Episode 58 - There Is Nothing Like A Nurse

Season 3, Episode 58: There Is Nothing Like A Nurse
Original Air Date: 11/19/74
Written by: Larry Gelbart
Directed by: Hy Averback

During a tense moment in O.R., Hot Lips comes down hard on one of her nurses, and demands that Henry put her on "Bed Arrest"--other than during duty and mealtimes, Nurse Baker has to sit on her the foot of her bed, at attention, for a week!

After Henry dismisses Hot Lips and her idea, she grows enraged at Henry and storms out, threatening to "Go over your head--again!"

As if that wasn't bad enough, Radar receives a message saying the 4077th might be under enemy attack shortly, so all the nurses are to be shipped out to a safer location. Frank responds to the news by insisting trenches be dug all over the compound.

With all the women gone, the 4077th is a grim(mer) place. All the men are depressed, and sessions in O.R. are a mess. Captain Spaulding sings a sad song about how much they miss the women. Hawkeye and Trapper get so bored they park a jeep over Frank while he's in one of his own fox holes, so they can watch a mysterious roll of film that's under his bed.

They watch it in Henry's office, and Hawkeye, Trapper, Henry, Radar, and Klinger fall out of their chairs laughing at what they see: this is a film of Frank's wedding!

It's a depressing affair, with Frank looking like a grinning moron, and his soon-to-be bride looking miserable and stone-faced. They all make comments, Mystery Science Theatre 3000-style, admonishing Frank not to get married, and suggesting what their wedding night is going to be like.

The film ends just as Frank bursts in, saying the air raid they've been expecting has arrived. Except that the air raid is nothing more than Five O'Clock Charlie, ineffectual as always!

Henry orders Radar to tell the nurses to come back ASAP. They arrive the next morning, to the grateful men of the 4077th.


Fun Facts: The scenes of Frank's wedding is one my all-time favorite sequences on M*A*S*H, ever. Its so goofy and bizarre, and yet explains nearly everything you need to know about why Frank is the way he is. It must have been fun for Larry Linville to get to do a few scenes wearing something other than his fatigues.

Actress Jeanne Schulherr plays Mrs. Burns, but she has no lines of dialog. This same actress played 4077 nurses in two other episodes from this season.


Favorite Line: When Trapper suggests watching the roll of film under Frank's bunk, Hawkeye initially suggests "Its probably just a movie of Frank's parents being told he died at birth."