrive as bombs are falling, and help out with wounded. They don't even bother to wake up Frank, still passed out. Eventually, the shelling subsides and they cart Frank home.
Just a few minutes later, Radar wakes up Frank, refreshed and ready to go. He also tries to stir Hawkeye and B.J., who are exhausted.
Frank assumes everyone is still friends, and is confused when Hawkeye and B.J.--sick of the sheer effort it takes to be friends with Frank Burns--tell him they're back to hating his guts.
Frank is happy, though, when he sees Hot Lips return.
Fun Facts: This episode opens with Radar asleep, with a comic book on his lap:
The only problem is that the title Radar is reading--The Avengers--didn't start until 1963, and this particular issue is from 1969. How'd Radar do that?
The poker game scene is a classic, with everyone having to deal with the reality of what its like to be friends with Frank.
Favorite Line: As Hawkeye and B.J. are carrying the drunken Frank back to the Swamp, Col. Potter happens by. Potter commends them for being nice to Frank, saying things "will be a lot better around here" from now on. Hawkeye responds, "Only if we bury him."
Potter, without missing a beat: "I'd buy that."
Season 4, Episode 88: Dear Ma
Original Air Date: 12/23/75
Written by: Jim Fritzell & Everett Greenbaum
Directed by: Alan Alda
Radar writes a letter home to his mother, telling her about the recent goings-on at the 4077th.
Radar has been helping Hawkeye in giving the camp a monthly foot inspection, which goes smoothly except for Hot Lips,who can't stand Hawkeye's joking around.
Meanwhile, B.J. buys an expensive watch on the cheap from a former patient, claiming he needed the money for an operation for his wife. Hawkeye has to break the news to B.J. he's been scammed, showing him that there are no works inside it. B.J. is infuriated--"And I operated on that guy's chest!" Hawkeye finds the whole thing funny, having heard of this scam before.
Another day, Radar came across a North Korean soldier who wandered into the Mess Tent to get some food. At first he doesn't realize the guy is North Korean, but it dawns on him just as the soldier runs out of the tent with a tray full of food. He bumps into Frank chasing him, spilling food on Frank's shirt. Frank is not amused.
Hawkeye, still doing the inspections, tells Frank its his turn, but Frank is hostile and refuses. Hawkeye lets it go for the moment.
That same night, Col. Potter gets shot in the butt by a sniper while he and Hot Lips were delivering supplies to some locals. Hawkeye and B.J. remove the shrapnel, with Potter having to pretend he's fine while on the phone with his wife--she called, having a premonition that something bad has happened to her husband.
Wounded arrive, and one of them is the solider that scammed B.J. Laying on the table, he gulps in fear when B.J. promises he'll have him "working as well as that watch you sold me."
At the end of the night, Hawkeye and B.J. lay in wait for Frank. They grab him, and pull his shoes off, to reveal...painted toe-nails?
Frank is ashamed, and B.J. asks if that isn't Hot Lips' color. Frank fesses up and asks it not be mentioned in the report. Hawkeye agrees, writing that Frank suffers from some discoloration "due to actions involving a hostile manicurist."
Radar ends his letter to his mother, telling her how much he misses her.
Fun Facts: Another episode in the "Dear..." format, this time it's Radar's turn.
Favorite Line: After Hawkeye shows B.J. he's been scammed, he says he'll return to inspect B.J. at 9 o'clock.
B.J., slightly disgusted but partly amused: "How will I know?"
Season 4, Episode 86: Mail Call Again
Original Air Date: 12/9/75
Written by: Jim Fritzell & Everett Greenbaum
Directed by: George Tyne
It's Mail Call at the 4077th, bringing it with all kinds of news.
Col. Potter gets a letter from his son, telling him that soon he will be a grandfather. Potter is so delighted that he goes along with Radar's idea of having a baby pool, where people guess when the baby will be born.
Hot Lips gets a new nightie from Frederick's of Hollywood, which she figures ought to drive Frank crazy. But Frank gets a letter from his wife--which Radar "accidentally" read--saying she wants a divorce! Someone who was in Korea came back home, and told Mrs. Burns about Frank and Hot Lips' relationship.
Col. Potter has Radar call back home, trying to get news about his grandchild, but Frank asks to interrupt so he can talk to his wife.
