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Season 11, Episode 251: Goodbye, Farewell, and Amen
Original Air Date: 2/28/83
Written by: Alan Alda, Burt Metcalfe, John Rappaport, Dan Wilcox & Thad Mumford, Elias Davis & David Pollock, Karen Hall
Directed by: Alan Alda
This episode opens in a location we've never seen--the Army psychiatric hospital where Sidney Freedman works. We find him in the middle of a session with a patient, except the patient is...Hawkeye.
Sidney is trying to get to the bottom of something that happened involving a trip most of the camp took to the beach. But Hawkeye is in no mood to talk--all he's interested in is getting out, pronto. When everyone back at the 4077th calls him to lift his spirits, that's all he talks about to them, as well.
There's rumors of the peace talks progressing, to the point of ending the war once and for all. Margaret seems so confident that she starts planning what she's going to be doing after the war, which initially involves her working at an administrative post in Tokyo.
She tries to share her good news with Winchester, who is less than interested--partly because he's learned that his application to be Chief of Thoracic Surgery in Boston may be turned down, but mostly because he's suffering from a stomach ailment, causing an acute bout of intestinal distress.
All this is tabled when a tank comes tearing onto the compound, flailing wildly, eventually crashing into the Latrine, causing Winchester to wander off, panicked.
Margaret begins to berate the tank driver, but when he emerges from it, she sees he's severely wounded. Soon, she is assisting Col. Potter in OR working on the young man.
Meanwhile, the construction of the new Latrine is going so slowly (what would you expect, with Igor in charge?) that Winchester is forced to use, as Col. Potter so delicately puts it, "The ravine latrine."
Left with no other options, Winchester heads out into the woods, where he runs into five North Korean soldiers. He begs for mercy, until he sees what they are carrying aren't guns, but...musical instruments. "By God, they're musicians", he says to himself, astonished. They follow Winchester back to the 4077th, looking to turn themselves in.
Back at the hospital, Sidney and Hawkeye continue to talk, and Hawkeye admits that on the bus they took home, there was a wounded solider. Sidney wonders why Hawkeye didn't mention this before, but Hawkeye has no answers.
Meanwhile, Margaret has Klinger write a telegram to an old friend back at Boston Hospital, looking to help Winchester land his dream job. She's interrupted by Soon Lee, who needs Klinger's help in finding her still-missing parents. They are both interrupted by Col. Potter, who demands Klinger call I-Corps to get help removing the giant tank, still in the middle of the compound.
Winchester, back at the Swamp, tries to listen to some classical music. Its drowned out by the North Korean musicians, and when he demands they stop, they surprise him by playing some Mozart. They're so good it stops Winchester in his tracks, stunned, unable to move even as wounded arrive.
A few days later, B.J. gets a surprise letter from I-Corps--orders to head home! He tells Col. Potter, who thinks it must be some sort of snafu. B.J., afraid to ask I-Corps any further questions, begs to let go. Potter makes him a deal--if B.J. can find a replacement, then he's free to go.
Suddenly, artillery starts to fall, and everyone hides under the tables in the Mess Tent. Unfortunately, all the P.O.W.s imprisoned in the makeshift cell in the compound are sitting ducks. As the bombs get closer, Father Mulcahy runs outside to free them.
He succeeds, but he's too close when one bomb hits, knocking Mulcahy to the ground. Later, B.J. examines him, and Mulcahy learns he's damaged a part of his inner ear. Which, B.J. warns, might lead to Mulcahy losing his hearing completely. Mulcahy, scared to be sent home (and unwilling to leave the orphans "in the lurch"), makes B.J. promise not to tell anyone else.
Meanwhile, Hawkeye starts to slowly reveal what happened that night on the bus--he tells Sidney they came across a North Korean patrol, so they had to turn off the lights and be completely quiet until they pass. Everyone does so, except for a squawking chicken sitting on the lap of a Korean woman. She unable to keep it quiet, endangering everyone's lives.
Back at the 4077th, Soon Lee is determined to keep searching for her parents, even in dangerous areas. Klinger tries to talk her out of it, but she won't listen. Meanwhile, B.J. keeps pestering him to find a replacement surgeon so he can go home.
A day or so later, B.J. comes to visit Hawkeye, but its tense and awkward. B.J. obliquely mentions going home, but when it sets Hawkeye off he clams up about his orders home. When B.J. mentions his daughter Erin, it sends Hawkeye into a raving talking jag, which unnerves B.J. so much he gets Sidney.
Sidney starts an impromptu session, and B.J. departs, but not before awkwardly saying goodbye--realizing it might be the last time he ever sees him.
Sidney and Hawkeye talk, and it eventually comes back to talking about the bus and the chicken. Hawkeye reveals that the woman smothered the chicken to keep it quiet, reducing Hawkeye to anguished tears.
Sidney at first can't understand why this upsets Hawkeye so, until he reveals it wasn't a chicken the woman smothered...it was her own baby. The woman smothered her own baby to save everyone else's life.
Hawkeye is angry and disgusted that Sidney drew that memory out of him, but Sidney says this is good news: "Now we're halfway home."
A couple of days later, Hawkeye assumes he's heading home, but Sidney has disappointing news: he's going back to the 4077th. Hawkeye crumples up the letter to his father telling him he's coming home, tossing it away.
Back at the 4077th, Klinger arranges a flight for B.J. home, having scheduled a replacement surgeon--a Dr. Arnie Jacobsen--to arrive the next day. A chopper arrives, delivering mail. When he mentions he's headed to Kimpo, B.J. bums a ride with him--even though that means he has to leave in five minutes.
With so little time, B.J. only has the chance to give everyone a cursory goodbye. He tries to write a letter to Hawkeye, but can't think of what to say. He finally asks Margaret to talk to Hawkeye for him. Margaret tearfully hugs B.J. goodbye.
Potter watches as B.J.'s boards the chopper, just as Klinger finds him, telling him that I-Corps has rescinded B.J.'s orders. Potter pretends not to hear this, and watches B.J. depart.
As Hawkeye makes his way back to the 4077th, we watch Winchester train his North Korean musicians in the art of classical music, Klinger continue to try and help Soon Lee find her parents, and Margaret accept another offer as to what she's going to do after the war is over.
Wounded arrive just as Hawkeye returns, and he is floored to hear B.J. has left for home. His replacement, Capt. Jacobsen, hasn't arrived either, meaning the 4077th is short handed.
Hawkeye is slow to get back to the old routine. Margaret asks what's wrong, and Hawkeye asks "What could be wrong? I'm about to stick my hands into a kid whose insides look like raw meat loaf, I found out my best friend went home without leaving me so much as a damn note..."
Margaret interrupts, apologizing for B.J., saying how bad he felt about doing that, but Hawkeye cuts her off: "Trapper left without leaving a note, too...is it the war that stinks, or me?"
After the long session in OR, bombs start to fall again. After hiding in a sandbag-fortified Post Op, Hawkeye has had enough--he bolts out onto the compound, ducking artillery blasts. He jumps into the tank, and drives it off into the camp garbage dump, a mile or two away. He returns to the compound to a round of applause...except from Col. Potter and Margaret, who think they need to put in a call to Sidney.
Meanwhile, Soon Lee has taken off to search for her parents, into dangerous areas. Klinger finds her, and promises he will help her find her parents, no matter what. Soon Lee agrees, and heads back to the 4077th with him.
That night, Col. Potter and Klinger spy a fiery glow coming from the hills. Klinger thinks its the sunset, but Potter realizes they're looking east, not west--its a massive forest fire, started by all the falling artillery.
This causes the 4077th to bug out, and move the whole camp down the road. Once they get there, they are met by their new surgeon--B.J.
Turns out that once I-Corps realized their error, they found B.J. in an airport in Guam, and sent him right back to Korea. As frustrated as he is, he's happy to see Hawkeye back. He apologizes to Hawkeye for not leaving a note, but Hawkeye gives him a sarcastic reply.
