Episode 238 - Foreign Affairs

Season 11, Episode 238: Foreign Affairs
Original Air Date: 11/8/82
Written by: David Pollock & Elias Davis
Directed by: Charles S. Dubin

A French Red Cross volunteer named Martine LeClerc (Melinda Mullins) arrives in camp to visit some the wounded. Everyone takes a shine to her, none more so than Winchester, who seems immediately smitten.

Later that night, Margaret and Martine share drinks in the O Club, and Hawkeye immediately tries an all-art charm offensive on Martine. She's polite, but seems indifferent to his advances.

She is much more receptive to Winchester, whose class and intelligence immediately charms her. They quickly bond over their mutual love of all things French, leaving Margaret out of the loop. After a few awkward moments, she excuses herself leaving the two of them alone.

Winchester and Martine stay up all night talking, into the morning. Martine admits to a love of Spike Jones, which inspires Winchester to loosen up and admit something silliness he secretly loves: Tom & Jerry cartoons.

Everyone takes notice of the two of them, with Hawkeye and B.J. being kept busy with their own dilemma: one of their patients, a North Korean, is being bribed by an oily PR man (Jeffrey Tambor) to become a turncoat and come to America as a way to "sell" the war to the people back home. The North Korean flatly isn't interested, but the PR man won't take no for an answer.

Over the next couple of days, Winchester and Martine's relationship continues to deepen, and Winchester admits he feels as much for Martine as he has felt for anyone in his entire life. Martine admits that she, too, has never felt this way since the death of her beloved Robert. Sharing a bottle of wine in her tent, Winchester and Martine spend the night together.

The next day, the two of them go on a picnic, and Martine mentions the one time she posed nude for a painting. When Winchester innocently asks whether her husband Robert minded that, she says since they were never married, there wasn't any sort of jealousy.

As she continues her story, Winchester is thrown--he's getting a better sense of how "bohemian" (as he puts it) Martine is. While Martine talks of meeting his family, Winchester is deeply upset.

The next night, in the O Club, Winchester is cold and distant to Martine, and she's confused as to the change in his behavior. Back in the Swamp, they talk about it, and Winchester says his family is very conservative (in both definitions of that word) and would never be able to accept Martine's free-thinking ways.

Martine says what matters is whether he can accept her, not his family. He admits that, deep down, he cannot. Deeply saddened, she points out that she's even more sad for him. When Winchester asks why, she mentions that she wasn't attracted to Hawkeye because "He was too much the little boy", but now she sees that Winchester "is not enough of one."

She gets up to leave, planting a last gentle kiss on his lips before departing.


Fun Facts: Another installment of The Young Sherman Potter Adventures: he mentions a young mademoiselle he knew--seemingly intimately--back during WWI.

This is actor Soon-Tek Oh's final appearance on the series--he plays a South Korean translator helping the PR man get his message across to his would-be turncoat.

There's a great moment where, as Winchester leaves Martine in the O Club, he runs into Hawkeye and B.J. who goof on him for doing so. Without a trace of humor, Winchester spits out "Shut up" before blowing past them.


Favorite Line: The doctors are talking about the Winchester/Martine romance, and Potter observes: "That joie de vivre of her might be just the thing to oil his hinges."

Episode 237 - Trick or Treatment

Season 11, Episode 237: Trick or Treatment
Original Air Date: 11/1/82
Written by: Dennis Keonig
Directed by: Charles S. Dubin

Its Halloween night at the 4077th, and a battalion of visiting Marines are getting hammered over at Rosie's Bar. Hawkeye, B.J., Col. Potter, Margaret, and Klinger are all in costume, planning to head over to the party.

Winchester, wanting nothing to do with any Halloween celebration, has volunteered to be on duty in Post Op. He ends up with first patient almost immediately--a Pvt. Mosconi (George Wendt) who stuck a pool ball in his mouth as a gag, but now can't get it back out. Winchester examines him, torturing the poor guy pretending not to even notice the ball jutting out of his jaw.

Before everyone can make the party, wounded arrive, including one young soldier already toe-tagged. There's so many patients that the doctors don't have time to examine the dead young man closely, so his body is put off to the side while they tend to the living.

During the session in OR, each of the doctors tell ghost stories. Everyone gets spooked, except for Winchester, who doesn't believe any of it.

More wounded arrive, keeping the doctors busy. We see the young dead solider laying on the compound. Except...he's not quite dead. We see his hand move slightly, then stop again. But no one notices.

Graves Registration arrives looking for any dead soldiers. There's still just the one, the young man came in that way. They carry the body onto their truck, but stop to grab a cup of coffee, leaving him there while they rest.

At the end of the night, all the wounded have been taken care of. Father Mulchay returns from a trip to the orphanage, and he runs into Hawkeye, who tells him how busy they were. Father Mulcahy asks if any of them need last rites, and the only one that does is the young man in the truck.

Just before Graves Registration drives off, Father Mulcahy stops them, wanting to give the man last rites. He climbs into the truck, and begins the ritual--then stops. He is shocked to see a tear falling from the man's eye, and he calls out for Hawkeye.

Later, in Post Op, all the doctors huddle around the young man, on his way to recovery now that he's been tended to. B.J. remarks this is the first time being "dead" wasn't terminal, and Hawkeye suggests "This is a ghost story none of us will ever be able to top."


Fun Facts: There's a great, angry speech from Potter to an MP looking to investigate a solider who ran over a chicken coop. He mentions having "A dozen types of blood squishing in my boots", having little time for such a penny ante distraction.

One of the drunken Marines is played by Andrew Dice Clay (here billed as Andrew Clay), of all people. He's not bad in this small role, and pretty funny. Obviously, his career took a very different path.


Favorite Line: Winchester, pretending not to fully comprehend why the Marine has a pool ball in his mouth. He looks at it, and says: "Oh, look, there's a little '6' painted on it! Could that be...how old you are?"

Episode 236 - Hey, Look Me Over

Season 11, Episode 236: Hey, Look Me Over
Original Air Date: 10/25/82
Written by: Alan Alda and Karen Hall
Directed by: Susan Oliver

With the threat of a Chinese invasion, the Army has moved the nurses out of the 4077th, leaving just the men. This quickly turns the place into a shambles--the place is a mess, equipment is lying all over the place, and the doctors are left with people like the hapless Igor to assist them in surgery.

Luckily for them, the Chinese have retreated, and the nurses are brought back, where they are treated like returning heroes. Everyone is happy, except for Margaret, who is furious when she learns that she and the nursing staff are expecting an inspection from the dreaded Col. Buckholtz in just five days.

Margaret rounds up the nurses--taking them away from their welcome home party--and heads into the OR. They are shocked speechless by the shambles left behind by the men, and Margaret barges into Potter's tent and demands to know how this could've happened.

The next day, the doctors have been drafted to help out, but they aren't much help. Hawkeye in particular is focused on trying to romance a nurse, seemingly any nurse that will respond to his come-on line. He's rejected by several of them, but is oblivious when Nurse Kellye hints that his line would work on her.

That night, the welcome home party is kicked off, and all of the nurses go except for Kellye, who glumly volunteers to finish up some last details. She even finishes the one task Hawkeye was assigned--to fix the Autoclave.