Col. Potter agrees, and Frank calls his wife, being as oily and insincere as possible. He professes his love to his wife (while insulting Hot Lips' looks, which she overhears), but sneaks in a question about making sure he hasn't been removed from his father-in-law's will. Unbelievably, it works--at least until Hot Lips, enraged, nearly takes Frank's head off for his nasty comments regarding her looks.
Later, Hawkeye, B.J., Col. Potter, Klinger, Father Mulcahy, and Radar watch some home movies his family sent him of life back in Iowa. We see Radar's mother (played by Gary Burghoff himself, in drag), plus his Uncle Ed, and some others.
At the end, Radar's mother mouths "I love you, Walter" to the camera, nearly causing everyone watching to break out in tears.
The moment is interrupted by a call from Potter's son, telling him he now has a granddaughter! Later, we see the doctors throw a party in The Swamp, celebrating.
Fun Facts: Col. Potter's family is strangely inconsistent throughout the years. Here he has a son, but in later episodes he seems only to have a daughter.
Hawkeye spends some of the episode reading stories from his hometown newspaper aloud, including a bit about "shaving mugs", a line he seems to flub. But he keeps going, trying variations on the correct pluralization--"shavings mugs, shavings mug," etc.
Having Burghoff in drag play his mother seems an insane, cartoony idea, but it somehow works, and is even very touching. (This is the third member of the 4077th whose home life we got to see via home movies--the first being Henry, the second being Frank)
Favorite Line: Klinger tries another scam to get a discharge, making up a story about two dead brothers, killed in an accident. Potter is dubious of their existence, and says, "Klinger, you gotta live before you die."
Klinger, refusing to give up the ghost, responds with "Oh, you said a mouthful, sir!"
Season 4, Episode 82: Dear Peggy
Original Air Date: 11/11/75
Written by: Jim Fritzell & Everett Greenbaum
Directed by: Burt Metcalfe
B.J. writes a letter home to wife Peg, and tells her about some of the events at the 4077th. Sadly, there's not much going on--without wounded to tend to, everyone's bored out of their minds!
He tells Peg about Frank, and how bad a doctor he is. Frank's patient starts to fade during the operation, and when he loses a pulse, Frank just gives up. B.J.--doubling as the anesthetist--jumps in and saves the patient.
Father Mulcahy is worried about the impending visit of Col. Hollister, Divisional Chaplain, who is coming to inspect the job Mulcahy is doing, and he confides in B.J., who tries to reassure him.
B.J. tells Peg about the time Hawkeye tried to break the Guinness World Record, by cramming fifteen people into a jeep. Hot Lips and Frank are against it, but when Hawkeye insists its for the glory of the 4077th, Hot Lips joins in. Frank complains to Col. Potter, who blows him off. Moments later, Col. Hollister (Ned Beatty) arrives, just in time to see Father Mulcahy spill out of the crammed jeep.
The next morning, everyone in camp shows up for Father Mulcahy's Sunday services, as a show of support. Afterwards, Hollister isn't impressed, saying Mulcahy is too meek--he insists Mulcahy must "lead the attack, Father, with a Bible in one hand, and a sword in the other!"
Hollister also gets involved in the case of the solider B.J. saved earlier, and tells Mulcahy he should write the boy's parents telling them their son will be okay. Mulcahy is unsure, thinking he should wait until the young man becomes more stable. Hollister won't listen, and demands Mulcahy write the letter.
Hollister leaves, after approving of Mulcahy's letter. Moments later, the young man starts to get worse, causing Mulcahy to have a crisis of conscience, thinking he's done the wrong thing, not standing up to Hollister when he should have.
Mulcahy paces outside as the doctors work on the young man, but they eventually come out and tell Mulcahy he's going to be fine.
The next day, B.J. ends his letter while playing chess with Hawkeye.
Fun Facts: Another episode in the "Dear..." format, this time it's B.J.'s turn.
When Mulcahy is waiting to hear how the solider is doing, he kneels onto the compound, about to pray when the doctors come out. Its a completely silent scene, subtly executed and nicely done.
Favorite Line: B.J. asks Hawkeye if he's going to go the cockroach race being held in another part of the camp, Hawkeye says: "Nah, people who go to those things only want to see a cockroach crash."