That night, Klinger reveals his deep feelings for Soon Lee, and asks her to marry him. She accepts, but mentions that she can't leave Korea until she finds her parents. Even after Klinger responds "that could be months...years", she remains adamant. At an impasse, Klinger departs.
The next day, the camp has a picnic for the kids in the local orphanage, and Sidney arrives to talk to Hawkeye. Hawkeye admits to being terrified to perform surgery again.
A few days later, Winchester's North Korean musicians are shipped out, over his protestations. With a truce seemingly near, all the POWs are being shipped out. Winchester, sad but accepting, watches the truck they're in depart down the road, as the five musicians play Mozart, the sound getting quieter and quieter.
Heading back to the Swamp, Winchester is stopped in his tracks when the P.A. makes an announcement: the truce has been signed, hostilities will end in 12 hours: "The war is over!"
Just as everyone breaks into hysterical cheers, wounded arrive, snapping the 4077th back to work. Amid the chaos, Potter announces I-Corps wants them back to their original location, with the bug out commencing after the session in OR.
Making their way back, everyone is sad to see their former home burnt to a crisp, with the metal hospital left charred and stained. Potter takes a look around, and then announces, "Okay, boys and girls...let's go to work."
The next day, everyone goes through their last OR session, where they talk about what the first thing is they want when they get home. They are discouraged as they listen to reporter Robert Pierpoint give the sad totals of the war--how many dead, how many wounded, how many left homeless, how much money spent.
During a break, Hawkeye and B.J. talk in the Mess Tent, where Hawkeye admits the only thing he's going to miss about the 4077th is B.J. B.J. promises to keep in contact, "One year Peg and I will come east", but his tone underlines the uncertainty they both feel about ever seeing each other again.
Hawkeye mocks B.J. a bit over this, trying to get him to actually say the word "goodbye." B.J. refuses, and walks off.
More wounded arrive, and Winchester does triage. He is stunned when he sees one of the wounded--who is inevitably going to die from his injuries--is one of the North Korean musicians. He asks what happened to the rest, but is grimly told the one lying before him, "Is the only one that made it this far."
Crushed, he wanders into the Swamp and puts on some Mozart. He listens to it for a few seconds, then angrily grabs the record, smashing it into pieces.
As the session in OR continues, Sidney quietly follows asks how Hawkeye is doing. When Hawkeye feels confident enough to work on a small wounded child, Sidney knows Hawkeye will be fine.
As he makes his exit, he says goodbye to everyone. He stops at the door, turns, and says, "You know I told you people something a long time ago, and its just as pertinent today as it was then: ladies and gentlemen, take my advice--pull down your pants, and slide on the ice." With that, Sidney Freedman departs.
Moments later, the official end of the war is heard when the guns go silent. Robert Pierpoint announces: "There it is--that's the sound of Peace." Everyone pauses for a moment, then goes back to work.
The next night--the last night they'll have together--the 4077th holds a huge dinner in the Mess Tent to announce what each of them will be doing once they get home.
Col. Potter goes first, saying he'll be a semi-retired country doctor, but most of the time, he'll be "Mrs. Potter's Mr. Potter." Kellye follows, saying she's found a position in a hospital back home in Honolulu.
Rizzo announces his plans to breed frogs for french restaurants, much to everyone's hysterics. Hawkeye follows, planning to return to Crabapple Cove, and having the time to talk to his patients, and "get to know them." Igor plans to be a pig farmer, to which Rizzo asks, "What do you mean, 'gonna be'?"
Nurse Bigelow, after being a nurse at the tail end of WWII, and then Korea, quietly admits, "You know something? I've had it."
Potter asks Winchester, who initially gives a bloodless answer about being Chief of Thoracic Surgery, so his life "Will go on pretty much as I expected." He begins to sit down, but then stops, admitting, "For me, music was always a refuge from this miserable experience...now it will always be a...reminder."
Margaret announces she's worked through a number of offers, but has decided to work in the States, in a hospital. She tearfully thanks her nurses for their superb work.
Klinger is last, and he announces that he and Soon Lee are getting married! He then points out the one problem is that she won't leave until she finds her parents. So, he admits, "I don't believe I'm saying this...I'm staying in Korea." Everyone erupts into stunned laughter. The evening ends with a toast to the new couple, everyone clinking their glasses in succession.
The next morning, Father Mulcahy performs the marriage ceremony, with Col. Potter as Best Man. As Klinger and Soon Lee climb into their "limo" (a horse-drawn cart), Klinger says goodbye to all his friends. B.J. has him sign a picture of himself in his Scarlett O'Hara gown, because, when he tells Erin about his experiences, "There's just some things she's just not going to believe."
After tearfully saying goodbye to Col. Potter, Soon Lee throws her bouquet, right into the arms of...Margaret.
The nurses head off to the 8063rd, but not before Kellye and some of the others grab their hometown markers from the camp signpost.
Father Mulcahy then leaves, still trying to keep his hearing loss a secret. Hawkeye tells him a joke, but he can't hear it, so after B.J. giving him silent instructions, he fakes a laugh. As he climbs into his ambulance, he waves and says, "Goodbye everybody...I'll pray for you."
Winchester, originally scheduled to depart with Margaret in a jeep, finds there is no room left since she has filled it with her belongings. Winchester kisses her hand goodbye, and Col. Potter kisses her on the head, just as a father would do. She and Hawkeye stare at one another for a moment, awkwardly trying to figure out what to say.
They finally embrace, and share a long--really long--passionate kiss. After they finish, Hawkeye simply says, "Well, so long", to which Margaret replies, "See ya." She watches them all as her jeep leaves the camp.
Just before Winchester leaves in--of all things--a garbage truck, they watch the Swamp be collapsed, forever. Hawkeye expresses sympathy for all the homeless rats, but Winchester assures him "Don't worry, you'll find somewhere to go."
He compliments Col. Potter's skills as a commander, and sarcastically says goodbye to Hawkeye and B.J. Climbing into the junky garbage truck, he bows slightly, and says, "Gentlemen." With that, he departs.
Before Col. Potter climbs on Sophie, he thanks Hawkeye and B.J. for always making him laugh, telling them there were times when, as commander, he had to pretend he was mad at them, but "Inside, I was laughing to beat all hell."
Hawkeye and B.J., teary-eyed, tell their former commander they have a gift for him--a honest, no-nonsense military salute. Col. Potter tearfully returns the gesture of respect, and rides off on his steed.
Hawkeye and B.J. begin an awkward goodbye on the compound, but when they hear Hawkeye's chopper arrive B.J. offers him a ride up to the chopper pad.
Once they make it there, they say goodbye, admitting how much they will miss one another. After recalling some great times together, they hug. Hawkeye climbs into the chopper, and B.J. starts his motorcycle.
He yells to Hawkeye, saying "I'll see you back in the States--I promise! But just in case, I left you a note", pointing to something off in the distance.
Hawkeye, confused, yells, "What?!?" but B.J. doesn't answer. He simply waves goodbye, and drives off.
Hawkeye's chopper begins to lift off, and he looks around for what his friend was talking about. He smiles when he sees, on one of the lower chopper pads, a note B.J. has left for him, spelled out in stones: "Goodbye."
Cracking a grin, Hawkeye looks out one last time over the camp, now mostly deserted and consisting of empty building frames. He then leans back into his seat, looking at peace.
The last shot we see is of Hawkeye's chopper, headed off into the distance:
Fun Facts: This episode still holds the record, almost 27 years later, as the most watched series episode TV history, with over 106 million viewers. Considering how fragmented TV is now, its a safe bet that's a record that will never be broken.
This is the series' longest episode, and the only one to feature an on-screen title.
I have so many comments and/or questions relating to this episode, I hardly know where to begin, and we don't have room for them all here. So here's a few:
Question: Why can't Col. Potter take Sophie with him? He lives in Missouri, not Manhattan. As an animal lover since I was small, the idea that Col. Potter left Sophie behind was really heartbreaking to me. Maybe it was to give Harry Morgan some bit of a storyline, since, of all the characters, he undergoes the least change in this episode?