Later, in the O Club, Hawkeye tries putting the moves on various nurses, but still gets nowhere. Kellye is there, and she asks Hawkeye to dance, which he accepts. They dance the Lindy, but when it ends and a slow song comes on, Hawkeye awkwardly walks away, asking instead to buy Kellye a drink.

At the bar, they begin to talk, but within a few moments Hawkeye gets distracted by a nearby nurse, completely ignoring Kellye--so much so she wanders out of the O Club without him even noticing.

The next day, Col. Buckholtz (Peggy Feury) arrives, driving Margaret crazy with her stern and exacting manner. As good and sharp as Margaret is, its still not quite good enough for Buckholtz.

Hawkeye makes a joke about Buckholtz's manner, but Kellye snaps at him to be quiet. B.J. makes a similar joke, which Kellye responds to. Hawkeye notices this, and asks what the problem is.

They go out into Klinger's office and have it out--Kellye tells Hawkeye how hurt she is by his inattention, and how that over the years he's never taken notice of her, just because "I'm not 5 foot 9 with long blond hair and a nose you could fit into a bottlecap!"

Hawkeye, stunned, apologizes, but its clear Kellye is very hurt. Margaret--afraid Buckholtz will overhear the tumult--breaks it up, ordering Kellye to go with Buckholtz's aid (Gary Grubs) to inspect the supplies.

In the Mess Tent, Margaret sits with B.J. and Winchester, complaining about Buckholtz. B.J. and Winchester are sympathetic, but point out that what Buckholtz does to Margaret, Margaret does to the nurses, and look how that makes her feel. Margaret objects, but changes her mind when she overhears two nurses complaining about Buckholtz, saying, "She's almost as bad as Houlihan!"

In Post Op, Hawkeye watches as Kellye cares for a dying solider, holding his hand and being with him during his last few moments, putting him at ease. By the time he does, Kellye's eyes are filled with tears.

Later, Hawkeye visits the Nurses Tent, flowers in hand. Kellye assumes that whoever Hawkeye is there for, "she's not here."

Hawkeye says he's there to see her, and he apologizes, saying she was right--he never did really see her, even though they've worked together for so long. She thanks him, but can't ask him in, because--she's on a date with Buckholtz's aid, Lt. Geyer!

Margaret runs into one of her nurses who is working late into the night, correcting things pointed out by Buckholtz. Margaret tells her to forget all that, and take the rest of the night off.

Days later, Margaret finds out she passed the inspection, and has a drink to celebrate. Hawkeye puts on a slow song on the jukebox, then walks over to Kellye. He silently points to her cheek, then to his, and they get up and dance together.


Fun Facts: What an extraordinary opportunity this must have been for actress Kellye Nakahara--its almost unprecedented for a show to take a longtime supporting character and give them such a showcase. And Ms. Nakahara makes the most of it, delivering a great performance.

This is the first episode of the Eleventh, and final, season.


Favorite Line: After Hawkeye awkwardly refuses to dance a slow dance with Kellye, he offers her a drink instead.

She says, "Oh, I don't know, I'm a big drinker--something light." The bartender asks, "Want another Scotch on the Rocks?", to which Kellye tersely responds: "That'll be fine."

M*A*S*H Trivia Game - 1982

Trivia-based games were all the rage in the early 80s (due mostly to Trivia Pursuit, which was a monster smash), and game manufacturers figured out a way to make trivia games on their own, based on specific properties. So why not a M*A*S*H game?

I remember having the cards, but have zero memory of the rest of the game. I have vague memories of trying to incorporate the M*A*S*H cards into games of TP I played with my parents, but it never quite worked.

M*A*S*H Bubble Gum Card Set - 1982

M*A*S*H got its own bubble gum and trading card set, consisting of 66 cards featuring stills from the show (but only episodes from Season Six on), made by the Donruss company.

On the back are sections of a larger image that you were supposed to put together, puzzle-like. When all put together, it was (if memory serves, I haven't had these cards in a long time) a shot of the show's opening shot, seen above.

M*A*S*H Halloween Costume by Ben Cooper - 1981

What kid wouldn't want to go as Klinger for Halloween?

I saw these photos on an eBay auction for this costume and just had to er, borrow them for this post. Had the box been M*A*S*H-specific, I would've bid on it!

I've seen pictures of a similar (almost identical, really) Hawkeye costume, but this Klinger one is new to me. I guess its safe to assume there was a Hot Lips, too, since she and Hawkeye tended to be the two characters most represented on show-related merchandise, but a quick Google search didn't turn up any info one way or the other.

On a final note, I love the Batman Utility Belt-esque belt, complete with Caduceus buckle!

M*A*S*H Jeep by Tri-Star - 1982

You have to give the manufacturers of the M*A*S*H toy line credit--they gave it their all. Not only did they produce a line of figures (seen here yesterday), but they produced a surprising number of vehicles and tie-in playsets to go along with the figures.

This M*A*S*H Jeep is a fairly pricey item to find nowadays, especially still complete and in the box. It even comes with an additional action figure, an all-purpose G.I. (which I've named "Goldman") which bares a resemblance to the Hawkeye figure, save for his blond hair. I don't know this for a fact, but I'm pretty sure this figure was never sold separately, making it exclusive to the jeep, ambulance and chopper sets (the last two I have not been able to get a hold of yet).

Interesting little tidbit on the back of the box: they picture the action figures available, and Tri-Star chose to show the Klinger in Drag figure, making the one dressed in standard fatigues the "variant", I guess.

M*A*S*H Action Figures by Tri-Star - 1982

In 1982, there was an explosion of M*A*S*H-related merchandise, from games, t-shirts, shotglasses, and, improbably, action figures.

The above figures were released by Tri-Star in 1982, with the entire line consisting of Hawkeye, B.J., Col. Potter, Margaret (here called "Hot Lips"), Winchester, Klinger, and Father Mulcahy.

There are several questions that come to mind when you think of this particular line of toys--first, did anyone really think an adult show like M*A*S*H would be popular as a line of kids' toys? What were kids supposed to do with these?

Secondly, and even more of a mystery, is concerning the "variant" figure in the line--Klinger. Not only did they make a regular Klinger figure, but they also made one in drag! This has got to be the first (maybe still only?) action figure of a man wearing women's clothes produced for a mainstream audience.

Of course, Klinger had stopped wearing his Section 8 outfits a few years earlier, making the decision to produce a figure like this even more of a head-scratcher.

This was years before the whole toy collector sub-market sprang up in force, so these figures pretty much came and went, despite the show's massive popularity. Even now, they can be found fairly cheaply on eBay--I think I managed to amass this whole set for less than $100 total.

Of course, the most expensive figure of the set is--you guessed it--Klinger in drag!

Episode 235 - That Darn Kid

Season 10, Episode 235: That Darn Kid
Original Air Date: 4/12/82
Written by: Karen Hall
Directed by: David Ogden Stiers

Klinger runs into a local merchant selling, among other things, a live goat. Smelling a financial opportunity, he borrows some money from Hawkeye and B.J. to buy it, figuring he can use it to provide fresh milk to the rest of the 4077th for a pretty penny.

While Hawkeye, stuck being Paymaster, doles out money to the camp, Klinger sets up a table nearby trying to get people to buy a glass of milk.

Hawkeye has only given out pay to a couple of people when wounded arrive. Klinger puts the money--and the goat--in his office for safekeeping. When he and Hawkeye return to retrieve it, they see that the goat contentedly munching on the money!

