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Season 1, Episode 13: Edwina
Original Air Date: 12/24/72
Written by: Hal Dresner
Directed by: James Sheldon
The 4077th is throwing a birthday party for Nurse Edwina Ferguson (Arlene Golonka). She's a sweet girl, but a real klutz, and clearly insecure. So much so she runs off in tears during the party.
Nurse Cutler follows her out, asking what the problem is, and Edwina reveals that, even though she's just a few weeks shy of going home, she is depressed. Edwina is lonely, and has never attracted the attention of any of the men of the 4077th, which has crushed her self-esteem.
Shortly thereafter, all the various men of the 4077th start getting suddenly rejected by the various women in their lives, and Radar overhears (via a hole in the Nurse's Shower) that the nurses have decided to "cut off" all the men until one of them steps up to the plate and romances Edwina.
The men decided to hold a raffle to see who the "lucky guy" is, and of course its Hawkeye!
Hawkeye schmoozes Edwina during lunch and dinner, trying his best to be funny and charming. Edwina is such a clutch she barely notices, but finally Hawkeye gets to asking her out, and she accepts.
That night, they each prepare for the date in royal style--each of them wearing kimonos, Hawkeye crosses the camp and picks Edwina up, bringing her back to The Swamp.
During the date, everything that could go wrong does, with Edwina accidentally elbowing Hawkeye in the eye, knocking him over, smashing a glass onto the floor (which Hawkeye accidentally tramples on, with bare feet), scaring him half to death.
Hawkeye finally concludes that all this klutziness is some sort of defense mechanism of Edwina's, in an attempt to keep men away before they can hurt her. Edwina is touched by all the effort Hawkeye is making, and they share a gentle kiss where nothing goes wrong. Edwina is thrilled that she's capable of being affectionate and open with someone, and it doesn't immediately go all wrong.
Of course, just as she discovers this, she knocks The Swamp's chimney pipe over, spilling soot all over Hawkeye and his bed. Hawkeye can only laugh hysterically.
Hawkeye and Nurse Cutler see Edwina off as she heads for home, and Margie thanks Hawkeye for being so nice to Edwina. The enforced abstinence is finally over!
Comments: A very sweet episode, and a nice vehicle for guest-star Golonka, who has a huge part in this episode, bigger than any of the others except for Alan Alda.
Favorite Line: As Hawkeye tries to woo Edwina, he talks about himself, talking about all the various facets of his personality: "Underneath all that of course is Public Parking."
Season 1, Episode 10: I Hate A Mystery
Original Air Date: 11/26/72
Written by: Hal Dresner
Directed by: Hy Averback
The episode opens with Hawkeye cleaning up in a poker game against Trapper and some others. He's built up a tidy nest egg, which Ho-John keeps track of for him.
During the game, Frank, who is watching disapprovingly, notices that sterling silver frame around a picture of his mother has been stolen. He's sure Hawkeye or Trapper did it, and storms off.
He visits Hot Lips, who sees that her fancy hairbrush has been stolen. A few tents down, Henry sees that the fancy-schmancy fishing reel he got for his girlfriend Leslie (Nurse Scorch, played by Linda Meiklejohn) has also been stolen. Its a crime wave!
The thievery gets so bad Henry is forced to perform a tent-by-tent search. He ends up at The Swamp, where neither Hawkeye or Trapper are taking him very seriously. But things get very serious when Henry finds all the stolen items in Hawkeye's foot locker!
Hawkeye protests his innocence, Henry asks Hawkeye what the joke is, meanwhile Frank and Hot Lips are preparing the forms for a court martial.
Hawkeye insists he's being framed, and tries to figure out who's doing it, all the while being watched by a suspicious Hot Lips in the OR, and Radar out of it. It starts to drive Hawkeye crazy.
Later, he sets a trap for the real thief, by announcing over the PA system that fingerprints have been found on the stolen items, now in Henry's desk. In the middle of the night, he calls a meeting of all the interested parties in the Mess Tent.
Dressed like Sherlock Holmes, Hawkeye goes through all the possible suspects. He pulls a bluff, revealing that the real thief is...Ho-John!
Ho-John fesses up, but admits it was to raise money to bribe border guards to get his mother and sister across the border, to where its safer.
Everyone agrees to let Ho-John keep the stuff, so he can help his relatives. Hawkeye is impressed with how much extra money Ho-John has been able to save...until he realizes the total includes Hawkeye's poker winnings.
Comments: The final third of the show, where Hawkeye enters the Mess Tent dressed in a trenchcoat and hat, is one of the examples (exclusively in the first season) of M*A*S*H being pretty sit-com-y--what is Hawkeye, a prop comic?
Scenes like this feel like either the writers still weren't sure how real the show should be, or they were bones thrown to the networks, to assure them that M*A*S*H was, in fact, just a silly ol' sit-com! Nothing to pay too close attention to, Mr. Paley.
Favorite Line: When Ho-John asks Frank why he got into medicine, Hawkeye mutters "To meet girls", in a way that sounds almost like an ad-lib.