Comment: I love Hawkeye bringing up Trapper not leaving a note when he left, even after all this time. Hawkeye as a character was always more insecure than B.J., so that line really gives you the sense that Hawkeye is still smarting from that perceived slight.
Question: All the characters get to say goodbye to each other in the final scene, except for Margaret and Father Mulcahy, who will see each other again at the 8063rd. Why was this? Just one goodbye moment too many?
Comment: I love the moment with Enid Kent as Nurse Bigelow in the banquet scene. Most everyone is chipper and happy now that the war's over, and looking forward to the next chapter of their lives. But Nurse Bigelow is just sick of war, sick of the death. This was the character's finest moment in the series.
Comment: This episode was filmed at the beginning of the year, before most of the other Season Eleven episodes. How weird must have that been for the actors, to play these heartfelt, tearful goodbye scenes, and then go and film more shows?
Favorite Line: How do I pick a favorite line from this monumental, literally historic episode?
There aren't that many funny lines, which is to be expected, since this episode is so inherently dramatic. So I'm going to pick two lines, one funny, one serious.
The laugh line: When, after Hawkeye finishes another rant mentioning a bus, Sidney repeats back to him: "Chickens take the bus?"
Hawkeye, aggravated to no end: "Again with the bus? Why don't you subscribe to Arizona Highways and leave me alone?"
Now for the serious: during Hawkeye and B.J.'s final scene, there are many great, heartfelt lines, but I think B.J.'s line "I can't imagine what this place would have been like if I hadn't found you here" hits me the most.
As a kid, I was, as you might imagine from someone who spends so much time blogging about comic book superheroes, horror magazines, and TV shows, not a very "macho" kid. I didn't like to play sports, and when I did I was awful. I felt like I didn't fit in and so many of the things that boys my age were into I was completely indifferent to.
I was a sensitive kid, and of course any kid who was interested in anything less than punching another kid in the face was called "gay", or a host of other terms meant to wound.
Not to over-dramatize this, but I clearly remember watching the final episode, as it aired. I was in the 6th grade, and it was revelatory to me, to watch two men express their fondness--oh hell, love--for one another so openly. Hawkeye and B.J. were two people I aspired to be like--they were smart, confident, compassionate, funny--and if they could be so open with who they were, maybe I could be, too.
So...is this the end of the blog? Well, yes and no. I have a bunch of other related posts to get to in the next week or two, so please join me for those.
But after that, yes, my look back at M*A*S*H will end and this blog will cease. Had any episodes of After M*A*S*H been available, in any format, I might have considered taking a look at that series, too--I haven't seen any of them since they first aired, and I'd love to revisit the show and see how it plays now (I really can't believe, with all the TV shows that have been put on DVD, that After M*A*S*H is still languishing in limbo).
Be back tomorrow!
Season 11, Episode 245: The U.N., The Night, and the Music
Original Air Date: 1/3/83
Written by: Elias Davis & David Pollock
Directed by: Harry Morgan
The 4077th is visited by three U.N. delegates--Capt. Ramurti Lal from the Indian Army (Kavi Raz), Dr. Randolph Kent from England(George Innes), and Per Johannsen from Sweden (Dennis Holahan). Upon meeting the three of them, Margaret takes an instant liking to the handsome stranger from Sweden.
With Johannsen and Lal staying in the VIP Tent, Dr. Kent stays in the Swamp, and Winchester takes an instant like to him, since he can sense that Kent is a man of class and refined taste.
Unfortunately for Winchester, Dr. Kent's tastes are a tad too refined: he thinks nothing of belittling Winchester's opinions, mocking his taste in wine, paintings, and vacation destinations. Instead of being insulted, Winchester keeps trying to curry Kent's approval.
Meanwhile, Johannsen has a private talk with Hawkeye, regarding Margaret's interest in him. He tells Hawkeye that normally he'd be thrilled at such attention, but he recently suffered a wound that left him impotent. Ashamed, he asks Hawkeye to run interference for him with Margaret. Hawkeye agrees, much to Margaret's sputtering fury, especially after he breaks up a party with just the two of them in the O Club.
Later, Margaret stops by Per's tent, on the pretense of apologizing for Hawkeye but really to try again with him. He nervously lets her in, but they quickly develop a rapport, making each other laugh and telling stories. The light mood is broken when Margaret makes a move on Per, which he awkwardly rejects.
Eventually, Per levels with her, and shares what's been troubling him. Margaret apologizes for putting Per in such a difficult position, and she immediately offers to stay and talk and get to know one another, an offer Per happily accepts.
Meanwhile, back at the Swamp, Winchester has had enough of Kent's derision, and finally lets him know that no matter how respected his family is, he's a snob.
This induces fits of laughter in Kent, who fesses up that his family isn't part of high society--rather, his parents are servants to an esteemed family, and Kent paid his way through medical school as the chauffeur. By their employment his family experienced all the finer things Winchester takes for granted.
Kent, immediately sensing Winchester's assumption, led him on, waiting for the right moment to point out to Winchester his ridiculous, arrogant notion that only people of breeding have any taste or class. He ends the discussion with "You've been outclassed by the son of a bloody butler!"
Winchester is insulted, and Hawkeye, overhearing all this from his cot, dissolves into hysterical laughter.
The next morning, all three of the U.N. reps depart, with Per and Margaret having spent a wonderful night together getting to know one another. They make plans to see each other again.
Meanwhile, Winchester suggests Kent drive the jeep, since, "After all, he's a professional."
Fun Facts: There's a B-plot about B.J. and his inability to level with a patient who has to have his leg removed. There's an amazing moment where the patient realizes what has happened, and even though he holds no grudge, it causes B.J. to shed a real tear, which we can see drip down Mike Farrell's cheek.
Favorite Line: Hawkeye, bored, has nothing to do but hang out in the Swamp, so he is stuck overhearing the Snob-Off between Winchester and Kent. When Winchester talks about the first time he drank a particularly good bottle of wine, he remarks, "It was at that point I no longer considered myself a virgin enophile."
Hawkeye, disgusted: "Good God."
I'm not doing the line justice--Alda delivers it with just the perfect amount of disgust and bewilderment, so much so I laugh every time I hear it.
Season 11, Episode 244: Run For The Money
Original Air Date: 12/20/82
Written by: Elias Davis & David Pollock and Mike Farrell
Directed by: Nell Cox
Klinger is excited over the prospect of yet another can't-fail, fool-proof scam: long-distance runner Jessie McFarland has been assigned to the 4077th, and will be arriving shortly.
His plan is to schedule a race against the 8063rd, who has a top-flight runner on camp. Klinger guesses that the 8063rd will think the 4077th is sure to lose, not knowing they've got McFarland on their staff.
Hawkeye and B.J. are initially not at all interested, tired of being caught up in another of Klinger's scams. But after Margaret goes along with the plan (to get revenge on the 8063rd's Head Nurse), they badger the doctors into going along with it.
After tending to some wounded engineers (including one who stutters, and is mocked by his comrades for it), McFarland arrives--except its Jessie McFarland Sr., an older, vastly overweight "tired old soldier." The runner in question is Jessie McFarland Jr.--a little detail Klinger missed.
During a mail delivery, Klinger tries to butter everyone up, but they remain furious at Klinger for roping them into this. The one person he doesn't have to schmooze is Winchester (who receives a tape-recorded letter from his sister Honoria in the mail), who tells Klinger not to worry because he didn't bet, and "I don't like you anyway."
Then Margaret hits on the idea to put up the one genuine runner they have in camp--Father Mulcahy. He turns them down at first, but after continued pressure he relents, and begins training.
While everyone is wrapped up with the race, Winchester is tending to the wounded engineers in Post Op. He catches wind of their commander, Captain Sweeney (Thomas Callaway), mocking the stuttering young man, Pvt. Palmer (Phil Brock) in front of everyone.
Winchester takes Capt. Sweeney outside, promising that if he hears one more unkind word towards Pvt. Palmer come from Sweeney's lips, he will personally writer a letter detailing Sweeney's inhumanity and have it placed in his personal file. Sweeney tries to protest, but Winchester cuts him off.