Most of the money is now gone, having been digested, and Hawkeye is forced to tell everyone there's going to be a delay in getting paid, which of course is not met with good cheer.

They tell I-Corps what happened, and they send someone to investigate the missing money, an irritated Major Van Zandt (John P. Ryan), who is in the middle of a complicated report for his commander, and has to put it aside to look into what he calls "this ridiculous goat story."

Van Zandt doesn't believe Hawkeye's story, and after a cursory examination decides Hawkeye is solely responsible for the missing money, which means his wages will be garnished until all of the $22,000 is paid back.

Hawkeye, Potter, and Klinger devise a plan: Klinger claims there's a call from Van Zandt's commander, getting him out of the VIP tent. The call is mysteriously "lost", so Van Zandt returns to his tent, only to see the self-same goat munching his report!

Van Zandt is furious, and Col. Potter and Hawkeye arrive to see what the trouble is. Van Zandt smells a set up, and Col. Potter makes him an offer: if Van Zandt confirms that the goat ate the money, then they will verify that it ate his report--getting both of them out of trouble.

Van Zandt agrees, taking the goat with him as evidence. Potter quietly remarks that its amazing how paper much goats will eat--especially when you smother a little molasses on it!


Fun Facts: This is the last episode of the tenth season, which would be the show's last season consisting of a standard twenty-four episodes.

Hawkeye, trying to get out of being Paymaster, claims he "Already did it once this war", referring to the Season Three episode "Payday."

There's a funny line in the O Club, when Igor mentions that the only beverage he has left is a case of Grape Nehi, which "Nobody drinks around here since Radar shipped out."


Favorite Line: Potter runs into Hawkeye on the compound, and remarks that he probably hasn't read the bulletin board in the last day or two.

Hawkeye agrees, asking: "How do you know?"

Potter: "Because you haven't come screaming to me."

Hawkeye: "Why would I come creaming to you?"

Potter: "Because there's a notice there that says its your turn to be Paymaster."

Hawkeye, exploding: "I don't want to be paymaster!"

Potter, almost delighted, points at Hawkeye: "That's more like it!"

Episode 234 - Picture This

Season 10, Episode 234: Picture This
Original Air Date: 4/5/82
Written by: Karen Hall
Directed by: Burt Metcalfe

Col. Potter's anniversary is coming up, and he's stumped at what to get his wife Mildred. He finally hits on the idea of painting a portrait of his other family--the 4077th--and sending it to her.

Unfortunately he's picked the worst possible time to try and get everyone together, since minor squabbles have broken out among them all, quickly blowing up into full-grown fights.

Hawkeye and B.J. are on each other's nerves, so much so that Hawkeye temporarily moves out of the Swamp, taking up residence in a small hut behind Rosie's.

This leaves B.J. and Winchester alone together, and while it starts off well, their relationship quickly devolves too--B.J. is telling numerous stories about his daughter Erin, which he finds endlessly fascinating, driving Winchester insane.

The fighting is so bad that they can't even stay civil while Col. Potter tries to paint them all, and he gets so frustrated he calls it off. Later, he decides to paint them in groups of two, keeping all the Swamp Rats separate.

Margaret, Klinger, and Father Mulcahy each decide to intervene, and individually come up with plans to get the doctors back together--Margaret tells Hawkeye that B.J.'s daughter is having some problems with her potty training, trying to inspire some sympathy from Hawkeye.

Father Mulcahy works on Winchester, telling him--supposedly confidentially--that Hawkeye wants to come back to the Swamp. Winchester, realizing Hawkeye is a good buffer from B.J.'s endless stories of domesticity, is sympathetic to the idea.

Klinger goes to B.J. and tells him that he overheard Winchester recording a letter to his sister Honoria, scheming to drive B.J. out of the Swamp, as well, so he can have the place to himself.

Eventually Hawkeye moves back into the Swamp, and there's enough of a truce that all six of them reunite for Col. Potter so he can finish the painting. Unfortunately, the web of lies told by Mulcahy, Margaret, and Klinger starts to unravel, and it quickly breaks down into a screaming match among all of them.

Potter finishes the painting, shaking his head in disbelief. As the six of them continue to argue, the camera pans back and we see the finished work--a portrait of six good friends, smiling and content.


Fun Facts: I like how, of the three plots devised by Margaret, Mulcahy, and Klinger, its Klinger who doesn't even bother to try and come up with a story based on even a kernel of truth: he just flat-out lies, which is a great bit of characterization.

I love how frigging annoying B.J. is when telling the stories of his family: Mike Farrell uses a sickeningly-sweet, sing-songy voice to really drive it home.


Favorite Line: Klinger, trying to fool B.J., warns him not to tell Winchester he said anything, because: "Then I'd be forced to do something I hate--lie."

Episode 233 - Sons and Bowlers

Season 10, Episode 233: Sons and Bowlers
Original Air Date: 3/22/82
Written by: Elias Davis & David Pollock
Directed by: Hy Averback

The Marines are celebrating yet another victory over the 4077th, this time at softball, drinking heavily at the O Club, all on the 4077th's dime.

Col. Potter is sick of constantly losing to the Marines, and gets the idea to try another sport, one he thinks they can win at--bowling. He quickly assembles a team of himself, Klinger, and B.J., and starts a search for a fourth player.

While Klinger is on the phone searching for the proper equipment, he hands a recently-arrived letter for Hawkeye. Hawkeye reads it then and there, and looks concerned. After Klinger leaves, Hawkeye picks up the phone and tries to place a call to his father back in Maine.

Getting a call through is a huge, complicated, frustrating process, so Hawkeye has to practically scream at the top of his lungs to be heard. Winchester, next door in Post Op, comes in and asks him to quiet down. Hawkeye brushes him off, and resumes his call within earshot of Winchester.

Winchester then turns on his heel and stays with Hawkeye, talking with him about what's going on--Hawkeye's father is going in for surgery, and even though his father doesn't say what it is, Hawkeye feels its serious.

Hawkeye eventually learns that his father has a mass pushing against his kidney, and by the time he gets a second call through his father has already gone in for surgery.

Hawkeye and Winchester, having nothing to do but wait, sit and talk about their fathers. Hawkeye expects the worst, and can't stand the idea his father would die without him having one last chance to tell his father how much he loves him.

Winchester tells Hawkeye that he should feel lucky that its only geographic distance keeping them apart--he and his father "have been 12,000 miles apart in the same room." He compares their respective relationships and says that, while he knows his father only wanted the best for him, while he has a Father, Hawkeye has a Dad.

Wounded arrive, and Hawkeye tries to take his mind off his worries and volunteers to play on the bowling team. But after only a few frames another call from home comes in and he has to beg off.

He finally gets the chance to talk to his Dad, and everything went perfectly. Hawkeye is overjoyed, gently scolding his Dad for not telling him about all this earlier, but then tells him just to get some rest. Hawkeye hangs up, his eyes tearing up from happiness.

Later, in the O Club, the 4077th is celebrating their first win against the Marines (with the last-minute help of Margaret), and Hawkeye buys Winchester their first round. They share a toast to "Fathers...and their sons."


Fun Facts: This episode features an abbreviated version of the credits--"Suicide is Painless" starts in a few seconds later than it normally does, and eliminates all the shots that are usually seen between Harry Morgan and Loretta Swit's names, so the sequence ends at the right moment.