Later, the race between Mulcahy and the 8063rd's runner, Pvt. LeMasters (Mark Anderson) begins, and almost immediately Mulcahy falls behind.
In Post Op, Winchester takes Palmer to get some x-rays, but Palmer sees quickly that's a ruse. Winchester has a heart-to-heart talk with Palmer, trying to reassure him that just because he stutters, it doesn't mean Palmer isn't smart, something Palmer seems convinced of.
Winchester confides to the young man that he reads comics books like Palmer does, but says that Palmer is smart enough to tackle more complex literature--like Moby Dick, a leather-bound copy of which he gives to Palmer as a gift.
Palmer asks why Winchester is being so nice to him, but Winchester deflects the question and takes him back to Post Op. Later, we see Winchester sitting down in the Swamp, preparing to listen to the audio tape his sister sent him. We learn that Honoria stutters as well. As she goes on, we see a look of utter contentment on Winchester's face.
Meanwhile, the race between Mulcahy and LeMasters heads into the final stretch. Somehow, Mulcahy has managed to almost catch up, and then he passes LeMasters!
But just before he crosses the finish line, Mulcahy issues a demand: all the winnings go to the orphanage, or he'll let LeMasters win. Everyone agrees, and Mulcahy wins the race.
Later, Mulcahy reveals that LeMasters threw the race--during moments when he let Mulcahy catch up, he would make "chit-chat" about the poor starving orphans, which browbeat LeMasters so much he agreed to let Mulcahy win.
Fun Facts: I wrote a piece for my Hey Kids, Comics! blog centered around this episode, which you can read here.
The scene with Winchester listening to Honoria's audio tape is so sweet, so perfect, that its one of my all-time favorite moments of the series.
Favorite Line: Klinger, trying to convince Hawkeye and B.J. to go along with his scam: "Guys, I've been adding up some numbers."
B.J.: "Well, you'd better sit down, your fingers must be exhausted."
Season 11, Episode 240: Who Knew?
Original Air Date: 11/22/82
Written by: Elias Davis & David Pollock
Directed by: Harry Morgan
Hawkeye returns to the Swamp in the middle of the night, waking B.J. as he brags about the great night he just had with a new nurse, Lt. Millie Carpenter.
The next morning, during breakfast in the Mess Tent, Col. Potter delivers some grim news: Lt. Millie Carpenter has been killed. Apparently, she went for a stroll in the hills, and stepped on a landmine. Everyone is shocked and saddened, but none of them volunteer to say "a few words" at Millie's memorial service.
Later, Hawkeye finds Father Mulcahy as he goes through Millie's personal items, looking for information about her to prepare the service. After making small talk, he volunteers to deliver Millie's eulogy.
He starts asking people in camp about Millie, but no one has much to say about her: Margaret can only say "she was a good nurse", and even her fellow nurses don't have much to add other than commenting that when Millie got sent a big box of fudge from home, she only gave her roommates one piece each.
Hawkeye grows so frustrated that he decides to give up trying to write a eulogy, turning the job back over to Father Mulcahy. But Mulcahy suggests he read Millie's diary, which he found among Millie's personal items.
Hawkeye takes it back to the Swamp and reads, and we hear Millie's words in a voice over. We learn that she felt a lot for Hawkeye, but never let on. She ends the diary mentioning she's going to go take a walk, the last thing she would ever do.
Hawkeye is deeply troubled over what he's read, knowing that he never would have let Millie get close, insistent as he is on keeping things casual. He's convinced that their relationship would have been the same at six months than it was after the first few dates.
The next day, Hawkeye delivers the eulogy, sharing a few facts about Millie: the big box of fudge that Millie was so stingy with was given out to the wounded in Post Op, during the night shift so no one ever saw what she was doing. Also, she bravely volunteered to work at a MASH because she was so in awe of the work everyone was doing.
Hawkeye decides to use this moment to learn something: to try and not be so reserved about his feelings, and to let people know what they mean to him--something Millie never got the chance to do.
Hawkeye singles out Margaret, Col. Potter, Father Mulcahy, Charles, Klinger, and "Beej", telling each of them how much he loves them. He ends with saying "Goodbye, Millie."
Fun Facts: There's a great moment between Hawkeye and B.J. where they talk about Millie's memorial service, where Hawkeye gently chides the pre-fab service Mulcahy would offer.
As good as the memorial scene is, I always thought it was a little awkward that Hawkeye singles out the show's main characters as those closest to him. Of course, that makes sense, but I wonder how the nurses in the audience that Hawkeye had slept with felt about being left out?
The actress providing Millie's voice in uncredited.
There's a B-plot involving Winchester and Klinger where he tries to get Winchester to invest in a new product, what will be come the hula hoop. After some initial interest, Winchester decides the whole thing is ridiculous and withdraws his investment.
Favorite Line: When Klinger shows Winchester his invention, the proto-hula hoop, Winchester is none-too-impressed: "My word--you have invented...the circle!" Hasn't Winchester seen The Hudsucker Proxy?
Season 11, Episode 238: Foreign Affairs
Original Air Date: 11/8/82
Written by: David Pollock & Elias Davis
Directed by: Charles S. Dubin
A French Red Cross volunteer named Martine LeClerc (Melinda Mullins) arrives in camp to visit some the wounded. Everyone takes a shine to her, none more so than Winchester, who seems immediately smitten.
Later that night, Margaret and Martine share drinks in the O Club, and Hawkeye immediately tries an all-art charm offensive on Martine. She's polite, but seems indifferent to his advances.
She is much more receptive to Winchester, whose class and intelligence immediately charms her. They quickly bond over their mutual love of all things French, leaving Margaret out of the loop. After a few awkward moments, she excuses herself leaving the two of them alone.
Winchester and Martine stay up all night talking, into the morning. Martine admits to a love of Spike Jones, which inspires Winchester to loosen up and admit something silliness he secretly loves: Tom & Jerry cartoons.
Everyone takes notice of the two of them, with Hawkeye and B.J. being kept busy with their own dilemma: one of their patients, a North Korean, is being bribed by an oily PR man (Jeffrey Tambor) to become a turncoat and come to America as a way to "sell" the war to the people back home. The North Korean flatly isn't interested, but the PR man won't take no for an answer.
Over the next couple of days, Winchester and Martine's relationship continues to deepen, and Winchester admits he feels as much for Martine as he has felt for anyone in his entire life. Martine admits that she, too, has never felt this way since the death of her beloved Robert. Sharing a bottle of wine in her tent, Winchester and Martine spend the night together.
The next day, the two of them go on a picnic, and Martine mentions the one time she posed nude for a painting. When Winchester innocently asks whether her husband Robert minded that, she says since they were never married, there wasn't any sort of jealousy.
As she continues her story, Winchester is thrown--he's getting a better sense of how "bohemian" (as he puts it) Martine is. While Martine talks of meeting his family, Winchester is deeply upset.
The next night, in the O Club, Winchester is cold and distant to Martine, and she's confused as to the change in his behavior. Back in the Swamp, they talk about it, and Winchester says his family is very conservative (in both definitions of that word) and would never be able to accept Martine's free-thinking ways.
Martine says what matters is whether he can accept her, not his family. He admits that, deep down, he cannot. Deeply saddened, she points out that she's even more sad for him. When Winchester asks why, she mentions that she wasn't attracted to Hawkeye because "He was too much the little boy", but now she sees that Winchester "is not enough of one."
She gets up to leave, planting a last gentle kiss on his lips before departing.
Fun Facts: Another installment of The Young Sherman Potter Adventures: he mentions a young mademoiselle he knew--seemingly intimately--back during WWI.
This is actor Soon-Tek Oh's final appearance on the series--he plays a South Korean translator helping the PR man get his message across to his would-be turncoat.
There's a great moment where, as Winchester leaves Martine in the O Club, he runs into Hawkeye and B.J. who goof on him for doing so. Without a trace of humor, Winchester spits out "Shut up" before blowing past them.
Favorite Line: The doctors are talking about the Winchester/Martine romance, and Potter observes: "That joie de vivre of her might be just the thing to oil his hinges."
Season 10, Episode 233: Sons and Bowlers
Original Air Date: 3/22/82
Written by: Elias Davis & David Pollock
Directed by: Hy Averback
The Marines are celebrating yet another victory over the 4077th, this time at softball, drinking heavily at the O Club, all on the 4077th's dime.
Col. Potter is sick of constantly losing to the Marines, and gets the idea to try another sport, one he thinks they can win at--bowling. He quickly assembles a team of himself, Klinger, and B.J., and starts a search for a fourth player.
While Klinger is on the phone searching for the proper equipment, he hands a recently-arrived letter for Hawkeye. Hawkeye reads it then and there, and looks concerned. After Klinger leaves, Hawkeye picks up the phone and tries to place a call to his father back in Maine.
Getting a call through is a huge, complicated, frustrating process, so Hawkeye has to practically scream at the top of his lungs to be heard. Winchester, next door in Post Op, comes in and asks him to quiet down. Hawkeye brushes him off, and resumes his call within earshot of Winchester.
Winchester then turns on his heel and stays with Hawkeye, talking with him about what's going on--Hawkeye's father is going in for surgery, and even though his father doesn't say what it is, Hawkeye feels its serious.
Hawkeye eventually learns that his father has a mass pushing against his kidney, and by the time he gets a second call through his father has already gone in for surgery.
Hawkeye and Winchester, having nothing to do but wait, sit and talk about their fathers. Hawkeye expects the worst, and can't stand the idea his father would die without him having one last chance to tell his father how much he loves him.
Winchester tells Hawkeye that he should feel lucky that its only geographic distance keeping them apart--he and his father "have been 12,000 miles apart in the same room." He compares their respective relationships and says that, while he knows his father only wanted the best for him, while he has a Father, Hawkeye has a Dad.
Wounded arrive, and Hawkeye tries to take his mind off his worries and volunteers to play on the bowling team. But after only a few frames another call from home comes in and he has to beg off.
He finally gets the chance to talk to his Dad, and everything went perfectly. Hawkeye is overjoyed, gently scolding his Dad for not telling him about all this earlier, but then tells him just to get some rest. Hawkeye hangs up, his eyes tearing up from happiness.
Later, in the O Club, the 4077th is celebrating their first win against the Marines (with the last-minute help of Margaret), and Hawkeye buys Winchester their first round. They share a toast to "Fathers...and their sons."
Fun Facts: This episode features an abbreviated version of the credits--"Suicide is Painless" starts in a few seconds later than it normally does, and eliminates all the shots that are usually seen between Harry Morgan and Loretta Swit's names, so the sequence ends at the right moment.
This story obviously conflicts with previous episodes where Hawkeye writes letters home to his mother. Having spent my life reading comic books, I'm usually a big fan of continuity, but in this case who cares? This particular storyline is so good its worth it, even if it does conflict with previous episodes.
This is actor Dick O'Neill's third appearance on the series (after Season Five's "38 Across" and Season Eight's "B.J. Papa San"), playing yet another different character.
Favorite Line: Hawkeye, a little stunned at Winchester's revealing story, admits, "Charles--you've never told me anything like this before."
Winchester, without moving, says, "Actually, Hawkeye--I've never told you anything before", the only time Winchester ever called him by his nickname. A truly wonderful moment between the two characters.
Season 10, Episode 230: Where There's A Will, There's A War
Original Air Date: 2/22/82
Written by: David Pollock & Elias Davis
Directed by: Alan Alda
A Battalion Aid surgeon is killed, so an emergency request for a temporary replacement surgeon is sent to the 4077th. Normally it would be B.J.'s turn, but since he is off in Seoul for an afternoon of R&R, Potter sends Hawkeye.
Hawkeye arrives, and the situation is so grim that, in a rare moment of quiet, he decides to sit in a corner and write out his will.
In a series of flashbacks, and using a voice over by Hawkeye, we see moments involving him and the other at the 4077th which relate to the items Hawkeye is bequeathing to them.
Hawkeye starts off leaving everything to his father, with the exception of a few items. He starts with B.J., but at first can't think of what he wants to say. So he moves onto Winchester, leaving him his purple robe--purple being the color of royalty.
He leaves Father Mulcahy a nickel, a reference to the time Mulcahy got away with getting revenge on a careless General by ruining the General's elegant meal--the General promising that Mulcahy's life wouldn't be worth "a plugged nickel" if he wasn't a priest.
He leaves Margaret his pair of funny nose and glasses, a reminder of her all-too-hidden silly side. With Col. Potter, he recalls a conversation he had with him a week after Potter transferred to the 4077th and they talked about fishing. Hawkeye leaves him his father's copy of Last of the Mohicans.
To Klinger, he leaves his beloved Hawaiian shirt. We see a flashback about the time Klinger handed Hawkeye an issue of Life that had a huge article on Maine, which delighted Hawkeye. Klinger, in a true act of generosity, traded a giant hunk of Lebanese salami for it, but didn't tell Hawkeye that.
Hawkeye is allowed to go back home, and he arrives in the middle of the night. Coming back to the Swamp, he takes notice of the picture of B.J.'s family and gets an idea--he goes to Potter's office and composes a letter to Erin Hunnicutt, with a list of all the men her father worked on while in Korea, so she has some idea of what her father was doing while he was away.
Fun Facts: I really love this episode, the flashback sequences are extremely well executed--the lack of laugh track really helps make them feel real.
That said, like Season Eight's "Dreams" episode, it might have been nice to see the return of Trapper, Henry, Frank, or even Radar, since any of them could have been worked into the flashback framework.
Favorite Line: When Hawkeye packs up to leave, the Battalion Aid surgeon (Dennis Howard) asks, "Did you finish your will?"
Hawkeye responds without thinking, "All but my best friend." He pauses. "How did you know I was writing my will?"
The surgeon responds, "I've seen a lot of those written here."
Season 10, Episode 229: Pressure Points
Original Air Date: 2/15/82
Written by: David Pollock & Elias Davis
Directed by: Charles S. Dubin
While Col. Potter is on a visit to the 8063rd, a patient of his develops further problems, requiring Hawkeye to perform another surgery.
Potter returns, and is troubled at the news that Hawkeye had to do "mop-up work" on one of his patients. Turns out Potter missed a small piece of shrapnel which then dislodged itself, causing the need for the second surgery.
Potter's mood is further darkened when another patient inadvertently insults him, wondering why he is being transferred when his buddy--Potter's patient--isn't, even though they have the same wounds.
Later, during a lecture in Potter's office from a Captain regarding a new piece of extremely destructive artillery, Potter explodes at him, wondering why, if they can create better and nastier weapons, why can't they find a way to stop "this stupid war?"
That night, Sidney Freedman arrives, saying he's on a fact-finding mission regarding stress. He makes his way over to Col. Potter's tent, and we find out that it was Potter who called Sidney. Sidney is surprised to learn this.
Potter shares with him that, lately, he's been "a lot less perfect than I can accept" regarding his surgical skills. He's worried that...
At that point, Potter's voice trails off, and he insists that nothing's really wrong, he just needed to vent a little. Sidney is dubious, but Potter says that all he needed was to talk. Sidney goes back to the Swamp.
The next day, in the Mess Tent, it doesn't take much to set Potter off--he snaps at the cook for the lousy food, barks at Klinger, and then really hits the roof at Hawkeye when he learns that he authorized the release of Potter's patient now that he's well.
Meanwhile, Hawkeye, B.J., and Winchester have been having an ongoing feud about their personal cleanliness habits--Winchester deciding to out-slob his roommates, using B.J.'s knife to slice onions, eating raw sardines, etc.
It all comes to a boil, leading the three of them to start destroying parts of the Swamp, so much so it starts to draw a crowd. Potter gets wind of this, but, instead of blowing his stack, he asks Klinger order Winchester a new pillow.