This story obviously conflicts with previous episodes where Hawkeye writes letters home to his mother. Having spent my life reading comic books, I'm usually a big fan of continuity, but in this case who cares? This particular storyline is so good its worth it, even if it does conflict with previous episodes.

This is actor Dick O'Neill's third appearance on the series (after Season Five's "38 Across" and Season Eight's "B.J. Papa San"), playing yet another different character.


Favorite Line: Hawkeye, a little stunned at Winchester's revealing story, admits, "Charles--you've never told me anything like this before."

Winchester, without moving, says, "Actually, Hawkeye--I've never told you anything before", the only time Winchester ever called him by his nickname. A truly wonderful moment between the two characters.

Episode 232 - Heroes

Season 10, Episode 232: Heroes
Original Air Date: 3/15/82
Written by: Thad Mumford & Dan Wilcox
Directed by: Nell Cox

The 4077th prepares for a visit from "Gentlemen Joe" Cavanaugh, a famous championship boxer who is on a goodwill tour. The one most excited is Father Mulcahy, to whom Gentleman Joe was a childhood hero.

A day later, Gentleman Joe arrives, and he doesn't quite live up to his name--he's friendly to the members of the 4077th, but within their earshot he's surly and dismissive to the people helping him on the tour, complaining about the lousy conditions.

Gentleman Joe makes a beeline for Post Op, and he turns on the charm for the wounded soldiers, who seem genuinely appreciate to see him. Its clear that, in just a few minutes, he lifts everyone's spirits.

That night, they have a steak dinner in Gentleman Joe's honor. He stand up to make a toast, when he suddenly collapses, falling face-first onto the table. Hawkeye is first to him, and they wheel him into the hospital.

Turns out Gentleman Joe has suffered a massive stroke, so massive that it essentially means Gentleman Joe is dying, and he only has a few days left.

The Army PR man accompanying Gentleman Joe realizes this is huge news, and contacts the press train. Within a few hours, the 4077th is deluged with reporters, who throw the camp into chaos.

The reporters turn to Hawkeye for answers regarding the champ, and even though there's not much Hawkeye can do, the reporters treat him like a hero, and Hawkeye seems to take a shine to the attention, as well, much to the dismay of the others.

The reporters keep Klinger up all night, since they're all camped out in Klinger's office filing their news stories. Margaret makes an errant comment about how much attention Gentleman Joe is getting (compared to the wounded soldiers in Post Op), and the reporters pounce.

The only one not annoyed at all the press attention is Father Mulcahy, who is more concerned with Gentleman Joe. As the champ lay dying, Mulcahy sits with him and tells him the story about how, as a child, Mulcahy saw Joe fight and, even though the crowd wanted blood, Joe showed mercy towards his opponent. It was a profound moment for him, and helped shape the man he would become. Moments later, Gentleman Joe finally does pass away.

The press, no longer having a story, eventually clears out. The only real lasting evidence Gentleman Joe was ever at the 4077th is the giant mountain of food (complete with mini-fridge) Klinger ordered using the memo sent out to cater to Joe's every whim.


Fun Facts: Mulcahy's speech to Gentleman Joe, involving both boxing and Plato's "Ideal Plane" is wonderful--a great solo showcase for William Christopher.

The press, as a group, is presented here as a pack of ignorant and stupid guys, blinded by fame and missing all the really important news of the world. Thank god that's changed!


Favorite Line: The Army PR man asks Klinger to cart around some heavy equipment, one of a seemingly-endless list of tasks. Klinger manages to drag it all into the Mess Tent, and then he's asked to move it again.

Klinger: "No problem--I never planned on having kids anyway."

Episode 231 - Promotion Commotion

Season 10, Episode 231: Promotion Commotion
Original Air Date: 3/1/82
Written by: Dennis Keonig
Directed by: Charles S. Dubin

It's promotion time again, and Hawkeye, B.J., and Winchester are put in charge of the review process, selecting candidates to be recommended for promotion.

Many of the enlisted men try and curry favor by being extra helpful and polite, some with outright bribery (Igor prepares Hawkeye and B.J.'s favorite food for lunch, for example).

But one of them tries a more direct route: Cpl. Hitalksi (John Matuszak), who is a mountain of a man, finds Winchester and asks to be recommended. When Winchester points out Hitalski's record of brawling has already disqualified him, he threatens Winchester with, as Winchester puts it, "a fist the approximate size of Ohio."

The three doctors put together a quiz on Army protocol, and all the candidates fail miserably--except for Klinger, who aces every question. Hawkeye, B.J., and Winchester are so impressed they break into a round of applause.

Winchester tries to turn to Hawkeye and B.J. for help with Hitalski, but they point out that even if they went along and recommended Hitalski, Potter would bounce it. And even if he didn't, I-Corps would. That leaves Winchester with not a lot of good options.

A few days later, the promotion list is released, and Klinger has been promoted to Sergeant! He, Hawkeye, and B.J. are overjoyed, but its not good news for everyone--Winchester's cot is already empty.

Hitalski nevertheless finds Winchester (hiding in Post Op), and is about to punch his lights out when Hawkeye, B.J., and Klinger bust in. They tell Hitalski a supplemental list came out, with him on it! They also tell him that Hitalksi is being transferred back to the States, and they rush him into a jeep and out of camp.

Winchester is stunned at the turn of events, then watches Klinger call the MPs, and inform them that there's a Cpl. Hitalski, who just threatened to beat up an officer and is carrying forged travel papers, on the way down the road. The MPs promise to arrest Hitalski, much to the relief of everyone.


Fun Facts: There's a B-plot about Col. Potter and the bond he forms with a young solider who wants to join the Bomb Disposal Unit just to feel more like a man. Potter treats him like the son he never had, even though the show stated he had a son in seasons four and five.


Favorite Line: After blowing Hawkeye's chances with a nurse, Rizzo defends himself in his particular Nawlins patois: "I was jus' tryin' to hep!"

Hawkeye, angrily: "I don't need your hep!"

Episode 230 - Where There's A Will, There's A War

Season 10, Episode 230: Where There's A Will, There's A War
Original Air Date: 2/22/82
Written by: David Pollock & Elias Davis
Directed by: Alan Alda

A Battalion Aid surgeon is killed, so an emergency request for a temporary replacement surgeon is sent to the 4077th. Normally it would be B.J.'s turn, but since he is off in Seoul for an afternoon of R&R, Potter sends Hawkeye.

Hawkeye arrives, and the situation is so grim that, in a rare moment of quiet, he decides to sit in a corner and write out his will.

In a series of flashbacks, and using a voice over by Hawkeye, we see moments involving him and the other at the 4077th which relate to the items Hawkeye is bequeathing to them.

Hawkeye starts off leaving everything to his father, with the exception of a few items. He starts with B.J., but at first can't think of what he wants to say. So he moves onto Winchester, leaving him his purple robe--purple being the color of royalty.

He leaves Father Mulcahy a nickel, a reference to the time Mulcahy got away with getting revenge on a careless General by ruining the General's elegant meal--the General promising that Mulcahy's life wouldn't be worth "a plugged nickel" if he wasn't a priest.

He leaves Margaret his pair of funny nose and glasses, a reminder of her all-too-hidden silly side. With Col. Potter, he recalls a conversation he had with him a week after Potter transferred to the 4077th and they talked about fishing. Hawkeye leaves him his father's copy of Last of the Mohicans.