He asks Sidney to meet him back in his tent, and then he admits what's really wrong: he's deeply worried that he's lost his touch as a surgeon, and the idea of incoming wounded fills him with terror. He tells Sidney the story of how he decided to become a surgeon: as a boy, he watched as his veterinarian uncle perform a live-saving operation, and bask in the glory of what lays inside the human body. Since that day, all he ever wanted was to become a surgeon.
Sidney is comforting, reminding Potter that of course someday he will get too old to be a surgeon--but right now, he's letting the fear of failing take over, and whether or not that affects him is purely under Potter's control.
Wounded arrive, and before cutting into his first patient, Potter takes a deep breath, and begins. He seems to be his old self again.
Later, the 4077th has a contest, raising money for the orphanage, over who gets to shave the still-sloppy Winchester. Potter wins, and, holding the razor in his hand, is as steady as a rock.
Fun Facts: This is Season Ten's unofficial "Angry Potter" episode.
The syndicated version of this episode removes Potter's fantastic speech about the moment he knew he wanted to be a surgeon--easily the best scene in the show! Whoever did the editing really cut the guts out of this particular episode.
Favorite Line: Sidney sees Winchester, unshaven, slovenly, and eating raw sardines, and acts surprised at this change of behavior. Winchester insists "Naw, you're seeing the real me."
Sidney: "I'm sorry to hear that."
Season 10, Episode 228: The Tooth Shall Set You Free
Original Air Date: 2/8/82
Written by: David Pollock & Elias Davis
Directed by: Charles S. Dubin
Wounded arrive, late into the night, mostly made up from a unit of combat engineers. Winchester is surlier than usual, due to a toothache he's trying desperately to cover up.
After the session in OR, the doctors are met by Major Weems (Tom Atkins), who is here to see his men. Everyone is impressed that Weems made a trip this late at night, but he says its the least he could do.
Hawkeye and B.J. offer to let Weems sleep in the Swamp, and he mentions how guilty he feels sleeping in a bed when it takes getting shot for his men to get the same opportunity. Hawkeye and B.J. are further impressed at Weems' care for his men.
In Post Op, Weems suggests one of his men--Cpl. Dorsey--should go home, but Hawkeye tells him the young man's wounds aren't that serious. Weems is insistent, telling Hawkeye in private that Dorsey comes from a poor farm family, and they really need him back home. Hawkeye promises to see what he can do.
Later, Father Mulcahy happens to mention that Dorsey is from Brooklyn, which doesn't jibe with what Weems told Hawkeye. Hawkeye then asks Dorsey (Lawrence Fishburne) about living in Brooklyn, and his story checks out. He asks Dorsey about about Weems, which elicits a surly, tight-lipped response.
Hawkeye talks it over with B.J., and they notice that Weems is desperate to send Dorsey--a black man--home, but wants to keep the more seriously wounded Sturdevant, who is white. That doesn't seem to make sense to either of them.
More wounded combat engineers arrive, and the ambulance is filled with young men--all of them black. This leads Hawkeye and B.J. to do some research, and they learn that even though black soldiers only make up a small part of Weems' unit, they suffer an overwhelming proportion of the casualties. They then turn to Col. Potter to tell them they're findings.
That night, Hawkeye and B.J. are having drinks outside the Swamp when they are joined by Col. Potter and Major Weems. Weems starts suggesting again some of his men should be sent home, and Col. Potter starts playacting--pretending that he's angry at Weems for sending so many of "them" home.
Hawkeye and B.J. play along, and Weems feels comfortable enough to say how he really feels--he admits he simply doesn't want to associate with black soldiers, so he assigns them risky duty so they earn more rotation points and get sent home faster. Or they get wounded--its all the same to Weems.
They go inside for more drinks, where they are met by Major Rockingham (Jason Bernard), Deputy Chief of Staff of Personnel at I-Corps, waiting inside. Weems tries to cover, but Rockingham says he plans to bring Weems up for a court martial.
Weems argues, but when Hawkeye, B.J., Potter, and Winchester say they plan to testify against him, he tries to bargain his way out of it. Rockingham offers him a an alternate deal: instead of a court martial, Weems resigns his commission, then and there.
Weems refuses, but Rockingham says he plays to call the JAG immediately--its one or the other. Weems crumbles, signs the paperwork, and storms out.
Everyone celebrates their victory, but there's one more part to the plan--Major Rockingham is actually Captain Rockingham, DDS. Winchester cowers in terror, but finally gives in and allows his tooth to get worked on.
Fun Facts: Tom Atkins is a great character actor, known mostly for his horror films: he appeared in The Fog, Escape From New York, Halloween III, and Creepshow, among others. Too bad he's such a creep here!
Favorite Line: After Winchester lets loose a loud moan in the middle of the night from his toothache, Hawkeye says: "Beej, remember--in the morning, its your turn to milk Charles."
Season 10, Episode 227: A Holy Mess
Original Air Date: 2/1/82
Written by: David Pollock & Elias Davis
Directed by: Burt Metcalfe
A G.I. wanders into the Mess Tent and sits down next to Hawkeye and B.J. He seems nervous and sullen, so they ask him if he wants to talk. He's reticent at first, but when they invite him back to the Swamp for drinks he accepts.
The young man, named Nick Gillis (Cyril O'Reilly) opens up to Hawkeye and B.J. He admits that he's AWOL, and then tells them why: he just found out from a friend that his wife has had a baby--even though he's been in Korea over a year.
Hawkeye and B.J. try and gently suggest that Gillis go talk to Father Mulcahy, which he agrees to--but not until he's gotten some sleep. Without another word, he passes out on a cot, sound asleep.
The next morning, Gillis agrees to talk to Father Mulcahy after the Sunday services, and he assumes that Hawkeye and B.J. are going, too. Afraid to turn him down, they reluctantly tag along.
During the service, Gillis' commander, Lt. Spears (David Graf) steps in and demands that Gillis come with him. Gillis refuses, and, grasping, claims he has a right to Sanctuary, since he is, in effect, inside a church.
Father Mulcahy agrees with Gillis' point of view, and grants him Sanctuary. Col. Potter is dubious, but goes along with Mulcahy until he can get further instructions from command.
He and Lt. Spears calls the Judge Advocate General. In the meantime, Mulcahy and Gillis get to know each other. He tries to show sympathy for Gillis, but warns him that, after thirty days, AWOL becomes Desertion.
Eventually, the JAG rules against Mulcahy. But Mulcahy still won't relent, saying he will only follow the advice of Command Chaplain at I-Corps. Lt. Spears can't believe what he's hearing, and insults Mulcahy, which Potter angrily slaps down.
Tensions rise when the camp gets impatient over the fresh eggs--a rare treat--they were promised (courtesy a local farmer) don't arrive because the Mess Tent is busy with Mulcahy and Gillis. Potter puts Hawkeye and B.J. in charge of calming the angry mob down. After a few moments of panic, they announce that the eggs will be served outside--dining in the great outdoors!
Word from the Command Chaplain arrives, and he agrees with the Army--the Mess Tent is not a church, therefore no Sanctuary. But Mulcahy still disagrees.
Lt. Spears has had enough, and sends in some MPs to get Gillis. Gillis panics, and grabs his rifle, preparing to fire. Mulcahy gutsily grabs it, knocking the barrel into the air. The gun goes off, causing everyone to hit the dirt (where the eggs get knocked over), and Gillis ends up pointing it at Mulcahy.
Mulcahy is aghast, and stares Gillis down, eventually getting him to give up the gun. He does, and collapses into tears in Mulcahy's arms.
Later, we learn that Gillis is being seen by Sidney Freedman, and he's "being treated like a casualty, not a criminal."
Fun Facts: A pretty solid performance by Cyril O'Reilly--the moment he explodes with anger at B.J. when he and Hawkeye miss the subtext of what he's saying (he's been in Korea over a year, yet his wife just gave birth) is palpably tense.
Favorite Line: Gillis asks Hawkeye and B.J., "You guys married?"
Hawkeye: "No, its just that we've been through so much together that it looks that way."
Season 10, Episode 223: 'Twas The Day After Christmas
Original Air Date: 12/28/81
Written by: Elias Davis & David Pollock
Directed by: Burt Metcalfe
The 4077th is celebrating Christmas with a regiment of British troops. When they mention their Boxing Day tradition, Klinger is all for trying at the 4077th. Col. Potter is initially against it, but when he sees it will boost morale, he goes for it, and has the officers and enlisted men trade places for a day.
Col. Potter becomes the company clerk, putting Klinger in charge. Winchester ends up working as the cook's assistant, and Hawkeye and Father Mulcahy take up nursing duties in Post Op. He assigns B.J. and Margaret to KP duties, and makes Kellye Head Nurse.
Winchester prepares an ambitious menu, but the cook, Sgt. Pernelli (Val Bisoglio) isn't interested in complicated meals that inquire esoteric ingredients. He tries to convey to Winchester the urgency of getting the food cooked fast--with the volume of people about to come into the Mess Tent, they don't have time for fancy meals.
Col. Potter has a steep learning curve, too--he finds out firsthand how much work Klinger has to wade through each day, and he goofs when he arranges a trade for gasoline by giving up ten pounds of peanut brittle which is as valuable as gold. Klinger tries to be comforting, and tells Potter to check with him the next time.
A patient of Hawkeye's takes a turn for the worse, but because of a bad storm I-Corps can't send a chopper to take him to Tokyo. The patient's thyroid gets set off, and his temperature shoots dangerously high.
They need to find a way to cool him down, but there's no ice in the freezers--it all melted when they were turned off to save on gasoline. The patient is taken into the OR, and Hawkeye gets an idea how to cool him down--he takes a scalpel and cuts a giant hole in one of the windows, letting the frigid weather inside.
The next day, everyone is back in their normal positions, each of them now with a better understanding of one another. Winchester even suggests the food isn't that bad!
Fun Facts: The only members of the officers who doesn't complain about the new workload is Father Mulcahy, a recurring trait he's shown in previous episodes--a nice character touch.
Favorite Line: Klinger has Potter wake everyone up extra early so his one day in command lasts as long as possible. Potter tries to wake up Winchester, who barks: "Winchesters only recognize one 5:30 per day, and this is not it!"
Season 10, Episode 217: Rumor At The Top
Original Air Date: 11/9/81
Written by: David Pollock & Elias Davis
Directed by: Charles S. Dubin
Col. Potter and Klinger get word that an old nemesis of Potter's, a General named Torgeson from Logistics and Support, is sending someone to visit the 4077th on a fact-finding tour.
Later, Klinger orders some supplies from HQ, but they won't send any for the moment. When Klinger asks why, he's told its classified, a strange and cryptic answer.
In the O Club, Klinger mentions this and Gen. Torgeson to Hawkeye, and Hawkeye happens to mention that Torgeson's signature is on the orders that sent Hawkeye to the 4077th--"He's a MASH-maker."
This sends Klinger into a panic, and he imagines that all the fact-finding and supply-hoarding is for creating a new MASH. Hawkeye at first dismisses Klinger's paranoia, but quickly buys into it.
He shares this info with B.J., and they realize that if there's a new MASH, they'll be separated. They quickly come up with a plan, by dropping "hints" to Winchester, suggesting that Torgeson's assistant is in fact looking for a personal doctor for Torgeson, a cushy assignment right up Winchester's alley.
Winchester turns to Margaret for advice about Gen. Torgeson, and she also begins to panic, assuming that the first person from the 4077th Torgeson would take for the new MASH is Col. Potter, something she couldn't live with.
Torgeson's aid, Major Burnum (Nicholas Pryor), arrives, and is beset on all sides--Margaret keeps dropping hints that Col. Potter is a doddering, senile old man, Winchester keeps trying to find out info about Torgeson, and Klinger goes the Section 8 route, dressing up as a religious zealot.
Hawkeye and B.J. get into the act too, pretending that they are lousy, careless doctors, and that overall the 4077th is a mess. Burnum can't believe what he's seeing, especially when Hawkeye and B.J. pretend to let a wounded patient suffer while they play cards and do laundry.
Finally, Burnum has had enough, and demands to know how the 4077th is as good as its reputation if this is how it operates. Back in the Swamp, he storms off, disgusted.
But before he can leave, wounded arrive, and he sees the 4077th snap into action. He hangs back, watching, and realizes he's been had.
Later, in the Mess Tent, everyone is worried about what's going to happen now that Burnum has seen how the 4077th really operates. Burnum and Potter join them, and Burnum reveals what he's here for: to gather information about creating a new MASH.
But he's not there to pull someone out of the 4077th--he's simply there to learn how they do it, so they could copy it in hopes to create another MASH as effective as the 4077th. Everyone is relieved when Burnum admits, "Breaking up the 4077th would be like splitting up the Yankees!"
Fun Facts: The sequence with Hawkeye, B.J., and Igor over a supposed patient reminds me of the hi-jinx that went on during the show's first few seasons. When Igor says he lost (literally) the patient between Pre-Op and OR, Hawkeye and B.J. demand to know how that could possibly be. Igor haplessly replies, "We took a shortcut!"
Favorite Line: Winchester, single-mindedly trying to get information about Gen. Torgeson from Margaret: "Now..tell me more about Montana--does it have a city?"
Season 10, Episode 215: That's Show Biz
Original Air Date: 10/26/81
Written by: David Pollock & Elias Davis
Directed by: Charles S. Dubin
A USO troop gets caught in the middle of an artillery barrage, and one of them, a young girl named Marina (Gail Edwards) has a ruptured appendix. She's taken by chopper to the 4077th, where Hawkeye literally sweeps her off her feet, carrying her to a jeep.
The rest of the troop arrives in camp to catch up with Marina--a comedian named Fast Freddie (Danny Dayton), two musicians named Sarah (Karen Miller) and Ellie (Amanda McBroom), and a stripper, Brandy Doyle (Gwen Verdon). They ask if they can stick around and do a show, but Freddie says they're on a tight schedule and have to move on. But, after some prodding, Freddie agrees. Freddie is an awful, hackneyed comedian, but for some reason Winchester finds him hysterical, much to Winchester's enduring embarrassment.
Meanwhile, Marina falls hard for Hawkeye. She is not subtle about showing Hawkeye how she feels, but he continually tries to keep her at arm's length.
Each member of the troop makes their own personal connection with someone from the 4077th--Fast Freddie and Klinger bond over their mutual love of horrible jokes, Brandy Doyle takes quite a shine to Col. Potter, who is flattered and then flustered at the level of attention.
Sarah is searching for a pair of ballet shoes carried by her brother, killed in combat. They were from his wife, a ballerina, and Sarah hopes to recover them for her.
Ellie makes friends with Winchester, who is impressed when she shows an ability at and appreciation for classical music. She explains that she plays the accordion ("An overgrown concertina" as Winchester calls it) because that's how she can make a living playing music.
After putting on a show, the troop packs up to leave, but heavy artillery in the nearby area closes off all the roads, forcing them to stay at the 4077th a little longer. Everyone is happy at the news, except for Hawkeye and B.J., who are driven out of the Swamp in the middle of the night, unable to sleep due to the hysterical cackling of Winchester and Klinger over Fast Freddie's jokes.
Over the next day or two, Father Mulcahy helps Sarah track down the ballet shoes, Winchester loosens up when Ellie plays some folk songs in the O Club (leading him to dance with Nurse Kellye), and Brandy makes friends with Margaret, bonding over their hard times with men.
The travel restrictions are finally lifted, and Hawkeye tells Marina that she's well enough to leave with them. She doesn't want to go, insisting she can stay behind so she can get closer to Hawkeye. Even after he runs himself down repeatedly, Marina still wants to stay.
But Hawkeye gently insists, saying they're simply too different to have a relationship. Marina unhappily accepts this, and tearfully promises to send him a postcard on New Year's Eve.
The next day, the troop packs up and departs, singing a song and waving goodbyes as their truck makes it way down the road.
Later that night, everyone is a little down, now that all the excitement is over. Klinger finds himself barred from the Swamp, on account of his bad Fast Freddie-inspired jokes. He promises to cut it out, and Hawkeye, B.J., and Winchester skeptically let him in.