To Klinger, he leaves his beloved Hawaiian shirt. We see a flashback about the time Klinger handed Hawkeye an issue of Life that had a huge article on Maine, which delighted Hawkeye. Klinger, in a true act of generosity, traded a giant hunk of Lebanese salami for it, but didn't tell Hawkeye that.

Hawkeye is allowed to go back home, and he arrives in the middle of the night. Coming back to the Swamp, he takes notice of the picture of B.J.'s family and gets an idea--he goes to Potter's office and composes a letter to Erin Hunnicutt, with a list of all the men her father worked on while in Korea, so she has some idea of what her father was doing while he was away.


Fun Facts: I really love this episode, the flashback sequences are extremely well executed--the lack of laugh track really helps make them feel real.

That said, like Season Eight's "Dreams" episode, it might have been nice to see the return of Trapper, Henry, Frank, or even Radar, since any of them could have been worked into the flashback framework.


Favorite Line: When Hawkeye packs up to leave, the Battalion Aid surgeon (Dennis Howard) asks, "Did you finish your will?"

Hawkeye responds without thinking, "All but my best friend." He pauses. "How did you know I was writing my will?"

The surgeon responds, "I've seen a lot of those written here."

Episode 229 - Pressure Points

Season 10, Episode 229: Pressure Points
Original Air Date: 2/15/82
Written by: David Pollock & Elias Davis
Directed by: Charles S. Dubin

While Col. Potter is on a visit to the 8063rd, a patient of his develops further problems, requiring Hawkeye to perform another surgery.

Potter returns, and is troubled at the news that Hawkeye had to do "mop-up work" on one of his patients. Turns out Potter missed a small piece of shrapnel which then dislodged itself, causing the need for the second surgery.

Potter's mood is further darkened when another patient inadvertently insults him, wondering why he is being transferred when his buddy--Potter's patient--isn't, even though they have the same wounds.

Later, during a lecture in Potter's office from a Captain regarding a new piece of extremely destructive artillery, Potter explodes at him, wondering why, if they can create better and nastier weapons, why can't they find a way to stop "this stupid war?"

That night, Sidney Freedman arrives, saying he's on a fact-finding mission regarding stress. He makes his way over to Col. Potter's tent, and we find out that it was Potter who called Sidney. Sidney is surprised to learn this.

Potter shares with him that, lately, he's been "a lot less perfect than I can accept" regarding his surgical skills. He's worried that...

At that point, Potter's voice trails off, and he insists that nothing's really wrong, he just needed to vent a little. Sidney is dubious, but Potter says that all he needed was to talk. Sidney goes back to the Swamp.

The next day, in the Mess Tent, it doesn't take much to set Potter off--he snaps at the cook for the lousy food, barks at Klinger, and then really hits the roof at Hawkeye when he learns that he authorized the release of Potter's patient now that he's well.

Meanwhile, Hawkeye, B.J., and Winchester have been having an ongoing feud about their personal cleanliness habits--Winchester deciding to out-slob his roommates, using B.J.'s knife to slice onions, eating raw sardines, etc.

It all comes to a boil, leading the three of them to start destroying parts of the Swamp, so much so it starts to draw a crowd. Potter gets wind of this, but, instead of blowing his stack, he asks Klinger order Winchester a new pillow.

He asks Sidney to meet him back in his tent, and then he admits what's really wrong: he's deeply worried that he's lost his touch as a surgeon, and the idea of incoming wounded fills him with terror. He tells Sidney the story of how he decided to become a surgeon: as a boy, he watched as his veterinarian uncle perform a live-saving operation, and bask in the glory of what lays inside the human body. Since that day, all he ever wanted was to become a surgeon.

Sidney is comforting, reminding Potter that of course someday he will get too old to be a surgeon--but right now, he's letting the fear of failing take over, and whether or not that affects him is purely under Potter's control.

Wounded arrive, and before cutting into his first patient, Potter takes a deep breath, and begins. He seems to be his old self again.

Later, the 4077th has a contest, raising money for the orphanage, over who gets to shave the still-sloppy Winchester. Potter wins, and, holding the razor in his hand, is as steady as a rock.


Fun Facts: This is Season Ten's unofficial "Angry Potter" episode.

The syndicated version of this episode removes Potter's fantastic speech about the moment he knew he wanted to be a surgeon--easily the best scene in the show! Whoever did the editing really cut the guts out of this particular episode.


Favorite Line: Sidney sees Winchester, unshaven, slovenly, and eating raw sardines, and acts surprised at this change of behavior. Winchester insists "Naw, you're seeing the real me."

Sidney: "I'm sorry to hear that."

Episode 228 - The Tooth Shall Set You Free

Season 10, Episode 228: The Tooth Shall Set You Free
Original Air Date: 2/8/82
Written by: David Pollock & Elias Davis
Directed by: Charles S. Dubin

Wounded arrive, late into the night, mostly made up from a unit of combat engineers. Winchester is surlier than usual, due to a toothache he's trying desperately to cover up.

After the session in OR, the doctors are met by Major Weems (Tom Atkins), who is here to see his men. Everyone is impressed that Weems made a trip this late at night, but he says its the least he could do.

Hawkeye and B.J. offer to let Weems sleep in the Swamp, and he mentions how guilty he feels sleeping in a bed when it takes getting shot for his men to get the same opportunity. Hawkeye and B.J. are further impressed at Weems' care for his men.

In Post Op, Weems suggests one of his men--Cpl. Dorsey--should go home, but Hawkeye tells him the young man's wounds aren't that serious. Weems is insistent, telling Hawkeye in private that Dorsey comes from a poor farm family, and they really need him back home. Hawkeye promises to see what he can do.

Later, Father Mulcahy happens to mention that Dorsey is from Brooklyn, which doesn't jibe with what Weems told Hawkeye. Hawkeye then asks Dorsey (Lawrence Fishburne) about living in Brooklyn, and his story checks out. He asks Dorsey about about Weems, which elicits a surly, tight-lipped response.

Hawkeye talks it over with B.J., and they notice that Weems is desperate to send Dorsey--a black man--home, but wants to keep the more seriously wounded Sturdevant, who is white. That doesn't seem to make sense to either of them.

More wounded combat engineers arrive, and the ambulance is filled with young men--all of them black. This leads Hawkeye and B.J. to do some research, and they learn that even though black soldiers only make up a small part of Weems' unit, they suffer an overwhelming proportion of the casualties. They then turn to Col. Potter to tell them they're findings.

That night, Hawkeye and B.J. are having drinks outside the Swamp when they are joined by Col. Potter and Major Weems. Weems starts suggesting again some of his men should be sent home, and Col. Potter starts playacting--pretending that he's angry at Weems for sending so many of "them" home.

Hawkeye and B.J. play along, and Weems feels comfortable enough to say how he really feels--he admits he simply doesn't want to associate with black soldiers, so he assigns them risky duty so they earn more rotation points and get sent home faster. Or they get wounded--its all the same to Weems.

They go inside for more drinks, where they are met by Major Rockingham (Jason Bernard), Deputy Chief of Staff of Personnel at I-Corps, waiting inside. Weems tries to cover, but Rockingham says he plans to bring Weems up for a court martial.