Klinger bursts in, showing off his new passion: the accordion!
Fun Facts: This is the series' first hour-long season premiere since the sixth season.
Favorite Line: Hawkeye, gently breaking off any chance at a relationship with Marina: "...I've seen too much ever to be wide-eyed again."
The quiet sadness with which Alda delivers the line always gets me--even if Hawkeye went home the next day, he's seen so much ugliness that it will never truly leave him.
Season 9, Episode 212: Blood Brothers
Original Air Date: 4/6/81
Written by: David Pollock & Elias Davis
Directed by: Harry Morgan
In Post Op, there are only a few patients. One of them, B.J.'s patient, is named Lowry and neither B.J. or Hawkeye are sure whether he'll pull through.
The one person certain he'll be okay is his best friend, Sturgis (Patrick Swayze), who is confident that his friend will live, despite Hawkeye and B.J.'s uncertainty.
Meanwhile, Col. Potter delivers what he thinks is good news to Father Mulcahy: Cardinal James Reardon is coming to visit the 4077th. Mulcahy is happy but sent into a panic when he learns that Reardon will be arriving in just two days! Mulcahy is terrified, and figures there's no way he can get everything ready in time.
Back in Post Op, B.J. prepares to give Lowry a pint of blood. Sturgis offers to donate it, since they have the same blood type. Hawkeye and B.J. agree.
Saturday night, things are swinging in the O Club, and Father Mulcahy is furious with everyone for their inability to stop drinking, fighting, and gambling for the two days leading up to Reardon's visit.
B.J. finds Hawkeye in the lab, telling him Lowry is stable enough for the transfusion. But Hawkeye has some terrible news: Sturgis has Leukemia.
They debate what to do: B.J. thinks Sturgis should know, so he can "make the most out of the time he has left", but Hawkeye is concerned that it might "take the life right out of him."
After several blood tests, Sturgis starts to get suspicious--what's going on, he demands of Hawkeye. When Hawkeye calls him Gary, he begins to worry, and asks, "Is there something wrong with me?"
Hawkeye does his best to gently deliver the news. At the same time, he tells him directly that, if he does have the disease, "Your chances aren't too good."
Hawkeye recommends that Sturgis be sent to Tokyo, where he can be examined more fully, and, since his disease is in the early stages, treatments can start immediately.
Meanwhile, Cardinal Reardon arrives, ahead of schedule. Father Mulcahy is of course nervous, but Reardon (Ray Middleton) is warm and friendly. He even asks if they can all get a drink in the Officers Club. Which they can't, after Igor stumbles out onto the compound and drunkenly passes out.
Father Mulcahy is incensed, and he wanders into the Mess Tent, where he finds Hawkeye sitting alone. He complains about how everyone is making his life miserable. After ranting for a few moments, he asks whether Hawkeye is just going to sit there and say nothing?
Hawkeye tells him what he just had to do in Post Op, which brings Mulcahy back from his own problems. He heads off to Post Op to talk to Sturgis.
The next morning, Hawkeye finds Father Mulcahy and Sturgis, who obviously stayed up all night talking. Sturgis seems much happier, even laughing out loud.
He asks to stick around for when his friend wakes up, but Hawkeye wants Sturgis to go to Tokyo so he can start treatment. Sturgis argues that its his life, he should be able to do with it what he wants. Hawkeye begins to argue, but Father Mulcahy interrupts him.
He shows Hawkeye that Sturgis going off to Tokyo will make Hawkeye feel better, more than it will do for Sturgis. Hawkeye, seeing the light, agrees, and tells Sturgis he can stay as long as he likes.
Klinger finds Father Mulcahy, who is supposed to be in the Mess Tent to start the Sunday services, which Mulcahy completely forgot about.
In his bathrobe, Mulcahy delivers a sermon about two men: one selfish, concerned only with himself; the other a man who makes a courageous gesture of friendship. Mulcahy breaks down, admitting the first man is himself.
Cardinal Reardon gets up, hugs Mulcahy, and says, "You're a hard act to follow."
Fun Facts: The moment when Cardinal Reardon arrives is one of the very few (maybe only) moments in M*A*S*H when the humor derives from a sort of ironic distance: There's a flurry of intros between Potter, Klinger, Father Mulcahy, and Reardon, all involving their respective ranks: "Corporal, Cardinal, Captain, Father...", etc.
Its like an Abbott & Costello routine, and one of the rare times the series derived humor from the viewer sitting back and watching the scene--the characters themselves aren't trying to be funny.
Favorite Line: Hawkeye and B.J.'s discussion whether to tell Sturgis the news spills over to their own feelings on the subject. B.J. asks wouldn't Hawkeye want to know, and he counters with, "Would you want to tell me?"
Season 9, Episode 210: The Red/White Blues
Original Air Date: 3/9/81
Written by: Elias Davis & David Pollock
Directed by: Gabrielle Beaumont
Col. Potter undergoes a routine physical--the last one he'll have to undergo while on active duty--and the results aren't good. His blood pressure is way above the norm, and he runs the risk of being pulled from command and stuck behind a desk.
Potter begs Hawkeye to fudge the numbers, but he refuses. Potter is adamant, and asks Hawkeye for two weeks to get his numbers down before the report has to be sent in to HQ. Hawkeye agrees, but reminds him he's going to have to cut down on his drinking, his salt, his cigars, and his penchant for getting angry due to the pressures of being in command.
Hawkeye promises to keep Potter's condition a secret, but almost immediately he spills the news to everyone, who start treating Potter with kid gloves, which of course drives him nuts.
Back in his office, Potter flies off the handle when he thinks Klinger ordered the wrong medicine needed to preemptively deal with the Malaria problem--they're stuck with Chloroquine instead of Primaquine. After blowing his stack, Hawkeye finds a letter enclosed that HQ was out of Primaquine, so they sent the other, less effective drug, instead.
Chloroquine is just a supressant, not the cure that Primaquine is...plus, it also has negative side effects for negroes. But it will have to do. Potter, chastened, apologizes to Klinger.
Later, Hawkeye is back in Klinger's office, and he's shocked to see the mountain of paperwork that covers the office. He can't understand why Klinger isn't getting the work done, but Klinger insists its not out of laziness, its because he feels so worn out and tired. Hawkeye isn't hearing any of it, and issues a direct order to Klinger to get all the work done before Potter comes back and sees the mess.
While the doctors try and stall Potter in the O Club (all of them drinking lemonade), Margaret checks up on Klinger. The office is in even worse shape, and Klinger complains about feeling awful. Margaret is furious, and when choppers arrive, she orders him to get up and help out, and stop goldbricking.
While in Pre-Op, Margaret sees that Pvt. Goldman (Roy Goldman) is resting on a bench. He complains of feeling tired with a bad back, and Margaret promises to have one of the doctors check him out.
Klinger, seeing this, gets mad, accusing Margaret of believing Goldman but not him, even though they have the same symptoms. Margaret apologizes and tells him to rest, too.
After OR, Hawkeye and B.J. run blood tests, and whatever's dogging Klinger and Goldman, they know its the same thing--they just don't know what it is.
While finishing up Klinger's paperwork, they come up with a plan to take Klinger and Goldman off the pills entirely. Potter, tired of being prevented from going to his office, sees the damage and explodes--but, after the outburst, he feels better.
A few days later, the gets another examination, and this time he passes with a few points to spare. Overjoyed, he takes a drink and lights a cigar in celebration.
Fun Facts: Another installment of The Young Sherman Potter Chronicles: he mentions getting a physical from a "young mademoiselle" in a farmhouse. Hotcha!
This episode ends with a text coda, the only time the show would do this, explaining that later research revealed that Chloroquine had negative side effects not only with blacks, but also Caucasians of Mediterranean descent.
Favorite Line: Hawkeye and Potter discuss the Chloroquine pills, and they're relative effectiveness. Potter asks: "And what about the negroes?"
Klinger, utterly confused: "What did I do to them?!"