Weems argues, but when Hawkeye, B.J., Potter, and Winchester say they plan to testify against him, he tries to bargain his way out of it. Rockingham offers him a an alternate deal: instead of a court martial, Weems resigns his commission, then and there.

Weems refuses, but Rockingham says he plays to call the JAG immediately--its one or the other. Weems crumbles, signs the paperwork, and storms out.

Everyone celebrates their victory, but there's one more part to the plan--Major Rockingham is actually Captain Rockingham, DDS. Winchester cowers in terror, but finally gives in and allows his tooth to get worked on.


Fun Facts: Tom Atkins is a great character actor, known mostly for his horror films: he appeared in The Fog, Escape From New York, Halloween III, and Creepshow, among others. Too bad he's such a creep here!


Favorite Line: After Winchester lets loose a loud moan in the middle of the night from his toothache, Hawkeye says: "Beej, remember--in the morning, its your turn to milk Charles."

Episode 227 - A Holy Mess

Season 10, Episode 227: A Holy Mess
Original Air Date: 2/1/82
Written by: David Pollock & Elias Davis
Directed by: Burt Metcalfe

A G.I. wanders into the Mess Tent and sits down next to Hawkeye and B.J. He seems nervous and sullen, so they ask him if he wants to talk. He's reticent at first, but when they invite him back to the Swamp for drinks he accepts.

The young man, named Nick Gillis (Cyril O'Reilly) opens up to Hawkeye and B.J. He admits that he's AWOL, and then tells them why: he just found out from a friend that his wife has had a baby--even though he's been in Korea over a year.

Hawkeye and B.J. try and gently suggest that Gillis go talk to Father Mulcahy, which he agrees to--but not until he's gotten some sleep. Without another word, he passes out on a cot, sound asleep.

The next morning, Gillis agrees to talk to Father Mulcahy after the Sunday services, and he assumes that Hawkeye and B.J. are going, too. Afraid to turn him down, they reluctantly tag along.

During the service, Gillis' commander, Lt. Spears (David Graf) steps in and demands that Gillis come with him. Gillis refuses, and, grasping, claims he has a right to Sanctuary, since he is, in effect, inside a church.

Father Mulcahy agrees with Gillis' point of view, and grants him Sanctuary. Col. Potter is dubious, but goes along with Mulcahy until he can get further instructions from command.

He and Lt. Spears calls the Judge Advocate General. In the meantime, Mulcahy and Gillis get to know each other. He tries to show sympathy for Gillis, but warns him that, after thirty days, AWOL becomes Desertion.

Eventually, the JAG rules against Mulcahy. But Mulcahy still won't relent, saying he will only follow the advice of Command Chaplain at I-Corps. Lt. Spears can't believe what he's hearing, and insults Mulcahy, which Potter angrily slaps down.

Tensions rise when the camp gets impatient over the fresh eggs--a rare treat--they were promised (courtesy a local farmer) don't arrive because the Mess Tent is busy with Mulcahy and Gillis. Potter puts Hawkeye and B.J. in charge of calming the angry mob down. After a few moments of panic, they announce that the eggs will be served outside--dining in the great outdoors!

Word from the Command Chaplain arrives, and he agrees with the Army--the Mess Tent is not a church, therefore no Sanctuary. But Mulcahy still disagrees.

Lt. Spears has had enough, and sends in some MPs to get Gillis. Gillis panics, and grabs his rifle, preparing to fire. Mulcahy gutsily grabs it, knocking the barrel into the air. The gun goes off, causing everyone to hit the dirt (where the eggs get knocked over), and Gillis ends up pointing it at Mulcahy.

Mulcahy is aghast, and stares Gillis down, eventually getting him to give up the gun. He does, and collapses into tears in Mulcahy's arms.

Later, we learn that Gillis is being seen by Sidney Freedman, and he's "being treated like a casualty, not a criminal."


Fun Facts: A pretty solid performance by Cyril O'Reilly--the moment he explodes with anger at B.J. when he and Hawkeye miss the subtext of what he's saying (he's been in Korea over a year, yet his wife just gave birth) is palpably tense.


Favorite Line: Gillis asks Hawkeye and B.J., "You guys married?"

Hawkeye: "No, its just that we've been through so much together that it looks that way."

Episode 226 - Blood and Guts

Season 10, Episode 226: Blood and Guts
Original Air Date: 1/18/82
Written by: Lee H. Grant
Directed by: Charles S. Dubin

The 4077th gets a visit from a special guest--legendary adventure journalist Clayton Kibbee (Gene Evans) who charms everyone with his gregarious nature, easy laugh, and good scotch. He started a blood drive back home, and is writing a story as he follows the blood as it gets used on the front lines.

A wounded solider arrives, and turns out he will need a transfusion, making him Kibbee's first case. He talks to the young man afterwards, and is disappointed when he hears his story--its not an exciting tale of courage; rather, he fell off his motorcycle while on a highly secure road. Hawkeye remarks that the only place for the story "is in Popular Pratfalls."

Hawkeye is less than thrilled when he learns the nurse he had a date with dumps him to spend the evening with Kibbee, but he is really troubled when he hears Kibbee relay his story to the press train: its a tale of adventure and bravery, full of flying enemy bullets--all of it completely made up.

Hawkeye confronts Kibbee, who accuses him of making the war sound like a fun lark, an adventure that people would want to be part of. Kibbee dismisses him, saying that while the romance and glory may not exist, he makes it exist for the people back home.

Hawkeye tries to convey this to the others, but Kibbee's so charming that no one will listen. B.J. in particular is wrapped up in a banged-up motorcycle that the wounded soldier gave him.

Later that night, Kibbee has drinks with Margaret, and he lightly bemoans how relatively boring this war is. Col. Potter then announces that due to a shift in the fighting, there are no casualties expected for at least the next few days.

Everyone in the O Club breaks into cheering, but Kibbee is disappointed. He gets drunk, and steals B.J.'s motorcycle. Hawkeye and B.J. hop in a jeep, trying to find him.

They discover him a few miles away, hung over and wounded, having crashed the bike and fallen on a glass bottle of booze, leaving him with shards of glass in his butt and bleeding profusely.

Hawkeye tends to Kibbee, while B.J. dejectedly examines his ruined bike. Hawkeye asks Kibbee what kind of story he's going to dream up over this.

Weeks later, they read a story by Kibbee in Stars and Stripes where he cops to his drunken misadventure, owning up to his own misguided search for glory.

Hawkeye is pleasantly surprised, but then reads Kibbee's button of the piece, where he talks about next week's story. He promises adventure and excitement when he is reunited with his "valiant French comrades in the jungles of Indochina."


Fun Facts: Hawkeye's nurse du jour is played by Rita Wilson, who, despite a number of movie and TV credits, is still probably most famous for being Mrs. Tom Hanks. She would appear in one more episode after this.


Favorite Line: Hawkeye and B.J., examining the wounded Kibbee, offer him some morphine because the pain of removing all the glass is going to be intense.

Kibbee, macho to the end, says, "Naah!"

Hawkeye and B.J. look at each other and, in dual sarcastic macho tones, both go "Naah!"

Episode 225 - The Birthday Girls

Season 10, Episode 225: The Birthday Girls
Original Air Date: 1/11/82
Written by: Karen Hall
Directed by: Charles S. Dubin

Margaret is excited over her upcoming birthday, which she's made special plans to celebrate--heading off to Tokyo to meet up with a friend for what sounds like a romantic weekend. She arranges Klinger to drive her to Seoul, but she won't say what she's so twitchy about.

A Korean farmer comes into camp with his pregnant cow, looking for help, but none of the doctors know how to do it, so they call a veterinarian at I-Corps. Meanwhile, Col. Potter informs Margaret that I-Corps has approved the use of the drug Levophed, and the lesson on how to administer it must be delivered to her nurses immediately, conflicting with her trip.

She begs Winchester to do it for her (since it must be done a major), who agrees only when he gets Margaret to offer in return a particular classical recording while she's in Tokyo.

Kllinger is busy arranging a lottery as to the birth of the calf, so busy he forgets about driving Margaret to Seoul. She grabs him while he's rounding up prospective customers and they jump in the jeep and drive off.

On the way, Margaret insists they take a rougher--but presumably faster--route, since they're running late. Klinger tries to argue, but she orders him to do it. As Klinger warned, their jeep hits a huge pit hole, and breaks down.

Meanwhile, back at the 4077th, the cow goes into labor, but there's a complication--its heart rate is much too fast, and it might die in the act of giving birth.

Miles away, Klinger has to break the news to Margaret that the jeep isn't going anywhere. She won't accept that, and begins walking. Klinger tries to reminder her how dangerous that is, and can't understand why she's so hell bent on getting to Seoul. Margaret partly breaks down and admits its her birthday, and how--just this once--she wanted to celebrate it on her own terms, in her own way.

Hours later, the cow's condition gets worse. Hawkeye, B.J., and Potter get the idea of trying out the recently-delivered Levophed on it, since it's supposed to do the exact thing the cow needs--lower blood pressure.

Night falls, and Klinger and Margaret are stuck together, spending the night in the jeep. Klinger tries to be comforting, even offering her a custom-made birthday hat, but Margaret remains stiff and humorless.

But over time they get to talking, and Margaret reveals that she's a little jealous of Klinger because he has a home town that he loves. Margaret, being an Army brat, never stayed in one place for long, so she never developed any close friends. She reveals her loneliness and sadness, and she and Klinger get to know each other better.

They eventually make their back to the 4077th, tired and dirty. The Levophed worked its magic on the cow, and the calf has been born safely. Turns out the winner of the lottery was...Margaret, who bought a ticket just to shut Klinger up and get him moving!

Klinger didn't take in the haul he was planning, just a measly ten bucks. Margaret asks for the money, saying "There's somebody I want to buy a present for."


Fun Facts: The B-plot makes a big deal over the introduction of the drug Levophed, even though Hawkeye casually prescribed it in a season eight episode.


Favorite Line: Margaret asks Klinger not to loiter while she's on the phone. He leaves to go into Col. Potter's office, and she starts to talk. Then she pauses, creeps up to the two swinging doors, and kicks them. Off screen, we hear Klinger yell: "Ooof!"

Episode 224 - Follies of the Living - Concerns of the Dead

Season 10, Episode 224: Follies of the Living - Concerns of the Dead
Original Air Date: 1/4/82
Written by: Alan Alda
Directed by: Alan Alda

Klinger comes down with a mysterious illness, causing him to have a very high temperature and even fits of delirium. All the doctors are working on it, but none of them can quite seem to figure out what's wrong.

In the meantime, wounded arrive, and one of those brought in is DOA--a young man named Weston. As Weston body is put off to the side, we see what can only be called Weston's ghost rise up from it.

Klinger is somehow able to see Weston, and communicate with him, but of course no one else can. Is Weston even there, or is a figment of Klinger's fevered imagination?

We follow Weston as he wanders through the camp, watching everyone else deal with their petty problems--Hawkeye and Winchester argue over which nail each of them gets to hang their clothes on in the Scrub Room, B.J. and Margaret squabble over which fork B.J. likes to use in the Mess Tent, etc.

Weston can't quite accept he's dead, because he says he "doesn't feel dead." He gets upset when he sees his friend Hicks shed tears over his death, uncomfortable over Hick's glossing over all of his faults, just because he's dead. He watches B.J. and Father Mulcahy go through this personal effects, like his wallet, which he fondly recalls getting for the first time.

While watching Hawkeye, B.J., and Winchester get drunk, Weston starts to feel different--he says that it starts to look like "everyone is made up of little dots."

Finally, Weston walks across the compound, and we hear random snippets of conversations taking place all over the 4077th--some of them serious, some of them silly.

On a road outside the camp, Weston is greeted by another soldier who is also dead. He points down the road, partially covered in fog, and they walk down it together, along with some other recently dead. They continue walking until they're out of sight.

The next day, Klinger wakes up, his fever having broken. Everyone is happy to see him better, and he asks about Weston--"Where is he? Did he get what he wanted?"

No one knows what Klinger is talking about, and as the rest of them argue over whose shift it is in Post Op, he's left to lay back in bed, pondering what exactly happened.


Fun Facts: Definitely one of M*A*S*H's most audacious episodes--when you think about it, here's a show that presumably exists in the real world, the world of you and I. And yet here it is, telling us there are, in fact, ghosts, and at least some form of afterlife. Pretty heady stuff.

For most of the episode, you could chalk up all the Weston scenes to Klinger's feverish imagination, brought on by his illness. But the final scene with Weston takes place after Klinger has gotten better, so you know that its not a figment of Klinger's imagination.

One of Klinger's feverish, non-sensical ramblings is "A mouse has four paws, but he doesn't wear a belt." Tracy and I use that all the time, when we're talking about someone or some thing that's a non-sequitur.

There's a brief scene in OR where Hawkeye and Winchester are working together on a patient. For once, there's no jokes or insults, just the two of them working together. You get a really good sense of what a crackerjack team the 4077 doctors are, since even two people as different as Hawkeye and Winchester work together flawlessly.


Favorite Line: When Weston meets up with another dead solider, they walk together to some unknown destination (Heaven?). Weston asks his traveling companion "What did you think it would be like?", to which the young man answers, "I didn't know."

Then Weston waits a beat, and asks, "Where are we going?" The young man answers, with a short of shrug: "I don't know."

There's something about the delivery of that final line that sends shivers down my spine whenever I hear it. You like to think that these dead people are heading to some form of Heaven, but we don't know where they're going...and neither do they (There's one slightly ominous line, where the young man points to the road, and says they have to go "down there"--I hope that's meant to be just a commonly-used term for the road itself).

Major credit to actor Jeff Tyler, who plays the young man, for doing so much with just a couple lines of dialog.

Episode 223 - 'Twas The Day After Christmas

Season 10, Episode 223: 'Twas The Day After Christmas
Original Air Date: 12/28/81
Written by: Elias Davis & David Pollock
Directed by: Burt Metcalfe

The 4077th is celebrating Christmas with a regiment of British troops. When they mention their Boxing Day tradition, Klinger is all for trying at the 4077th. Col. Potter is initially against it, but when he sees it will boost morale, he goes for it, and has the officers and enlisted men trade places for a day.

Col. Potter becomes the company clerk, putting Klinger in charge. Winchester ends up working as the cook's assistant, and Hawkeye and Father Mulcahy take up nursing duties in Post Op. He assigns B.J. and Margaret to KP duties, and makes Kellye Head Nurse.

Winchester prepares an ambitious menu, but the cook, Sgt. Pernelli (Val Bisoglio) isn't interested in complicated meals that inquire esoteric ingredients. He tries to convey to Winchester the urgency of getting the food cooked fast--with the volume of people about to come into the Mess Tent, they don't have time for fancy meals.

Col. Potter has a steep learning curve, too--he finds out firsthand how much work Klinger has to wade through each day, and he goofs when he arranges a trade for gasoline by giving up ten pounds of peanut brittle which is as valuable as gold. Klinger tries to be comforting, and tells Potter to check with him the next time.

A patient of Hawkeye's takes a turn for the worse, but because of a bad storm I-Corps can't send a chopper to take him to Tokyo. The patient's thyroid gets set off, and his temperature shoots dangerously high.

They need to find a way to cool him down, but there's no ice in the freezers--it all melted when they were turned off to save on gasoline. The patient is taken into the OR, and Hawkeye gets an idea how to cool him down--he takes a scalpel and cuts a giant hole in one of the windows, letting the frigid weather inside.

The next day, everyone is back in their normal positions, each of them now with a better understanding of one another. Winchester even suggests the food isn't that bad!


Fun Facts: The only members of the officers who doesn't complain about the new workload is Father Mulcahy, a recurring trait he's shown in previous episodes--a nice character touch.


Favorite Line: Klinger has Potter wake everyone up extra early so his one day in command lasts as long as possible. Potter tries to wake up Winchester, who barks: "Winchesters only recognize one 5:30 per day, and this is not it!"

Episode 222 - Snappier Judgment

Season 10, Episode 222: Snappier Judgment
Original Air Date: 12/14/81
Written by: Paul Perlove
Directed by: Hy Averback

Everyone tries to help Klinger prepare for his trial. Winchester takes up the cause--mostly as a personal challenge--and gets Klinger to pick him as counsel.

Winchester has Father Mulcahy and Margaret prepare written statements defending Klinger's character, but it doesn't go well--Margaret breaks down in hysterics over the very idea of Klinger as an upstanding, model citizen, and Father Mulcahy's story falls apart when its revealed that involves Klinger having gotten a hold of stolen merchandise--hot Bibles!

Meanwhile, Hawkeye and B.J. come up with their own plan to capture the real crook--they go on and on, loudly, all over camp, about Winchester's super-expensive tape recorder, hoping to sucker the thief into trying to steal it.

Three days pass and no one has made an attempt at the tape recorder, which frustrates Hawkeye and B.J. to no end. In the meantime, they have to travel with Winchester and Klinger to I-Corps for the trial.

When they get there, Winchester immediately assumes the baby-faced prosecutor will be a pushover, and the case is practically won. But within just a few moments, it becomes clear that the prosecutor, Captain Rollins (Jack Blessing) knows what he's doing, and that Winchester's legal skills are woefully inadequate.

Capt. Rollins manages to drag damaging testimony out of both Hawkeye and B.J., and the case starts to look really bad for Klinger. Hawkeye and B.J. then return to the 4077th, relaying the grim news. But shortly thereafter wounded arrive, keeping everyone busy.

Everyone except an MP, who we see sneak into the Swamp and steal Winchester's tape recorder while everyone is in the OR. The MP carries the tape recorder to a hiding spot behind one of the tents, where Hawkeye and B.J. are waiting for him! We hear the snap of a camera as they take a picture of the MP, red-handed.

Back at I-Corps, the judge is about to render a guilty verdict on Klinger--but at the last moment, Hawkeye and B.J. burst in with their photos!

Hawkeye and B.J. reveal that it was Capt. Rollins that gave them the idea when he mentioned that all the robberies took place during OR sessions. That gave them the idea to stage a phony OR to try and catch the real crook. Seeing this new evidence, the judge declares Klinger not guilty!

Back at the 4077th, everyone poses for a camp picture with the returned Polaroid. Except they don't get the chance when an MP arrives, investigating a case involving Mulcahy's stolen Bibles. Mulchay is flustered, so Winchester steps in, offering to be his lawyer, too.


Fun Facts: There's a great little camera move during the final scene--first we see the MP approach Mulcahy, and he stars to talk about the stolen Bibles. Then the camera cuts to Klinger.

Knowing he's in hot water, Klinger skulks away, out of the frame, as the camera pulls back in between Mulcahy and the MP. Its a really well composed shot, and seeing Klinger tear out of the scene in the background is very funny.


Favorite Line: Hawkeye, amused at Winchester's suggestion that he is a defender of the downtrodden: "Charles, you do all the trodding, that's how they got down."

Episode 221 - Snap Judgment

Season 10, Episode 221: Snap Judgment
Original Air Date: 12/7/81
Written by: Paul Perlove
Directed by: Hy Averback

Hawkeye and B.J. receive a gift from the grateful father of a patient of theirs--a brand new, super expensive Polaroid camera. As much as they appreciate the gift, they're worried its going to get stolen, since at the moment the 4077th is suffering from a crime wave of pilfering.

After a series of failed attempts to get the camera to work, it is, in fact, stolen during a session in OR. This enrages everyone, no one more than Col. Potter, who nevertheless is confused as to what to do about it.

He instructs Klinger to fill out a stolen goods report, but after a week or so when there's no news, Hawkeye and B.J. look into it. They are told by HQ that they never got the report Klinger filed--turns out he screwed up and sent them an empty envelope.

Hawkeye and B.J. are furious at Klinger for messing up, and now are convinced they'll never get the camera back, since the crook or crooks had has a week's head start.

Klinger, feeling guilty over his screw up, decides to do some investigating of his own: he goes to Rosie's Bar, and bribes Rosie to find out about any black marketeers in the area. Rosie tells him about "Little Chicago", a roving band of thieves selling stolen merchandise.

Klinger secretly drives to Little Chicago, and finds the camera. He buys it back with his own money, driving back delighted he fixed his mistake. But he's stopped by some MPs, who think Klinger stole it.

Back at the 4077th, the MPs return the camera to Hawkeye and B.J., and tell them the culprit is Klinger. They laugh at this, insisting Klinger is innocent, but the MPs won't listen, and go ahead with their case.

The Army's CID sends an investigator named Capt. Triplett (Peter Jurasik) to the 4077th to see if there's strong enough evidence to put Klinger on trial. Everyone lays on the white wash to protect Klinger, so much so that Jurasik tells Hawkeye, B.J., and Potter over drinks that "No one's tried to insult my intelligence this badly since Basic Training."

But they are relieved when Triplett says that while Klinger is clearly a first class scrounger, there's no evidence he stole the camera. Until Rosie arrives, and tells them to send a message to Klinger about Little Chicago if he's looking to fence stolen merchandise. Triplett, hearing this, re-opens his investigation.

Triplett recommends a court martial and a trial is scheduled. Klinger tries to see the upside of being found guilty, thinking it would mean he'd at least be sprung from Korea.

But Col. Potter has to break the bad news to him: if he is found guilty, Klinger is looking at a dishonorable discharge, a criminal record in his private life, and six months of hard labor.

To be continued!


Fun Facts: This M*A*S*H's first two-part episode (as opposed to a one-hour show) since the eighth season.


Favorite Line: Klinger doesn't believe he screwed up, and pulls a sheath of papers from his files to prove it.

As he fumbles, Hawkeye says, "You can always spot a Kelly Girl."